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So the other day, me and some people were discussing Xxxtentatacion (yeah I don’t know how to pronounce this shit neither, nor do I care to learn).  From what I understood, he made dark emo tumblr teen music and I’m #damnnear30.  Issa no for me dog.   I have bills, a 401k, and just left a farmers market… Nothing about XXXtentimesseven appeals to me.  Do your thing lil nigga, it’s just not for me. (actually don’t, I did a little more reading on this dude… He’s like a psychopath, like sentient Eminem lyrics, they need to just come collect him like they did Bobby Shmurda. Free Bobby Shmurda.)  Anyway, the whole conversation showed me how entrenched in my damnnear30ness I’ve become, I’m not quite old head status, I’m still good for eating a beef patty and chips for dinner and I laughed someone’s name being “Will Laycock” but otherwise there’s just some things I’m unabashedly too damn old for as grown man who’s #damnnear30.  How many? Damn near 30. Such as

  1. 18+ parties
  2. Any new social media platform, when Twitter goes I’m going down with the ship
  3. Cheap bedding from Target
  4. Dating women under 25
  5. Smoking weed (yeah yeah legal but personally I made it this far never trying it there’s no reason to pick up a vice this late in the game) 
  6.  Getting carded, like bruh I have a whole beard and my voice is deeper than yours how dare you
  7. Trips where I’m sharing a hotel room with anyone I’m not sleeping with
  8. Fist fights….well… Just don’t get hit in the face, you too old for fat lips.
  9. Not holding my liquor and being around others who can’t
  10. Flying Spirit Airlines
  11. Not being real about what you’re looking for whether it’s a a serious relationship or the opposite 
  12. Not owning a suit
  13. Posters on the wall without frames.
  14. Trying to keep up with these dance crazes, if you danced to Knuck if You Buck you cannot Juju on the Beat.
  15. That blonde Mohawk style 
  16. Hooking up at the movies
  17. Asking people on dates to the movies for that purpose 
  18. Sex on twin beds
  19. Wearing jerseys of anyone younger than you
  20.  Kicking it with “friends” you actually don’t rock with like that
  21. Living at home for free
  22. Getting your phone cut off…not storing your new number until you prove you can keep it
  23. Actually getting angry at alma mater/BGLO slander
  24. Lying to your parents bout silly shit* (if you’re American*)
  25. Hitting up promoters to get on the guest list, unless you’re visiting the city or it’s a birthday
  26. Drinking alcohol that comes in a plastic bottle; including the mystery punch that always pops up at kickbacks.  
  27. Reaffirming your blackness, a decade removed from being called oreo in high school 
  28. Not shooting your shot. 
  29. Trying to understand these newbreeds music tastes… We pretended Tony Yayo could rap and did the chicken noodle soup with a soda on a side.  We had to learn, so will they

Now, do I have to say that these aren’t set in stone and if you are my age or older don’t take offense? Well…actually, I don’t this time. Because I am judging you. I want better for you.   There are exceptions though, professional athletes tend to act about 5 years younger, rappers closer to 8. Mo money, no progress.  The rest of us have the wisdom to know better, so act accordingly.


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Today’s Word is… TINDERELLA

So I don’t do a lot of “binge watching”.  Usually I can watch an episode or two of a show and then I need to find something new to watch or do.  Every now and again a show does in fact hook me, and this past weekend it was Master of None.  It stars Aziz Ansari as Dev, a 30 year old Indian actor navigating his personal & professional life in New York City.  It’s a show of microaggressions, religion, parents who dont “get” millennials, and primarily how dating is trash.  The show is basically what Stan of Few Words as a TV series would be.  Starring Kofi Seriboe as me, cuz fuck you it’s my show.  One episode that stood out in particular was the 4th episode of season 2, First Date.  Now I’ve talked about first dates before, and I’ve talked about my online dating struggles, but that episode made me think about all my online first dates and the different types of women you meet online.  Now, I’m not going to pretend what women go through in online dating is comparable to what I went through because I don’t log on and get bombarded with pussy pictures and solicitations. (Well I did get an unsolicited video one time, I may have watched it til completion while also wondering how did we get here, nobody’s supposed to be here). I’ve never gone on dates and had to check in with a friend so they know I’m safe or been cussed out because I wasn’t interested (Well, there was one girl who ran up on me in a 7/11 because she thought I blocked her number).  Anyway, I feel like there’s 10 types of women you meet online whilst searching:

1. The Marshawn Lynch– She’s there so she doesn’t get fined.  She’s gotten out of a relationship, her man has already moved on and now her friends are imploring her to get some new eggplant because she’s making them look bad, as an unit.  She reluctantly makes a profile, but she really isn’t interested in dating.  In fact, she wishes you would be so awful that it would give credence to her decision to not date.  

