Tag Archives: writing

Today’s Word is… MUSIC

One thing bout music when it hits you feel no pain…

I can’t live without my radio…

It was some year in the 90s…i don’t remember I’m getting old. For Christmas that year I got a 2XL robot, a wisecracking quiz machine. I would play with it for hours until I pretty much mastered every question on every cassette tape. I got bored with it soon enough. I remember looking my brother’s New Edition tape and wondering if 2XL would play it. Eureka. I had my first boombox.  Prior I listened to what my mother listened to, which was the oldies The O’Jays, Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson.  Now I had a radio, I can play the songs I wanna sing.  I had no tapes of my own except the Space Jam soundtrack and a some Mint Condition snippets I had got at a Celebrity basketball game one year. My father had a huge music collection but I was forbade from touching his things. Kids don’t listen. I thumbed through his cassettes and was drawn to an album with a cartoony cover, I put it in my 2XL. Meet “Snoop Doggy Dogg” or rather meet hip hop.


Not for kids…..like at all.  Cartoons aint loyal.

So I traded “Science Adventures” for rap cassettes and became a hip hop head.  (Eventually my mother caught wind of this and smacked the black off me, I’ve been this shade ever since).  I still loved hip hop ever since, and now having it forbidden only made it worse. I was always the good child; now I finally had my act of rebellion. I fit in with my siblings, and so I thought. However, they don’t like rap, they listen to r&b mainly. I’m on the outside looking in again, so I start listening to what my sisters male/female groups. 702, Dru Hill, Brandy and Monica.  I liked R&B but I was still too young to really pick up what they was laying down.  Then there were my predominantly white friends at school, they listened to rock. Enter Korn, Limp Bizkit and Slipknot.  I was also heavy into wrestling back then so that also got me really into rock.  I gravitated more toward the heavy metal and the classics more than the alternative. I wasn’t quite goth kid, but it was close.  I wanna say this phase went up until, maybe high school, sistas I was feeling, wasn’t here for the rock, they wanted hood…

So, welcome back hip hop.

For the years that followed it was all about rap, trap music, street music, whatever. 50 Cent, Uncle Murda. and underground mixtape artists told my story.  Then like most black teenagers there was the “I can rap” phase.   I don’t think I was that bad, relatives would differ when reminiscing. Haters.  This pretty much lasts up until I go off to college, and now I’m too rough around the edges it seems.  The girls appreciate a little hood, but in general its leave that hood mess in the hood, here’s about a good time.  Its all about party music, crunk and dancehall. I barely danced now I was in a circle who wanted to turn up 3-4 days a week.  I was a wallflower, but even then you wasn’t safe from someone rolling up and getting their wine on.  As I started to get more into the party scene, I had to learn on the fly about dancehall and soca which had to this point passed by all my Merican sensibilities.  I think I’m a decent dancer now…but 18? Yikes.  College and clubbing every weekend phases comes and goes and now, I’m an adult who is less inclined to fit in or adjust to people.  As I found myself too tough for R&B, too black for rock, too young for soul, too smart for rap, too uptight for reggae, I was musically lost.  What did I actually like?  Who was I?

I was diverse. I felt it all, all the time I kept feeling like I had to keep myself in a box when in reality, I was a sensitive, reckless, nerdy, emotional, ghetto kid. My music tastes didn’t define me it expressed me. Music is so expressive you’d be limiting yourself if you stuck to a genre. Over the years I added Neo soul, (some) country and jazz to the list because I can. (I will never ever ever ever add Techno/electronic dance music to that list, fuck all glow stick music, incessantly.) I always used music to connect whether it was with my family, friends, girlfriends, or environment.  So with each song comes memories of where I was in my life, my itunes a scrapbook of sorts.  My top 10 favorite songs are so different, some are near and dear to my heart because remind me of my mother, others bring back to a happier time, some just never get old.  They’re random because I am.  I love music despite my obvious lack of talent for it  because like writing it takes me out of reality for a bit, just me and the words, or chords, notes, whatever….you know all that fake deep shit like that.



Filed under La Familia, Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… WRITE

[Editors Note: For my 2 year Stanniversary, I thought about maybe doing a best of, a where are they now, opening the floor to questions then I thought, why not just take the day off. So yeah, #itstherepostbaybeh]

“Writing, it’s like talking to yourself but in a sane way -Unknown, or again I just made it up. Whatever.

