Tag Archives: obama

Today’s Word is… APPRENTICE 

Previously on the Trumpocalypse:

Wait, wtf you mean he won?

The Cheeto-Elect

The NAHguration

Don’t Trust Race Bannon!

“Issa Con”

4/1/17 (Day 145)- Last year on April Fool’s Day I posted a picture in a wedding band with no context.  When it escalated to the point that my pastor grandfather was congratulating me, it was like okay, party’s over.  I wake up today and Donald Trump, the duck facing billionaire from the Apprentice, is the President of the United States and it feels like a joke that’s gone too far.  Like, we can’t seriously have him meeting with other world leaders, he can’t actually be our commander-in-chief, this didn’t ACTUALLY happen right?  I guess I’m waiting for this Russian hammer to fall so he gets put away and we go back to normalcy.  President Trump still feels like an oxymoron to me.  My President is Frank Underwood.

4/3/17 (Day 147)- One of the few things, I’ve enjoyed throughout this is watching the internet fall in love with Maxine Waters.  As other Dems have made their peace with the idea that America elected a con man, she seems to be the only one who is like “Nah, this shit isn’t normal”.  Toupee Fiasco rose to power on,”there’s no time to be politically correct” so it’s only fitting his detractors don’t just bow down out of respect for the office and call him out on his BS.  (glances over at “revolutionary” Bernie Sanders and his hive).  At 78, it’s much too late for an Auntie Maxine 2020 shirt but she has been a silver lining throughout all of this.  Favorite Maxine since Shaw.   (She’s a Living Single character, white readers….basically it was our version of Friends…that happened to air first…funny how that happens, huh?)


4/6/17 (Day 150)- So we just bombed Syria for bombing Syrians to send a message to not bomb Syrians, and for having bombs in Syria in the first place.  The very thing Orange Foolius warned President Obama not to do. (Apparently, before deciding to take up Presidency as a hobby all he did was tweet out hot takes like a political Skip Bayless which no one paid attention to because why would we care what the guy from The Apprentice thought about anything this important is what we said to ourselves in 2013…yet here we are *sigh*).

4/7/17 (Day 151) PLOT TWIST: Syria knew it was coming and got anything valuable out of the way.  Because Russia tipped them off.  Meanwhile, our state department found out the same time we did.  By the way, Nacho Nazi ordered this strike from his vacation home while hosting the President of China and discussing North Korea.  Again, we can’t have the guy from the Apprentice doing important things? This is precisely what I was talking about.  Lettuce prey.

4/8/17 (Day 152)- Neil Gorsuch confirmed.  Sometimes I wonder why Democrats don’t act more like Republicans, money hungry, masochist, corrupt as they may be…they get shit done.  They deboed President Obama’s constitutional right to name a Supreme Court Justice, just because they could.  The fact that the Supreme fucking Court has become political is disheartening and scary.  Someone check on Ruth Bader Ginsberg, get her some fruit or something.

4/11/17 (Day 155)- I’m at the gym, headphones in I glance up at the TV and I see the headline “Presidential Mis-Spokesman”.  I thought oh its the Daily Show; nope CBS Evening News with Scott Pelley.  Even the unbiased network news mocks this administration. Again, it all feels like a joke that has carried on too long.  Also…shouldn’t Spicer be better at his job.  Fox News has built an empire on lies and hyperbole. Meanwhile, Mango Mussolini managed (alliteration ftw) to find the one dude who is as unfit for his job as he is.  
4/13/17 (Day 157)- So, remember how I was saying we don’t need to have the guy from the Apprentice doing important things?  Twitter-Fingers-in-Chief just dropped a MOAB, a bomb so obnoxiously large I’m shocked it didn’t have “Trump” on it, on Afghanistan.  In true Trump fashion, full of sound and fury but signifying nothing.   Meanwhile, he didn’t even remember he bombed Syria last week, however he remembers the chocolate cake he had for dessert that night.  I just…..where is Mike Pence?
4/15/17 (Day 159)- Perhaps, an unpopular opinion….I don’t give a fuck about 2pée Shakur’s tax returns.  Especially when he’s bombed 2 countries in 2 weeks while threatening another.  It’s like the Chicago protest, or the women’s march…do it when it matters.  What will you do if he never releases his tax returns…not elect him? Because I mean, he didn’t and well, we saw what happened.  Not much unlike Drake after the ghostwriter rumors; he dared you to care and you didn’t.  So take your ass home. Hug your family.  (Because North Korea ain’t playing) Happy Easter.

