Tag Archives: #nablopomo

Today’s Word is… ASTROLOGY

[Editors Note: An oldie but goodie…]

TWO SIIIIIIIIIIIDEZ

“Tristan? that’s like my favorite guy name”

<line so cheesy I won’t play myself by posting>

“You seem like a Scorpio”

“No I’m a Gemini”

“That would’ve been my second guess”

Now who she attracting with that line whats your name, whats your sign? I played along though, she was cute and I love bold women who approach so I don’t have to.  In reality I’m not into astrology, well most men aren’t, it’s a convenient icebreaker but any dude that interrupts your Sudoku to check his horoscope deserves the sidest of eyes.  Admittedly I’m slightly amused by astrology,  I will rep team gemini just like I repped classes of 2006 and 2010, team android and team darkskinned. Some horoscopes even hit the nail on the head, but even a dead clock is right twice a day.  As far as dating goes, in my experience Geminis are pretty much hit and miss, everyone seems to have a few Geminis they can’t stand.  They also have some good qualities that I will use at my own convenience, mostly tongue in cheek mocking those who read way too much into it.  Not knocking ones beliefs but I hate being generalized; stop being lazy and googling Gemini horoscopes and get to know me, the actual person who happens to be born in mid-June.

The main reason I don’t care for astrology is it seems every sign is sooooo great.  Most horoscopes are sugarcoating and pandering, the worst horoscope I ever read might have been: someone you know is having a bad day, avoid them.  Social media has taken the annoyance to another level with accounts who do nothing but spit out meaningless positive generalizations about a sign so people can say omg thats so me…yeah you and 56897394 other Tauruses, have a seat.  It’s almost like the evil queen’s magic mirror, tell me how sweet I am, tell me general things that no one else understands about me, tell me she’s not just being a b*tch the stars are aligned that way.

Relationship astrology is perhaps the worst of all.  From the exes birthdays I cared to or was easy enough remember, I dated mainly Libras, a couple Sagittariuses, two Scorpios and a partridge in a pear tree.

Astrology says 

Gemini and Libra have an easy rapport since they’re genuinely curious about other people. Libra loves to entertain, and Gemini is a people person, too. This sets them up to be great hosts, a couple that has lots of “couple friends.” At home, they’ll share the minutia of their lives, observations, jokes, analysis and brilliant inspiration

Stan says

Wrong.  I’m far from a people person.  Most of the time I had “couple friends” was with a Capricorn and a Scorpio.

Astrology says

When Gemini and Sagittarius come together in a love affair, it can be a truly spectacular match! These two are extremely compatible; any rough spots they encounter during the course of the relationship are sure to be smoothed over with a minimum of effort. Gemini and Sagittarius are great friends, besides being well-matched lovers.

Stan  says

Astrology says

Gemini and Scorpio share an endless curiosity about human behavior, which gives them a lot to talk about.  Scorpio will try to read Gemini at a deep level, while the nature of the Twins is to constantly change.  Gemini feels just as deeply as Scorpio, though they might dance around it, or fill the space with chatter as a defense.

Stan says

Okay maybe astrology wins one.

There’s so much more to astrology that taking billions of people and putting them in 12 categories so perhaps I’m woefully ignorant on the subject.  However, I still can’t take it seriously, you need more people.  I’m much more complexed than a birthday, no star alignment can figure me out.  I’m a product of my mother’s compassion and my father’s determination. I get annoyed easily but I just as quickly let things go.  I’m a hopeless romantic but have too much pride to show it to just anyone. And that’s barely the surface.  A “Gemini” is not enough to describe me. Oh and Scorpios aren’t as freaky as they like to take credit for. But you’ll never read that in the paper.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… CRAZY

