Tag Archives: lessons

Today’s Word is… DAUGHTER

It was about a decade ago (shit, I’m old).  Me and my  boys, per usual were chilling in my room afterschool.  One of my boys was going through it with his girl, and it brought about a roundtable discussion on women.  I was always the old soul of the group, so I was giving what little game I thought I had back then. I’m spitting all the bars about what women think they want when the room grows quiet…my mother was standing in the doorway, just observing the lecture. We were all oblivious to how long she been there or what she had heard, so it’s just awkward glances around.  She comes in the room, kisses me to assassinate any thug I thought I possessed; takes one good look at all of our guilty faces and declares: “All of y’all are having daughters” and walked away. 
My boy Crawf would have his baby girl 6 years later, as did my man Falc.  My brother would have one as well, (my boy Smeg fucked up the whole narrative and had a son a few years ago, but black lives matter, facts don’t).  Then a few days ago I would see the ultrasound of a baby girl from another friend, proving that even from beyond the grave, my mother’s decree would ring true, all of us having daughters. 

As my boy showed me the ultrasound and I gave my congratulations, he joked that hex is still on, I’m finna be next. Eh, we just elected a sexual offender as President I’ll see what 2021 hitting on.   The hex was a coincidence, if every dude running the streets was destined to have a girl, we’d be out of sons.  It did make me wonder, if I was really next up…what type of father would I be?  What could I teach my baby girl about this world that grows to be more dangerous for black people? For women?  

What example would I lead, as a man.  I think of my dad, and as great of a father he is, as we got older his faults as a husband elucidated.  I fear bringing a daughter in this world and not being in love with her mother, perhaps the biggest reason I don’t have children yet.  I would like to be married, I would hope that we serve as the example of what love is supposed to be.  I can’t be out here looking like Future.  I would hope when my own looks for an example of a good man she has to look no farther than me.  I would hope we would be the black love she sees, the first family will have come and gone, maybe Jay and Bey will still be going strong.  Probably not tho.

I would want her to understand her worth. (Can see still say, keep my baby off the pole or is that problematic now…keep my baby off Iyanla, I feel like that’s a safer one).  I would want my daughter to know she’s always in control (except under my roof n shit) to never alter her morals or expectations to appease others.   I would want her to know she is beautiful, she is gifted, she is loved.  Her daddy black as hell, her mama TBD, probably going to be black as hell (In case I meet a white woman let me say I’m sorry Margaret, Susan or Becky…I wrote this before we met), and so, my daughter TBD, black as hell.  I want her to know that her skin, her hair, her nose, her lips are beautiful.  And that she got her smarts from Dad. 

I would also want her to know to never follow anyone’s timeline but her own,  love herself and to love God, how change her own tire but don’t dare introduce me to a man who can’t, white feminism is a farce, and flats > drums. 

-Stan-

 

 

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Today’s Word is… ME

25. Twenty Five. XXV. Quarter century. It just sounds old, sorry 30+ reader demographic.  But yes, on this day, Juneteenth 2014, I turn 25, and all I want for my birthday is a big booby heaux. I know the lyric, but ass is so overrated, i barely makes my top 5 favorite feature on a woman. Anyway doe, as I take this day pretend to work and check wall posts, texts, and mentions all day as I’m fake special for the next 24 hours,  it’s also a day to reflect on the child I was, the man I am, the person I hope to be, how you turn from a man to a person, who knows it sounds deep I’m letting it ride, it’s my day.  I believe I’ve said this before but too lazy to reread all my posts but I think the critical stages of persons life is 18, 21, 25, 30 and/or when your child is old enough to see if you aint sh t or not whichever comes first. 18 year old me was young and ambitious, but way too arrogant for my own good, by 21 I became more humble and full of potential, 25 is when I stop talking about it and being about it.   

Now am I where I thought i’d be at 25? Not quite.  Am I better than 21, I’d like to think so. Am I on the path to where I’d like to be at 30?….well let’s break it down.

Career- I remember a quote, not who said it and if I ever make it big I’ll probably act like I made it up but “you’ll never make it where you want to go working 8 hrs a day”.  Simple logic.  I thought back to a few weeks back my company’s CEO held a town hall meeting, gave a collective pat on the back for the hundreds of millions the company is making. I mean seriously, rapper can’t outbrag dude he minds well said he has indoor/outdoor pools.  Now I like my job, plenty of room for advancement but is it something I can say I want to do?
My issue has always been focus, pick a hustle and go.  So much I want to do I havent done much. 

