Tag Archives: unrequited

Today’s Word is… UNREQUITED

I believe those ghost hunters shows are full of shit.  I believe Adnan did it. I believe we aren’t alone in the Universe.  I believe Jay Z really cheated.  I don’t believe unrequited love is really love.  Perhaps I’m a love purist, I believe love starts at reciprocity.  I don’t believe that you can truly love someone whonever loved you back, that it’s longing, its projection, its not love.  Maybe that’s the INFJ in me, I require balance, returned affection,  shared energy or I shut down.  I can’t see myself tirelessly trying to make fetch happen and getting nothing in return.  I was having this conversation with a friend who disagreed vehemently.  Who was I to discount someone’s feelings? It’s arrogance.  I guess….but I’m not so much dismissing feelings as much as I’m wondering aloud, what are you loving?  

I’ve been on both sides of this coin, piner and pinee…truthfully I don’t know which is worse. (Piner is worse)  For most of my early life my “love” was unreturned, I fell hard and fast for anyone who paid me any mind.  I said I love you because it felt like what you were supposed to do, I got curved and you couldn’t tell me Lenny Williams and I wasn’t feeling the same pain.  Except, he was literally losing his world and I barely knew this girl.  He reminiscing the kisses, the moments, the love and I was really really sure I maybe might could like her.  It was practically the same thing. All curves matter yo.  You couldn’t tell me my pain wasn’t real…eventually I could tho.  I can look back and say I was doing the most. Rejection sucks, but I didn’t love those women.  I didn’t know them enough to love them, they didn’t know me enough to love me. 

As the pinee, it’s…awkward.  Sometimes I even wish I could return the feelings just because I hate uncomfortable situations.  I can admit I was a little naive in the past, I flirted, I teased completely oblivious to the feelings my actions my engender.  Sometimes I just assume they know better than to actually shoot their shot.  But feelings gon feel I suppose. Nevertheless,it still wasn’t love they felt.  They never seen me in a romantic light to love me.  Ask them why they love me and its all about possibles and singing if weeeeeeee like Jeremih. Full disclosure,  I’m awesome, but all they know is what seems like a really good idea.  Which is all well and good but…still not love.  Especially when all I’m giving in return is jokes and the occasional compliment.  I don’t even deserve it, really. How did we get here?

So what do you call these unreturned, projected feels? Is unrequited love already considered a lower quality of love so much so we can let them sit with us?  Nigga, I guess.  Love is beautiful, magical, freeing…yet these days its so commonly associated with hurt and heartbreak.  Unrequited jawns feel their love is the same because the hurt hurts but if you’ve never felt the high that mutual healthy love has given you…you doing it wrong. Stressing about exes you never dated, loving people who never earned it. Y’all got it.  Maybe I’m splitting hairs here. Unrequited love can come to the cookout. Better bring ice and foil at least.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… ADELE

[Editor’s Note: THIS IS NOT A REVIEW, I don’t know why people would want a review of an album 24 hours after its release, do you really need someone to tell you that you like it.. Or do you just want some talking points to sound smarter when you discuss it? Pewn Pewn, shots fired. And now for your featured presentation]

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So I listened to Adele’s new album.  I loved it.  Maybe even more than her previous ones.  (Not to say it’s better, 21 musically is absolutely stellar and the more superior album).  25 is a tale of reflection on the one that got away, unrequited love and “this is probably a bad idea but fuck it, I need this” sex…shit, that’s my life.   (I won’t touch A Million Years Ago, because I don’t appreciate Adele strumming my pain with her fingers, singing my life with her words, it was like how I imagine Ronda Rousey felt when she caught that kick to the dome… I knew it was coming but I didn’t know it was coming…damn you!) As I listen, with each track it sets in that maybe I’m actually the on the wrong side of these love songs.  When did I become the bad guy in this movie?  Is this what white people felt when they first heard To Pimp A Butterfly or Black on Both Sides?  It’s like being the person who watches Hannibal and is like, you know he isn’t that bad, technically he is just hunting meat that can talk.  Care and manipulation, killing then eating…isnt that where chicken comes from?  See…. I’m turning heel.  Total, help me sang.

