Tag Archives: Trump tracker

Today’s Word is… TOUPEE

[Editors Note: So by popular demand, I decided to keep the Trumpocalypse train rolling.  First Monday of the month, every month, until I go insane or he gets impeached.  Then regularly scheduled programming every week.  K. Thanks. Bye.]

The Trumpocalypse: Part IPart II

2/5/17 (Day 89)- Sports has long been the escape for many, including myself.  So Super Bowl Sunday, I just want to drink beer, eat way too many wings and watch my favorite team play.  In what can only be strange irony, it was my Patriots against the Atlanta Falcons.  Toupee Fiasco citing his friendships with the coach, QB and owner adopted the Patriots as his own (even though he don’t even go here) and I find myself being on the wrong side of this two Americas bowl.  It was like being the one person who cared about justice after the OJ verdict, or preferring turkey bacon, sugar grits and thinking Thriller was Michael’s best album.  As much as we argue against being a monolith, no one likes being against the tribe.  But there I was rooting for the official team of #MAGA.  Then more I sat with it, I came to the realization I wasn’t about to let the Supercallousmisogynisticracistnazipotus run me off my team, he, Brady, Belichick will all be gone within the next 4 years anyway.  And Georgia is a red state.

2/9/17 (Day 93)- Federal courts have ruled against Persimmon Putin’s Muslim ban.  It’s certainly a victory for the moment.  TwitterFingers-in-Chief not much unlike a cartoon supervillain exclaims vengeance will be his, he’ll see them in court.  Yes, he told JUDGES he’ll see them in court.  65 million people voted for this man, B.

2/12/17 (Day 96)- So I’m in Chicago, some business and some R&R, as my luck would have it my hotel would be right across the street from a Trump Tower.  I remember every day walking out and seeing this obnoxiously large building, shaking my head and going on about my day.  But today was different.  There was a crowd outside the tower.  I check my phone for any news…Cantaloupe Caillou has been actually pretty silent, still licking his wounds from the L he caught from the courts.  This was a scheduled protest, largely white, they are just going to moon the tower because Trump can kiss their ass.  It’s a lively crowd, but I see this just some white people shit I carry on with my day.  But it highlighted what my issue has been with Dwight P Poe lately…They think this shit is funny still.  While late night hosts thank the lucky stars for the material (sup Colbert), this is still real life.  Trump threatened to send the national guard to Chicago, and I’m certain he wasn’t referring to the River North where we were.  Mooning a building isn’t doing anything and they know it. Yet there they was, “fighting” the power.

2/15/17 (Day 99)- It appears the news have now come around on the Trump clearly conspired with Russia thing.  The Russian connection has been a conflict for me, because yes fanning this flame will probably help get Edward Littlehands out of here but it also gives a pass to the white supremacy that got him elected in the first place.  The news can pretend #DemEmails are the reason Trump won, but I know better.  Meanwhile VP Mike Pence is demanding answers and keeping his nose clean so when the storm clouds come they’ll let him stay.  Race Bannon can’t be trusted.

2/20/17 (Day 104)- This President’s Day, because I’m a strong, independent citizen who don’t need no President,  I would like to take this time to recognize an actual great leader of our nation,  Happy Birthday Rihanna.

2/23/17 (Day 107)- The newly minted Attorney General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions whose name just SOUNDS like slavery, is wasting no time living up to his name by rolling back President Obama’s private prison regulations.   This means more drug prosecutions, longer sentences, set your clocks back to 1983.  This isn’t even politically motivated, both Democrats and Republicans both want to cut the prison population, and Sessions just incentivized as many heads in beds as possible.  Obama vowed to make fighting mass incarceration his post Presidential legacy and this was a direct attack.  Is this going to bring him back?