When I started this blog, I wasn’t sure what it would be.  I honestly still not sure what it would be, the concept of SFW is so open I can pretty much make it anything, there’s an infinite amount of words, definitions and interpretations.   Initially I wanted to revive concept from a blog I had when I was 18 “A Day in the Life” where I basically just reflected on my day to day affairs, then I realized a)my life isn’t that interesting b) thats pretty much the equivalent of the type of Facebook posts I hate now.  So I broadened the concept to make more generalized posts.  When I came up with the “Words” idea, there were some words I knew I would write. Words like “Love” “Communication” and “Faith”. Words I myself always read about but never quite defined personally. Others were completely reactionary, such as my reflective family posts, current affairs, which tend to be my more popular posts. I never cared (nor care) about views, niches or trying to show myself in the best light.  What I put forth is me, my thoughts, my feelings, my life, it’s nice when readers understand but I’d be lying if I said I expected them to.  There’s been plenty of posts I begin feeling one way and changing towards the end.  Each post I begin a new adventure, picking my own brain.  Life is the lecture, SFW the notes.  People think I’m being modest when I say I’m not a good writer.  I read other blogs and I’m blown away by the moods set, characters animated, thoughts so elegantly stated.  Myself, I’m just transcribing my thoughts, some thorough others not so much.

So why a blog, and not just a word document?  Short answer Keisha made me.  Long answer, for one I like the process of writing.  As I said before I’m not typically wowed by my own product, the basic concept of taking a single word and turning it into a 700 word narrative is challenging.  Taking a mild rant and spinning it into an amusing post is whimsical.  Second, I like to entertain.  in school I wasn’t a class clown because real g’s move in silence like lasagna. I was more of a sniper, you never knew where or when it was coming but would get my laughs in.  I grew up in a home where sarcasm was a second language, you either had to joke or become one.  Humor is universal, some people are never angry, some people never cry, I dare you to find someone who doesn’t laugh at anything.  Third, writing is just my favorite way to communicate.  I talk fast sometimes, I don’t always hear other people I distract easily, writing is just easier.  It’s organized, anyone can interpret it at their own pace, and it can’t be changed.

This blog in particular captures those three reasons.  The challenge stems from either taking posts I write based off something that happened and I try to restructure around a particular word or theme, or just starting with a word and defining it but in a way that I’m not just writing a definition.  Relating anecdotes are hard, now I see why politicians just make them up as they go along.  I love making others laugh and seeing that others get my sometimes odd sense of humor.  And finally I love the new people I’ve encountered via this blog and others, from all over the world, even if they found it by accident.  I love being able to express myself how I want (give or take grammar edits) and being able to give my unbiased view on the world on my small piece of internet real estate.  That is why I write.



Filed under Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… STANNIVERSARY

Do you know what today is…It’s our Stanniversary.  Today marks 1 year of Stan of Few Words.   I thought I would’ve been quit by now, seeing as I’m someone with 2 unfinished novels, a couple of half designed websites, 3 business prospectuses, and a partridge in a pear tree.  It’s been an interesting year,   In my first post, I said I had no idea where this blog was going, to an extent I still don’t.   I don’t even know where this post was going.   I can talk about my favorite posts, or my greatest hits and shameless plug them so that new readers who likely missed them can see them.  I can write about all the things I learned in 365 days of blogging.  Answer reader questions that I probably answered directly but never in a post.  I can openly express gratitude to all my readers and humbly brag about stats and followers.  Or I can jam all the anniversary blog posts cliches (you mean like naming your post a Stanniversary) into one super mega cliche blog anniversary post.  Or just be me and completely just say whatever is on my mind and hope it makes sense and my jokes land.  Yeah, let’s go with that.  