Progress- 17%

Love- Probably more than a career I want a family.  Perhaps it’s why I lack focus, I never had a dream job just a dream life.  Love is spontaneous and sporadic, I can meet my future wife in 10 minutes or 10 years.  I will however assess that I’m at least at a point in my life where I know what I want.

Progress- 33%

Social- I would think all I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend but no, friends, network, experiences I will admit this is perhaps the aspect of my life that’s dipped since 21.  Single, childless, disposable income, this is the time to live but the one man wolf pack is only cool for so long. I’ve outgrown childhood friends, only keep in touch with a few from college, haven’t met many new ones, well except women, which only counts for so much. 

Progress- 6%

Health- I’m way healthier now than 21. Not just necessarily weight, but I’m stronger, faster, and my face clear.  25 is essentially my physical prime, I gotta enjoy it, it’s all downhill for here

Progress- 63%

Happiness- 18 depressed, 21 stressed, 25 impressed, it’s all good now, I’m out the hood now.  As I said my life is far from perfect but at the end of the day I’m making positive steps that I can’t be too hard on myself.  There’s days I wonder why I don’t take this paycheck and run off to California and try and be a writer, or wonder if I picked the wrong school, wrong major, wrong woman but most days I wake up content.  So as I enter this final 5 years of my 20s and look ahead, I’ll continue growing, continue learning, continue living.  I feel blessed to enter my 25th year in this world and blessed for all the opportunities that await. 
And….Happy Birthday toooooooooo meeeeee

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… POPS

So I’m randomly chatting to this woman, cute smile, sense of humor, whathaveyou. We’re give brief bios when she mentions she has kids and waited for the look of defeat in my eyes.  I proceeded to make normal conversation, much to her surprise.  She thinks maybe I misheard her, so she attacks from a new angle explaining how hard it is to date as a parent and went on saying things you really don’t say to a guy you just met.  Going back to the parenting/dating conundrum, she said she struggles to meet guys who can get past her children, I countered she seems to place them in the way.  I went on to say that there’s two sides to a mother, the parent and the woman, and sometimes she and suitors never focus on the woman.  And like that shields was down, but that’s a different post entirely. 

Anywho, I was reading another blog on what makes a good father. Now I have no lil Stans running around so I couldn’t relate on that level, so I thought what makes my father a good father.  I couldn’t help but think about that conversation with the woman before and my theory on the two sides of a parent.  If you’ve read long enough you’d know my relationship with my father is unique, he was always  provider, care taker and disciplinarian but as a man, I hardly knew ye.  I know I can call him for anything, I know he proudly served his country and worked to give me everything I covet. But his favorite color? I don’t know…blue?  Actually I think it is blue.  Whatever.

What I did learn about him, came from my mother and loose lipped relatives.  My father was the king of compartmentalization.  He never let us see his struggles as a man.  He quit drinking and smoking shortly after I was born. He’ll play 5 basketball games in a row and never let me know he’s sore (though I would be dude plays defense like a Bad Boy Piston). He’s not rich but you could never say he was broke. It goes without saying he wasn’t perfect, but he’d be damned to let me or any of my siblings know his flaws.  He was Superman.  

These days he’s hung up his cape, and it’s still awkward to see him as Clark Kent.  Instead of telling what’s what, he just gives his perspective and leaves it to our own interpretation.  Talks went from “wear a condom” to “are you sure you’re in love with this woman”.  I never heard him complain about work, I never heard him gush over my brother’s mother the way he does his new fiancee.  Perhaps, it simply takes a man to know a man. 

It makes sense now, but it hadn’t always.  My sisters were spoiled, my older brothers were equals, my little brothers were babies, I was just….me.  I saw our relationship for what it wasn’t rather than what it was.  As gifted as I was I was still a child, and a child was kept in a child’s place.  Could he had did some things differently? Of course. Could I had made life easier? Indeed. With that understanding and the lessons learned, we’re able to move forward in the next phase of the father/son dynamic. So this Father’s Day especially I take time to reflect on the father I have and the father I hope to be one day, Superman with a bit more tact, the great parent and just as great man.

Happy Father’s Day.

-Stan-

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