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Today’s Word is… TRUCULENT 

Previously on the Trumpocalypse:

Chapter I: How Sway

Chapter II: No, really how?

Chapter III: So, this is happening huh

Chapter IV: So this is a joke right

Chapter V: For real stop playing

Chapter VI: So, it isn’t?

Chapter VII: Damn.

6/5/17 (Day 209)- As the world comes together to share condolences and support for the United Kingdom after a horrific attack, leaders from France, Germany, Canada…do what you expect, thoughts and prayers, reach out if you need our support in any way yada yada yada. Then, there’s our “leader”, Truculent Tangerine, who decides to say fuck it, mask off and call out the mayor Sadiq Khan of London on a quote out of context, then upon getting the full statement, accuses him of backtracking and the media for running with it because that makes far more sense than he simply misread the statement.  It’s also not lost on me that if London’s mayor was a white man named Tiddlyham Bumbershoot and not Muslim Sadiq Khan, he probably doesn’t say anything.  Surely, his supporters have to find antagonizing a Mayor after a terror attack low class right?  Nope.

6/8/17 (Day 212)- It’s kind of wild everyone stopped what they were doing to watch the Comey hearing as if it was the NBA Finals.  It was also kinda wild that in this one instance, we were rooting for the fed.  That’s where we are now, if Putin just came out and said he has Trump under his thumb we’d probably put him on the $10 bill.  (As an aside, where the hell are my Tubman 20s, are we still getting them, can Dolt 45 ruin that sorta thing because he seems like the type who would ruin that sort of thing).  Comey knew to keep notes because when someone shows you who they are, believe them.  If the Director of the FBI couldn’t tell when a man is lying to their face, perhaps a career change was in order.  He also figured knowing the President tried to bribe him was far more useful to him than telling someone the President tried to bribe him, because he’s still a fed B.  Surely, his supporters have to be taken aback that the President fired the FBI director for investigating him?  Nope.

6/15/17 (Day 219)- “We are all Steve Scalise today” – Paul Ryan

“I’m David Duke without the baggage” – Steve Scalise

Issa no for me dawg.   But you know, thoughts and prayers for everyone else tho. Stop the violence and all that.

6/16/17 (Day 220)- I’m always fascinated by what makes politicians decide to run for President and when, especially people who should know they have little to no chance to win.  Like did Mitt Romney actually think he was going to unseat a popular incumbent? Why did you even try, “Bobby” Jindal?  Trump can’t actually be serious, right?  That was my thought 2 years ago, when Mango Mussolini announced his decision to run.  He called Mexicans murderers and rapists and promised to build a giant wall on the border.  Everything about it was absurd.  He should’ve been laughed off the stage like it was Showtime at the Apollo. Yet here we are 2 years later, he’s presently on Twitter talking about Hillary’s emails like he didn’t already win the election 220 days ago.  Surely, his supporters gotta be over this Hillary thing by now?  Nope.

6/20/17 (Day 224)- Meanwhile at the lair, McConnell nem are trying to pass a healthcare bill, no one knows what’s in it, no one knows how much it will cost, and they want it done by the 4th of July because they got shit to do.  No committees, no debates, no reading the fine print.  Yeaaaaah…that doesn’t sound suspicious at all.  I almost envy how efficient the Republicans are sometimes.  They are the Golden State Warriors of greed.  Imagine if they actually worked for the people with that same vigor.  Even if they are thwarted in 2018 and 2020, I’m sure they’ll find their way back and will raise hell if they can’t.  Democrats…they have the moral high ground and not much else.

6/24/17 (Day 228)- If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  If up til now you were adamant that Russian hacks weren’t real, but now there’s an opportunity to pin them on Obama, does Trump tweet? Of course he does.  Because he doesn’t have to be consistent about anything other than being a white man.  Could Obama had hit Russia back harder? Been more vocal about it? Probably.  Instead, he trusted the people and the process that made him the President because that’s always been who is, for better or worse.  Perhaps, like 94% of black women and 82% of black men, he simply was unaffected at all by those hacks that seemed to sway soooo many otherwise non bigoted white people.  They were just so offended by those emails that they voted against their own best interests.   Yup, it’s all Russia’s fault.

6/29/17 (Day 233)- Just the President twitter beefing with the hosts of Morning Joe because he tried to blackmail them with a National Enquirer story in exchange of more favorable coverage.   He then attacked Mika Brzezinski’s looks because he’s a 71 year old frat boy.  NOW, people seem to be outraged because these types of shenanigans are beneath the office of the President.  You know what else was beneath the office of the President? The guy from the Apprentice with no political experience.  The only thing Persimmon Putin has been consistent on, is being trash.  Why act surprised now?