2/28/17 (Day 112)- Cuuuupid….doesn’t liiiiie. (White readers y’all can google what I did there later).  So HBCU Presidents from all over the country went to meet with Mango Mousellini, because if there’s a chance to get some bread they going to take it, they grinders.  I got why they went, although I can’t help but look at them sideways because it’s like, have you seen him?  Historically speaking, HBCUs have always fared better under Republican presidents because they are all about keeping *us* away from *them*.  Trump signed an executive order, moving their objectives from the desk of the Betsy DeVos, who for reasons unknown to anyone decided to connect HBCUs to her “school choice” agenda,  onto his own, with no actual promise of funding.  Basically, they got played B.  They were better off scheduling their football team to get beat by 70 by Alabama, at least that’s a guaranteed check.
3/1/17 (Day 113)- So I watched the Joint Session address last night, or as I would call it #HateofTheUnion, and I was a little taken aback how comfortable he looked.  I simply forgot what these speeches are, board meetings.  Trump was in his element, he can spew off his alternative facts to large waves of applause.  People appear to be largely impressed, but that’s white mediocrity for you.  All he needed was an actual fitting suit and a teleprompter and suddenly people were ready to lay down their arms and accept the Great Pumpkin as their Commander-in-Chief. (Looking at you, Van Jones).  It goes to show, they don’t disagree with his policies, they just wish he’d stop being embarrassing.

To answer, 3 days.

3/4/17 (Day 114)- So remember how last week I mentioned how Jeff Sessions, the guy who was officially declared too racist to be a federal judge 30 years ago but managed to become the Attorney General and within days rolled back regulations to make private prisons great again?  Yeah…never mind all of that, HE TALKED TO RUSSIA AND LIED ABOUT IT *gasp*.  Once again, white people worried bout the wrong thing but if this is what it takes to get him out of here, so be it.  Meanwhile, Toupee Fiasco is throwing smoke bombs on Twitter, claiming Obama had his phones tapped and Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t quitting the Apprentice he’s being fired.  Race Bannon still chilling waiting for all this to fall so he can swoop in like a work husband.  Don’t trust Race Bannon.

-Stan-

 

 

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Today’s Word is… TRUMPOCALYPSE

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It’s been a long 73 days between election night and the inauguration.  I’m not quite sure what stage of grief I’m on but it surely isn’t “acceptance”. Not sure if it ever will be.  Each day, each story I found myself losing my mind or wondering if America lost theirs.  I decided to journal through it. Alas we are here at inauguration and I figured no better time than to share some of my musings. I’ll warn you now, it’s pretty long. That’s what she said.  Alas, I bring you my 73 days of hell or as I call it…

The Trumpocalypse.

11/11/16 (Day 3)- I just can’t see it. I can’t see this man giving state of the union addresses, I can’t see him getting off the plane and meeting foreign leaders, I can’t see a Presidential chart and his smug con man smile being at the end. Donald Trump is going to be President of the United States. For real. Not in some tongue in cheek satire, but real life. My future kids are going to learn about him in history books. January 20, 2021 can’t come soon enough.

11/14/16 (Day 6)- I’m finding some delicious irony in white people feeling attacked as if this is their fault. (It is). They have resorted to safety pins, protests and long winded Facebook statuses because they hate being associated with their hateful skinfolk. They want to be treated as individuals, they are not a monolith, and they should not be held responsible for every Billy Bob and Margaret that broke America. I say hahahahahahahahahaha

11/16/16 (Day 8)- Practicing self care via laughter…Black Twitter has provided us with “what do I look like I do for a living”, a Shirley Cesar trap cover, and a new Kermit meme. Calls to give the Great Trumpkin a chance are growing even though since being elected, he’s done nothing but frown, and tweet retractions to things that are very easily fact checked. It’s as though he has no idea how the internet works. God bless America.

11/21/16 (Day 13)- I usually enjoy I told you so, it’s a freeing feeling, like hitting a fullcourt shot on the first try or walking away with a phone number and not an Instagram @. I warned folks about the false equivalencies, to stop listening to their social studies challenged cousin on Facebook…instead people raked Hillary through the coals for likes and clicks. People who tried to keep an open mind already have a bitter taste of crow as the Hate Trumpkin is very much is who we thought he was. This man has conflicts of interest all over the world, and is backed by a congress who will never have the stones to humiliate the party and impeach him so we have at least 2 years with an orange Tyrant. But hey at least he didn’t call us Superpredators 20 years ago. (He just treated the Central park 5 as such). God help America.

