Tag Archives: social media

Today’s Word is… SNAPCHAT

I have a love/hate relationship with Snapchat.  Sure, the idea of a taking a picture with a puppy filter or spending time creating a cartoon versions of yourself is fairly puerile. At least,  that part at least speaks to the layer of corniness that lies within me.  I’m not one of those weird people who hate filters because how dare someone look more attractive in a picture they took themselves for public consumption.   I enjoy watching other people’s “stories”, Sunday morning is perhaps the best time, the people I follow tend to have…eventful Saturday nights, while I’m a child of God. (who watches ratchet snaps on Sunday mornings… I’m just a person).  As for what I hate… I mean besides the massive battery drain, really creepy snap map feature, and the false sense of security that is a “disappearing” snap that anyone with a jailbroken/rooted device and see and keep forever?  Ironically, it was the same thing I love about Sunday morning. 

It happened when went out the other night and found myself on the wrong side of the snap, everyone snapping themselves and no one really dancing.  Then the few who were, now they are being snapped.  I’m sure your curated snaps are lit but as someone who was there in real lif,  I was bored cuz everyone wanted to snap that Bodak Yellow was playing instead of dance to it. Gone are the days when you had to rely on the club photographer who takes the sweaty high res picture that is never as flattering as you thought it was that night.  Even just a quick few group pics, now everyone is damn Spielberg.  Doing a public service that no one asked for.  Everyone doesn’t need to be “there”.  I just watched a video of Steph Curry making fun of LeBron at a wedding and my first thought was, (lightskinneds have no couth) and the second was, you were a guest at that man’s wedding B, who raised you?  Or is that just the voyeuristic society we live in now. 

What is the point of paying for a concert that you gonna record for free?  Do people realize that dark clubs and deep bass don’t make for quality content?  So not only are you killing the vibe but then the snaps aren’t even coming out worth a damn.  (Also, how haven’t skrip clubs banned phones somehow, it feels like I shouldn’t be seeing half the shit I be seeing…again, just a person).   Why can’t I post an old picture without Snapchat telling everyone that it’s a 2 week old picture, why you so loud, Snapchat damn?  Is your relationship even real if you never make the snap? Apparently not.  Why do I sound so old right now? Gross. 

I mean, I’m not THAT much different.  I have a Snapchat, a Twitter, a Facebook, an Instagram, and a blog… I operate with a heavy inclination that people give a fuck. It speaks to the narcissistic society we live in now.  We document our lives in spite of the fact that most of our lives don’t warrant daily coverage.  Snapping your drive to work, telling some 17 part confessional most people just going to skip, the need to post content when there isn’t anything worth posting.  On vacation, celebrating, having a fun night then by all means take pictures, capture moments, share your world…in moderation.  Maybe Snapchat needs a limit, like after 5 snaps it should tell you to log off and enjoy the moment. Or maybe its just some shit I might be a little too old to understand.  I still don’t even know how the score thing works.  



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Today’s Word is… LURK

It starts off with the most innocent of intentions, I wonder what they’re up to.  As luck would have it, they’re page is public (because who has private pages anyway, it defeats the purpose, you’re not that special B) you casually browse their IG.  Maybe they’ve let themselves go a bit, you wonder to yourself why they STILL take pics in that outfit or why they post that meme like it isn’t talking about them?  Perhaps you stumble upon a fan of theirs who seems to like and comment every picture, you go and check them out… They aren’t you. A downgrade, really. Sad.  Now you grow more inquisitive.  Wait… How long they know each other? This picture was when y’all were still together.  What’s all this ki ki ing heart eye emoji shit? Did this motherfucker cheat on you?  With this baby teethed,  ill fitting clothes wearing, reposting the same picture from a 2 year old vacation talking bout #TBT take me baaaaack, how the hell you still unattractive with a flower crown muhfucka… NOW YOU’RE PISSED.  You start thinking about that one time they got in late and had some boring story about a coworkers flat tire that you checked out of mentally because you was cleaning the DVR.  Piecing together a bunch of clues that are as worthless as Hilary 2016 merch and you feel like a jackass, retroactively.  You wish they were there right now so you can dump they ass, instead you just block them.  Fuck what they been up to.  

Moral of the story,  nothing good comes from lurking.  