What makes this blog work is refreshing honesty.  As the writer I don’t feel I have to pander to my audience, my audience I would hope they feel are getting a unique perspective. [Sidenote: Perhaps that is why I assume reader emails really took off, something I didn’t even anticipate, or even expected to get into, haven’t they been reading, I absolutely suck at relationships].  However, even accidentally, the author has taken a voice of his own.  Stan is me with hindsight, me with maturity, me without an ego.  Stan dives on the swords I cannot.   Stan is willing to openly express, his desires, his fears, his faults under a relatively low profile.  Stan doesn’t have to explain himself, he just speaks and it doesn’t matter if anyone listens or agrees.  I wish I had that luxury (confused yet, I hope not), I want to be understood, I want to be heard.  I don’t want have to speak for what Stan feels, which is why some of my readers follow me on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook, with nearly 4000 followers at my disposal, I never promote this blog.

Not that Stan and my everyday self are night and day.  One’s able to say whatever he feels, one isn’t.  It’s like being drunk, except I can give eloquent thoughts.  A handful of people who know me and Stan,  Ms, Miss, M and now Dessiner. If you’ve read long enough you know the tales of the first two, M and I never had issue and Dessiner just…gets me.  The internal conflict of a writer is how to be an effective storyteller without betraying the confidence of others.  I try not to, thus the nicknames in the first place, and again I’m not just telling a story for hits, I do so for me.  Stan has evolved into a third party, plenty of times I write something and seeing it in print I can say, “damn, that was really messed up of me” or “wow, I really did play myself”.   Expression limits regret, if I tell a story of Stan and “Her”, its me cleansing myself of any memories and thoughts of <redacted>, I’m not putting her on blast.  I spoke on my social media presence, even then it’s my real name and picture, mutual friends and even a much larger audience.  Worrying about what I say to my handful of readers whom you don’t know possibly saying, “wow, she’s cold”, silliness.  Getting upset over something I wrote as if I didn’t express it to you before, silliness.  

We all project ourselves online in one form or the other. The girl who takes the glamour #goodnight picture, before you wash off that makeup, take off that Vickie secret bra and throw on that old t-shirt you stole from of ya exes, throw on a head wrap or one someone who is very outspoken on Twitter but shy in person.  Just remember, worlds will collide and you never want to find yourself so far on the other side of the fence that you can’t explain yourself.  There’s nothing I wrote in the past year I would have any problem saying in real life, I just choose not to.  I rather shrug and let Stan say why I’m upset.  It’s worked for me this past year, time will tell if it will in the next.  Thanks for reading.



Filed under Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… NETWORK

I accompany “coworker” to a mixer, the atmosphere is light, slightly upscale,  free food and wine.  In almost an instant she is lost amongst the crowd, I don’t know any one here but wine makes me talkative anyway.  I mingle amongst folks and for every flirting not flirting interaction and inquiry about me and “coworker’s” status, there was pitch after pitch.  There were even women I thought was hitting on me and boom right into the pitch.  Some were interesting and we exchanged information, others sounded as sketchy as Manti Te’o’s girlfriend.  I couldn’t help but feel somewhat out of place, one contrary to my flyness I’m a dollarnaire to the core, two because I still don’t have a hustle.  Networking in general is still uncharted territory for me, I always had jobs (security, shipping, IT, bookkeeping) where I pretty much came did my job and went home.  When I worked in positions like sales and retail, I never did well because I always felt like I was bothering. Essentially I look at things as if it were me, I go into stores pretty much knowing what I want, I don’t want your credit card, I don’t want the more expensive version, I want to get in get out and get going.  At the mixer, despite there being loads of opportunity I found myself pretty much an open ear/arm candy.  I got to do better.

A few weeks into 2013, I’ve found my first resolution; grow, build and evolve my network.  When I think about it, my network now is pretty underrated. I don’t think about it much because I’m typically to myself but on a good day I see about a half dozen people I know; whether its a former colleague, ex, friend of a friend, couple that with a modest online presence I have a bit to work with.  Networking itself is the challenge, I have to get over the idea that I’m saying something worth listening to, or rather actually have something worth listening to.  This is essentially why I prefer writing, you say what you feel and it’s out there, people can choose to read it or not, but the pressure of making it worth their time is alleviated.   At the mixer, I tried to act interested even when I wasn’t, sometimes I was good at it, other times my poker face failed and I can see the defeat growing in their eyes.  Perhaps that was the INFJ in me, wanting to be that one lead they could go home and feel good about, even when I inevitably block their email.