2. The Brandy- She wanna be down.  She’s likes sports, video games, comics, beers, rap, casual sex and pizza.  She’s a good time, great chemistry then you get home and realize that didn’t even feel like a date, it felt like 2 friends hanging out.   You forgot to tell her she looked great, but she wore a messy bun and a Spider-Man shirt. 

3.  The Precedential- She’s the one who overanalyzes everything, she’s read all the dating books and articles and now everything means something from the color shirt you wore to whether you looked at the food or drinks first.  If you text her at 7:55 on Monday and 8:23 on Thursday clearly she wasn’t on your mind first you’re getting distant; is there something wrong?  You answered a yes or no question with one word, clearly there’s someone else.  If you rescheduling dates now, how can she rely on you as a partner? 

4. The Instagrammer- You’re about 64% sure that she only accepted the date for the photo op.  She posted a date night outfit, took pictures of the food and drinks, never of you because she has an image to uphold. She posts a goodnight picture about how she had the greatest time, meanwhile the actual date was awkward silences and bathroom breaks.  

5. The United Airline- She overbooks.  She needs to know by Tuesday if you’re on for Saturday afternoon because she has plans that evening.  She’s transparent about her schedule while failing to see how much of a turn off it can be.  

6. The Confessional- This might be the one I hate the most, the girl who waits until the date to reveal all the shit she lied about on her profile and over text.  I’ve had dates lie about children, boyfriends, age, smoking, jobs…but you already ordered and you was starving.  

7. The Culminator- The clock started from first message, by time it’s the first date she has already decided to be with you and she’ll learn the rest on the job.  

8. The Companion- You liked her, she liked you back. You message back and forth. You ask her out, she accepts. You go on a date and have a great time….but she isn’t looking for anything more than a friend. You’re not even her type, you just seemed cool.  This would be fine except you didn’t meet at work, YOU. MET. ON. A. DATING. SITE.  Who swipes right on people they aren’t interested in? That’s literally not how this works.  Probably goes to bars just to chill and drink water, ol loitering ass. 

9. The Priority- She’s been single for a while and has adjusted her life accordingly. She has her career, her family, her church, her netflix, her book clubs, her alumni groups, her sorority, her pets, her podcast, her blog, her freelance gig, her perennial self care vacations, and her long distance open relationship…then you come along and it’s apparent she has so much going on that she doesn’t even have time to date.  

10. Susan- They could have their own list honestly.  There’s “I don’t see color” Susan, “mmmm chocolate” Susan, “woke, but hates black women” Susan, “I didn’t date black guys until I didn’t lose this college weight” Susan, “I’m mixed” Susan, “Get Out was just a movie” Susan.  
*sigh* Dating is trash, yo.  I mean sure there’s silver linings, the Brandy is a good time when you hang out; with managed expectations, so is the Companion.  Perhaps, the Priority or the Marshawn will come around.  If you want a relationship (or sex) the Culminator is right there.  Maybe you can take a page out of the instagrammer’s book and just fake it all.  Apparently, there’s the 11th woman.  The one who is looking for a relationship, actually available to be in one and isn’t overly neurotic about it.  We can just call her, the Tinderella.  