[Editor’s Note: Last Year, I did a 30 in 30 challenge for National Blog Posting Month, 30 posts in 30 days, this year I’m…….not doing that shit.  Writers block is a bitch, with no titties]

image

So a new reader reached out, said she loved the blog and the stories of my “crazy” exes.  I respectfully disagreed.  I don’t think I would call any of my exes crazy….okay maybe one and I never actually spoke on her before.  Actually, let me give a quick rundown…

So this girl who went to school with my right hand (who I hold fully responsible to this day) randomly asked him, who was that darkskinned dude he was always with?  He told me I should step to her, I did….sorta, I just found her on Myspace and talked to her there. We hit it off, I guess I go off to college, we instant message every now and again, no biggity, no doubt.  I come home for the summer, we start dating for real for real.  She started to get really clingy so I fell back a bit, she would call the house my sister would tell her I just left for work (she would have to say this or she would legit call every few hours), I get to work, She. Beat. Me. There. I was only working at Target so not like she couldnt just show up.  When she wasn’t stalking me at work, my boy would tell me how she just wandered around my neighborhood, she changed her status on facebook to married WITH the actual name change, harassed girls on my page, threatened to hurt herself if I left, applied to my school (didn’t get in #fistpump) I never was so hyped for summer to end in my life.   

Okay, maybe not so quick.  Point is, her ass was crazy.  Unexplainably crazy.  Like breakup in a public place crazy.  ID channel show crazy.  Actually, I think I ran into her recently, and by ran in I mean saw her and crossed the street like white people do when they see a group of black teens approaching.  Anyway, as for my other exes, I can’t call them crazy because being honest I was kind of an asshole. Brushing everyone off as they just crazy or immature just shows a lack of accountability.  Which is why, I’M always cautious of someone who always calling someone else crazy.  Sometimes “crazy” has a point.

You’re getting to know someone, she talks about how some guy was always in his feelings, then she’s the same way with you and you find yourself all the way in your feelings.   You wondering why his ex keep taking shots online, come to find out he’s still smashing telling her, you mean nothing.  There’s 2 sides to every story.  I’ve had exes just show up at my doorstep, sometimes at awkward times but still, I can kinda see why they did.  Don’t try to get the last word and ignore me, I will blow your phone up, show up at your house, send a letter, send flowers and cuss you out in the card (one of those things are false, not the one you think).  So yes, I get love driving you to “unconventional” thought processes.  I’m sane (i think), and sometimes I look back at things I did “cause…love” and can only smh now but then, then you couldn’t tell me a damn thing. 

I wouldn’t describe most of my exes as “crazy”, they’re more pissed off and passionate, pissionate. Okay, that sounds like R Kelly’s cologne. Gross.  Maybe for lack of a better made up word, they asses are crazy.  Crazy in love, works for Bey.

-Stan-

 

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Today’s Word is… POTENTIAL

[Editor’s Note: 30 posts in 30 days.  Going forward, I will go back to my regular posting schedule, which is typically whenever I feel like it.  I had fun with this challenge, there were hits and misses, personal and light, improvisations and months old drafts I finally finished.  I thank the readers new, old ones and accidental.  Wordpress for reactivating my blog, I’m not sure if you noticed but WordPress flagged my blog for TOS violations it was shut down for a day, I almost had to take my talents to Blogspot. But anyway back to your regularly scheduled program]

Women tend to date who they think that person might be, men date for who you are now.

Some of my relationships failed because I didn’t turn out to be who they wanted. Some of my relationships never got off the ground because I didn’t show I could be the person they wanted.  I never win.  Women take potential very seriously in relationships, ultimately they want the big payoff, the ring, the house, the pretty babies.  Men take potential seriously as well , we want the picture to match the person, bedroom moves to match the dance floor, the jeans in 2012 to fit in 2013. Kidding. Partially.  Part of this just comes from the courting process, men tend to sell long term while women show you what they have right now.  For example, I’m not much, but I might could almost become something later.  Currently, I flirt a lot, I’m stubborn, I make a modest living.  But I’m also educated, sweet, growing and have pretty features. 26-27 year old me is going to be a hot ticket, 24 year old me…enh not so much.  The thing is I’m open now for to any attractive woman my type with green grapes, do you take the chance now or tell me come back in 2-3 years.  Actually I’m not trying to be somebody’s build a bear boyfriend, give me some time and I’ll find you.