4/19/17 (Day 163)- I didn’t expect Tom Brady to make the trip to the White House; he may have “He’s my friend” money, but Giselle got “go sit your ass down somewhere” money. Big bank take little bank.  It made me wonder if I would actually turn down an invitation to the White House.  I would be half curious what he would have to say to me, but half afraid of what I would say to him.  The way he just effortlessly lies to people’s faces it would drive me up the wall.  Maybe I’d just go for the experience and pretend I was there in 2016.

4/21/17 (Day 165)- It’s futile to compare President Obama and Sunkist Stalin at this point; they not in the same league don’t shoot at the same basket.  However as Trump nears the 100 day mark, the failure is epic.  William Henry Harrison might’ve gotten more done in his first 100 days and he was dead for 69 of them.  100 days in of Obama, we had the Lilly Ledbetter act for equal pay, the stimulus package, 19 executive orders.  100 days of Tweety Bird, he’s done nothing of what he’s promised.  Because of course he didn’t.  Objectively speaking, the 100 day mark IS not a great measuring tool, FDR set an unrealistic bar in very desperate times.  However, Trump has simply tried and failed spectacularly no wall, no ban, no tax reform, no infrastructure only thing he has done was pick a Supreme Court justice he had no business picking in the first place.
4/24/17 (Day 168)- He’s baaaaack.  After taking months to live his best life like an ex girlfriend would, President Obama has returned to the US almost on cue as we near 100 days of ineptitude under the great Trumpkin.  It’s almost like that scene in Lion King when Simba returns to Pride Rock and it’s all desolate.  Simba at least got to fight for his spot back, Obama just about to hit us with the

and keep it moving.  Honestly, as he should…I wouldn’t even come back. 

 
4/28/17 (Day 178)- LIKE. CLOCKWORK. Obama has been back in the public eye for a few days and suddenly people are losing their minds over a reported $400K speaking fee for a Wall Street firm.  Nevermind the actual President is currently rolling back regulations (that Obama put in place) that make it possible for these firms to blow $400K on a pep talk in the first place. Nevermind it costs $400K to protect the first lady because she just doesn’t feel like living with her husband.  Nope, let’s hold private citizen Obama to a higher standard than President Business.  It’s like no one learned from caring so much about emails they ignored Russian collusion.  Have we learned nothing?  Apparently so.  

4/29/17 (Day 179)- We’ve reached the official 100th Day.  And it turns out…he didn’t do anything he promised. Apparently, he didn’t realize it would be this difficult.  It’s like that show Pros vs Joes, when they would put self proclaimed great athletes against retired professional athletes and it went over about as well as you expected.  That’s Trump, he talked all that talk on Twitter and now he’s in the chair way out of his element, because he’s not a politician. He’s the guy from the Apprentice.  God help us all.
-Stan-

 

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Today’s Word is… TRUMPOCALYPSE

160414-devil-idiot-1

It’s been a long 73 days between election night and the inauguration.  I’m not quite sure what stage of grief I’m on but it surely isn’t “acceptance”. Not sure if it ever will be.  Each day, each story I found myself losing my mind or wondering if America lost theirs.  I decided to journal through it. Alas we are here at inauguration and I figured no better time than to share some of my musings. I’ll warn you now, it’s pretty long. That’s what she said.  Alas, I bring you my 73 days of hell or as I call it…

The Trumpocalypse.

11/11/16 (Day 3)- I just can’t see it. I can’t see this man giving state of the union addresses, I can’t see him getting off the plane and meeting foreign leaders, I can’t see a Presidential chart and his smug con man smile being at the end. Donald Trump is going to be President of the United States. For real. Not in some tongue in cheek satire, but real life. My future kids are going to learn about him in history books. January 20, 2021 can’t come soon enough.