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Today’s Word is… SPAM


June 6, 1999.  The day I won’t forget (okay I googled it but still).  It was the Indiana Pacers versus the New York Knicks.  My mother, an Indiana native loved her Pacers, so in turn I loved them too like you would that cousin who is a little too old to be hanging with you but y’all still had to kick it when they came over. So the game is going to the wire, my mother is stressed, about a bunch of more important things, but this game wasnt helping.  I really wanted her to have this one, just for a night.  So, I prayed for the Pacers to pull it out.  Then the improbable happened…Larry Johnson, forward for the Knicks, goes up for the 3, drains it and gets called for the foul. (Ain’t no one even touch his ass) A four point play, the Knicks would win.  It was like God himself was like, “stop playing on my phone, B”.  I haven’t rooted for the Pacers since, even when they went the Finals that next year. (Sorry Ma).  
At that tender age of 9, I learned don’t be out here praying for silliness. (I’ve also spoken on my struggles with prayer more earnestly here).  Many people never got that lesson, every tense sporting event you see fans praying in the stands, for the result of a game that has little to no effect on their lives, except maybe that dude with the gambing addiction who probably bet his mortgage on the game…really sucks to be that guy.  However, even for him his prayers are probably going unanswered. Why? Because our God has other things to do, sports fan prayers are definitely going in His spam folder.  I would say His spam folder consists of:

– Aforementioned sports fans prayers

– R Kelly’s “U Saved Me” album

– Anything from Eddie Long (What, too soon?) or molester catholic priests

– Prayer for something bad to befall someone (besides, that’s what karma is for)

– His name said in vain during the throws of passion

– That time OJ Simpson thanked God like he didn’t kill 2 people

– Prayers for your cousin to get out of jail like he didn’t kill 2 people

– Prayers for something to happen to the teacher because your behind ain’t study

–  Prayers the test is negative even though you know she wasn’t cheating

– Writing “amen” on some Facebook post even though you have no idea if it’s true or not

– Prayers for Creflo Dollar to get his jet

–  Grace said with a mouth full of food (yeah I said it)

– This.

Prayer warrior gon’ pray

– Prayer for someone’s wickedness when everyone knows you just being shady, Sister Audrey 
– That ignant prayer from Baby Boy

That time Jay Z won the Grammy and said he wanted to thank God a little bit

– Whatever that shorty in Mary Mary said before she shot up that car

– Everything Pastor Ma$e said after he became Murda Ma$e again

– Those “thoughts and prayers” tweets from members of Congress after a mass shooting when they refuse to do anything about gun control

– Prayers for her to come back when you both know you ain’t changed

I mean every now and again you can slip one by, you made to work and back with your tank on E.  Maybe some sports fans did slip one by because the Cubs are defending champions. And now Trump is (their) President. See what happens? Stop playing on His phone, B.  



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Today’s Word is… DEXIFY

Dexify (v.) – To defend, explain, justify. 

Used in a sentence: Technically, dexify is not a word, but I’m using it anyway and I’m not about to dexify it. 

It really ought to be a word; it’s as prevalent to today’s culture as much as fucking “selfie”.  Social media hasn’t just made us more narcissistic, it’s made us far more defensive than ever. Facebook has become our public relations department. (Quick aside:  the other day my cousin’s girl gave a full statement about his break baby.  His statement: “I’m a dad, again”. #Inwards, man. ) In that regard, I did have some questions and appreciated the answers; but in most cases people are answering questions no one asked.   If you didn’t care what people think and you were”just saying” then why get so defensive after the fact? Notice the loudest people on social media are always the ones claiming they don’t care. The funny part is, no one is even tripping off of them…if a black person votes for Trump and no one is around to argue, does it make a sound?  It doesn’t. So they got to make as many as they can because they need you to know their position while not caring what you think about their position.  So they dexify, unsolicited, to people who aren’t attacking them.  They will not be oppressed or silenced by you, internet. 

             Dexify Power Rankings*

  1. Black men who don’t date black women
  2. All Lives Matter
  3. Minority Trump supporters
  4. Atheists
  5. Shaun King
  6. Hoteps
  7. Millenials
  8. Street harassers
  9. “Single by choice” 
  10. Poor white people who take umbrage with “privilege”
  11. “Celebs” who search their name on twitter
  12. Career woman with broke boyfriend
  13. Blerds
  14. Female sports fans
  15. Black people with family in law enforcement
  16. 30 year olds who still talk about their college
  17. “I don’t get attached to sex” girl
  18. Black women who don’t like Beyoncé 
  19. Lightskinned men
  20. “Down” white guy
  21. 35+ year old twitter users
  22. Adults who still wear “petty” as a badge of honor
  23. Libertarians 
  24. People who saw Birth of a Nation anyway
  25. Vegans
  26. People who eat candy corn
  27. Employed childless black men who still can’t get chose
  28. HBCU grads 
  29. Hypermasculine middle aged black dude
  30. Introverts
  31. People who hate Jordans and iPhones 
  32. Christian homophobes 
  33. #PickMe Twitter
  34. Warrior fans who swear they was down before 2014
  35. Naturalistas from “big chop” to Level 3
  36. Previously problematic male feminists 
  37. Bill Cosby supporters
  38. The ex who still wants to be seen as a nice guy 
  39. “I don’t wear makeup” girl
  40. J. Cole fans