They say the key to networking is to actually be passionate about what you’re talking about.  Perhaps that’s the missing piece.  When people ask about my job, I more or less answer it like it’s a question in school.  I like my job, but it’s not necessarily my passion, it pays my bills.  The other is simply being in ones comfort zone.  For example, I was talking to one woman in particular, she was gorgeous so she probably could’ve talked to me about Love and Hip Hop and had my undivided but actually we both clicked on the overall blahness of the venue.  I tossed out how I would love to open a bar/lounge in the neighborhood, perhaps one where a young professional of color would not stick out like a sore thumb (there were like 12 of us in a place of at least 100, we counted).  The pretty networker was an event planner, she went on and on about how she would’ve did things differently, how she might throw a similar event on her own.  “Coworker”, a little jealous, ended our meeting and echoed a sentiment “Miss” had told me before, that I had no problem talking to anyone as long as she was female, and that I needed to branch out more and get out of my comfort zone.

It wasn’t true of the 4 people I exchanged information with, she was the only female. Aside from that her theory flawed, considering it was meeting her that got me to the event which got me a few new contacts, but I just left it alone.  Not to her liking but I expanded my network, 4 people knew me that didn’t prior.  The issue now is the next step, I’m not sure how to make the relationships mutually beneficial.  Networking is more or less give and take and I’m not sure what I’m giving, or even taking, at least not yet.  For perhaps my first networking event (well not really i’ve been to others), I came away with some contacts, a couple hundred calories of wine, and an increasingly awkward relationship with a coworker.  Not bad at all.




Filed under Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… COMMUNICATION

I love social media.  It’s directly catered to someone like me: moderately attractive, quirky one liners, constantly looking at cleavage not trying to get noticed. However I’m really particular about what I say on there, I have to provide some incentive to get to know me.  I’m the same with text messaging, I have to provide some incentive to hang out with me. Nothing against either; they’re fun, convenient but *passes mic to Justin Timberlake* “Ayo I’m tired of using technology, I need you right here in front of  me”. To be honest, communication has become a lost art.  It’s not just technology, but people are so caught up reading statuses and tweets they forget that behind the computer or smartphone there’s an actual person they could be talking to.



For this reason, I don’t like texting very much.  Sometimes we get caught up with words on a screen and I want you to remember that behind all these nice words and emojis, there’s a man.  A man you can hang with, converse with, sleep with.  Also I’m distracted easily, we can be engaged in great conversation but then I get a notification that someone just dropped a 7 letter word on my ass. tee tee why el.  On another note if im fully engaged in text conversation, i’m going to text other people at the same time. I’m sure you’re probably doing the same thing as well.  That’s the other reason I dislike texting, if I’m talking to you I want to feel as though I have your attention.  Perhaps I do; but I can’t know for sure and I’m left to assume, and you know what they say about one who assumes, when you assume, you’re on a social network.

Stay Schemin…


My Facebook, like my Ayo Technology reference, is very dated.  I have the same profile I had in 2006 my Freshman year, back when Facebook was cool and my grandparents weren’t the first people to like my photos.  There’s very little to go on there, a couple of pictures with exes, the timeline feature thankfully only shows snippets and my statuses are few and far between.  In fact, “Miss” noted how drama free my Facebook was, she was disappointed.

My Twitter provides a little more insight.  However, its mostly musings.  I’m not one to say “oh its just Twitter”, because musings or not, they are still my words; I stand by them, I guarantee them, like Frank Lucas stands behind “Blue Magic”.  When I do get personal it’s usually in a subliminal form, perhaps the pettiest yet hilarious way to talk about someone.  However, many make the mistake of judging me from what I say on Twitter but essentially they’re getting cliff notes, to know me you’re going to have to read the book.

This blog has so far gotten personal, and so far its already backfired.  Yes it’s only been 24 hours and “Safe” is biting in my behind.  “Ms” stumbled upon the blog, actually I was just shamelessly promoting it on another site.  Now she’s wants nothing to do with me, perplexing because there’s nothing I wrote that I hadn’t brought to her attention prior.  Nonetheless I’m over it, well not actually but pride will not let me chase this woman again.  It’s exhausting.  Hopefully, when dust settles we can have a healthy conversation but probably won’t happen.  Well That’s communication now, text rants, snooping, and lack of active listening.



Filed under Relationships