11/14/16 (Day 6)- I’m finding some delicious irony in white people feeling attacked as if this is their fault. (It is). They have resorted to safety pins, protests and long winded Facebook statuses because they hate being associated with their hateful skinfolk. They want to be treated as individuals, they are not a monolith, and they should not be held responsible for every Billy Bob and Margaret that broke America. I say hahahahahahahahahaha

11/16/16 (Day 8)- Practicing self care via laughter…Black Twitter has provided us with “what do I look like I do for a living”, a Shirley Cesar trap cover, and a new Kermit meme. Calls to give the Great Trumpkin a chance are growing even though since being elected, he’s done nothing but frown, and tweet retractions to things that are very easily fact checked. It’s as though he has no idea how the internet works. God bless America.

11/21/16 (Day 13)- I usually enjoy I told you so, it’s a freeing feeling, like hitting a fullcourt shot on the first try or walking away with a phone number and not an Instagram @. I warned folks about the false equivalencies, to stop listening to their social studies challenged cousin on Facebook…instead people raked Hillary through the coals for likes and clicks. People who tried to keep an open mind already have a bitter taste of crow as the Hate Trumpkin is very much is who we thought he was. This man has conflicts of interest all over the world, and is backed by a congress who will never have the stones to humiliate the party and impeach him so we have at least 2 years with an orange Tyrant. But hey at least he didn’t call us Superpredators 20 years ago. (He just treated the Central park 5 as such). God help America.

11/27/16 (Day 19)- As Toupee Fiasco tweets freely about his desire to trample on the first amendment without a hint of irony, people have made a last ditch effort to Jill Stein’s recount. Effort, it is because there is absolutely no way to reverse the outcome (no refunds) which is all but futile because as I’ve been saying for the past fortnight and a half….white people lied, B. 62 million votes and they still trying to point the finger at the real racists. Did they vote accidentally? Are they so white they assumed leaving it blank was the proper way to vote? Who knows. I just want this inauguration to come and go and for the Dems to grow a pair and fight back instead of Monday morning quarterbacking.

11/28/16 (Day 20)- The new Secretary of Education [Betsy DaVos] doesn’t believe in public schools. The new Secretary of Education doesn’t believe in PUBLIC SCHOOLS. THE NEW SECRETARY OF EDUCATION DOESN’T BELIEVE IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS

12/13/16 (Day 35)- A blonde haired Kanye West meets with Darth Cheeto, while Macklemore spits on the F*ck Donald Trump remix. This year can end now.

12/19/16 (Day 41)- As Dwight P Poe pretends to be stunned by news of the Russian hacking like Hillary didn’t literally say this in the second debate; we have arrived at confirmation day. The electorates will confirm Toupee Fiasco as our next “Precedent” (Thanks Hamilton. I’m glad you got clapped). I refuse to let the dwights off that easily because 63 million votes didn’t fall out the sky, they didn’t come from emails, and 25 year old superpredator quotes. There are decepticons among us, not to be trusted, because whIle they talk big and bad online, numbers don’t lie. For all I know, Keith Olbermann voted for Trump for the career boost after failing spectacularly in his ESPN return stint. (He’s been killing it btw but I don’t trust anybody, word to Stone Cold). Every person who switches lanes without signaling, Trump voter. Cowboys fan? Trump voter. Puts ketchup on their fries instead of dipping? Trump voter. Stay woke.

12/30/16(Day 52)- As Toupee Fiasco plans for inauguration, he finds himself in a strange place. 63 million supporters, not a friend in the world. Only person who seems to be unashamed to be seen with him is his daughter who is also his first lady because his own wife doesn’t want to be with him. The Decepticons are fickle creatures, they are the Angela Yee to Trump’s Gucci Mane. Trump who has built a brand on being lavish and extravagant, his Inauguration will be the blandest thing ever. It’s a high school assembly, pillow princesses, The OA, Mike and Mike in the morning, white people potato salad, coconut water, J Cole albums and RC Cola wrapped into one. I actually feel worst for Obama who has to attend, he’s been throwing the most turnt parties in DC the past year and is forced to attend the white mediocrity strugglefest. He rather be at a security briefing, or a press conference….speaking of, is Trump ever going to do any of those things? Ess em ayche. Happy New Year.

