Tag Archives: platonic

Today’s Word is… BITTER

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As an adult male, sans online you make new male friends primarily off a shared experience, run ball together, live near each other or work together.  You can make new female friends the same way but there’s also the accidental friendship; one of you tried to pursue a relationship, the other turned down (for what) this offer and now you’re left with two options, chill in this here friendzone or take your ball and go home.  The former is usually the option since people hate appearing bitter even if they feeling some type of way about this curve they just received.  For what its worth, I think more people should be bitter, sometimes its okay to say “you broke my heart, so f ck you”. Friendships are just as optional as relationships, there’s truly no need to be in one that doesn’t make you happy. 

Perhaps it is because bitter is such a loaded word.  It’s synonymous with hating, “who hurt you” and rancor.  No one wants to appear bitter, be called bitter or even admit to themselves that they are bitter.  It was a struggle that I have fought myself plenty of times.  From back in the day, all the girls I had a crush on around the way called me their big brother, me and Dessi having regular conversation like a heartbreak didn’t happen, remaining civil with an ex and us both pretending we’re not in love with each other.  Men typically are used to swallowing this bullet anyway, I’m not going to be churlish with someone just because they choose not to be with me (of course I’m speaking for men, not buckfoys who seemingly have no sense of coping skills).  In that same sense, there’s times when I realized that it was no point in keeping up a facade and saw my way out.  (Which always seems to turn the tables and now she’s sweating you but that’s besides the point)

You can’t make someone stop feeling, stop hurting or even swallow the rejection to maks your life easier.  Its something I’m learning still.  When I’m on the other side of the table, I have no control on whether they want to stay or go, just as none of my dreams deferred had a choice.  However, the key is still to make a choice and not waver. Don’t tell me you’re my friend and all you’re doing is trying to woo me, don’t tell me you’re my friend and passive aggressively unload your hurt.  Don’t tell me you’re my friend and really you’re just planning to flip the script so you can then reject me (this last one might’ve been me a few times, but I’m petty. Jesus is fixing me. Judge your auntie.)

Rejection sucks. It hurts worse then stepping on a lego at midnight or getting a charlie horse mid coitus.  What I will say is, even if I initially planned to give her that work be more than a friend, some of my closest homegirls I wouldn’t trade for the world.  Depsite the fact, she probably was planning to put my face in a figure four leglock be Mrs Stan Gemini and was denied, I would hope one could appreciate me as a kind, supportive, friend.  And I give great hugs.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… FRIEND

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More things should be like poor kneaux clips.  Okay, almost 2 years in and this easily is the randomest post opening ever.  From God to poor nography, thats just how I roll. Poor kneaux clips are very specific about what it is you are about to see, there’s no minced words, chubby ebony gets blahblahblah you watch and you see exactly that (sidebar, ebony was such a beautiful word we let get sullied, why couldn’t we give them chocolate or burnt Siena).  In life, things aren’t as cut and dry, we are notoriously vague; a job ad for marketing executive is really cold calling, a freelance makeup artist is really unemployed Instagram user and a friend, well that can pretty much mean anyone you aren’t related or committed to. 

For most men, female friends can go into a category of “slept with” “wanna sleep with” or “wouldn’t ever sleep with”.  Theoretically, a man calling a homegirl he’s had for years a friend while placing that title on a loyal twitter follower, the ex he not quite over, the roommate, his boy’s ex, the cute receptionist at work, and the chick he’s smashing no strings attached makes no damn sense. It doesn’t, which is why most men clearly distinguish who is where in their heart even if it isn’t stated outright.  We remember the Myspace Top 8 days, we know better. So, for all intents and purposes, ask who’s that? Yeah that’s my friend.

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Me.

Why go through the trouble?  Men like women.  And men aren’t great at making new friends.  I’ve gone out chopped it up with some cool brothas, and never spoke again.  A woman I find chemistry with, I’m getting that follow up.  What happens from there may or may not turn into something but in the meantime in between time, well, yeah that’s my friend.  Because someone I text to pass time at work is too poor know graphic. 

It could all be so simple, but some rather make it hard. (For those keeping score, this is the 10th L Boogie reference on SFW).  Enter the dark side of having “friends”, emotional cheating, expectations, and messiness.  This happens when you aren’t real about how friendly your friends are.  Trust me, I know.  It’s been a rough few weeks. You don’t wanna know, trust me.  Its been a rough few weeks.  As I always say, titles breed accountability; you have a different responsibility to a “friend” than someone you’re smashing dating, someone you’re dating to your girlfriend.  Some men try to shirk all responsibilities and call everyone a friend and problem solved right? Wrong. So very wrong.  If you seen her boobs, she’ll always be a certain KIND of friend.  If you’ve had intimate conversations, she’s a different KIND of friend, you had sex, things have changed.  Even if she says “oh we can just be friends” the seal has been broken and you both know that.  Even if one tries to act otherwise.

