So last week, The IlluminaTMZ released a second video actually showing the assault of Janay Palmer Rice by her then fiance Ray Rice, former Baltimore Raven and June 19ers fantasy player. I expressed my feelings on the initial video, then again following reaction to his diminutive 2 game suspension, and now the story has been given new life because people are realizing that how poorly this was handled from day one. Suddenly people are curious why wasn’t he imprisoned, why was he only given a 2 game suspension (ironically enough he would’ve been reinstated today), and of course, why did Janay stay with him and has since married him and to this day is riding out for him.
This sparked an online debate of why do women stay, why do women leave, and why do outsiders even care about what life she chooses to live. If you’ve been reading this blog or follow me on Twitter, you know I’m staunchly against a man hitting a woman; yes its a double standard, no I don’t give a fuck. I ain’t pass the the Bar but I know a little bit, enough to know it’s against the law to assault people. That’s not me concerning myself with people’s private lives, that’s not me expressing fake outrage. I’m also aware in different eras, this may not have always been as black and white as it appears to me now.
I’ve had discussions with other people who support Janay standing by her family and trying to push forward. They cite what their grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles have done and sometimes shit just happens. I don’t agree, but I can understand. Some people are just conditioned to love being hard, adverse, a struggle, and as I’ve expressed numerous times here, it doesn’t have to be. I don’t want a woman I would have to strike to gain respect, nor a woman who doesn’t have enough respect for me as a man to strike me. Yes, we all seen the old grumpy couple who seemingly abhor each other but still together because, where else they going to go. We’ve also seen women stick around abusive relationships and be killed by that very person. I personally feel there’s violence where there’s no respect, no respect where there’s no love, but this time I have no law to support it, I’ll just be in my camp they can be in theirs.
As for my final words on Raymell and Janay, because I legit cannot debate this anymore for my own faith in humanity; what I saw in that video I do not believe was a “bad night” or a mistake. I’ve knocked out grown men and immediately after felt some remorse, this man KO’ed his fiancée and couldn’t even pick her up or pull her skirt down. I don’t agree with her standing by her man, but I can understand it to a degree. I think the NFL shouldn’t be held accountable for what the law should be doing. I don’t believe that was his first time striking her, for her and their daughter’s sake I can only pray it’s his last.
So I got a letter recently from a male fan? Reader? Troll? Admirer?…he starts off by qualifying himself, he sees me around the blogosphere and thinks I speak real spit , I’m funny whathaveyou HOOOWEVER, when he found this blog he was disappointed to see me pander to tired black women (he referenced my big girls and bachelorette posts…guessing he missed the actual #loveletterstoBW post) he went on to talk about how us kings get platforms and are afraid to hold these women accountable (to what exactly? He didn’t know) yada yada yada…
I never responded. I didn’t care to think how to, it slipped the back of my mind until Friday when I saw Twitter abuzz about Stephen A Smith’s comments on the Ray Rice suspension. Ironically, at first Smith qualified himself (raised by women, would go off if someone dared touched a woman whom HE cared for) then went way left speaking on provocation and how ladies need to do a better job of being accountable. To what? He didn’t know. He’s expressed similar sentiments in the past, notably regarding Evelyn Lozada. Be on the look out for “Domestic abuse: Don’t Start None, Wont be None” signs on your subway. I express my thoughts on the topic and while my followers have some damn sense and agreed, I saw some of them combatting dumbasses who didn’t. Once again using “accountability” to make their fuck ass logic valid. But then I must ask, if women are supposed to be the accountable ones, the hell are men….just pawns? Beasts?
Are women morally superior to men, probably. But I refuse to cop out to the ideal that me man me no control. Its weak as hell to place conception of children, domestic violence, rape, the decreasing value of marriage, the breakup of the Beatles, world hunger, Hangover 3, mayonnaise, and the 1999 NBA lockout all at the woman’s feet. Dude, be accountable for something. I see a beautiful woman every day, I’m perfectly able to resist the urge to mount them. I’ve been “provoked” so many times, I’m capable of walking away. This doesn’t make me special, this makes me a man.
You know you’re getting old by how increasingly annoyed you get by young people. Case and point I’m on my way to work, I see a young couple playing around on the subway, she says something smart to him, he replies
“don’t make me Ray Rice you”. We exchange looks and I just shake my head at him, him and the girl continue their banter. His statement annoyed me because its similar to the types of jokes I was seeing all weekend on social media regarding the assault of Ravens RB Ray Rice on his fiancé Janay Palmer. People made references to Street Fighter, Chris Brown/Rihanna, the Cleveland Bus Driver etc, none of which I found remotely amusing. The video that surfaced that shows Rice dragging his unconscious fiancé out the elevator was disgusting, regardless of what new facts surface, he dragged the mother of his daughter like a Christmas tree in mid January; there’s nothing that rationalizes it.
What facts that have surfaced is that, Rice and Palmer are high school sweethearts with a history of fighting and that she perhaps started the altercation by spitting on him. Who gives a fuck. Its like the excuses people gave Chris Brown and the bus driver and its troubling how desensitized people have become to domestic violence, especially in high profile situations like this one. Putting hands on women is never cool and its sad how my peers are full of people who feel that somewhere down the line the playing field between men and women are level when it comes to physical violence.
That’s not to say women are free to jump in a man’s face. There’s a level of cowardice that comes with fighting someone when you know they can’t defend themselves. I’ve found myself in those situations but I was able to use restraint as I was raised to. One should respect your temper, if I was to lose myself and strike a woman, what is to happen when I’m disrespected again, it would only escalate and then you only end up in worse situations, like Jovan Belcher, who murdered his child’s mother before turning the gun on himself. Janay Palmer seems to be backing Ray and downplayed the entire ordeal which is a situation that we know all know way too well. I don’t believe its a reach that if Rice is given a slap on the wrist it can only go downhill from there. Personally, I think he should be cut immediately and prosecuted but as we’ve seen Chris Brown or even Floyd Mayweather, this will likely be a minor setback.
Now to bring this full circle, why is it we don’t care about this? There would be more press if Rice had a pregnant side chick than knocking out a 25 year old woman. Women beaters are punchline to jokes more than they are social pariahs. Assaults aren’t mistakes, they’re choices. I just wish they were taken more seriously, by the perpetrator, by the victims, by society.