1/3/17 (Day 56)- We have exhausted all other options. All that is left is…the troll. Unlike racists who trolled the President for 8 years whilst reaping benefits of health care, an auto bailout, Lily Ledbetter, and 5% unemployment; I wish I could say the same about the TwitterFingers-in-Chief. All I can do is sit semi comfortably above the poverty line and watch as the same poor uneducated people who elected him get hit harder than Ronda Rousey. It feels cruel. Enh, well.

1/6/17 (Day 59)- 

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work, a story on the news caught my attention. The sheriff for Bristol county was being sworn in for his 4th term, he then would use his 15 seconds of fame to make a pitch to the Cheeto-Elect; “aye I got this free labor if you need it big dawg”. Even being well aware of the 13th amendment, the caucdacity of offering prison labor publicly literally 5 minutes into a new term, it startled me. I couldn’t believe it so I had to look it up, no way that actually happened…it did. So I shared on twitter with a quip “inward, that’s slavery.” and got ready for work. I check my phone later and see thousands of responses from the dwight p poe talking about “well we feed and shelter them with our taxes, they need to work”. “I don’t share empathy with criminals”. Without a hint of irony, regular degular schmegular dwights were sounding no different than slavemasters in the movies they fake cry in and want to give Oscars to. The same people who rebuke the idea of white privilege because they didn’t own slaves and are otherwise unremarkable can’t see the fault in an elected official literally selling free labor to build a wall that is supposed to be saving jobs in the first place. People read history books and wonder how people sat by and let such awful things happen…it’s because (white) people are evil, B. Entitled, selfish, evil people.

1/10/17 (Day 63)- Golden showers, B?  Is this House of Cards? Somewhere Hillary is pissed at how NOW that Trumped Up, Trickle Down zinger would land better.  For what it’s worth, I don’t believe it, but I fear worst is coming. Urine for a long 4 years, America.

1/11/17 (Day 64)- Last night, as I watched the farewell address of the President I acknowledge, I couldn’t help but think how remarkable he is, how surreal it is this black dude has been President for as long as I could vote. How he speaks of this country with such optimism, it’s almost childlike, I almost wish I could see the country through his eyes.  Then I watch Trump’s press conference. He’s cheeto dusted Mayor Quimby. He is inarticulate, inept, and so transparently corrupt, I don’t know how I can take 4 years of this. I just picture the next state of the union as he spews lies upon lies while Race Bannon and the teacher from Glee nod along. I sit in fear at what secrets Russia actually has over them, and the sacrifices they will make to keep it that way. The idea that Obama had to be as perfect as possible and Trump can just exist in his own mediocrity is troublesome.  I then see an article on Vox breaking down his “unique” manner of speaking. It goes on about how he is to be heard and not quoted. Cute. But the reality is HE DOESN’T KNOW WORDS, B. “Hacking duffence” isn’t some New York linguistic, he just doesn’t know what cybersecurity is. This isn’t normal, it never will be. *sigh* At this point, it’s starting to feel like talking to the moon. It’s going to be a long 4 years.

1/12/17(Day 65)- Hasn’t even been a full day. At 1:30am, Obamacare was murdered. Congress grabbed Lucille and took a beating to it. Preexisting conditions? Gone. Staying on your parents insurance til 26? Gone. Their replacement? Well….they’ll get around to it. With no plan in place, Democrats will be forced to accept whatever plan is given or fight it as 36,000 people a year die waiting. This isn’t the plot of an action movie, this is real life. How could well meaning politicians do this?  I truly don’t believe people run for office planning to do harm. Yet, the idea of Obamacare being called Obamacare, was too much for them. Maybe in hindsight we should’ve kept it known as the ACA (which some still don’t realize is the same thing).  Me, I’m 27, in good health, private insurance, and in a state that has insurance just in case. (I guess because we didn’t call it Romneycare no one felt the need to destroy it). In that regard, I’ll probably be alright. But for people waking up having no idea what they will do? It’s heartbreaking. All because of a name, man. A name.