Nonetheless, I’ve dated women who took on the challenge of changing me to mixed results.  I’d like to think my maturity, sense of style, and communication skills came with age but I guess a little bits of each relationship rubbed off on me.  Just as I’m sure bits of me   rubbed on them.  But I can’t say I’ve ever gone into a relationship thinking if I can get her a better job, convince her to stop wearing her hair like that, teach her a thing or two about wine, get her to stop rocking sneakers (okay I have done that), I have something to work with.  Men teach their girlfriends things but it’s usually to their own benefit.

Perhaps we’re cynical, greedy or impatient, but you rarely see a man waiting for what a woman might become.   Men perhaps should explore potential more instead of going for the now, but instead we take what we can get now, if it doesn’t work, chalk it up to “poor timing”.  For example, the other day I spoke about age relationships, I didn’t mention one girl I dated I broke up with her for being too immature, we remained civil.  She’s grown to be one of my closest friends and probably someone I would date if I completely met her off the street tomorrow.  I didn’t care to stick it out with her (it was a really petty break up), honestly I didn’t care to be her friend but (she stuck around anyway), and look what we’ve become, perhaps if I wasn’t so impatient things would’ve been different.  But I don’t even look her in that light anymore.  For the most part.  I think.  She has a build a bear boyfriend herself, she’s constantly trying to push him but he’s not budging.  She’s put so much into it, she’ll be damned if she doesn’t get the payout.  Personally I think she subtly wants him to be me, or maybe I’m just full of myself.

Potential can also become addicting,  while men rather build cars, women want to build men.  Aren’t those called sons?  Anyway, women fall in love with the idea of building.  Men not so much.  Women aspire to be Michelle Obama, the gold standard of a woman pushing her man to greatness (although he was a Harvard Law student, rusted car or not, there wasn’t too much risk on him).  Men aren’t out here aspiring to be Stedman or Todd Palin (well I’ll be Stedman, #cashingout).  Some men want women to make them better, others don’t want to change.  Some women are all for growth, others are quick to tell a man to go on and find some other girl.  It starts within, really. People change when they A) see the need to B) want to for you.

When I get right I promise that we gon live it up

One should always aim to better themselves and the one they are with, but also know the limits.  They’re supporting and there’s enabling, motivating and nagging, conceding and settling.  I know people who are “holding their man down” by paying his bills and buying his clothes, others who were left because they was too controlling, and also some who are just flat out unhappy in their relationship but won’t do anything about it but cheat.  If the basis of a relationship is all about what one could be, or where it might go then it’s doomed to fail.  Potential is cool but there has to be actions that support it.  Otherwise, you’re just chasing promises and promises are pretty hard to catch.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… CRY

 

So I was watching “Finding Nemo” with a boo over the weekend.

“I used to always cry at the end of this movie”

“You’re such a loser”

“Oh so you’re too tough to cry”

“Not saying that, I cry at like cry-able things, not cartoons”

“Like the Super Bowl”

“Get out my house”

I was still gentlemanly, had her text me when she got in.  But for the record during the Super Bowl I only turn my off my tv and the phone and went to bed instantly and went a whole week without watching ESPN even though I had taken that Monday and Tuesday off assuming there would be celebration and a parade, daytime TV sucks.  I ain’t cry tho.  I love my teams but I took the 2008 ALCS, 2010 NBA Finals, and Super Bowl XLII & XLVI like a man.  Why am I crying over a game, or money I didn’t care to lose or I wouldn’t have bet it anyway.  I get that from my father who was the prototypical “man up” Dad.  I remember one time I was playing Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker and he told me he had to return it to the video store.  I cried and threw a fit, he went to the store, renewed it and told me I still couldn’t play it.  I ain’t cry that time, the ban still stood tho.  My family is weird like that we’re not overly emotional, the love is assumed and expressed through insults and sarcasm.  We were like a black version of Roseanne.  I legitimately remember my father crying 3 times, when he told us about the divorce, his mother’s funeral, my mother’s funeral.  Oh and another time from laughing but it was at my expense. Dick.  He’s getting married soon, maybe I’ll see cry #5.