11/27/16 (Day 19)- As Toupee Fiasco tweets freely about his desire to trample on the first amendment without a hint of irony, people have made a last ditch effort to Jill Stein’s recount. Effort, it is because there is absolutely no way to reverse the outcome (no refunds) which is all but futile because as I’ve been saying for the past fortnight and a half….white people lied, B. 62 million votes and they still trying to point the finger at the real racists. Did they vote accidentally? Are they so white they assumed leaving it blank was the proper way to vote? Who knows. I just want this inauguration to come and go and for the Dems to grow a pair and fight back instead of Monday morning quarterbacking.

11/28/16 (Day 20)- The new Secretary of Education [Betsy DaVos] doesn’t believe in public schools. The new Secretary of Education doesn’t believe in PUBLIC SCHOOLS. THE NEW SECRETARY OF EDUCATION DOESN’T BELIEVE IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS

12/13/16 (Day 35)- A blonde haired Kanye West meets with Darth Cheeto, while Macklemore spits on the F*ck Donald Trump remix. This year can end now.

12/19/16 (Day 41)- As Dwight P Poe pretends to be stunned by news of the Russian hacking like Hillary didn’t literally say this in the second debate; we have arrived at confirmation day. The electorates will confirm Toupee Fiasco as our next “Precedent” (Thanks Hamilton. I’m glad you got clapped). I refuse to let the dwights off that easily because 63 million votes didn’t fall out the sky, they didn’t come from emails, and 25 year old superpredator quotes. There are decepticons among us, not to be trusted, because whIle they talk big and bad online, numbers don’t lie. For all I know, Keith Olbermann voted for Trump for the career boost after failing spectacularly in his ESPN return stint. (He’s been killing it btw but I don’t trust anybody, word to Stone Cold). Every person who switches lanes without signaling, Trump voter. Cowboys fan? Trump voter. Puts ketchup on their fries instead of dipping? Trump voter. Stay woke.

12/30/16(Day 52)- As Toupee Fiasco plans for inauguration, he finds himself in a strange place. 63 million supporters, not a friend in the world. Only person who seems to be unashamed to be seen with him is his daughter who is also his first lady because his own wife doesn’t want to be with him. The Decepticons are fickle creatures, they are the Angela Yee to Trump’s Gucci Mane. Trump who has built a brand on being lavish and extravagant, his Inauguration will be the blandest thing ever. It’s a high school assembly, pillow princesses, The OA, Mike and Mike in the morning, white people potato salad, coconut water, J Cole albums and RC Cola wrapped into one. I actually feel worst for Obama who has to attend, he’s been throwing the most turnt parties in DC the past year and is forced to attend the white mediocrity strugglefest. He rather be at a security briefing, or a press conference….speaking of, is Trump ever going to do any of those things? Ess em ayche. Happy New Year.

1/3/17 (Day 56)- We have exhausted all other options. All that is left is…the troll. Unlike racists who trolled the President for 8 years whilst reaping benefits of health care, an auto bailout, Lily Ledbetter, and 5% unemployment; I wish I could say the same about the TwitterFingers-in-Chief. All I can do is sit semi comfortably above the poverty line and watch as the same poor uneducated people who elected him get hit harder than Ronda Rousey. It feels cruel. Enh, well.