1/20/17(Day 73)- It’s official. Donald J. Trump is the President of the United States.  My President’s a hack, my Passat is Blue. I said a little while back, that Barack Obama, a Harvard educated biracial married father, was everything America pretended it was.  America IS Trump, a narcissistic, thrice divorced “billionaire”, who tweets too much and is loud and wrong about everything.  For 8 years we had this incredible black man stand as the face of a “post racial” America but that’s not what this country is.  We’re out of shape, broke, with a spray tan.  This IS Trump’s America, and we deserve all that shame that comes with this fact.  Maybe I’ve finally reached acceptance. Or as close as I will ever get.  I wrote this entry in advance, as I plan to spend my Friday ignoring any and everything Inauguration related.  Self care is important. I can’t bury myself forever, I will be back knucking, bucking and ready to fight.  Just not today.    I can’t believe this country did this to ourselves.

-Stan-

 

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Today’s Word is… HATER

My favorite job ever was when I was 17.  I got a job at Target working the electronics department.  The hours sucked, the pay was terrible, and I didn’t like most of my coworkers.  What I enjoyed however, was customer questions, especially on music. In a way, it was like having my own record store, an early dream of mine back when people actually bought media.   I probably would’ve been fired had they known about the purchases I dissuaded customers from making, not like I got commission, “the product sells itself…” pssh whatever.  I developed a nice following of customers for my opinion and had I known better I probably would’ve started a blog or something back then.  These days I’m just as opinionated, but it’s hard to have one these days, now we live in the hater era; where everyone’s opinion that isn’t your own, is merely hating because you’re never wrong.  It’s a hilarious attack on accountability, rappers use haters to mask the fact they aren’t making quality music, regular people use it because…well I don’t know.  You put something out there but expect no one to have an opinion on it how does that work?

Men Lie. Women Lie. Numbers Don’t.

The fundmental difference between hating and opinion is really the validity of your opinion.  If you’re talking nonsense you just sound bitter.  I dislike Kobe Bryant but to say he isnt one of the greatest players of the modern era, is so irrational it can’t be nothing but hating.  When CNN projected Barack Obama as the winner of the election, I instantly turned to Fox News just to see what they would say.  Of course, there was Karl Rove saying it isn’t over when the crowd already stormed the court.  You lost by 10 but you really arguing if the halfcourt buzzer beater counted, you sound ridiculous.  Then again betting 100 million dollars on the wrong horse  would drive anyone mad.

The other is the relationship of the opinionated, something far too many people get confused over.  It wasn’t long ago Lil’ Wayne released his Dedication 4 mixtape.  I downloaded it, listened to it, wasn’t impressed.  I tweeted my opinion and here came an onslaught of Weezy fans calling me a hater and telling me he has more money (really? that’s your argument?). Now while I can’t go into a studio and do what Lil Wayne does (too be honest maybe I could but thats beside the point), I’m a music consumer.  Tell me more how music consumers have no right to give an opinion on music.  Hating would be talking about how many downloads the mixtape got, or why women sweat him even though he looks like a shrunken head, I merely kept my opinion on what I’m qualified to, the music.  But artists like Wayne don’t have accountability, the audience is wrong and jealous of him.  He’ll learn eventually when people stop supporting, ask 50 cent.

The third qualification of a hater is an unsolicited opinion.  You can’t post a picture and call someone a hater for not liking it.  Perhaps they could’ve kept it to themselves but so could you. Yet you put it out there to be judged.   We constantly talk about our lives (looks into mirror) and then feel some type of way if someone comments on it.  I love when readers disagree with my post, call me out on something or tell me I had spelling mistakes.  They have no reason to hate, I’m not that serious.  Opinions can be good or bad, you got to learn to accept both.  But every athlete, musician and actor brushes it off as hate, why can’t I?

