I was a very gifted child in school, perhaps the most gifted in the entire school except this one girl who was just as smart as I. An unspoken rivalry formed, where one would try to one up the other and our teacher recommended us both for this Saturday program at Milton Academy, a prestigious local private school. My parents jumped at the opportunity (although they were way too broke for me to transfer full time) and my Saturdays went from cartoons and Sega Genesis to algebra, chemistry and art history courses. I felt out of place there instantly, while I was just as smart as the other students I was still a 10 year old kid from the hood, it was a culture shock. I made plenty friends there but it was still awkward, I was talking about the Bulls game, they couldn’t relate, they was talking about clubs, vacations and organizations, I couldn’t relate. However, it was just as awkward spending the early part of my Saturday with kids who were prospective CEOs and then coming home and playing Manhunt with prospective dropouts (well out of the 7 of us, 4 graduated HS so perhaps I was too hard on them).
Fast forward to now, my circle is considerably smaller and I still feel that awkward lack of balance. I’m a nerd, but I’m not a sit at home play video games, hack every electronic device I own, draw out budgets of the month type of nerd
all the time. I love my team, but I’m not a post on the block, drink, smoke, go through our respective phones hitting up any and all females like “Honey check it, tell your friends, to get with my friends, and we could be friends”, type of guy neither. In either event, I get bored and usually the one that takes off early, or I’m simply a one man wolf pack. Perhaps I need to hang in new circles, I should network more.
I have plenty of female friends and the issue there is I’m a
overly flirtatious, curious man. Most of my female friends I slept with, want to sleep with or I could if I gave the word. I’m trying to establish more platonic female relationships even if the last one didn’t work out as planned and if I evvv ever fall in love again I will be sure to run in the other direction but thats another post entirely. I appreciate the women in my circle, even the bit of drama they provide. But you can’t be with women all the time, it’s just different. Where my dawgs at? (Note: Gold star for whoever read the respective Puffy, Shai and DMX voices)
Essentially, I have a bunch of associates but not friends. If I were to get engaged tomorrow, would any of them be a best man, ready to throw together a bachelor party and gut check another man if he tried to Dwayne Wayne my wedding? If one of them called me from jail would I run out to get them? Would our kids be pretend cousins? Actually, two people come to mind. And of course there’s always family. I’ll be iight, it’s 2012 people barely log out of the Matrix these days.