I’m not overly desensitized, not am I overly emotional.  Not a day goes by I don’t miss my mother, or I don’t just have a flashback and not want to break down. Yet I don’t remember crying over any of my fish, birds, gerbil, frog.  I’ll probably cry at my wedding or when I hold my first child, but I took my first break up and graduations like a champ.  I’m a sensitive person, secure with my masculinity and typically don’t give a damn what others think.  But I’m just not big on crying.  Especially publicly, if I’m moved to cry I probably don’t want to be bothered, and tears seem to bring everyone into your face.  People feel obligated to do something, like you’re going to cry all the fluid out your body if they don’t tell you it’s okay or ask you what’s wrong so you can cry all over again.  I don’t want that burden on someone else, I hate that burden on me.

I hate crying in general.  I can’t stand “The Biggest Loser” it’s like people can’t lose a pound without sobbing and telling a story.  I hate face to face breakups, I kinda root for her to get upset and storm off, I chase her but she’s defiant, I’ll give her her space.  Instead I tend to get the ones that rather sit there and cry in my face.  It’s like I wiped your tears, I apologized, I said let’s be friends, stop crying? I don’t know. I’m weird.  Plus, she cried over everything, she cried all the same over her hair not being done.  There’s a credibility factor.  She had none. If I cry in front of a woman, it must be for something real. I’m showing you a side of me most don’t see, it’s a touching moment, now how touching is that moment going to be if you seen it at the end of Toy Story 3. I’m sure most women would love a sensitive man, but a macho one who only has a soft spot with her…that wins easily.

Something was in my eye tho.

-Stan-

 

 

 

 

 

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Today’s Word is… LOVE

Ouch tho.

I can count on one hand the number of times I been in love, well at least my interpretation  of it. Five times with one I’m still not sure about so it really makes 4 1/2.   I say my interpretation because when I think about true pure love as defined in the Bible, I’ve accepted the notion that I like most will never find it.  My own interpretation of love, I look at as a mix of lust, romance, and attachment.  However, that’s simply one aspect, the feeling of love.  The action of love, I feel is another mix of endurance, commitment, and affection.  I’ve had about a dozen girlfriends and *cough cough* boos, and I can honestly say 4 1/2 makes me feel that way, 4 1/2 made me want to act that way.  I vividly remember the first times I ever said it and meant it, the times I didn’t, not so much (okay I do but that’s because I have an incredibly good memory not because I actually, you know, cared.)  I was admittedly reckless with the “l word” because I felt some people put too much stock in it.  You think you love me just say so, if you honestly need me to say it back to validate then clearly you’re not.  I would look deep in their eyes and ask why, not quite sure what I’m looking for.  Proof maybe? Perhaps she loved me within her own interpretations of love, or perhaps she simply was in love with the idea of being in love.  But who am I to say?  One is so quick to tell us what love is and isn’t, when ideally it’s all relative.

I can only speak for myself and my own interpretation.  It starts with LUST, the undeniable feeling of desire.  It’s often confused with sexual desire but it goes much deeper.  When I lust after someone I don’t just want to get in their bed, but their mind and heart.  I want them to want me as I them, maybe even more.   ROMANCE is a bit harder to describe but it’s just a feeling of wanting to express how you feel, if that makes any sense.  Cards, candy, candles are what is perceived as romantic but really romantic is the feeling of wanting to get those things.  Romance is often mistaken for love, but anyone can lust, anyone can romance what separates it is ATTACHMENT.  Attachment is just feeling at peace with that person.  Your heart skipping a beat when you see them, not wanting to shove them off you after sex, you just need them in a way.  It’s not always good however as it’s also not being able to resist that person, it’s why that ex keeps coming back, why you can’t see red flags. Love is truly blind, your brain suppresses thoughts of fear, lowers your instincts.  Love can be amazing or dangerous, depending on who’s hands it’s in.  Especially when it comes to acting on it.

