Tag Archives: trolls

Today’s Word is… SEALIONING

The Road Runner is the most unbothered character in the history of cartoons. No matter how panini pressed Wile E Coyote is to get him for reasons no one understands, the Road Runner never gets revenge, never even asks what’s his deal, he just watches the plan backfire, laughs to himself and keeps it moving. The Road Runner is a mood, as the kids say. You’d think after all this time, energy, and resources the coyote would cut his losses and find something else to do, maybe find a slower bird or an Arby’s, but no he keeps trying and the Road Runner will remain unbothered. The lesson, be more like Road Runner, the Coyote never wins.

It’s never been more prevalent than in the past week, where it’s… been a week. Kanye West is a MAGAt, R Kelly got dropped by his publicist, Bill Cosby finally going to jail, and Nas is an abuser. As usual, everyone has their opinions, and “cancels” ready to go, as do their respective loyalists. It’s the best and worst thing about the internet, everyone has an opinion but doesn’t want to hear yours unless you agree. I mean, I’m no different… I don’t want to hear a Trump supporters side of the story, if you think the earth is flat and don’t at least play for the Celtics don’t speak to me ever. I’m right, you’re wrong, go away. But then there’s the people who bait you into a debate by asking for elucidation, proof, evidence and you, armed with receipts oblige thinking surely any rational person can see this and understand how and why they are wrong… But they don’t. They hit you back with a “Where’s the source to your source?”, change the subject entirely with a “What about black on black crime?” or they casually dismiss with a “It’s not that deep, I was just asking a question”. Now you’re enraged, you want to jump through the screen and choke them… You’ve been Wile E Coyoted.

Sealioning, as it’s more commonly referred to is just that. It’s intentional naiveté, they could easily Google these things but the point is to burden you with the questions. White people KNOW why they can’t say nigga, the purpose of asking is to annoy and aggravate. Argh argh argh why did Cosby’s victims take so long to come forward, they clap they hands and wait for you to toss them a fish. (or is that a seal? Black lives matter, fact don’t). People take the bait and hours later, nothing has changed, they’ve been played and now they need donations for self care after such tiring emotional labor.

Just the other day, I tweeted that while Kanye has been bitching, Rihanna is quietly doing everything he claims he’s being held back from and a swarm of sealions washed ashore demanding to know what I meant by that, and how much money has Rihanna made in the last 3 years… Nigga, fuck you. I’ll take time out to have a discussion with friends and family, maybe even a white coworker on a Friday, if I’m in a good mood.. But not a jackass on the internet who is just gonna disregard and move the goalposts. Sealions play on your need to be right. Its a trap I’ve fallen into before, but these days I’m all out of fucks to give and I don’t even care if you’re loud, wrong and dumb. I’m probably just gonna make fun of you with a quip and keep it moving. Google is free*.

-Stan-

*Well I’m sure we pay for it with our data #StayWoke

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Today’s Word is… HOTEP

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I remember I took a black consciousness class in college.  I enjoyed the class, it was one of the few times I was encouraged to write more from feeling than from research.  The professor urged debate, sometimes enlightening other times it felt like a derailment, I could argue with my peers at lunch, I paid for a class. Anyway, certain classmates would especially irk me, I don’t even remember their names (shit am I old now) but I remember they were so fake deep; they would have the most asinine theories, separatist logic, just loud and wrong all the damn time.  They were basically everything I hate about hotep twitter now.  Now, “Hotep” originally refers to  peace, attached to the names of benevolent rulers in ancient Egypt.  These days, it refers to dude on the internet who lives at home, rocks basketball shorts as underwear and views himself as a King.  Or as some women on twitter would say, ashy. 

Hoteps aren’t that hard to spot, they usually hide behind images of a black revolutionary on internet spaces that have a large amount of black women, they are in, well, black consciousness classes.  Their mission is noble, for the betterment of their people,  their methods, such as internet trolling, are not.  They love to make memes with Egyptian images or the same 6 stock images of a black couple with things that only they and people like them would ever say or agree with.   They make distinctions between the “woke” and the “sheep”, “bitches” and “queens” , that distinction is whether you buy the shit they’re selling. 

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Then there’s the paranoia.  Everything is a ruse to keep us sleep.  Empire, Love & Hip Hop, Young Thug all ploys to set back black people. They are showing men kissing on television and now black boys are going to turn gay.  Young Thug is wearing a dress because the white man wants black men are being feminized.  Feminism has black women are being brought up to not need a man so where are the black babies going to come from now?  We’re going extinct (because cops keep killing us for the mildest of inconveniences) because the black woman is being too difficult and won’t worship their crown less king. They have declared war on feminism, this radical wave of free thinking has turned women against their fellow man.  Hoteps operate under the guise that the worst thing a black woman can be is alone, they themselves are alone but as men they have the illusion of having not yet chosen (even if no one checking for them maybe super liberal white women who think they’re deep).

The hoteps are quite a misinformed bunch.  They often quote writers who quoted a writer who quoted another one who referenced a text another writer claims to have read.  They love misleading surveys and made up facts about Ancient Egypt and slavery.  They’re contrarians, so whether it’s some new Jordans out or a new movie, they will not only hate it but will dig into the depths of fake deep to try and shame you for it, likely with the Harriet Tubman “if they knew they were slaves” quote, completely out of context.  Millenial militants love to tell people about themselves….via $400 iPhones. 

Like I said, Ashy’s heart is in the right place, but their head….is firmly in their behind.  Behind the flawed rationale and stench of self importance, is still a man.  Insecure, frightened, but still a man, a brother, a comrade.  Like my old classmates, sometimes you can’t help but just shake your head and laugh at their tomfoolery. They are glorified cyberbullies, they like to type loud as a motorbike but wouldnt bust a grape in a fruit fight.  Stay woke, tho.

-Stan-

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