7/2/17 (Day 236)- Today in American History

  • 1776- Congress votes on Independence
  • 1881- President Garfield is shot
  • 1921- President Harding declares end of war with Germany
  • 1964- President Lyndon B Johnson signs Civil Rights Act
  • 2017- President Twitler tweets a gif of him being up CNN

Happy Birthday America.

-Stan-

 

 

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Today’s Word is… MARTIN

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Martin Payne was the original Twitter niggas before Twitter niggas existed.  Quick witted but scathing, loved his woman but not at the expense of his street cred, always ready to fight but never ready to fight at the same damn time.  Dragged women for weaves and their weight…..he was before his time.  Above all else, Martin was good for saying something on his radio show or to his boys that got him in trouble at home.  The best example being in the very first episode:

“Let me tell you something about my girl Gina, GINA worships the ground I walk on.  If I tell Gina to jump, she says ‘how high?’ I tell her watch her head cuz she going to the moon…she don’t give me all that backtalk because she know she got a man who can…..De-liv-ah”

(Yes I did that from memory, its my favorite episode). Of course, Gina got home and reminded him who really worships who

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This was 24 years ago (feel old) yet it’s probably more relevant today than its ever been.   Why? Because just as Radio Martin wrote a check Martin at home had to cash, in this day and age its not uncommon to find yourself in situations where you have to be mindful of what you say because you never know who’s reading.

In the episode Martin was clearly wrong, but in real life its very easy to slip up and have a Martin moment.  We’re increasingly passive aggressive in this social media era, communication has been reduced to subtweets and memes.  I have to check myself sometimes, as much as I want to say “she gets on my fucking nerves” and hit send, I need to be cognizant of the fact I’m sending this to 3500 strangers who can do with it what they wish. (A few months back I made a cheeky crack about my ex girlfriend and it blew up to the point I’ve had a stranger in real life point at me and be like “pull the plug”…Twitter is amazing and frightening at the same damn time). As the great philosopher K. Omari West describes it, I’m just talking like it’s you and me.  Which it is, but then it isn’t.  Lord knows my Twitter has gotten me in trouble over the years, much like Martin I tried to trivialize, tried to get indignant but at the end of it, like Meek Mill or Azaelia Banks, I was catching this L. (Shoutout to the white reader who doesn’t get any of these references). 

Just as I have had my Martin moments.  I’ve had my Gina ones too.  Have a little squabble, you’re like Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I’m gonna shake it off, shake it off (see white readers, I got you) and then log on social media and there’s that passive aggressive meme, subtweet or Beyoncé lyric, and I’m like WTF?!?  Now she got other people in our business?  Letting some other dude know something is rotten in the state of Denmark?  Be ready to lose my mind up in here, up in here.  I’m (something like) a writer, I like to think I’m subtle and clever with my shade, while she might as well post my picture with a red circle around it like “this is exactly who I’m talking about”.  Gets on my damn nerve.
(So as you can tell, this may or may not happen occasionally)

Two Martins seldom work, you both sending shots, until someone goes for the jugular and now you’re screenshotted on BlackSportsOnline.  We are a society that promulgates our thoughts now, for better or for worse and someone gotta be the Gina and maintain the order offline.  It’s not even a gender thing, we just seen Beyoncé just drag Jay for half an album and he can’t fire back, he just gotta love them ankles and listen to Dangerously in Love to remind himself she still loves him.  Actually, Bey might be Martin AND Gina, Jigga is just Cole.  Poor Hov.  He stabbed a guy and now he’s this.  Anyway, sometimes you just got to respect how people choose to express themselves, provided they aren’t flat out disrespectful. 

Me, I’m very much a Martin.  I’m going to say what’s on my mind whether social media or here.  I’m respectful and will elucidate on something said if necessary (I just really really don’t like to).  My ideal match gets that about me but can also hold me accountable if I stray too far off the reservation.  Sometimes I say things she might not like or agree with but respects my right to say it. Or…maybe she’s better off just blocking me and refusing to read this blog (Hi).  Maybe we are just too woke for our own good these days. We wouldn’t be here if our grandparents knew everything the other was up to and thinking about.  While the onus is on a Martin to not be out here talking reckless especially in public, a Gina gotta understand that every word isn’t meant for her eyes and ears.  But we know most people aren’t that understanding so just watch what you say in these stweets…lurkers be lurking. 