So you’re in love, now what? You have to show it.  Talk is cheap.   AFFECTION is the easiest action they’re is especially when you’re in love.  It’s confirmation of feelings of lust, romance and attachment.  It’s little things that let one knows, they matter, still matter and always will matter.  Also, if you haven’t done so already, you COMMIT to them.  Doesn’t necessarily have to be official, but for others they needs that.  A relationship is a tough gauntlet for love, especially new love.  But you commit because you want them all for yourself, because they already have your heart and you need to see where they go with it.  You don’t love because you’re committed, you’re committed because you’re in love.  Many, myself included, make that error.

“anybody can fall in love, falling in love ain’t sh**. But somebody please tell me how to stay there.”

That quote from Love Jones, the most overrated black love movie ever, is exactly why love is so much harder than it looks.    It takes work. A lot of work. It takes  ENDURANCE.   It’s also being able to resist temptation as it’s tempting to go back and start over and relive the honeymoon phase with someone else.  However you endure it good and bad, because you can’t picture life without them.  Endurance is the other scary impact of love, some people hold on to something they shouldn’t, others just don’t have it in them to hold on at all.

So I been been in love 4 1/2 times.  Perhaps my interpretation is all wrong but it’s easier to say “I love you too” than “I also have lusting romantic feelings of attachment for you and I want to commit to you and endure all the baggage you come with” *kiss*.  Or maybe I will next time, if she doesn’t look at me like I have 3 heads, then I know it’s real.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… AGE

If she looks like this, compleeeeetely different post. Hi KeKe.

So I run into my boy on the way to work and we’re catching up.  We notice a girl smiling at us, more me than him but hey.  She was kinda cute but that’s all I paid attention to, it was the morning and public school milk got these high school girls deceiving as all hell. He beckons her over anyway, I know her.  She used to be around the way, somebody’s cousin I believe.  She comes and hugs me while my boy waits for an introduction, I barely remember her anyways, he can introduce yourself.

“Oh check you out all dressed up”

“Yeah just on my way to work, where you headed”

“Bout to go to school”

“What grade you in”

“I’m in college now, a freshman”

My boy started to talk low spit his little game, I had to go where I was going anyways.  I was leaving when she asked for my new number (like she had the old one, why do women do that they don’t ask they tell).  Hopefully my boy seals the deal, because she’s too young for me.

It’s funny because just a few days ago “Miss” asked me what’s the youngest I would date, and I said 21 at least.  Even that is a stretch, she would have to be really mature, or so dope I’m willing to look past it .  “Ms” for example, was both although in hindsight the maturity might’ve been an optical illusion.  But anyway, most of the women I talk to are my age or older accidentally on purpose.  Accidentally because I would never just shut down a younger girl who was interested.  On purpose because I typically have more in common with older women, I’m old for my age.  It took me a while to really come to that conclusion.  Story of my dating life, there was trial and plenty of errors…

When I was a senior in high school into my first semester of college, after my first real girlfriend dumped me.  I dated mainly younger (15-16 though, no R Kelly).  The bar was lower, and they was just as inexperienced as I was.  The issue was they were immature, and I was in college now.  So then I started to date girls my age, once again couple heartbreaks, decided to try something different again.   When I was 19-20, I had a small cougar phase, I went for older women because it seemed easier.  I was still insecure about myself, she was insecure about her age.  Also they been there, done that relationship wise and only wanted convenient fun.   This worked for a while, although there were some who would act my age which wasn’t cute at all.   In fact the oldest woman I dated she was 37 to my 19,  hands down the ghettoest, most immature woman I had ever dealt with.  She had a 13 year old son and still acted like a child…smh…but back to the story.  The real issue was as I got older I realized I wanted to be in a relationship and I noticed older women didn’t take me as seriously.   The been there, done that had backfired, they’ve been married, had kids, signed mortgages, I wasn’t about that life yet.

