Tag Archives: sidechick

Today’s Word is… DEFENSE

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So recently the photo of Flotus flower bomb Michelle Obama raining on the President’s parade made it’s rounds on the internet and while the conservative media was happy to run with the angry black woman angle most of us laughed and lauded Mrs Obama’s impeccable defense. Defense is a slippery slope, on one hand you should trust your partner to know better but still there’s times when one must simply remind others around them that this one’s spoken for. There’s levels to this sh t; there’s subtle gestures which are clever and effective; and there’s full blown confrontation, which is never a good look for anyone. When you’re in a relationship, no matter who you are there will be times where you have to play defense, and when the moment arises you can play it cool or make an ass of yourself. Knowing when and how is key, there’s a difference between confronting a waitress who merely smiled at your boyfriend and grabbing his hand when you see someone checking him out.

“So who’s this Siri you keep talking to”

The Trojan War was started over a woman, the survivor traveled the war for a decade, got home and killed a mob of men for his woman. These days, men have gone full Washington Taterskins when it comes to playing defense. *cue rimshot* The “every night I got to fight to prove my love” (gold star if you got this reference) guy is long gone. Today’s man is more cocky and assume their girl is the sword in the stone only he can yield. I’m not one to play defense, perhaps it’s arrogance but if I’m handling business on my end then there’s nothing to worry about. If my good is not good enough then I picked the wrong one to begin with. If I have to worry about who she with, where she at, where she going, then I ought to worry who I’m with, where we at, where we’re going? People are loyal to a fault, relationships are optional if you’re that uncomfortable, leave, you don’t need evidence or a conviction by a jury of their peers. Confrontation is never a good look, only thing that can come from it is getting your ass kicked or playing yourself. I’ve gotten calls/texts from guys asking about my relationship with their lady, whether there was or wasn’t something going on they already are losing…badly. There’s nothing more demoralizing than having someone else reassure you that your lady is being faithful. Okay, there is one thing, and that’s getting your ass kicked by the same guy who is slaying your queen.

Women these days are much more defensive minded. It’s a point of pride, we all know somebody who know somebody who’s fighting tooth and nail for an ain’t sh t guy because she’ll be damned to “lose” him to her. Where men are arrogant, women are not as much, they guard the stone for which the stone is stuck from even insects, not on their watch will anyone take what should be assumed as theirs. The sidechick doesn’t even have to actually exist, the mere idea of one is enough to keep some women on their toes. I’ve had girlfriends step to neighbors, coworkers, exes online, just to make sure that her presence was felt. As far as confrontation, they’ve picked up where men left off, they take up arms for their man. Look no farther than the Sharkeisha video…started over some guy who she’ll probably never think about 3 years from now. You see women having kids to keep men around, forgiving infidelity just to be able to have him come home to her, you can’t help but wonder if it’s more about him or them.

As partners, men and women have limited patience with s/o’s who insist on playing defense more often than not to the detriment of their own offense. She’s worried about whose pictures he likes on instagram, oblivious to the fact he’s unhappy about a lack of communication. He’s so worried about her “work husband” he doesn’t even realize she’s fed up with his drinking. This goes back to my previous point, if you’re doing what you’re supposed to do, there’s nothing to worry about on your end. In relationships, the best defense is a good offense. You know what they say, what you won’t do…

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… SIDECHICK

The mistress, sidechick, whatever other name you want to use, is a unique character.  They typically represent a multitude of things. Sometimes they don’t even exist; they’re merely an ideal.  They represent everything you aren’t therefore must be.  The personification of the temptation that befalls any committed man.  Sometimes they’re simply the butt of a joke, someone so naive and oblivious to the fact that they are the only one in their relationship. They celebrate Valentine’s Day on the 15th, only get phone calls after 10pm, and never seem to put 2 and 2 together. But often, they are someone who was simply deceived.  A sympathetic figure whose only is being in love with the wrong person or rather the right person at the wrong time. 

I’ve spoken before on the lone time I cheated. It was a drunken, yet inexcusable night of passion. As I woke up, I could see the elephant in the room. What happens now? She was willing to be the other woman, I unwilling to allow her. I knew her better than that, it would kill her.  It was an interesting prospect, the golden egg of convenience, one represented passion, the other stability, in picking one I lose the other, but if I had both? I couldn’t do it, I cared too much to hurt anyone, it was bad enough this first night happened.   Being the other woman is something I would never want to afflict on someone I care about, no matter how tragically romantic Kerry Washington attempts to make it look on television.

I think part of it comes from exasperation. It’s better than nothing. The idea of not being with someone you care about is way worse. No different from two single people enjoying eachothers’ company. Other times it’s better than something, I know personally at one point I willingly was the other guy, let him deal with the perils of a relationship I’ll be the good time. It was my ego getting the best of me, I convinced myself I was too good for a relationship. In reality it was the opposite, I didn’t offer much but a projection. Let her think I was better for her than he, but never step up and prove so. I think that’s the thought process behind shameless mistresses, it’s easy to look the part of the better alternative, harder to prove.

However, in any aspect it’s just something that’s hard to defend. Single people are free to pursue whomever they wish, however any ego boost or validation afforded by “taking” someone else’s man, is typically overcompensation. If it’s someone you really feel you can’t be without, don’t provide incentive to not be chosen. Hold him accountable, demand more. As for the committed the options are simple: Be single, find someone who’s into open relationships (that’s another post entirely I ain’t even going to touch), or simply accept that you can’t have them all. Affairs are simply greed and selfishness.

-Stan-

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