Tag Archives: realist

Today’s Word is… ROMANCE

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For the most part, I would say I’m a romantic. In an age of casual hookups, long distance twitter baes, these heauxs ain’t loyal, side chicks, a ridiculously low value of black women, convenient traditionalists, fake deep memes, and calling chivalry and effort “thirst”, its increasingly harder to hold on a rather simple concept of find one woman, court her, love her, build with her, and die.  I don’t consider myself a “hopeless romantic” which seems to implicate that such a quest is futile, or that it’s laden with delusion of finding your soul mate who is set at this simply unachievable standard based off books and TV.  Hopeless romantics “love hard” (I abhor that expression btw) and they go all in every time only to be shattered.  I’m not that extreme.

I’m also a realist.  Which has also taken on a loaded meaning and suggests one who is jaded or bitter.  They took a shot at love, missed and now its f ck love as staff, a label, and a muhfuggin crew.  They poopoo on any semblance of romance with stats, anecdotes, surveys because if they got it wrong, it must not exist.  Some realists were former romantics and that also lends credence to the idea that maybe marriage is antiquated, perhaps mutually beneficial arrangements are the way to go.  Maybe as humans we just aren’t wired for monogamy.  I’m not this extreme either; its hard to ignore history and math but some things just aren’t made to be quantified.  People are different, exceptions can be made, we evolve, we adapt.

So I say all that to say, I fall in the middle.  I believe in the possibility of true love, not necessarily a soul mate.  It’s perhaps the reason that sometimes, even if everything seems good on paper, she’s just not……her.   Which is one of the most frustrating things about being a romantic realist; every one is the one, until she isn’t.  I’ve met incredible women over the years only to watch it go from 100 to a 0, real quick.  This doesn’t feel right anymore, do I cut my losses now or keep going and hope things change?  Is it fair to hold her to standard of gut feelings and projection?  If she was unsure about me, wouldn’t I want to know?  How would I process this information, would I try and disprove her doubts or just take my ball and go home?  These thoughts run through my mind as I tell her that “this isn’t working”, I try to explain but the reason will never be good enough, I was just bored/wanted to hit/ain’t shit whatever makes this easier.  And then…..back to the drawing board.

I look back on the moments I knew I was in love with someone, sometimes it was losing them in the first place, sometimes it was after a good laugh, or holding my hand, a funny look, a kiss, a gesture.  At that moment, I wanted to feel that way for the rest of my life but that’s where I was wrong, it’s more than a feeling (*opens Spotify cuz that song gonna be stuck in my head*) it requires work that I just expected to do itself.  Even if “the one” existed, I could blow it with her like any other woman and then what? Do I get a do over?  Pray for another one?  Or is that it?

Hopeless romantics and realists operate on two extremes but both think that things just ARE the way they are. A hopeless romantic just expects to see their soul mate across the room and live happily ever after, the realist expects a marriage to fail, men to cheat, women to take him down.  I believe that I just have to find one, and love her as hard as I can until I can’t anymore.  Its not destiny, its not statistics, its just…life.  And I plan to live it that way.

-Stan-

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Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… COMFORT

Editors Note: This was supposed to be a different post entirely and turned into just me thinking out loud….just ride with me for a minute

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So I was shopping for clothes, because fall is the season for stunting on muhfuggas.  After a long summer of not working out as much, ordering out because it was too damn hot, and getting plenty of play anyway, well let’s just say I put on a few pounds.  Now, since I lost the weight over a year ago I wore a L regular, I tried on shirts in that size and….I got them on.  They made due now but will I be able to wear them in November, not so sure.  (For the record, I’m going to get my shit together, more D&F posts and all that).  I opted for XLs to be on the safe side.  I wasn’t happy with where I was but there was only so much to be done at this point, so I will deal.  That’s what comfort ultimately is, you’re just okay in your ways.

Comfort is a gift and a curse, its satisfying to feel content with a situation but its also a trap; get too comfortable and you never change.  Jobs, dating life, living situation, eventually you just have to tell yourself this is cool, but its not good enough.  Its something I have to remind myself of constantly.  I spent last summer comfortable in a long distance situationship only to be gut checked and realize I wasted a summer being enamored with words on a screen.  I spent this past summer climbing up a corporate ladder while looking longingly at the escalator for creatives. And I spent this summer chilling out maxing relaxing all cool and now my shirts have an X in them again.  I regret nothing, but I still can say, I can do better than this.  

I’ve always been more realist than dreamer, as more INFJ types tend to be.  I don’t think I fear failure as much as I look and run 5 simulations before I leap.  I admire dreamers who just don’t care and just do.  Several childhood friends of mine decided to be rappers, they’re terrible but I’ve written songs and books that’ll never see the light of day so they are doing better than me in that regard.  Reine is a big dreamer and I admire that about her, even if some things are just flat out insane.  Realists are not always confined to comfort, I can recognize dead end situations and will hit eject and others well, if it ain’t broke…

I think we all need a healthy dose of comfort and unpredictability.  I want a steady paycheck, to go home to the same pretty face, to be confident in my own appearance and ability, but I don’t want to do the same thing for 40 years, I don’t want to be in a relationship I’m not happy in, or to be so comfortable that I’m 350 lbs and still making the same salary I did at 23.  Some people march to the beat of their own drum, they are a barista at Starbucks in Hollywood waiting for their big break.  It might work out for them but that person isn’t me.  And I’m comfortable with that.

-Stan-

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Filed under Diet and Fitness, Randomness, Simply Stan