*ranked in order of most likely to defend their existence on social media even though most people aren’t actually attacking them

Honorable Mention: Kanye West, men under 6′, “real hip hop” fans, people waaay too into astrology, all 7 people who learned Luke Cage marries the white woman in the comic

    So why do we feel so compelled to explain and rationalize everything we do now?  It used to be taboo to discuss politics and religion, now it’s fair game.  I long for the days when I would go on Facebook and just see “fuck I’m sooo late for class” now there’s some unsourced meme about how Trump basically said what Beyoncé did, some girl talking about how the world hating on her relationship and a dude with no kids complaining about child support.  Maybe it’s rooted in some insecurity, maybe it’s delusion and people actually feel like it’s their job to change minds and hearts.  Or maybe they just seek attention because that’s what everyone seeks in the age of social media.   Most “slander” is just jokes…you’re not being oppressed, you need to cut it.  



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    Filed under Oh, Internet, Randomness

    Today’s Word is… SMOOCHR

    So over the past 24 hours, the internet has been abuzz about Smoochr, a new dating app aimed at African Americans that allows you to choose a mate based by complexion, hair type and size of your lips. (I wish the internet would put some respeck on the letter e, e did nothing to deserve Judy Winslow treatment)  My first thought was that it had to be a joke, otherwise this is the most ridiculous thing I ever seen.  Of course, the thinkpiece industrial complex took over and varying pieces about how troublesome and problematic this app was hit the web because why ignore something you dislike when you can join it, take screenshots and write 700 words about it.  I have 7. The app is fucking stupid, The end.  

    To be a wee bit fair, most online dating platforms are. While Smoochr is getting deservedly dragged for being the digital brown paper bag test in 2016, I couldn’t help but wonder about what WOULD be the hero black e love deserves, that it needs; the quintessential black dating app.  (My vote is soulswipe because the name remains hilarious to me, but the correct answer is and always has been Twitter)

    Until now, as I roll out my blueprint for the black dating app we need, Chose© (patent pending…don’t steal my idea, Ill come find you, Liam Neeson style) style.  Chose or Chs because dropping vowels is cool or something, will cut through a lot of the bull that dating apps have today, starting with questions that really cut to the core


    Height with timbs/heels:

    Height next to actual 6′ person:

    What is your body type:

    What is your preferred body type

    Have you actually dated a someone of said body type?

    If no, please adjust your preferences accordingly

    When was your last dental exam?

    Do you actually like to read books for leisure?

    Which Jamie Foxx Hairline are you

    Drums or Flats?

    Do you drive?

    Do you have regular access to an automobile ?

    Do you luh God? 

    Have you or ever set foot on the island you rep 

    Are you employed and receive pay regularly?

    Can you actually afford to date regularly? 

    Are you single?

    Would someone be upset if they heard you say you were single?

    What body type was your mama back in the day

    What was her type after she had you

    Are you a sapiosexual?

    If yes,  go away. 

    Are you Black Lives Matter or wrong?

    Please upload a photo:

    Do you dress like this usually?

    How old is this photo?

    If > 12 months,  please upload recent photo:

    So then, where Smoochr and other dating sites always slip up is they completely disregard the whole dating part.  My solution…Reviews. Maybe he was musty, maybe she is boring or not quite over her ex. Reviews hold people accountable, you wouldn’t stay at a hotel that was rated 2 stars why should you date a 2 star ass person?   Also you yourself get valuable feedback and now your friends can stop lying to you about how great you are. Chose© look for it in the app store and Google Play the day after Frank Ocean drops, the Eagles win a Superbowl and the police go 365 days without killing an unarmed black person. 


