Tag Archives: Too old

Today’s Word is… TWENTYSOMETHING 

So the other day, me and some people were discussing Xxxtentatacion (yeah I don’t know how to pronounce this shit neither, nor do I care to learn).  From what I understood, he made dark emo tumblr teen music and I’m #damnnear30.  Issa no for me dog.   I have bills, a 401k, and just left a farmers market… Nothing about XXXtentimesseven appeals to me.  Do your thing lil nigga, it’s just not for me. (actually don’t, I did a little more reading on this dude… He’s like a psychopath, like sentient Eminem lyrics, they need to just come collect him like they did Bobby Shmurda. Free Bobby Shmurda.)  Anyway, the whole conversation showed me how entrenched in my damnnear30ness I’ve become, I’m not quite old head status, I’m still good for eating a beef patty and chips for dinner and I laughed someone’s name being “Will Laycock” but otherwise there’s just some things I’m unabashedly too damn old for as grown man who’s #damnnear30.  How many? Damn near 30. Such as

  1. 18+ parties
  2. Any new social media platform, when Twitter goes I’m going down with the ship
  3. Cheap bedding from Target
  4. Dating women under 25
  5. Smoking weed (yeah yeah legal but personally I made it this far never trying it there’s no reason to pick up a vice this late in the game) 
  6.  Getting carded, like bruh I have a whole beard and my voice is deeper than yours how dare you
  7. Trips where I’m sharing a hotel room with anyone I’m not sleeping with
  8. Fist fights….well… Just don’t get hit in the face, you too old for fat lips.
  9. Not holding my liquor and being around others who can’t
  10. Flying Spirit Airlines
  11. Not being real about what you’re looking for whether it’s a a serious relationship or the opposite 
  12. Not owning a suit
  13. Posters on the wall without frames.
  14. Trying to keep up with these dance crazes, if you danced to Knuck if You Buck you cannot Juju on the Beat.
  15. That blonde Mohawk style 
  16. Hooking up at the movies
  17. Asking people on dates to the movies for that purpose 
  18. Sex on twin beds
  19. Wearing jerseys of anyone younger than you
  20.  Kicking it with “friends” you actually don’t rock with like that
  21. Living at home for free
  22. Getting your phone cut off…not storing your new number until you prove you can keep it
  23. Actually getting angry at alma mater/BGLO slander
  24. Lying to your parents bout silly shit* (if you’re American*)
  25. Hitting up promoters to get on the guest list, unless you’re visiting the city or it’s a birthday
  26. Drinking alcohol that comes in a plastic bottle; including the mystery punch that always pops up at kickbacks.  
  27. Reaffirming your blackness, a decade removed from being called oreo in high school 
  28. Not shooting your shot. 
  29. Trying to understand these newbreeds music tastes… We pretended Tony Yayo could rap and did the chicken noodle soup with a soda on a side.  We had to learn, so will they

Now, do I have to say that these aren’t set in stone and if you are my age or older don’t take offense? Well…actually, I don’t this time. Because I am judging you. I want better for you.   There are exceptions though, professional athletes tend to act about 5 years younger, rappers closer to 8. Mo money, no progress.  The rest of us have the wisdom to know better, so act accordingly.

-Stan-

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Filed under Randomness, Simply Stan