Tag Archives: planet fitness

Today’s Word is…. GYM

[Editors Note: Here’s an oldie but a goodie, with a few addendums…. Enjoy]

I’m an extroverted introvert. It takes me a while to adjust to my surroundings. When I do get a decent temperature for the room, I act accordingly. It’s a trait that took some development, as in high school I always felt I wasn’t welcome even the times I actually was. In college, I turned it up a bit too high, where I went completely shut down to just unbelievably arrogant. These days, I’m learning to accept that ain’t nobody worried about me, just live my life. I’m attending more events, being more open, I’ve come a long way. Perhaps the biggest example of this is at my gym; where I’ve eventually came into my own. I remember when I just felt awkward, every whisper or snicker I felt was directed at me.  As I stopped giving a damn and remembered why I was there in the first place. I’m much more into my own, headphones blaring, head nods to the familiar faces, smiles to the pretty ones, I feel at home.

Well not really, personally I rather jog, play basketball and work out at home, but Planet Fitness’ “break up with me face to face” policy keeps me coming back.  (I have since broken up with Planet Fitness, I joined a YMCA which introduced some new characters, thus the update) As I go now, it’s funny seeing the different types of people there, my music almost providing their soundtrack.   You have the….

Beibers- They’re the skinny high school kid who’s come to “beef up”, they almost never even look at cardio machines just straight to the dumbbells and bench presses.  (Note I don’t have any Beiber on my ipod just couldn’t think of a better analogy)

Biebers.

Jay-Zs- The old people who somehow be killing it still.   Don’t you dare get off a elliptical before your senior neighbor, makes you want to reevaluate you’re whole life. 

Lady Gagas- Okay I have 2 songs.  Gaga’s put more into their outfit than their workout, they try the flashdance shirt look but always got to stop and adjust it.  They only use the stationary bike, hip apductor and leg extension so they can tweet that they’re at the gym.

2 Chainz- He is EVERYWHERE.  You can’t go on a machine without him popping up, “Hey I’m using that”.  He spends so much time defending his territory you never actually see him lift anything. 

Rick Ross- He’s the big guy who is way too comfortable with public nudity.  His shirt is way too small, can’t raise his arms without it flying up like a crowd doing the wave.  He even throws in a “ugh” after a set. 

Nicki Minaj- Like the Gaga but only does stretches and squats, pleasant to look at but from a workout perspective don’t understand why she’s there…

Drake- He’s pretty much there to hookup with any woman there.  He doesn’t do much else, but he used to be better so no one minds

Wiz & Amber- (They back together right? Good cuz I can’t think of a replacement) You see Wiz by himself and he oes his thing, when he brings her he can’t seem to do anything without some kinda PDA attached.  They basically are roleplaying trainer and pupil.

Diddy- He’s the guy who wears sunglasses in the gym. Douche.

Dr Dre- The guy with the obnoxiously large headphones that everyone within 4 ft can hear him.  You gotta turn your music up louder just to drown out his. 

Beyonce- She’s the already fit woman who sometimes brings her friends along to own them.  She’s not nearly as helpful as she thinks she is, some would say it’s intentional.

Rihanna- She’ll flirt, smile if she catches you looking but she ain’t worried bout anyone up in there. Also she always looks high

Kendrick Lamar- Sit down. Drink. Work out. Drink. Wipe machine. Drink.  He’s pretty much a camel, not that there’s anything wrong until you need to get water and he’s refilling his gallon  

A$AP Rocky- He’s the walking Dick’s Sporting Goods store. Every accessory possible: Headband, under armour, gloves, knee pads, elbow pads, etc he has on, and of course they’re all color coordinated.

Pharrell- The “new black” or in this case, the new fat. They lost weight and now suddenly they are the expert on all things fitness and if you could just do what they did they’ll be no issue

R Kelly- There’s this one dude who is always with this girl who is young enough to be his daughter but he, well, doesn’t treat her like his daughter

Young Thug- I get its a gym but dude comes in already smelling like ass, 2 divorces and spoiled Hummus

Andre 3000- He’s the guy, that comes, kills and then disappears for weeks.  Oh wait…..that’s me.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… WEIGHT

I’m talking with “coworker” and she says she wants me to help her lose weight.  I personally try to steer clear of this, one because I’m in no way shape or form a weight loss expert, I lost weight but I also got A’s in Calculus, now it looks like a foreign language to me.  “I only really wanna lose like 10 lbs, just like my stomach and thighs” I’m completely uninterested at this point. “Coworker” got a sneaky hot body already so maybe this is just one of her ploys to talk to me more after her whole incident at the mixer.  But aside from that I get annoyed when people talk about losing weight and only cite certain areas.  It’s become a pet peeve of mines.  Actually a lot of things have, in regards to diet and fitness.  There’s so much misinformation out there that even a self proclaimed non expert like myself can’t help but be like wtf???

