Tag Archives: respect

Today’s Word is… DAUGHTER

It was about a decade ago (shit, I’m old).  Me and my  boys, per usual were chilling in my room afterschool.  One of my boys was going through it with his girl, and it brought about a roundtable discussion on women.  I was always the old soul of the group, so I was giving what little game I thought I had back then. I’m spitting all the bars about what women think they want when the room grows quiet…my mother was standing in the doorway, just observing the lecture. We were all oblivious to how long she been there or what she had heard, so it’s just awkward glances around.  She comes in the room, kisses me to assassinate any thug I thought I possessed; takes one good look at all of our guilty faces and declares: “All of y’all are having daughters” and walked away. 
My boy Crawf would have his baby girl 6 years later, as did my man Falc.  My brother would have one as well, (my boy Smeg fucked up the whole narrative and had a son a few years ago, but black lives matter, facts don’t).  Then a few days ago I would see the ultrasound of a baby girl from another friend, proving that even from beyond the grave, my mother’s decree would ring true, all of us having daughters. 

As my boy showed me the ultrasound and I gave my congratulations, he joked that hex is still on, I’m finna be next. Eh, we just elected a sexual offender as President I’ll see what 2021 hitting on.   The hex was a coincidence, if every dude running the streets was destined to have a girl, we’d be out of sons.  It did make me wonder, if I was really next up…what type of father would I be?  What could I teach my baby girl about this world that grows to be more dangerous for black people? For women?  

What example would I lead, as a man.  I think of my dad, and as great of a father he is, as we got older his faults as a husband elucidated.  I fear bringing a daughter in this world and not being in love with her mother, perhaps the biggest reason I don’t have children yet.  I would like to be married, I would hope that we serve as the example of what love is supposed to be.  I can’t be out here looking like Future.  I would hope when my own looks for an example of a good man she has to look no farther than me.  I would hope we would be the black love she sees, the first family will have come and gone, maybe Jay and Bey will still be going strong.  Probably not tho.

I would want her to understand her worth. (Can see still say, keep my baby off the pole or is that problematic now…keep my baby off Iyanla, I feel like that’s a safer one).  I would want my daughter to know she’s always in control (except under my roof n shit) to never alter her morals or expectations to appease others.   I would want her to know she is beautiful, she is gifted, she is loved.  Her daddy black as hell, her mama TBD, probably going to be black as hell (In case I meet a white woman let me say I’m sorry Margaret, Susan or Becky…I wrote this before we met), and so, my daughter TBD, black as hell.  I want her to know that her skin, her hair, her nose, her lips are beautiful.  And that she got her smarts from Dad. 

I would also want her to know to never follow anyone’s timeline but her own,  love herself and to love God, how change her own tire but don’t dare introduce me to a man who can’t, white feminism is a farce, and flats > drums. 

-Stan-

 

 

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Today’s Word is… RESPONSIBILITY

Well Today’s Word is still respect, but why ruin the format…..so where was I….

“Word of advice, save all that sweet gentleman sh*t for when you get to college, these b*tches that be out here, they ain’t worth it”

The drunken quote from one of the older heads around the way.  Words of consolation I guess. We were all hanging out, drinking, smoking, I didn’t do either.  Whatshername was clearly drunk, and I tried to get her out of there.  She didn’t want to go.  She promptly reminded me that we weren’t together and went back into the back to the explosion of laughter by the ones who overheard.  I went home, pride intact and while I was gone, some older guys from around the way crashed the get together and well, things went down.  when I found out I wasn’t scorned or upset just once again embarrassed.  I thought she was different.   he would try and talk to me still, blaming the alcohol saying she had been taken advantage of.  I couldn’t play myself like that again.  For one she had no qualms about still coming to the hood, sitting on the porch with the very people she was accusing of assault. Writing this now, especially with hindsight on the next turn of events and even Steubenville, maybe I should’ve said something, did something, but then I was just a 16 year old with his pride hurt.  I just needed to explore a deeper end of the dating pool.  So I saved that sweet gentleman ish for college.