1/6/17 (Day 59)- 

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work, a story on the news caught my attention. The sheriff for Bristol county was being sworn in for his 4th term, he then would use his 15 seconds of fame to make a pitch to the Cheeto-Elect; “aye I got this free labor if you need it big dawg”. Even being well aware of the 13th amendment, the caucdacity of offering prison labor publicly literally 5 minutes into a new term, it startled me. I couldn’t believe it so I had to look it up, no way that actually happened…it did. So I shared on twitter with a quip “inward, that’s slavery.” and got ready for work. I check my phone later and see thousands of responses from the dwight p poe talking about “well we feed and shelter them with our taxes, they need to work”. “I don’t share empathy with criminals”. Without a hint of irony, regular degular schmegular dwights were sounding no different than slavemasters in the movies they fake cry in and want to give Oscars to. The same people who rebuke the idea of white privilege because they didn’t own slaves and are otherwise unremarkable can’t see the fault in an elected official literally selling free labor to build a wall that is supposed to be saving jobs in the first place. People read history books and wonder how people sat by and let such awful things happen…it’s because (white) people are evil, B. Entitled, selfish, evil people.

1/10/17 (Day 63)- Golden showers, B?  Is this House of Cards? Somewhere Hillary is pissed at how NOW that Trumped Up, Trickle Down zinger would land better.  For what it’s worth, I don’t believe it, but I fear worst is coming. Urine for a long 4 years, America.

1/11/17 (Day 64)- Last night, as I watched the farewell address of the President I acknowledge, I couldn’t help but think how remarkable he is, how surreal it is this black dude has been President for as long as I could vote. How he speaks of this country with such optimism, it’s almost childlike, I almost wish I could see the country through his eyes.  Then I watch Trump’s press conference. He’s cheeto dusted Mayor Quimby. He is inarticulate, inept, and so transparently corrupt, I don’t know how I can take 4 years of this. I just picture the next state of the union as he spews lies upon lies while Race Bannon and the teacher from Glee nod along. I sit in fear at what secrets Russia actually has over them, and the sacrifices they will make to keep it that way. The idea that Obama had to be as perfect as possible and Trump can just exist in his own mediocrity is troublesome.  I then see an article on Vox breaking down his “unique” manner of speaking. It goes on about how he is to be heard and not quoted. Cute. But the reality is HE DOESN’T KNOW WORDS, B. “Hacking duffence” isn’t some New York linguistic, he just doesn’t know what cybersecurity is. This isn’t normal, it never will be. *sigh* At this point, it’s starting to feel like talking to the moon. It’s going to be a long 4 years.

1/12/17(Day 65)- Hasn’t even been a full day. At 1:30am, Obamacare was murdered. Congress grabbed Lucille and took a beating to it. Preexisting conditions? Gone. Staying on your parents insurance til 26? Gone. Their replacement? Well….they’ll get around to it. With no plan in place, Democrats will be forced to accept whatever plan is given or fight it as 36,000 people a year die waiting. This isn’t the plot of an action movie, this is real life. How could well meaning politicians do this?  I truly don’t believe people run for office planning to do harm. Yet, the idea of Obamacare being called Obamacare, was too much for them. Maybe in hindsight we should’ve kept it known as the ACA (which some still don’t realize is the same thing).  Me, I’m 27, in good health, private insurance, and in a state that has insurance just in case. (I guess because we didn’t call it Romneycare no one felt the need to destroy it). In that regard, I’ll probably be alright. But for people waking up having no idea what they will do? It’s heartbreaking. All because of a name, man. A name.

1/20/17(Day 73)- It’s official. Donald J. Trump is the President of the United States.  My President’s a hack, my Passat is Blue. I said a little while back, that Barack Obama, a Harvard educated biracial married father, was everything America pretended it was.  America IS Trump, a narcissistic, thrice divorced “billionaire”, who tweets too much and is loud and wrong about everything.  For 8 years we had this incredible black man stand as the face of a “post racial” America but that’s not what this country is.  We’re out of shape, broke, with a spray tan.  This IS Trump’s America, and we deserve all that shame that comes with this fact.  Maybe I’ve finally reached acceptance. Or as close as I will ever get.  I wrote this entry in advance, as I plan to spend my Friday ignoring any and everything Inauguration related.  Self care is important. I can’t bury myself forever, I will be back knucking, bucking and ready to fight.  Just not today.    I can’t believe this country did this to ourselves.

-Stan-

 

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