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… HOTEP

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I remember I took a black consciousness class in college.  I enjoyed the class, it was one of the few times I was encouraged to write more from feeling than from research.  The professor urged debate, sometimes enlightening other times it felt like a derailment, I could argue with my peers at lunch, I paid for a class. Anyway, certain classmates would especially irk me, I don’t even remember their names (shit am I old now) but I remember they were so fake deep; they would have the most asinine theories, separatist logic, just loud and wrong all the damn time.  They were basically everything I hate about hotep twitter now.  Now, “Hotep” originally refers to  peace, attached to the names of benevolent rulers in ancient Egypt.  These days, it refers to dude on the internet who lives at home, rocks basketball shorts as underwear and views himself as a King.  Or as some women on twitter would say, ashy. 

Hoteps aren’t that hard to spot, they usually hide behind images of a black revolutionary on internet spaces that have a large amount of black women, they are in, well, black consciousness classes.  Their mission is noble, for the betterment of their people,  their methods, such as internet trolling, are not.  They love to make memes with Egyptian images or the same 6 stock images of a black couple with things that only they and people like them would ever say or agree with.   They make distinctions between the “woke” and the “sheep”, “bitches” and “queens” , that distinction is whether you buy the shit they’re selling. 

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Then there’s the paranoia.  Everything is a ruse to keep us sleep.  Empire, Love & Hip Hop, Young Thug all ploys to set back black people. They are showing men kissing on television and now black boys are going to turn gay.  Young Thug is wearing a dress because the white man wants black men are being feminized.  Feminism has black women are being brought up to not need a man so where are the black babies going to come from now?  We’re going extinct (because cops keep killing us for the mildest of inconveniences) because the black woman is being too difficult and won’t worship their crown less king. They have declared war on feminism, this radical wave of free thinking has turned women against their fellow man.  Hoteps operate under the guise that the worst thing a black woman can be is alone, they themselves are alone but as men they have the illusion of having not yet chosen (even if no one checking for them maybe super liberal white women who think they’re deep).

The hoteps are quite a misinformed bunch.  They often quote writers who quoted a writer who quoted another one who referenced a text another writer claims to have read.  They love misleading surveys and made up facts about Ancient Egypt and slavery.  They’re contrarians, so whether it’s some new Jordans out or a new movie, they will not only hate it but will dig into the depths of fake deep to try and shame you for it, likely with the Harriet Tubman “if they knew they were slaves” quote, completely out of context.  Millenial militants love to tell people about themselves….via $400 iPhones. 

Like I said, Ashy’s heart is in the right place, but their head….is firmly in their behind.  Behind the flawed rationale and stench of self importance, is still a man.  Insecure, frightened, but still a man, a brother, a comrade.  Like my old classmates, sometimes you can’t help but just shake your head and laugh at their tomfoolery. They are glorified cyberbullies, they like to type loud as a motorbike but wouldnt bust a grape in a fruit fight.  Stay woke, tho.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… ANNOYANCES

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Lowkey, im kinda impressed by the creativity

So on Twitter, there was the 48295th debate on men’s basketball shorts and the women who long to steal them.  It’s a popular topic amongst Twitter folks primarily because its a playful fight between sexes that can never quite go left.  Personally, I’m petty you start touching my stuff, I’m touching yours.

*Looks at cabinet full of Tupperware he never bought*

“Stealing” is just one of those relationship quirks you really don’t think about until the glow of newness starts to fade then it gets flat out annoying.  You used to love when she ate off your plate and she did a little dance as she chewed because apparently she’s 5, then after a few fights, you know what, no one told your ass to order a salad.  I knew it was the beginning of the end of a relationship when we were arguing about whose carmex it was (it was mine tho).  In the honeymoon phase things of the sort are cute, but then as time passes…..eh, not so much.

