Tag Archives: titles

Today’s Word is… SHIPS

Editors Note: A throwback for your Tuesday.Yeah I could wait til Thursday and it’s clearly a repost so it’s not like I can’t just wait to not actually do any work, but I feel like posting today. You will deal, or you won’t I would just hate for something like this to ruin your day. Anyway, enjoy.

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So I got a few emails recently, the typical “why is he tripping”, “mixed signals”, “is he creeping” variety.  What was interesting was none of these guys were boyfriends and as someone who’s dabbled in 50 shades of gray area dating, I know that reserving feelings before commitment is easier said than done; feelings gon feel.  However, these complicated “I’m not touching you” like commitments are growing increasingly common because everyone wants the security of a relationship but none of the responsibilities.  Naturally, we’re made to love *John Legend wail* but how do you stay faithful with a phone full of heauxs?  Grow up and understand that infatuations are only cute for so long and understand its incomparable to ones love? Yes.  But that completely derails the concept of this post which is…….the pseudo relationship.  Even right now, you could be in a pseudo relationship and pseudo even know it. *Rimshot*.  As the screaming troubadour Meek Mill says, there’s levels to this sh t.

At the start there’s the….

Imaginationship- A relationship that will never happen. We all have our celebrity crushes who we are dating in our heads. Hi Scarlett. Some people can post a Man Crush Monday or Woman Crush Wednesday and think nothing of it, while others legit come off batsh t crazy.  Hi Elle.  Imaginationships sometimes transcends celebrity and they just go full Morello on you. 

Bepatientship- You’re not crazy; they keep reassuring you that eventually this is going to happen (when the divorce finalizes, when they get right etc).  Except, you squandered all leverage because they get all the relationship perks while you wait only being mildly inconvenienced with a request for an update here and there. 

LetsSeelationship– This a tweener to the previous two; its not a no, its not an eventually its just in flux and you aren’t quite sure how to play it.  This was what one of the readers was describing, while some will still date others want a definitive answer first.  I recommend the former, maybes aren’t yeses.

Chealationship-  Someone living foul.  This is beyond just cheating, its another relationship entirely.  Its a Bepatientship of sorts, although the age old mantra is cheat with; cheat on.  We all can’t be Alicia Keys.

Frielationship- You date, you flirt, you have an intimate connection, on the outside looking in people can easily mistake you for a couple….but you’re “friends” and one of both sides will keep pulling that card out the deck whenever things get too weird.  This was reader 2’s issue.  Who I think was trolling me….things sounded familiar…..

Situationship- Like the last one, all the appearances of a couple….BUT its unofficial so no responsibility over here.    Perhaps one of the most frustrating ones, especially when every problem must we qualified with “i know we’re not together but…” This is perhaps the most common one, the epitome of stable relationship at casual prices.

Prelationship-More official, still unofficial if that makes sense.  Not as manipulative as the others, you’ve haven’t had the talk yet but neither one is using that as a copout to still do them. 

Tolerationship- You’ve been together for a bit, the spark is gone, but you’ve put in so much work its hard to take this L.  That unhappy couple who had only been together 4 years because they been together 3.

I think that’s all of them…Fellationship? Conversationship?  Perhaps I’ll leave it here, evacuationship.  Bars. *drops mic*

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… LOYAL

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So you not taking that pay cut?

So because its summer and my Red Sox are flat out depressing to watch, I been investing all my energy into keeping up with NBA Free Agency.  What I find fascinating about it all, well besides the numbers, tax implications, evaluating contracts (after all I did go to school for sports management) is the all the guilt tripping the media, teams and fans are trying to do. Its easy for a fan to want their favorite player to stay on their favorite team even if that team has no chance in winning; or for a GM to come out publicly and try to shame a star for getting the most money they can,  or ESPN to have a roundtable discussion about legacies and loyalty.  Its all exploitative.  Free agents should be able to do whatever they wish without having to feel bad about how much they got paid or the fans they leave behind, that’s the point of being free.  These pros ain’t loyal, and they shouldn’t be.  LeBron James is as obligated to take a pay cut as a single person is to be faithful to someone they aren’t with. 

Whether its the one they broke up with 3 weeks ago, an e bae, workspouse, parent of their child, someone they just smashing, there’s always someone who assumes loyalty without doing the one thing that assumes loyalty which is enter a monogamous relationship.  Instead again they guilt their way out of it “if he/she was serious they wouldn’t be still dating”, “don’t ask ‘what are we'”, and of course calling them a heaux for doing what all single people do.   Hell, even people in a relationship have complete freedom to walk away from a bad situation but usually they don’t, even when they have a plethora of reasons to.  These “pros” ain’t loyal.  Loyalty has became more of a weakness than the strength its implicates.  We don’t choose self as often as we ought to.