Yet we seemingly can’t help ourselves.  We’re too connected, gone are the days when a guy can go out for a pack of cigarettes, go two towns over and never have to see his family again.   I’m guilty of it as well, not because I want them back or anything, I just need to see that I won the breakup. (Kidding….mostly. Of course I won. )  I’m not alone, studies say nearly 88% of people have.  We all need Jesus, clearly.  That nagging curiosity is to our detriment, soon you find yourself on Instagram looking at what they doing but ain’t got shit to post for yourself.  It becomes less about them and more about what you’re missing.  

As for the lurkee, they can be just as complicit with the things they post.  HBO’s Insecure comes to mind as it currently stands as “nice guy” revenge porn.  Since it’s a 3rd person narrative, you actually get to see the ex grieving and openly pining while he can’t hear her over all the rebound sex he’s having.  The character of Lawrence has become a cult hero because he represents the unrealistic expectation of a break up.  That same expectation one thinks they are reaching with thirst traps and snaps at the club.  With subliminal status updates and not so subtle inferences at how their living their best life. But social media is the Disney version of real life, we all are presenting our best possible selves.  (Though some are obliviously bad at this).  You won’t see the 19 other outtakes of that selfie, the crowded Spirit flight they took to Miami or other the lonely nights more in line with their reality. 

So why do we fall for it when we lurk? Why do we front on social media in the first place?  Why was Takeoff left off of Bad N Boujee?  My personal social media is fairly boring for someone who’s…Had an eventful 18 months.  Because I don’t care who sees what I’m doing. When I find myself lurking pages and ultimately getting nothing out of it (even though this one time I accidentally followed an ex and didn’t realize it until I saw her on my timeline tweeting her homegirl about how I had the audamndacity to follow her… And then per her homegirls advice I was blocked. And you know what? I earned that L…Because nothing good comes from lurking)

Perhaps it’s the allure of the unknown, if you never do the dramatic unfollowing you’d see they are every bit as boring as they’ve always been.  Or even crazier, if you’re that curious to see what they are up to, maybe you could just reach out an–

Oh. Yeah. Right.  Well,  just be wary of the accidental like then.


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Filed under Dating, Oh, Internet, Randomness

Today’s Word is… SHARING 

It was about a decade ago (fuck, I’m old)…I had broken up with my college girlfriend.  I was so sick of love songs and I had to make the song cry all of that.  So then came time to make the breakup official for the 99 and the 07, the Facebook relationship status change. I was still new to the Facebook thing so when I did it, I didn’t know that it would literally be announced to the whole school.  With a photo we were tagged in together.  Stupid Facebook. I guess it served me right, I was obnoxious about my relationship.  I went through high school largely unchose and then I actually pulled a bad one? Mama I made it!  She wasn’t as obnoxious but she liked me so she let me cook.  But now…it was over.  And the whole school (#altfacts it was pretty much just all the black freshmen on a campus of 28,000) knew.  Stan did that so hopefully you don’t have to go through that.

In this social media age, where is the line drawn between over sharing and secrecy?  Or as the stweets would call it, stay low and build.  It feels like we’ve broken off into two camps, people who cant stop sharing and people who treat their relationships like a covert op.  We all our roll eyes at the oversharer, you know the person who snapchats their entire day, posts screenshots of their intimate conversations and you’re like can you just log off and go suck his dick or something?  It reeks of overcompensation.  Then there’s people who fool and flirt all day and you find out on Valentine’s Day they’ve actually been married for 5 years.

With me, I guess I’m somewhere in the middle.  I literally write about my life, sometimes the people in it come up in the conversation sometimes they don’t.   If you’ve been reading a while, you’ll notice a new nickname pop up and then a few months later they are upstairs with Judy Winslow.  *Pour out some tequila for Tequila*  I’ve also gotten in trouble for not acknowledging enough and purporting myself as single. My friends and family know when I’m seeing someone, even y’all might catch a hint or two but outward declarations of this is bae….nah, we gotta be really serious.
It’s not because I care if people knows I’ve broken up with someone.  Its not like when I marry someone, Ima decide to talk down on “wack” single people meanwhile my wife hasn’t touched me in weeks, and then when I get divorced get in my feelings when someone points out the irony of it all.  I was embarrassed by the Facebook breakup because I was ostentatious about it, I was embarrassed by another one because mainly because it ended very ugly, oh and the whole supposed to get married thing.  Everyone else, I mean it sucked but I was licking my own wounds and not pressed on what strangers thought.  People break up everyday, B.  I think I share with a healthy balance, I’m not ashamed of anyone I’ve been with, and I also don’t need to document every moment like I’ve never had someone before.

