Tag Archives: misleading

Today’s Word is… NICE

So I’m just browsing on Instagram, my friend, umm bout time she got a nickname “Amiga” posts a picture of her and her homegirl.  I commented that they looked cute, the friend responds and we have a small friendly conversation via the comments.  “Amiga” calls me, “cut the sh t”.  Well, hello to you too.  She strongly opposes any union between her and her friend, obviously she wouldn’t want her two best friends to hook up for obvious reasons but it was interesting that she made it seem like she was protecting HER from me, I’m the good one.

“I was just responding to a comment, but even so what’s wrong with me I’m a nice guy”

“You’re too nice”

“So you want her with a jerk”

“You are a jerk Tristan, you’re just nice about it”

She went in, on how I act oblivious to my affect on other people.   Apparently, I make people fall for me when I have no intention of catching them. It sort of brought me back to my flirting post, is even being nice misleading?  The bar can’t be set THAT low can it?

Sidebar: Marley was a married man with 1000 illegitimate kids

“Amiga” brought up how there isn’t much difference from the way I treat a woman whether its her, a girlfriend, ex, or waitress.  Ironically enough, everyone still swears I treat a better than b. My life.  But anyway according to her, as long as I have my charm on hundred thousand trillion, I will always come off as someone who wants more than I’m intending.  Then when I don’t turn out to be anything more than just a nice guy, I’m just a jerk. Logic is fun.  I sincerely want to maintain a friendship when the relationship doesn’t work out, I enjoy making the cute cashier blush, is that so wrong?  But as I said the other day, my biggest problem will always be I assume everyone understands me.

Amiga does. Over the years she’s become immune to it, I can call her beautiful and she’ll respond with shut up.  Although there were times where we might could’ve been something but one of us always backed out.  No one else doesn’t understand this nice by default nature so the way they see it, Oooh I think he likes me.   But then when I actually don’t like them, they are completely mindfcuked and suddenly I’m the jerk who doesn’t know what he wants. Whatever.

However, this is all an interesting perspective seeing as I spent other posts like this, that, and others talking about how the nice guy stays losing.  The nice guy finishes last, the nice guy gets friend zoned, the nice guy is too safe.  But maybe it’s all a cover.  Are nice guys just jerks in shining armor?  How is it being nice at 18 got me called “bestie” and “brother” now at 24 gets me called “jerk” and “player”?  Simple, when a one wants something even the slightest gesture means everything.  I remember I had a big crush on a girl in my class, we actually were pretty cool but in my mind it had to be more.  Every hug, status, dance I felt was drawing me closer to her, she disclosed to me she had a crush on someone as well….my boy. Damn tease, let his underachieving ass tutor you then.  I kid, we’re all still cool.

As great as friends are, it will always be a downgrade if you truly have stronger feelings.  It’s frustrating because even as you try to hate them, you really have no reason to be.   They aren’t in control of your feelings.  Amiga says I’m a “nice” jerk because I insist on being nice even though I know I’m probably doing more harm than good, killing them with kindness in a way.  She had a point with exes but people I’ve never been involved with I don’t see the logic.  You can’t control who falls for you? Can you?

-Stan-

 

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Today’s Word is… FLIRT

I’m out with a few colleagues, they’re as boring out of work as at work so I start to wander around a bit, I find myself at coat check ready to call it an evening.  On the way  out I run into a friend of mine, he’s with his own group.  I catch up with him as I get ready to leave, and a woman approaches.  She basically says her and her friends are looking for some company, so we should grab a table, recheck our coats *shot*, and  we’ll all have a drink.  Now I really only knew one guy in the group but she was cute as were 2/3 of her friends, we were all brothers in arms now.   The approacher seemed particularly interested in me, and we were definitely hitting it off then she went to the bathroom and next thing you know she was dancing with another.  Shrug life.  One of the dudes was stunned at the development was she just all over me, did I strike out that vehemently.  Honestly I was a little confused myself but I wasn’t going to play myself even in front of strangers.     In essence, I wasn’t tripping, she was just flirting as was I.  (Later I would link back up with her and exchange numbers, I might’ve just did so dude could see I don’t get played but that was more of an ego move, I really wasn’t expecting much more than mild amusement)

The other day on Twitter, I said the difference between flirting and misleading is interpretation.  Some people agreed with the assessment.  Likely shameless flirts themselves, don’t think they are doing anything wrong.  Others disagreed.  Some said it’s the intent that makes the difference.   However, intent is something you can’t control.  You never know what one’s intent truly is you can only choose how to accept it.  In a perfect world only people you would meet would be single, emotionally available, and your type.  The world isn’t perfect.   The girl from the bar could’ve truly liked me, just wanted to nab drinks for the team, or was too drunk to know what she was doing.  What I could control is how I interpreted it, I took it to be a fun night.   I guess I came a long way, because years ago I probably would’ve been blew her phone up, ready to claim her quicker than Manti Te’o.  But it’s never misleading when women do it…apparently.

but you said i was pretty

When it comes to flirting, women are Michael take your pick, Tyson, Jackson, Jordan, game six.  Men are taught to take everything with a grain of salt, don’t fall in love with strippers, all that jazz.  Men have over time developed the skills but when we do it it’s leading on or the blogosphere favorite “mixed signals”.  I’m accused of this a lot, part of it is because I’m an introvert, I pick up on vibes or lack thereof and act accordingly.  If I sense she’s into me, I’ll flirt (perhaps this does more harm than good, but completely brushing off someone because I have no romantic interest in them seems..mean *shrug*).  Also I’m one to call a spade a spade, I will kindly remind a woman who she is to me.  If you’re not the only one, just a friend, someone I don’t like in that regard, I will let you know shattering any illusion set forth by compliments and innuendos.     As I said it’s all about interpretation, my best friend is my best friend because she would never ever ever take me seriously, as I her, she could’ve had me at 16, she aint bout nothing.

Flirting is the lowest common denominator in men/women interaction, if you have nothing else to talk about, flirt, given they’re straight, attracted and not completely whipped, most likely you’ll get a response.  So how can you differentiate flirting and interest?  By acting upon it.  Communicating and not assuming, accepting a position and not spending time trying to change it.  Women who said I misled them, either didn’t come straight with their feelings, or otherwise convinced themselves I was playing games and not that I just wasn’t into them.  

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