Tag Archives: unofficial

Today’s Word is… SHIPS

Editors Note: A throwback for your Tuesday.Yeah I could wait til Thursday and it’s clearly a repost so it’s not like I can’t just wait to not actually do any work, but I feel like posting today. You will deal, or you won’t I would just hate for something like this to ruin your day. Anyway, enjoy.


So I got a few emails recently, the typical “why is he tripping”, “mixed signals”, “is he creeping” variety.  What was interesting was none of these guys were boyfriends and as someone who’s dabbled in 50 shades of gray area dating, I know that reserving feelings before commitment is easier said than done; feelings gon feel.  However, these complicated “I’m not touching you” like commitments are growing increasingly common because everyone wants the security of a relationship but none of the responsibilities.  Naturally, we’re made to love *John Legend wail* but how do you stay faithful with a phone full of heauxs?  Grow up and understand that infatuations are only cute for so long and understand its incomparable to ones love? Yes.  But that completely derails the concept of this post which is…….the pseudo relationship.  Even right now, you could be in a pseudo relationship and pseudo even know it. *Rimshot*.  As the screaming troubadour Meek Mill says, there’s levels to this sh t.

At the start there’s the….

Imaginationship- A relationship that will never happen. We all have our celebrity crushes who we are dating in our heads. Hi Scarlett. Some people can post a Man Crush Monday or Woman Crush Wednesday and think nothing of it, while others legit come off batsh t crazy.  Hi Elle.  Imaginationships sometimes transcends celebrity and they just go full Morello on you. 

Bepatientship- You’re not crazy; they keep reassuring you that eventually this is going to happen (when the divorce finalizes, when they get right etc).  Except, you squandered all leverage because they get all the relationship perks while you wait only being mildly inconvenienced with a request for an update here and there. 

LetsSeelationship– This a tweener to the previous two; its not a no, its not an eventually its just in flux and you aren’t quite sure how to play it.  This was what one of the readers was describing, while some will still date others want a definitive answer first.  I recommend the former, maybes aren’t yeses.

Chealationship-  Someone living foul.  This is beyond just cheating, its another relationship entirely.  Its a Bepatientship of sorts, although the age old mantra is cheat with; cheat on.  We all can’t be Alicia Keys.

Frielationship- You date, you flirt, you have an intimate connection, on the outside looking in people can easily mistake you for a couple….but you’re “friends” and one of both sides will keep pulling that card out the deck whenever things get too weird.  This was reader 2’s issue.  Who I think was trolling me….things sounded familiar…..

Situationship- Like the last one, all the appearances of a couple….BUT its unofficial so no responsibility over here.    Perhaps one of the most frustrating ones, especially when every problem must we qualified with “i know we’re not together but…” This is perhaps the most common one, the epitome of stable relationship at casual prices.

Prelationship-More official, still unofficial if that makes sense.  Not as manipulative as the others, you’ve haven’t had the talk yet but neither one is using that as a copout to still do them. 

Tolerationship- You’ve been together for a bit, the spark is gone, but you’ve put in so much work its hard to take this L.  That unhappy couple who had only been together 4 years because they been together 3.

I think that’s all of them…Fellationship? Conversationship?  Perhaps I’ll leave it here, evacuationship.  Bars. *drops mic*



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Today’s Word is… OH


Its a couple years back, I’m at like a Macy’s with my boy, he’s going off about some chick he’s dating.  I make some joke about how latinas be keeping box cutter blades in their cleavage

“I thought it was the mouth”

We turn around, it’s two women, one white and one of Hispanic descent. 

“Where do you keep yours”

“Keep making jokes you’ll find out”

This isn’t the story about how I got sliced up in a department store rather how I met…I think I named her CC in an earlier post. (this is #210 i forget things).  So yada yada yada, I’m dating/talking to CC now…

…or so I thought.

We texted frequently, went out on dates, slept with each other, but one day I look on Facebook and she’s hugged up with another man.


Well that’s interesting.  Of course, I inquire about this guy and how he hasn’t come up in our conversations, she explains he’s someone she talks to, like me, but he ain’t her man either so keep calm and come thru later.  That night I’m on my way home from her crib (don’t judge me, judge your auntie) a bit confused about what I been doing the past few months?  You mean I was single this whole time?  Throw on that Mark Morrison, its the Return of the Mack.


Well not really, ain’t nobody want my ass.  But I did start seeing other people outside of CC; took a page out of her book, I’m single until clearly stated otherwise.  One day I was out with I think it was “Ms Wit”, I get a text from “Her”, she heard through the grapevine I was at the mall with some chick #streetsiswatching.  I tell her that her intel is correct, last I checked I was single so she needn’t fret.


Oh; that realization that in spite of all the sweet nothings and assumed loyalty, they are not yours until you explicitly state so.  The realization sets at different times, some more often than others, in my examples it was stated rather bluntly but more commonly, it comes when they are claimed by someone else while you was asleep at the wheel.  Its the dark side of tolerationships, situationships, frielationships and any other term for gray area dating.  Relationships aren’t defined by feelings, they are by expectations. I could care about you, even love you but you’re not mine and I’m not yours until we talk that talk. 

The gray area is convenient, in an era of increased technology and ways to communicate you don’t realize how many hours you’re investing in someone who isn’t and possibly never will be yours.   I’ve got hit with a few “Ohs”. Entertaining myself cordial exes and boos and when something real comes along they have no need to play pretend with me anymore.   I can charge that to the game; if I liked it then I should’ve put a ring on it (c) B.G. Carter-Knowles, and I didn’t.  Maybe I didn’t want her as much as my ego is trying to convince me I do now…


Plenty of times me and CC could’ve had a talk about what it was we were doing, neither of us was concerned.  Me and “Her” knew we reached our climax but we were equally petty so we kept sabotaging each other.  I look back on all the pseudo relationships I had and when I think about why they never took that next step, turns out I just didn’t want to.  I’ll get jealous, maybe a little hurt, but then the cognizance sets in that if I knew better, I’d do better, and I did nothing.



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