This blog is kinda like one of my “quirks”, I write about my life and people in it to strangers.  When I first tell women I write, they love SFW, will read every post….then it becomes “oh, so you buying chicks drinks now?” “Was that about me” “I didn’t know you still talked to her” and ultimately “I can’t read anymore because something is going to piss me off”.  I go from witty to an asshole, real quick, real quick whole squad on that real sh t. I’ve gone from homebody to loser, stocky to fat, frugal to broke, flirt to disrespectful.  Can’t argue too much because in that same vein there’s plenty of things I tolerated  that got real old once the shine wore off.  Like stealing basketball shorts. And food. And carmex. And that $10 laying around the house you know you drop

TV habits- I don’t watch much TV, I have a few shows I like and otherwise its Sports, News and Documentaries.  Then you start dating and you see there’s 284 reality shows about some women who used to date someone who used to be famous, wedding cakes, and teen mothers

You don’t have the answers Sway- Theres problems and there’s solutions, its why I work in Finance the numbers add up or they don’t.  So when someone vents to me with problems, I propose a solution, and apparently that’s never allowed. I’m supposed to just listen to rants about that homegirl you choose to hang with

Self depreciation- We are all modest at times but after a while I’m gonna need you to accept a damn compliment, or stop talking about the 50leven flaws I either don’t see or don’t care about.

Jealousy- Is cute for all of 15 minutes. 

Let that hurt go- We all end up single because someone broke our hearts or someone didn’t want us.  If its been an extended amount of time and you’re still talking about your ex, guess who no longer cares.

Crying- People underestimate how awkward it is to be around someone crying when you’re not. 

People are annoying.  We know this.  I’m sarcastic, will be all over you and be annoyed by your presence in the same day, I correct people a lot, I don’t like nice things, I’m aloof at random times, I’m the pickiest eater ever, I’m arrogant, and I can make a woman fall in love and break her heart at the same damn time (I did a poll and they are all wrong). Part of what makes love what it is, is that we know this person is an annoying, nagging thief and we wouldn’t have them any other way.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… SHAME

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HOW SWAY

So a few years back when I worked in retail, me and my coworkers would all take similar lunches/breaks and watch Maury in the breakroom.  Only godsisters can judge me.  It was a guilty pleasure for us, we even bet on paternity results (did I mention I was a supervisor….a mess, I was.)   For what its worth, even then I knew it was trash television but it was a refreshing break from irritants that are retail customers with inferiority complexes who feel they can talk to you any type of way like they themselves don’t make like $10/hr at some call center (I really hated retail).  Fast forward to recently, I had a day off nothing on TV, why not throw on some Maury for old times sake.  It was like when I tried to get back into watching wrestling, I saw the jig from a mile away and I just couldn’t enjoy it anymore.  Anyway, as I struggled through an episode of Maury I tapped out before Jerry Springer and went online.  Where, well,  there was another episode of Maury.

A woman was telling a story about her “fiancé” who brought her to meet his family and introduced her as a friend.  Twitter chimed in saying she overreacted so to prove her case (to these anonymous strangers) she started to air more dirty laundry to rationalize her own decision in real life to strangers.   Instead of playing to a studio audience of seemingly unemployed people in Stamford, CT, she was playing to a timeline of seemingly unemployed people online.  She was convinced she had to leave, but now she needed to prove it to them, why? I still don’t know.  Just last week, another woman fell for “the Maury”, this time informing the timeline of a woman who was sending explicit photos to her husband and even posting them online (is that illegal yet?) Once again, oblivious to the fact that the TL is laughing at her not with her.

Maybe its a sign of the times that people really have no shame anymore. Everyone is a “hater”, no one is good enough to have a valid opinion on you anyway so why not put your dirty laundry out there?  I always thought Maury and the like seem too outrageous to possibly be real then when I log on and see my timeline abuzz about some buckfoy who lives at home with his mother but flying out followers and by the way he was married, you cant help but feel like you’re in the audience at Maury.  You can’t even point the finger at trash television when we hop on social media and highlight trash.  Not to sound #fakedeep and soapboxy but when does anyone just keep some sh t to themselves?  We’re our own writers, editors, publishers and its amazing what we choose to release.  I’ve been doing this whole blogging thing for 2 years and I’ll be damned if I’m going to expose myself to go viral for 15 minutes.  But maybe thats just me tho.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… ATTRACTED

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So yesterday I was on Twitter, cracking jokes, basking in the vain custom that is hundreds of strangers wishing you a Happy Birthday on the Internet, I ended up coming across Jeremy Meeks; convicted felon turned social media heartthrob.  Anyone who has been on Twitter in the past year knows that this isn’t necessarily new; from @PostBigFines to @PostBadBeards to @PostBadW2s, its standard practice for us to share images of attractive people; its like the adult version of “that’s my car”.  I thought it was assumed that finding a criminal attractive didnt mean you were attracted to criminals but I give the internet too much credit sometimes.  Anyway, it wasn’t long before the Hurt Negreaux brigade stormed the castle and equated women finding Mr Meeks attractive to women once again going for the unsavory bad boy and not their behind. 