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Heh heh fitting image. Heh heh...fitting. *sees self out*

To me, that is the true “friendzone”, trying to factory seal an open bottle, not that “nice” guy/girl cant take rejection stuff they sell on TV.  Being intimate with someone and telling them it doesn’t count, cuz titles.  Feelings gon feel, titles only dictate the expectations.  I can call someone a friend all I like, doesn’t change how I truly feel about them.  It’s a lesson that I’m still assimilating now.  Perhaps I need a new label for those special friends….like…..idk I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… PLATONIC

“You and ‘coworker’ seem to be hitting it off.”

 A colleague of mine says, more like inquires actually, he was expecting me to dish. Besides her, he’s the only other person I really talk to there. We talk about sports and work and such, but even if there was something going on, I’d probably tell y’all before him.
 “Nah, it ain’t even like that…she’s cool peoples”
“For real”
*She enters almost on cue, says hi to him, does like some weird thing and strokes the back of my neck as she passes*
*shakes my head*
Maybe she does like me.  But I’m not going to go that route because
1. Smashing coworkers is never the movement
2. I might be off the market very soon
3. I’m working on having more strictly platonic female friends #nocraigslist
So the verdict, neck strokes aside, she’s just a friend.
Yup, ladies get friend zoned too, go and brush your shoulders off.  Although I don’t look at my female friends as being friend zoned or vice versa.  Friend zones are often associated with one sided attraction and just as a man I can’t say I’m absolutely unattracted to any of them.  Most male/female interactions begin with some sort of attraction whether it’s instantaneously physical or simply saying something that grabbed their attention.  However, at some point we, her or I decided it wasn’t best to pursue a relationship.  My closest female friend, for example, after starting off like any other courtship, we ultimately decided to leave it as just friendship.  I can say I have no nagging doubts, never wondered “why not me”, and I can’t speak for her own thoughts but she’s never asked “why not her”?   My other close female friend, it was a matter of timing.  We dated, it didn’t work out, now we’ve been friends so long it’d be simply awkward to even think about going back.  Of course there’s others who it doesn’t work like that.  To them, friendship is a consolation prize, a form of rejection.  Men tend to take rejection as it’s part of a balanced breakfast, while women take things a bit more personally.  I’ve had women gladly accept the role of friend, but eventually wonder why they aren’t being offered the part of “girlfriend” and quit.  Sometimes, I have only myself to blame, playing oblivious and being selfish.  This typically comes with trying to remain cool with exes, women I actually have zero romantic interest in, ignoring the elephant in the room that they want more than friendship.  There’s also friends who eventually for fall or I them, neither planned nor expected. Cupid is a sneaky lil bastard.
In essence, it’s 50/50.  I believe men and women can be platonic friends but it usually works within certain contexts.
1. I believe the friendship must be based off more than a secret agenda to have her legs on your shoulders
Common interests, mutual friends, if all convos are “what u doing” and flirting, you’re kidding yourself, you’re not friends.  You’re courting. You suck at it but you’re courting.
2. Don’t do couple-y stuff
I remember a while back I was dating “She”, she went to lunch and grabbed a movie with a male friend.
 “So are we seeing other people now or…” 
“No we went to lunch and happened to pass a theater and went to see a movie, we (referring to me and her) do that all the time” 
“Checkmate.”
While her intentions meant well (i assume), you never know his.  Easiest way to not get things mixed up, don’t mix them up.
3. Truly uninterested in each other
Honestly, if a woman found me completely unattractive, I probably wouldn’t like her.  I’m not the best good looking guy but I’m at least a “cute” damnit.  Be married or a lesbian at least.  Non attraction is the easy way to assure nothing ever goes down, it doesn’t have to be physical.  Like I said I’m physically attracted to a majority of my female friends, but I have reasons why I would never go that route, and they have theirs, apparently im a heaux.  I’m not but whatever it keeps things platonic.
Platonic friendships with women seems like such a hassle so why does one bother.  Because sometimes you just need that female perspective.  I have 3 sisters but our relationship dynamic is different, my private life is private as is theirs.  Men, we look at things differently, like my boy at work can’t fathom an attractive female coworker being into me and me not slamming home the clear alley oops she’s tossing up.  Overall, I only have two female friends, a couple of associates who there’s too much romantic chemistry to leave as strictly platonic, and some others who I probably would toss our “friendship” out the window on a good lonely night.  However, they all fulfill a need and are all play a role in my life.  To pursue a relationship or even complicate things with sex is more trouble than its worth. “Coworker” i’d say is a mere flirtationship, passes time, gives confirmation that my sarcastic faces, and jokes throughout the day are not all for naught.  Now why would I throw that away?
-Stan-

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