Moral of the story,  just be real about it. The ones who take breakups the hardest publicly usually do because the relationship was never about them and they knew it.  Just like that relationship in college was more about my #selfofsteam than it was ever about her.  (But that’s another post entirely).  If you find yourself projecting or being so lowkey and paranoid that you won’t acknowledge someone until “I do”, perhaps some soul searching is in order.  Shrug life.


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Today’s Word is… PRIVACY

[The following is a repost from about a year ago, an oldie but goodie with a few added thoughts, enjoy]


The "I just found his blog" face

A little while back, Twitter quietly enabled a feature to download your own archives, every tweet you have ever sent there at your disposal.  Now I’m an admitted Twitter lover, I’ve had mines for over 4 years (5 now), about 30,000 tweets (41,000 which is about 8000 year, 21 a day, thats actually not THAT bad) to my credit.  It also serves as a snapshot of my life, my words, my thoughts as I grew and mature.  Some of it, I look back and laugh, others merely shake my head.  Notably a very public spat with “Her” that wasn’t a good look for either of us.  As time progressed and Twitter itself became more popular, more people I knew in real life started logging on and naturally I dialed back a little.  Not that I was essentially being someone that I was not, but rather there were traits I rather not have highlighted.  When I started this blog, I was going to make an accompanying twitter account but I thought better of it.  Like Facebook and Twitter before it, I didn’t want to once again have to worry about censorship or saying things here I would have to explain later.  I feel we are all entitled to some sort of privacy, something that’s is all but lost in a social media era.  

So there’s a girl, let’s call her “Special”, (met a new girl, shes not as special but ironically the same convo came up, as for Special, idk we just….stopped.) Anyway, now me and special are talking, she mentions something on instagram,

“Are you on instagram”
“What’s your name”

I mean she could’ve been more specific, but seriously there is a method to my madness.  Any person I’m considering seriously dating, complete social media blackout, don’t friend, follow, poke, like, tag, me.  I don’t have anything to hide but there’s nothing for you to see.  This was an easier sell than I even thought, perhaps because by now we all know somebody who has or personally have had a relationship end because of social media.  People are flirts, keyboard gangsters, their profiles are able to be access but hundreds or even thousands *fixes tie* of people, no one wants to embarrassed, that high road looks a little too high for my taste.   Ultimately she agreed.  It was too easy….maybe she has something to hide. (New girl only has professional social accounts, or so she says)

That’s what makes this a double edged sword.  Who knows what she posts?  Who knows if she just gonna just be Googling me anyway?  If she finds something she doesn’t like can I get off per the 4th amendment?  To answer my own questions, I don’t care. I don’t need to see thirsty negroes posting “damn ma” on her pictures (okay I might’ve snuck a peek and it wasn’t me it was a friend who wanted to see who she was). I don’t say anything on my social networks that would get me in trouble and everyone knows women don’t believe in illegal search and seizure, will break in your house, steal your tablet and then have something to say about a Facebook message she saw. 

Perhaps privacy should’ve always been the alternative, “She” was on all my sites and every tweet felt like I was on the first episode of “Martin”, I told “Miss” about the blog as my friend, now she’s a jilted lover who loves to hate to love to hate reading.  Exes before that had the passwords and everything.  Social media blackout….this might could work.



Filed under Dating, Relationships, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… FACEBOOK

I couldn’t go through with it.  I don’t know why I can’t kill it, it does nothing for me now.  People like to say keeping in touch but I have 8 siblings, a phone, and Twitter, if someone really can’t reach me it’s clearly them not trying.  I almost killed it back in 2008 when I was just going through a lot, again last year when I had way too much of my personal life being broadcasted both times I put my gun away.  This time I’m just bored with it. Why can’t I seem to shake this site I don’t even use?  Maybe because I’ve had it for so long…

I met Facebook back in college, it was first day of ugrad and after wandering about around campus I ran into this cute girl and we really hit it off.   I didn’t know what “Facebook Me” meant but if it was a way to get closer to her, I had my roommate introduce me to it.  We hit if off perfect, it was  the perfect complement to campus life.  It was a scrapbook of sorts, every name and face I encountered I could look up on Facebook and find out everything I needed to know. I had a feeling me and Facebook was going to have a beautiful friendship.