I also listened to Bryson Tiller’s debut album. (Yes I’m using Adele and Bryson Tiller in the same breath, just rock with me for a second) When I was able to move past the fact “Trap Soul” is just an meaty oaker made genre for artists who don’t got enough bars to rap and don’t have the range for traditional R&B and gave the album a fair spin, I liked… the first 6 songs.  I’ll take the mediocre (yes I just used mediocre again in case someone didn’t get the joke and thought I was an imbecile) singing over those tired yell raps.  What I did come away with is… This is what the other side sounds like;   A man who gets jealous when she tries to move on, tries to win back her heart even though he has no intentions on doing something with it.  A man who would take that offer for “one night only” even though he knows damn well she isn’t really bout that life.   A man who doesn’t get his ego stroked by his conquests but rather how sprung he can get her.  Shit… Am I that guy? 

Yes. Of course not.  Depends who you ask.  Look she grown she should know better. God ain’t thru with me yet.  The correct answer is that I was.  Without googling I can say Bryson Tiller has to be under 25, because that’s how an under 25 year old would do things.  (When you get over 30 then you can just say it’s sex addiction,  shoutout Eric Benet.)  I’m closer to Adele’s age than Bryson’s, closer to the antagonist in Adele’s songs than the protagonist in his.  I would’ve said Adele is doing it to herself,  but now I can say… You know what, I get it.  Growth and shit. 

As with most double standards, the same way no one wants to heat white people’s hurt feelings over the #inward, the one on the other end of the love song is the villain.  No matter how good you think you’ve elucidated or how logical your argument… If you’re the one breaking the heart it’s your fault.   I bet  Adele’s ex is somewhere like, yo but SHE ASKED to come over and SHE made the first move….. Been there bruh, been there. 

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… SPURNED

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When I first came up with a concept for this blog, there were some particular words I had in mind.  “Love” was the big one.  Is there any word more loosely defined than love?  To some love is simply a deep, intense, euphoric feeling for someone; others believe the extreme biblical definition.  I think we all pick and choose our own interpretations and conveniently apply it to situations.  In fact, love is almost too big to cover in one post.  I’ll break it down and cover different misinterpretations of love,alas the first, SPURNED. *cue Frank Ocean –Bad Religion* (ll)

I remember the first time I told a girl I loved her, it was only about 7 years ago.  To be honest I don’t think I did, I just felt like it was a natural progression in a relationship when you tell one so.  We were sitting on her porch and I was going on about all the colleges I got accepted to, how we would make a long distance relationship work, maybe she can move out there and find a community college nearby. (not as condescending as it sounds, she wasn’t the most dedicated student, we attended different high schools yet I did her work and my work #atthesamedamntime).  She grew silent and I felt like it was the perfect time to reassure her.  I told her, she sat up straight, kissed me and told me she loved me too.  I looked in her big brown eyes and knew she just lied to me.  Perhaps I had just lied to her prior, but we just went with it.  I cared about her; she was the first girl to really show me any type of love,  at the time I didn’t think I was doing much better probably why I went above and beyond trying to keep her around.  I tried to use “love” as an excuse but deep down I knew better.  I never loved her, probably because all gifts, homework, and gestures aside, she didn’t feel the same about me.

This wasn’t common, over the years I found myself giving my all into girls who didn’t feel the same.  Especially one, let’s call her senora (even though she was black as me).  Senora was almost like a female version of me, except much more attractive.  She was a bit more outgoing than I; however she knew exactly how to get me out of my shell.  I found myself liking senora more and more but I didn’t feel confident in myself to win her, so I lied; a lot.  I found myself telling two lies and truth (contradicted my past a lot but I guess she never paid me enough attention before to notice), but it was working, I felt myself rising out of the friend zone. I then started to feel some type of way, I was falling for her but was she falling for me?  If so, which one, her friend Tristan who always been around or this new fictional character? I figured I could tell her the truth and she’ll love me anyway, I mean it worked for Aladdin. At this point, we were seeing each other frequently and I figured before we took things further I come clean.  Duck Fisney, she didn’t want anything to do with me.

Jasmine forgives, Senora Don’t.

For the next year, I projected her to be my one, my true love, the one that got away…that was until I met “Her”, my first true love.  “Her” made me look back and realize I was just throwing the word around. I still love “her” although we’ve come to terms that we can’t be, but shouldn’t love conquer all?  That would bring me to misinterpretation #2…on another day.

-Stan-

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