Goal for 2013…run marathon, get this watch..okay maybe 2014

It goes without saying, we like to mimic stars. I remember when I first heard Jay name drop Hublot watches in a song, I made decent money maybe I can get me a Hublot…I saw the price, my feelings were hurt. Badly.  We can’t always have what stars have. With fame, hate is just part of the territory.  With ordinary people despite having nothing otherworldly to covet, they pretend they have that same amount of hate. As I said before, haters are usually wrong and/or have no reason to comment other than to hear themselves speak.  You look at the reasons claim they have haters they are silly.  No one is hating on your relationship, they are just tired of reading statuses about him.  We aren’t losing sleep over your follower count, you just aren’t that funny.  It’s not you don’t have a nice body but do you even know how to take a head shot?  It’s just a lack of accountability.  Or maybe I’m just hating because I don’t got any haters. Haters gon’ hate.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… BROTHER

I’m not going to do one of those cliche post election posts but I will give my final thoughts

1. How did the lowest approved congress in history get 2 more years

2. Romney should’ve picked a woman or Rubio as VP, especially since Ryan couldn’t even get him Wisconsin

3. Media seriously underrated the youth vote, yeah we weren’t as enthused as we were in 2008, but did they expect us to stay home

4. 47%=302 electoral votes

5. No re-election, no excuses, its time to the President to define his legacy

and now back to our regularly scheduled program….

Today’s my brothers birthday, I’ll probably write on his wall later.  Such a hollow gesture for someone who was once my role model and best friend.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother but we drifted considerably over the years when you’d think the opposite would happen.  I was always the nerdy little brother who clung to his shadow, but instead of shooing me away allowed me to hang around.  Wasn’t much of an athlete but he played with me anyway, knew if/when I was lying about a girl but still listened, people asked “THAT’S your little brother” and he proudly claimed me.  We’re 5 years apart but were as close as twins.  Now we’re both adults but he’s just another Facebook friend who sometimes comes to family functions.  Its crazy how it ended up this way…

Not long after my parents divorce, like most kids my brother started acting out in school and ultimately moved in with my father as he became too much of a handful.  I was far too much of a mama’s boy to go with him and alas the divide began.  When I visited I felt more distant than ever, my father and brother bonded, not to mention two more half brothers to follow him around now.  I was jealous, moreso about my father, they were almost like pals, why didn’t I have that relationship?  I started to emulate my brother more again, not because I admired him as I did before but I wanted what he had.  My relationship with my father remained frustratingly awkward, I was done trying to fit in.  My weekend visits started to wane, I started to hang out in my hood more.  My friends were my brothers, the streets my father figure.

Fast forward a bit, my brother moves back in. He went through a really weird phase,  how he dressed, talked, and acted.  He had spent years adjusting to suburban life and now he was back in the hood, my turf.  He was Stan’s brother now,  but like he did before, I claimed him no less.  He once again adjusts to his surroundings perhaps too much, he gets arrested.  He goes back with my father now, but nothing changes, he continues to get arrested over and over again.  Now my brother isn’t that tough by any means, to be honest he got arrested for silly crimes like trespassing and weed.  He’s a grown man now, both my parents warn him to get his act together.  He gets pinched for a fight with a girlfriend he had, for the first time he goes to big boy jail.  I was hurt, I knew my brother wasn’t a saint but he wasn’t a hardened criminal either.  He does his time, gets out, I think that’s it for him.  But he gets stuck in the cycle, he keeps going back to the same girlfriend, keeps getting arrested.  His rap sheet is now longer than his resume, he needs to generate income.  He tries selling weed, get caught arrested again. He gets out and its the fork in the road again, girlfriend or hustle both lead to the same place.  I loan him money to get on his feet, he buys L and weed and brags about it on Facebook.  It gets to the point where I’m exhausted, I stop caring, the system has him now.  He missed graduations, he missed holidays, and what really irked me the most, he missed our mother’s funeral. He asks why I never write, I never give him an answer.  I was too hurt and disappointed, I just didn’t know how to tell him.

If you don’t have anything nice to say….

Today he has it together (somewhat), same girlfriend when they’re not fighting. Also he has a 3 year old girl (potentially another but thats #familybusiness).  I can count the number of times I seen her on one hand.  When we were kids we would talk about how we would be each others kids godfathers, our own conspiracy against our sisters.  I get pictures but I hardly know the girl, up until the past year, he hardly knew the girl.   I can’t say he would be my child’s godfather, or even the best man at my wedding.  I lost all trust in him, I lost most respect for him.  I’ll always love my brother but he’ll always irk me, maybe one day he won’t.  There’s always chance at redemption.

Until then this post is the letter I never wrote, the status I’ll never post, the post he’ll never read.  Instead he’ll simply get a Happy Birthday.

-Stan-

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