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    Filed under Oh, Internet, Randomness

    Today’s Word is… INTEREST

    [A throwback with some updates for the 9-9 and the 2016…]

    “How long they choose to love you will never be your decision” – A.D. Graham

    Interest is piqued then it’s peaked and it’s all downhill from there. I can be really into someone and then just stop caring, nothing personal. That’s just the way love goes, word to Janet. Unless you’re really oblivious, you see the writing on the wall and the ball is in your court to either try and rekindle the flame or try your luck elsewhere. People lose interest for plenty of reasons, some are your fault most aren’t. Interest is one of those things that you really have no domain over, you can just chalk it up to the serenity prayer or you could drive yourself crazy thinking of all 100 reasons someone loses interest in you. Seeing as I’m about 1/2 crazy I should be able to come up with 50 right? [I’m now about 3/4 there so, lets try and do 75]do I have to say this list is in no particular order and not reasons I WOULD lose interest, okay, this list is in no particular order and not reasons I WOULD lose interest. [Okay these first 25…might be based on true stories]

    So 50 75 reasons someone loses interest in you…

    75. They are an adamant Bill Cosby truther
    74. You ask them what they like to read and it’s Zane and Dicked
    73. They get you into a show and as the show gets worse the less you like them
    72. They are dating their friend and don’t even realize it
    71. They instagram every part of their date except you
    70. Their groupme disapproves and is peer pressuring the curve
    69. They are passionate about something they suck at and you can’t break it to them
    68. They decided to “come out the closet” as an athiest on Facebook
    67. They put ketchup on eggs
    66. They send recycled pictures
    65. They think the Earth is flat
    64. They get super drunk in front of your friends and start twerking at the kickback
    63. They own a hoverboard nigga segway that people call hover boards even though they don’t actually hover
    62. They misspell a lot and never correct it
    61. They call and never have much to say
    60. They are way too thirsty that it’s uncomfortable
    59. They get a septum piercing
    58. They talk about how much of of a good person they are
    57. They aren’t ready for a relationship but down to do everything couples do
    56. Their ex is still the homie
    55. Their snapchats don’t match their pictures
    54. They like coconut water
    53. They are always sharing a story that doesn’t interest you
    52. They send like 4 messages at a time, like every time.
    51. They appear to have no standards
    50. You are fans of rival teams and don’t know how to do playful banter
    49. They really just wanted to date for a bit
    48. Abandonment issues
    47. You’re way too opinionated, sometimes its JUST a TV show get off the soapbox
    46. You wore out your welcome at their house
    45. Can’t take a joke or understand fluent sarcasm
    44. They lied about things early and more time passes, more its going to look bad to get caught
    43. They just can’t respect your job/career…Hi Party Promoters
    42. YOU. WON’T. SHUT. UP.
    41. You made a drastic appearance change
    40. They seen you drunk
    39. You’re too much of an ass kisser
    38. You crossed the line from open/freaky to just gross/sick
    37. You knowingly/unknowingly smashed a homie
    36. They couldn’t take you serious enough
    35. They legit had no idea you were into them
    34. They just didn’t feel appreciated
    33. It’s been months and they haven’t seen you without a hat(m)/leggings(f)
    32. You already too happy with the pet names
    31. You follow too many rules/laws you read on blogs
    30. You’re a bandwagon fan, that shows you’re lack of loyalty
    29. You don’t have any talents worth bragging about to their friends, no thats not what I meant…yet.
    28. They don’t have a masters in Family Psychology, accept the consoling and stop asking for advice
    27. You’re a boring texter; send a pic, a Stan of Few Words post you found hilarious, something conversational
    24. They got your Netflix password so they don’t necessarily need you anymore
    23. They pretended to like your favorite show and can’t stand watching it
    22. Holidays are coming and they really aint trying to buy shit but Secret Santa gifts
    21. You put them on a pedestal they know they can’t match
    20. None of their friends secretly want to smash you
    19. The person they were going to replace with you got their act together, mometarily.
    18. All your conversations feel like interviews
    17. They just really can’t afford to date you right now
    16. Yes money doesn’t matter but who doesn’t want to impress
    15. A red flag bothers them more than they thought it would
    14. They just really rather have you as a friend
    14. You done put on some pounds, or lost too many
    13. You aren’t dating anyone else, they don’t want to be the default S/O
    12. You’re into crappy music and it makes drives horrible
    11. You can’t cook
    10. They really don’t like your friends
    09. They don’t see a future with you
    08. They know you’re not going anywhere if they change their mind
    07. You’re playing it too safe, start an argument or something
    06. Your car/crib is filthy…take pride in your shit
    05. You’re not as over your ex as you think, and they know it
    04. They really just love the honeymoon period when all their stories are new and jokes are funny
    03. You’re opposed to oral
    02. Too much of a prude, if you’re waiting at least tease and arouse
    01. Gave it up Too easy, now they can never take you seriously

    Or you can straight up ask them what went wrong…maybe they’ll answer or they’ll just ignore you further assure nothing is wrong, ignore you some more and then when you express how you feel they will not get an iota of a fuck. Or maybe that’s just me. Whatever.


