And the F is for fu…..annn……see….fancy works right? Cool.
Summer 2008 or was it 2009, or was it winter time, ah nevermind. I had just recently met “A” (I really named her a letter lol). She was a few years older than me, but we hit it off nicely. As time grew and we grew increasingly flirtatious, we ended up dating well not exclusively, I’m getting to that. I had gone back to school, she had told me she was pregnant. We ain’t had sex yet. She had reconnected with an ex and voila (mind you this happened like 2 weeks after I left, I mean we weren’t exclusive, but like, damn.) There was an awkward period but pregnancy and all somehow we ended up kicking it still. The father was in the picture, he was just a friend, I was just dumb. Technically, I was just a friend, he was just dumb. It was an frustrating situation, I tried to address it but she played the “I’m pregnant doe” every time. Yada, yada, yada she has the baby, her ex has given up on trying to do right, he bows out, I win by default. However, I was a 20 year old student, I wasn’t trying to be a father, I tried my best to keep whatever we had, as just whatever we had. But what we had was different now, I didn’t have a summer fling anymore, I was seeing a single mother.
It was a struggle, while my summer was wide open hers understandably wasn’t. Her babies father suddenly wasn’t free to take the baby especially knowing the reasons why. We tried but ultimately it just didn’t work. The entire experience left a sour taste in my mouth as I was strongly against dating mothers. Strangely enough I would keep running into them, “Ms. Wit” being one, now I think about it that was probably the reason we never worked out. She was a lot more free than “A” was, but in the back of my mind I just wasn’t trying to do that to myself again, so I ended up with a childless student who put 10 clubs and her roommates over me. I never win.
My position has since evolved, I’m not exactly chasing moms (though its a cruel deception how women seem to have cake when pushing a baby stroller, its not quite back of a motorcycle worthy but its a decent second) but I’ve been much more open to it than in the past. Dated a few, and in my other experiences with mothers I found they didn’t work because…
She wasn’t over it- Thats the main issue I’ve had with single mothers, they’re not quite over him or even the situation itself. Whether it was an ex, one night, some dude you expected to stay, take the time to get over it. “A” never took the time to assess the situation and wung it to mine and his dismay. She’s now in a relationship that wouldn’t have worked 2-3 years ago. I have another friend who’s baby’s father was never in the picture, but still needs time to get over the situation. Like any relationship, there needs to be some sort of closure.
“You don’t get it”- I hate when a woman is freaked out about something, I try to console and I’m hit with the “you don’t get it”. Single mothers thats x100 as she may recall I’m a man, I will never get knocked up and have my own child. That is science. Isolating me by emphasizing how alone you are is only going to leave you alone. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Bad mother- One of the things about seeing a single mother is she’s already shone in a mothering light. Even if it’s not my child, seeing yours in dirty clothes before we hit the town isn’t a good look. Hearing you curse in the background of the phone, not a good look. Cooking us dinner and the kids eating ramen (this last one didn’t happen to me but a friend, I’ve never dated anyone THAT bad)gonna send me running
No time for me- I understand at best I’m gunning to be person 1-B in your life, but there’s limits. I’m not a clingy person by any means, honestly I’m more a convenient dater so if I seriously find issue with finding time. There’s a problem.
Then of course there are the perks as well…
Bigger breasts, hips and it get wette… She appreciates the little things- Quick coffee dates, quiet nights in, just enjoying another adult’s company means a lot more to single mothers that other ungrateful muhfuggas
Not worried about the little things- Well some single mothers have enough on their plate, they not reading twitter timelines and facebook feeds looking for reasons to fight. They not stewing over petty arguments for days (okay im lying yes they are, all women do)
Maturity- Again have to say some cuz sadly I know plenty exceptions, but a single mother typically is more mature, not in the club, not posting thirst traps on Instagram, she understands she has to set an example and usually its a better one than her peers. *scrolls facebook feed* Okay maybe not.
So as open the dating window a little more potential mates in, who knows if I end up somebody’s stepfather, well I got a few years to explore. If I’m 30+ still single, I will just take over some family like Stephen A. Smith took over First Take.