I’ve tried them all at some point. I’ve popped a Xenadrine  i’m sweating….WOO. Teas, shakes, 6 meals a day, fasting, heavy lifting, light lifting, AM workouts, PM workouts, cheat days, cheat weeks, strict clean eating, 2000 calories a day, 1400 a day…at the end of the day I’m 83 lbs lighter (Yes still I have yet to lose a pound in 2013 give or take fluctuations) and have no idea why.  I guess that’s more a testament to how really unjustifiably bad I was before. However if there was anything I’ve learned so far….

Pay for quality– I’m notoriously cheap.  I thought I could run 3 miles in my old Air Forces, homemade cleanses work as well as any one their selling, the green coffee bean extract pills on EBay are probably legit like store brand cereals, Planet Fitness is a quality gym for the price #shots.  All wrong, Well PF is cool if you find a decent one.

Accountability– No, it’s not all water weight, no muscle doesn’t weigh more than fat, and you know Damn Well that wasn’t a 400 calorie meal you ate.  These were all things I had to accept at some point.  I remember when I got under 250 you couldn’t tell me anything, next thing you know I was 265 again.  Sometimes we get in our own way.

Challenge Yourself– Even way back in the day when I went to the Y with my friends, my favorite machine was the leg press.  I had strong legs, when all else failed I would leg press 500, 600, I even had a school gym record of 900 lbs(someone would top it at 1000, he was on PEDs I’m still convinced),  I couldn’t do much else but that was where I owned.  Yet I couldn’t do proper squats or lunges.  I could do an hour on the elliptical but only jog in 2-3 minute intervals. I wasn’t pushing myself and the scale/tape showed it.  Dropping to 10 lbs in a month was cool, deadlifting 10 more lbs than I weighed that week was cooler.

And most importantly…

Results may vary– The reason I never care to give advice is because what works/doesn’t work for me might not have the same effect on someone else. For every rule of thumb one has I bet there’s 50 articles debunking it,  Running vs Jogging, whole eggs vs egg whites, strength vs cardio, short workouts vs long workouts in essence nobody really knows. Only thing that’s the consensus is watch what you eat and get off your behind. Well unless Sensa and Lipozene apparently they’re miracle burners. #moreshots

riiiiiiight

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… BROKE

This can’t be life

OG(original geek) Count von Count

I’m a numbers geek.  I flirted with comics, got cozy with computers, had a nice fling with RPGs but overall I’m about the numbers.  On dates I total the bill in my head with the 10% gratuity, I have a very strict budget, hell I even count calories now. The Count taught me well. I do well, I’m very fiscally responsible yet week after week the realization is there; I’m broke as hell.  Broke Phi Broke alumnus, dollarnaire, it’s no mula baby.  Where does my money go?  All my bills are on auto pay, I don’t pay for movies or music, I commute to work via train, I’ll take a crisp walking shoe over some Jordans any day and I don’t smoke and only drink socially (free). However, reviewing my budget, I’ve determined the things I ought to spend less on…

 

 

5. Art: Art is my second love next to writing, I love to sketch, paint and publish a graphic novel is somewhere on my bucket list.  But art materials are ridiculous, the more you hone your craft the more you understand the need for quality materials.  I used to get a no. 2 pencil and some printer paper and could go to work but it doesn’t blend well.  I used to kill those little watercolor sets you could get from like a CVS or something but I’ve fell in love with acrylic.

4. Produce: I know why the country is obese, fresh food is expensive.  Grapes cost more than gas, I gotta eat a pound as I shop just to save me $4 #thuglife.  I’ve been focusing on eating better these days but Whole Foods be hurting my pockets, I need to start shopping in one of them grocery stores in the hood where they charge you 10 cents per bag and they only sell the off brand products like they have on TV shows

Same Difference.

3. Gym and etc:  I go to two gyms #atthesamedamntime, the easy solution would be to drop one but they have different purposes: my Planet Fitness has convenient locations and has nicer equipment (and eye candy) while my local gym with a basketball court and a pool.  Then of course there’s gym clothes which need to be washed frequently, factor in water and drinks, headphones that never last it costs me way more than I ever expected.  It’s cheaper to be fat.

2. Home Decor: I moved into my apartment with nothing but my clothes.  I was always bouncing around staying with fam and girlfriends that I didn’t have much of my own.  So when I finally had a space of my own I decked it out, and 2 years later I’m still buying stuff for my place. New curtains, rugs, trinkets, I’m the guy that goes into Wal-Mart for one thing and leave with a cart.

*Sigh*

1. WOMEN- Yes, women.  By no means am I whipped (anymore) but just in general women are expensive, gifts, dates, keeping myself fly, it’s daunting.  According to my numbers, I cannot afford to go out until next Tuesday or I can make her pay but that doesn’t always go over too well.  “She” alone cost me (won’t even post amount it’s that bad) and I was out of work for part of the relationship.

This doesn’t even count personal emergencies, family/friend emergencies, vacations, new car, moving and Mitt Romney winning in November.  Maybe I should get started on that book, graphic novel, business prospectus, or investment portfolio I was working on.  Or woo me a rich woman. I’m trying to do better than good enough.  *Broke Phi Broke stomp out*

The only frat I’d ever belong to…

-Stan-

 

 

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