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    Filed under Dating, Love, Randomness, Simply Stan

    Today’s Word is… NEVER

    “I’ll never do that again” – Someone who probably will.

    So I was on the date recently, nice girl, we had went to a little Mexican place I liked, nice ambiance, they typically play 90s R&B and what the menu itself lacks it’s made up for with it’s margaritas.  Margaritas, I didn’t feel like enjoying; she didn’t drink. Anymore. We met a bar a few weeks prior. I literally introduced myself by first inquiring about her drink.  Is this the same woman I met?  Who the hell was I texting all this time?  It was her.  I think.  No, really it was her.  However, the woman I met that Friday, went out with friends, got drunk things got real, she or someone got hit with a bottle, she’s not drinking for a while, also she’s no longer associated with those friends.  At least that’s what I had gathered, she yada yada yada’d most the details, this was a first date after all, can’t be showing ALL the crazy on date, gotta bring the representative ,she’on know me like that.   Eventually she did order glasses of wine, and I couldn’t help but make the observation that her vow of sobriety lasted all of a few weeks.  She took in stride and all in all it was a good night.  So that night had me thinking about things that I have sworn off but will probably do again.  Some thing I can’t actually see myself doing because I’m like 1000 days from 30 and others things, I just really hope to avoid.  I remember one time I got food poisoning from a Chinese spot and didn’t eat Chinese food for years, then on the other end there’s me paying off my credit cards and vowing to never let the pretty girl with the free T shirt get me again (I was literally like the last person who was allowed to get a credit card at 18 with no damn sense where was someone to guide me away, why couldn’t I be grandfathered out, Thanks Obama).  But unlike, my lovely companion that evening, I’m a man of my word; if I say I’m done with something, its over, finito.  Especially things like…

    Fighting- I can say I’m too damn old to be fighting.  I probably had my last fight junior year of college.  Ironically, it was because two other people was fighting and I was simply telling someone to stop recording the shit.  Part of me wonders if I got into a fight tomorrow would I get my ass beat or is it kinda like riding a bike.  I aint taking the risk, I’m just going to get by on intimidation like Kevin Garnett.

    Long Distance Relationships- I’ve been over this ad nauseum.

    Empire- I got sucked in last season but over the break I was able to find God and leave this wretched world of hate watching behind.  I rebuke thee Terrance Howard, I rebuke thee Black Twitter.  Maybe I’ll just read when it’s on

    Sex on the Beach- Overrated. Very overrated.

    See a Concert In General Admission- Being in a mosh pit of people, assorted smells, getting shoved and pushed just so some jackass can record the concert on their phone when they know theyre never going to watch that shitty video. No thanks, I’ll kick it in the balcony.

    Thirst- Not to be confused with actual courting, but simp was so strong back in the day and it wasn’t even worth it.  I have no patience for the maybekindasorta girl.

    Move- Moving is the worst.  Take my entire house, fit it inside of a truck, drive to another house and empty the truck.  Nope, if I move again I’m hiring someone.  Pay it forward and such

    Stick with a show to the end even when it’s clearly bad now- *Side eyes “The Strain”*

    Use Twitter on my work PC- I’ll never understand how someone has time to post a bunch of NSFW pics on like a Wednesday morning.  Savages.

    Give You Up- Never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.  Yes, you’ve been Rickrolled.

    Stay At A Job I Hate- “At least I have a job” is a dangerous way of thinking I’m finding.  I’m definitely content at my current employment but if things were to change I’m out.  Life’s too short.

    Soda- My diet is trash, I should work out more than I do, but giving up soda…that one actually managed to stick.

    Go weeks without a post- lying…. you don’t know my life.


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