And we did, for six long years, we pulled through midterms, finals, ugly public breakups, deaths, births, hirings, firings, drama and boredom.  At 18, I loved Facebook, it was your every day life conveniently in one place.  All your memories captured in photographs, your thoughts stated in statuses for hundreds to see, your friends at the click of a mouse.  At 24, I hate Facebook, it’s your every day life conveniently in one place.  It’s no longer the cute girl from Econ class you want to know more about, it’s your coworker you don’t like and don’t want in your business.  There’s no looking around trying to find something to get into tonight, it’s a bunch of club promos.  Your audience isn’t a bunch of students, now it’s parents, childhood friends  and coworkers and vice versa, you’re no longer reading statuses about class and drama on campus, it’s about what Aunt Deb made for dinner and you have to cringe as you read a family members status talking about the “odacity of bumb bi***es”

The expanded audience made Facebook fat, then it had a bunch of ugly kids.  It’s first, the annoying apps.  It constantly send requests no matter how many times you elect to block all requests.  It was cute when it was just UNO and Texas Hold Em, but then it went through a clingy phase where games simply never ended and kept tricking people into asking their “friends” for help like Facebook itself isn’t full of people who actually don’t care about you or your farm.  The other ugly kid was the realization that I simply don’t care anymore.  Most of my friends list I will never see again, have a good life.  The ones I do see, I don’t care because I actually see them and can talk to them outside of the Matrix.  Or I still don’t care.  Anyway.

As much as Facebook sucks now, I highly doubt it’s ending  like Myspace.  People go on Facebook to read tweets, shared articles/blog posts, play 3rd party games and look at instagram photos.  Facebook is pretty much an online storage space.  Zuckerburg seriously gets paid for nothing now, he’s like a real life Bruce Wayne.   As insignificant as it seems, I just can’t seem to give up my small piece of internet real estate. It has my pictures, remembers birthdays and when I need a good laugh I can surely find one at another’s expense.


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Today’s Word is… DRAMA

yup. mmm hmmm. wow thats crazy

So I ran into an this girl I used to talk to’s homegirl the other day (why do all my posts seem to start with women now, guess they are my Muse). I was expecting a quick hi/bye but she kept continuing conversation, what my interests are who I be with, you know that whole thing. Of course, I brought up her friend and she said they weren’t friends anymore. I tried to wave for a fair catch, but she then went on about how/why they weren’t friends, to be honest I kinda tuned out and just nodded and said “wow that’s crazy” where I saw fit. She asked for my new number (like she actually had the old one, well played tho) and we went separate ways. I don’t plan on hitting her up of the principle. Me and the other girl weren’t exactly an item, but I was obviously relevant enough to meet her then best friend and a couple others. Also, the whole situation reeks of unnecessary drama. And homegirl ain’t that cute.  I thought back to when I was with her, she always did have a story about homegirl getting into something, she LOVES drama. I remember the stories clear as day now, she just craves that extraness in her life. I wondered why she was even friends with her in the first place. She was drama dependent like her but she had a slight kick as well. She kept her around FOR the drama, something we all seem to do.

admitting is the first step

Everyone protests they hate drama, yet we’re all guilty of indulging in drama. We all love it, our daily dosages just vary. I don’t care for drama but I admit it keeps things interesting. Some of us prefer to be on the outside looking in on drama. We all have that friend that can’t stay out of trouble, guilty pleasure reality show, or that online alter ego that you live vicariously through. Others like personal drama, so they always putting themselves in certain situations. Then there’s the ones that can’t seem to avoid it no matter how hard they try.

The Facebook posts i really like, needs no “like”

When i was younger i was a lot more naive and dramatic but now I’m probably 75% outside, 15% personal, 10% can’t avoid it. I’ve gotten better at avoiding drama (e.g. earlier in post) but some stuff just follows you. Relationships have drama, but so does being single. You go to school, drama, you work drama, you interact on social media, and there’s more drama waiting for you. I like a little personal drama, it keeps me entertained. Also, I’m a thinker; get in my head and you get in my heart. The ones that drive me crazy are the ones that drive me crazy. We say we want to just be happy but that would be so boring, piss me off, hurt my feelings, confuse me. Separate yourself in some way. I’ve talked before about how/why nice guys this is the other reason. Douchebags stay in her thoughts good and bad. Nice guys only get stories about how the bad guy is and wondering why not him? Sometimes you cant just be the solution, you got to be part of the problem. However, I’m not for all that drama. I’m not about to go gray or bald for some added spice in my life. Also chicks throw bricks and slash tired. So for the most part, I’m more of the outside looking in, laughing at others expense, smh-ing and being happy it ain’t me.


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