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That’s not to say loyalty isn’t appreciated at all, I just don’t see it as a pre-requisite to a relationship.  I wouldnt want a woman to be all about me while I’m still single. She’s “building trust and loyalty” that I’m not sure she’ll cash in on, so its like taking home tickets from the arcade that’s closing in a week. (Sidebar you notice how you never have enough tickets for anything you actually want except a slinky….conspiracy I say) I think when we’re content that “loyalty” comes anyway, but to flat out expect it, once again shows a lack of accountability.  I could never ask someone I’m talking to, or just entertaining to amnesty everyone else for me without actually asking for a relationship.  Of course, no one wants someone they care about basking in the affections of another but that’s the way it should be, claim or forfeit.  But things never are that simple, no matter how much I try to make it be.  This prose ain’t loyal.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… FRIEND

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More things should be like poor kneaux clips.  Okay, almost 2 years in and this easily is the randomest post opening ever.  From God to poor nography, thats just how I roll. Poor kneaux clips are very specific about what it is you are about to see, there’s no minced words, chubby ebony gets blahblahblah you watch and you see exactly that (sidebar, ebony was such a beautiful word we let get sullied, why couldn’t we give them chocolate or burnt Siena).  In life, things aren’t as cut and dry, we are notoriously vague; a job ad for marketing executive is really cold calling, a freelance makeup artist is really unemployed Instagram user and a friend, well that can pretty much mean anyone you aren’t related or committed to. 

For most men, female friends can go into a category of “slept with” “wanna sleep with” or “wouldn’t ever sleep with”.  Theoretically, a man calling a homegirl he’s had for years a friend while placing that title on a loyal twitter follower, the ex he not quite over, the roommate, his boy’s ex, the cute receptionist at work, and the chick he’s smashing no strings attached makes no damn sense. It doesn’t, which is why most men clearly distinguish who is where in their heart even if it isn’t stated outright.  We remember the Myspace Top 8 days, we know better. So, for all intents and purposes, ask who’s that? Yeah that’s my friend.

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Me.

Why go through the trouble?  Men like women.  And men aren’t great at making new friends.  I’ve gone out chopped it up with some cool brothas, and never spoke again.  A woman I find chemistry with, I’m getting that follow up.  What happens from there may or may not turn into something but in the meantime in between time, well, yeah that’s my friend.  Because someone I text to pass time at work is too poor know graphic. 

It could all be so simple, but some rather make it hard. (For those keeping score, this is the 10th L Boogie reference on SFW).  Enter the dark side of having “friends”, emotional cheating, expectations, and messiness.  This happens when you aren’t real about how friendly your friends are.  Trust me, I know.  It’s been a rough few weeks. You don’t wanna know, trust me.  Its been a rough few weeks.  As I always say, titles breed accountability; you have a different responsibility to a “friend” than someone you’re smashing dating, someone you’re dating to your girlfriend.  Some men try to shirk all responsibilities and call everyone a friend and problem solved right? Wrong. So very wrong.  If you seen her boobs, she’ll always be a certain KIND of friend.  If you’ve had intimate conversations, she’s a different KIND of friend, you had sex, things have changed.  Even if she says “oh we can just be friends” the seal has been broken and you both know that.  Even if one tries to act otherwise.

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Heh heh fitting image. Heh heh...fitting. *sees self out*

To me, that is the true “friendzone”, trying to factory seal an open bottle, not that “nice” guy/girl cant take rejection stuff they sell on TV.  Being intimate with someone and telling them it doesn’t count, cuz titles.  Feelings gon feel, titles only dictate the expectations.  I can call someone a friend all I like, doesn’t change how I truly feel about them.  It’s a lesson that I’m still assimilating now.  Perhaps I need a new label for those special friends….like…..idk I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… LIMBO

People aren’t dumb.  One of the things we learn early is right and wrong.  In certain arenas, there’s protections in place that allow you to use the system to your advantage; it’s why George Zimmerman is a free man and Alex Rodriguez is playing baseball while suspended.  Those are perks of being an American citizen or a member of one of the strongest unions in the country.  In other arenas, there’s no technicalities, no loopholes, there’s right and wrong.  One arena is relationships, which we enter in our own free will and are free to leave whenever we want.  Even before that point, there’s the “talking/courting” phase in which again, your free to take things to a more serious level, or look elsewhere.  While in limbo, yes you’re not in a relationship but if you aspire to be, you can’t act single.

That relationship limbo phase is dicey, you don’t want to give full relationship benefits to someone you’re not committed to but you also don’t want to give someone you care about a free pass to do whatever with whomever.  I spoke on an aversion to titles before, but that’s me, if I’m single and I have feelings for someone, with or without “the talk” I’m not going to do anything I know will hurt them and get off on a technicality.  If I’m in limbo with a girl, she hooks up with someone else, yes she’s free to do so, I’m now free to not want to deal with her on that level.  Fair is for trials, people know better. 

So why not simplify things and make it official?  I feel like relationships are a different monster, they come with rules and regulations that one may not be able to fulfill at that time, being faithful, in my opinion (well duh it’s my opinion it’s my blog) is not one of them.  A relationship established simply to “lock one down” or clinch some sense of monogamy is started on a faulty premise and usually don’t last long.  A relationship isn’t an insurance policy, its an agreement for two people to only date each other and hopefully be building toward something more.  Limbo is I like you, you like me, we’re not together yet but let’s still keep each other’s feelings in perspective.  Of course, as with the dance? Game? (I dont know wtf is limbo actually classified as) after so many turns it’s just about impossible to keep going.  Limbo should always be temporary, know how long you can continue to play or if you don’t the pole will.

-Stan-         

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