Ironically enough, it’s not much different.  Partying and drinking is all but the norm.  I’ve started to drink by now, a few girlfriends by now, but still a gentleman first.  Fast forward a few months, I’m at a party I hear my name yelled, I turn around it’s some guys I know from around the way, let’s call them C & D, their cousin goes here too they’re visiting.  They tell me about a party off campus at another school., me and my boy tag along.  The new party is obviously a lot more wild than the previous on campus affair, just about every bottle on the market at your disposal.  It gets late, C is chatting up a girl, basically says she’s down to mess with all of us. I’m ready to call it a night. D doesn’t want to go back either, the cousin was our ride.  I don’t know him like that but he’s torn between taking me and boy back to campus or staying with them.  He wanted to go home too and pretty much used us as leverage.  I see someone else from school me and my boy ride with her, the cousin stays with them.

Week or so later, I get a call from another friend from the hood.  C, D & the cousin were all arrested, charged with sexual assault.  Their version of the story was she wanted C, and the cousin and not D, but blew the whistle on all of them.  I was just there with them, we could’ve all went down.  Buzz spread about that infamous night, fortunately my name was as far away from it as possible.  Charges were eventually dropped but the damage was done, the cousin expelled, they all did a year in between court dates, the victim’s reputation ruined, I believe she transferred.  What actually happened that night only they and God knows but like Stuebenville, none of it had to go down like that.

Still I look back at both situations with signs of regret.  I didn’t post pictures on Facebook like the Steubenville kids, but I did foresee enough bad things to take myself away from the situations but not enough to really help anyone else.  It brings into question the extent of responsibility when dealing with others.  Had it been a closer friend, a relative, would I had left either of them in those situations?    The connection between Steubenville, the get together, the college party was the lack of responsibility, the victim’s friends left her in an uncompromising spot, as I did Whatshername and to an extent C, D and the cousin.

On the other end of the spectrum one has to have accountability. It’s the dirty side of the coin no one wants to speak on.  People intoxicate themselves and  enter precarious situations.  That doesn’t make what happens to them even remotely justified but it does prevent tragic turn of events from happening.  It’s a thin line between responsibility and accountability, however we owe it to ourselves, as just decent people to at least attempt to help others, even if they rather learn the hard way.

-Stan- 

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Today’s Word is… RESPECT

97….98….99 and….100 posts. Never thought this blog would take it this far…

Anyway doe….i’ll save the fanfare for 10000 views, I got something else on the noggin.

I admit was a little ignorant to what was going on in Stuebenville.  It wasn’t until I started hearing more about the reaction to the media coverage that I went back and read up on it.  The outcry felt there was too much sympathy towards the delinquents, that anyone even associated with such a heinous act should stir no feelings but anger and disgust.  However, I feel there’s just blame to go all around, but that’s not where I’m going with this.  The other underlying theme was an overall respect (or lack thereof) for women.  That an unconscious teen is not “fair game”, that we’ve become a society where hits and likes have become more important than mere decency.  Even as a teen I’ve always stuck to my moral code, remaining who I was despite my circle. 

I go back to when I was 9, when my parents decided that it was best that my brother live with my father.  I was upset, I went on the back porch and cried.  My father before he left came and told me to first cut all that crying out but that I needed to stand tall and be the man of the house, that even as the 2nd youngest I would still be counted on to be the ultimate protector of the women in this house.  It was something that made me proud, I took out the trash with pride (for a week).  My mother would later give me somewhat of the same speech, and so began a new experience living in a house full of women. 

It gave me perspective and an appreciation for women.  My friends……well they wasn’t so lucky.  Fast forward to high school pretty much the same age as the Stuebenville kids.  I was the last amongst my friends to have sex (well as time passed it became clear who was lying, I let em cook tho).  Even lying was too disrespectful to my liking, I had female friends but I was always willing to kill any rumors and take the ribbing that followed.  My boys however made it their prerogative to get that notch on that belt, they would have girls bring a friend for their friend my name Kweli.  We had taken them in some abandoned apartment in the neighborhood, I think he told them we just got the place…they went for it for reasons I don’t quite understand.  They all took their respective girls to whichever room they desired and left me, her and a big elephant in the room.       

Me and whatshername actually hit it off, but not like a bend her over this window sill way but there’s something here way.  She could tell I wasn’t like the others, little did I know that would be a knock against me…..

Actually I think ima leave that here….a cliffhanger, how’s that for a 100th post

-Stan- 

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