Its laughable to think grown men would get jealous of a criminal behind bars on a $900,000 bail, but then again there’s been plenty of times I had some ‘splaining to do because I was too into that Rihanna video, or maybe glanced a second too long at shorty in the sundress.  Once again, the lines between finding attractive and being solely attracted are blurred.  We like to pigeonhole people, especially when it comes to attraction.  As I’ve said on posts regarding dating interracially, its possible to like two completely different things.  Its possible me to love both Jill Scott and Scarlett Johanneson, for a woman to be attracted to that mugshot and still prefer a man with good credit.  Its lazy thinking to assume, oh they only like X type.  Besides even if they did, let that hurt go.

Hating on women with weave wont get your fro tugged at night. Hating on skinny women doesn’t burn calories.  Hating on old blue eyes isn’t making me any more attractive.  All of these make you the opposite, bitter isn’t attractive.  I’m not everyone’s cup of tea (I mean if she wants week old coffee then that’s her business) and I know I never will be (although I think if I were famous I’d be somebody’s crush, I’m cray cray adorbs yo) and jokes aside I’m perfect alright with that.  I’ll stay lowkey with 14 like average Instagram selfies and occasional smiles on the subway. 

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… FLIRT

I’m out with a few colleagues, they’re as boring out of work as at work so I start to wander around a bit, I find myself at coat check ready to call it an evening.  On the way  out I run into a friend of mine, he’s with his own group.  I catch up with him as I get ready to leave, and a woman approaches.  She basically says her and her friends are looking for some company, so we should grab a table, recheck our coats *shot*, and  we’ll all have a drink.  Now I really only knew one guy in the group but she was cute as were 2/3 of her friends, we were all brothers in arms now.   The approacher seemed particularly interested in me, and we were definitely hitting it off then she went to the bathroom and next thing you know she was dancing with another.  Shrug life.  One of the dudes was stunned at the development was she just all over me, did I strike out that vehemently.  Honestly I was a little confused myself but I wasn’t going to play myself even in front of strangers.     In essence, I wasn’t tripping, she was just flirting as was I.  (Later I would link back up with her and exchange numbers, I might’ve just did so dude could see I don’t get played but that was more of an ego move, I really wasn’t expecting much more than mild amusement)

The other day on Twitter, I said the difference between flirting and misleading is interpretation.  Some people agreed with the assessment.  Likely shameless flirts themselves, don’t think they are doing anything wrong.  Others disagreed.  Some said it’s the intent that makes the difference.   However, intent is something you can’t control.  You never know what one’s intent truly is you can only choose how to accept it.  In a perfect world only people you would meet would be single, emotionally available, and your type.  The world isn’t perfect.   The girl from the bar could’ve truly liked me, just wanted to nab drinks for the team, or was too drunk to know what she was doing.  What I could control is how I interpreted it, I took it to be a fun night.   I guess I came a long way, because years ago I probably would’ve been blew her phone up, ready to claim her quicker than Manti Te’o.  But it’s never misleading when women do it…apparently.

but you said i was pretty

When it comes to flirting, women are Michael take your pick, Tyson, Jackson, Jordan, game six.  Men are taught to take everything with a grain of salt, don’t fall in love with strippers, all that jazz.  Men have over time developed the skills but when we do it it’s leading on or the blogosphere favorite “mixed signals”.  I’m accused of this a lot, part of it is because I’m an introvert, I pick up on vibes or lack thereof and act accordingly.  If I sense she’s into me, I’ll flirt (perhaps this does more harm than good, but completely brushing off someone because I have no romantic interest in them seems..mean *shrug*).  Also I’m one to call a spade a spade, I will kindly remind a woman who she is to me.  If you’re not the only one, just a friend, someone I don’t like in that regard, I will let you know shattering any illusion set forth by compliments and innuendos.     As I said it’s all about interpretation, my best friend is my best friend because she would never ever ever take me seriously, as I her, she could’ve had me at 16, she aint bout nothing.

Flirting is the lowest common denominator in men/women interaction, if you have nothing else to talk about, flirt, given they’re straight, attracted and not completely whipped, most likely you’ll get a response.  So how can you differentiate flirting and interest?  By acting upon it.  Communicating and not assuming, accepting a position and not spending time trying to change it.  Women who said I misled them, either didn’t come straight with their feelings, or otherwise convinced themselves I was playing games and not that I just wasn’t into them.  

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