If she looks like this, compleeeeetely different post. Hi Halle.

So it brought me back to picking on girls my own size. Still mixed results. I never win. The lesson here should be that age doesn’t define maturity, so date whomever.  I will keep my settings on 21-34 for now though.  Because I think it still does define in a way, simply as it phases of life are concerned.  There’s a difference between being an adult and being grown.  An 18 year old hasn’t even had the type of relationship I desire, I’m sure of it.  Go get some experience and battle scars first.  A 42 year old probably isn’t looking to pop out a few big headed kids, I’m sure of it.  I’m sure there’s plenty exceptions as with everything, maybe the love of my life ends up being twice my age, (I ain’t playing cupid, don’t you try nothing) but for now I’ll see what I catch with this bait.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… CHEATED

Yesterday, I talked about cheating in relationships from two perspectives, being the other guy and being the cheater.  I can’t speak on how it feels to actually be cheated on because fortunately that hasn’t happened.  I can only imagine how I would react, I’m openly emotional yet prideful, petty yet mature, cynical yet forgiving.  It probably would go by the situation, I catch you in the act I might go Hulk smashing (unless it’s my crib I’m not ruining my stuff because you’re a heaux).  If you outright confess I’ll probably play it cool say something awfully cruel and then go home and listen to Drake and pretend I have allergies.  But I still think my thought process would be the same…

Why him (or her, rap songs be damned that girl got a girlfriend ish is basic as hell)?

I think that’s the obvious question, was that person really worth the risk.  You can’t help to check the tale of the tape and see what was special about them that made her not care about your trust and feelings.  Is he taller, makes more, what was he doing that I wasn’t? The irony in being the other guy was that I really wasn’t worth it, you were playing a dude who was willing to be with you for a couple of sweet lines and special moves.  I wasn’t trying to take her from him, just take her at my convenience.  I think roles reversed, I’d like to think the other guy was like her soul mate or something and not just some dude she finds cute.

How long has this been going on?

Even if it happened once, very rarely is it you met someone in one day, slept with them and got caught/confessed the next day.  Men possibly but even then unless it was really bad, will try to hold on to it (we have clothes from  9th grade still you think we are just going to pass up a woman who’s already given us a golden ticket).  With women who typically try to make you wait as long as possible take time before taking things to that level, there’s usually courting that she let go on too far. As texts got more flirtatious, the prospects of it went through her mind she chose to proceed anyway.   Temptation is a hell of a drug but we all know our limits.  It could be days, weeks, months even years, affairs take time.

Where did I go wrong?

I’m perhaps too secure in a relationship; if I know I’m doing all I can to keep you happy why worry about anyone else.  Cheating is the harsh reality that she wasn’t as happy as you thought she was.  Cheating is rarely about the sex, if one is feeling froggy with nowhere to leap there’s *ahem* things for that.  It’s usually about complements, getting what they feel they are missing in their relationship.  If I was cheated on I wouldn’t be able to help but feel like I failed at keeping her happy, my primary goal as boyfriend.  I would want to know what I did wrong to at least know better the next time.  Or at the very least know how to pick a better mate.

Screw me once…shame on you. The End.

Can I Forgive?

When I cheated, I thought it was better to end things.  Even if I was forgiven, I could never get off of relationship probation and being a “sex addict” doesn’t work with regular people.  I don’t think I ever could forgive someone who cheated on me, I’ll lose all respect and without respect I’ll be likely to cheat and be no better than her.

She have any single friends or relatives?

Kidding. Maybe.

-Stan-

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