Tag Archives: introvert

Today’s Word is… INFJ

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Yeah technically not a word…but I pay bills here so, you will deal.  

So you know I’m not big into astrology.  It’s kinda cool to think about but I don’t assign much credence to it.  What I place a bit more stock in is the Meyers Brigg personality test.  (If you’ve never taken one, theres a good on over on 16personalities.com…..dont go right now; you’re in the middle of reading something, rude ass) So, according to the test I’m an INFJ personality type: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging….apparently it’s one of the rarer ones, I take it to mean I’m doper than most.  In layman’s terms, it’s the quiet extrovert…I take a bit to adapt and adjust to my environments and get comfortable. People who I’m comfortable around see one side or me, the rest see the other (I’m typically the boyfriend who all her friends and family think I’m so quiet and nice and she’s like, Tristan? Psssh).  I say that to say, when you mix this steelo with this negro, you wind up with an unique person to deal with sometimes.  I stand in that truth (INFJs are very self aware and shit) but I don’t necessarily think INFJs are that tough to crack, there’s just some things you need to know…

1. We project, a lot: and people really hate it.  I’m typically “this won’t work” guy and armed with no actual proof other than I’m typically right about these things, it doesn’t go over well.  No one wants to be told they’re going to catch feelings, end up like their sister, be back in a few months…it’s arrogant. And so I’ve learned to sit back and wait to be proven right. Still arrogant. But less offensive.

2.  We explain ourselves, a lot: *ignores irony of this post explaining myself which was sparked by me explaining myself to someone*

3. We switch up, a lot: One day I’m just at the bar, on my phone babysitting a drink. Another, I’m on the stage hyping up everyone  (thats a storytime for another day…or not).  One day I’m all over you, the next I’m reading a book with headphones in.  (Damn I’m really confusing)

4. We create, a lot- We’re creatives at heart, but bills.  I chose business school over art school, my career over writing full time.  They say INFJs are best suited for jobs without a lot of supervision (which I have) but help people (eh, I try).  

5. We cape, a lot: *skims dating history* Let’s just say, I’ve been open minded, while being perfectly aware that eventually I would outgrow them, cuz see #1.

6. We read into things, a lot: I’m offended more by the little things, a funny look, a backhanded comment, insocuiant mannerisms moreso than arguments.   We’re also hypocrites because we’re very passive and snarky. 

7. We need signals, a lot: Well not a lot, but I have a theme going.   I have no issue approaching people, making the first move, I’m just leery of being pushy.  I don’t need you to take the ball out my hands (Actually, please don’t…I’m not that shy, I’m just not that interested) just give me enough reason to believe I’m not wasting my time

8. We assume you get it, a lot: after all the explaining, there comes a point where INFJs think you should know better.  Things that seem so simple to us, should be simple to everyone.  Except we’re weirdos, so you don’t.  (Now I think about it I wonder if Kanye is an INFJ….nah, not empathetic enough.)

9. We guard, a lot: INFJs give just enough to not seem dead inside but not much more.  To this day, I don’t know anyone who knows me fully (hmmm actually, maybe one…)

10. We hold grudges, a lot: A bit unfair to say it’s a grudge as much as its, you fucked up, I believe you’re more likely to do so again, therefore I’m going to act accordingly….okay maybe that is holding a grudge.

So I mean sure, we’re a little sensitive about things we turn around and do to others, we seldom budge from the assumptions we already made about you, go out our way to show how well we understand YOU yet revel in being vague and ambiguous, distant, nitpicky, are aware we make up 1% of the population therefore feel you aren’t equipped to understand us…but I mean when you get past all of that. We’re perfect partners.  So don’t let the stressing block your blessing, love us and shit.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… HOMEBODY

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So since Friday, I was invited to happy hour, bowling, day party, night party, another party, a getogether, movies, dinner, between some thigh meats

Well I mean the title kinda gives it away but I ain’t end up doing “anything” this past weekend.  Well I did stuff but none of these things I was invited to.  Part of it was it rained for two days, also I’m cutting back for financial reasons, and the last part was I just felt like enjoying my time at home.  I finished two books, a couple sketches, grocery shopped, cooked, cleaned, ran a few miles, finally caugjt up on some shows via Netflix, wrote posts (yet somehow ended up freeblogging this one right now), sent about 200 tweets, and even watched wrestling for the first time in a decade.  I enjoyed my weekend, and now I’m ready to tackle a new week.  That’s just me tho.

I don’t mind being a homebody, but plenty of people around me seem to.  I have my entire 30s to chill in the crib with a wife and kids, for now I gotta “TURN UH!”, which I’m perfectly able to do and be the life of the party…but in moderation.  People close to me mean well when they down to fill me with alcohol or bless me with their presence but sometimes I just want to be left alone.  Some still don’t get that concept so allow me to break down the common rules of homebodies:

1. Its not a cry for help- I’m perfectly fine chilling at home on lieu of a night of debauchery.  I’m not sad, there’s no lines to read between, going outnand drinking isn’t the only way I unwind.

2. My beach is better- I enjoy my home, I enjoy my TV, my gaming consoles, my computer, my music, my patio, people pity me being home like I live in a cave

3. Sticks and Stones- Loser, Grandpa, Lame, etc. has no persuasive power. Ever. Mock deez.

4. Sell me- I do actually go out, but its on occasions, for something that interests me or I just feel like it.  You’re not getting me in some club just to go, or have me going all the way into the city without any plans or to just be in somebody else’s house (see #2)

Some get it, most don’t.  They can’t imagine someone being able to be home alone and not want to go insane. Perhaps its part that I have friends who have nagging wives, parents and children they’re trying to escape.  I don’t have that issue, my home is where I go to escape not the other way around.  I’m in my fortress of solitude where I’m free to blast music, chat with friends, read a book, build a bookcase, try out a recipe, and whatever the hell else I feel like doing or not doing and I’m perfectly okay with that even if no one else believes it.  I go on dates, I exercise 4 times a week, I grab drinks after work, and I still do hoodrat things with my friends from time to time, I’m a homebody, not a hermit.  I think really what it is that the average 20something’s idea of fun is spending a bunch of money and getting shitfaced. Or maybe I just need a new circle of fellow Murtaughs who too old for this shit. Until then, I’m in the crib.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… SOLO

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Storytime.

So this was a little while ago, back I was on my way to the city to link up with some friends at Day party-like function, I’m like right the hell there…. Plans fall through.  At this point, I’m like fuggit and I’m about to go grab something to eat and play cell phone roulette and see who else is around.  I’m on my way to grab food I see a dude I went to school with, he has two women with him, we chop it up quickly he asks what I’m about to get into….now I should’ve said I’m about to just grab something to eat and head home, what I end up saying is I’m about to get up with some friends at Remy’s

One of the girls says, oh that’s where we was going

The two girls exchange looks, I feel like they are telepathically discussing me:

“he’s kinda cute”
“eh, i guess if that’s what you like” “looks like he can afford a mimosa” “true true”

Other girl says, so we all going to the same place why we standing here.  Welp, guess I’m going to this party to meet with these people I know aren’t coming. We get there and I separate from the pack, cuz introvert, and I meet another girl, fellow wallflower.  We talk for a second and another guy joins the conversation, he’s basically trying to dirty mack.  A couple of his boys join our little corner, we all talk about the wack ass food. They say they’re going to eat elsewhere, they invite her, she asks me and her homegirl to tag along.  Once again, I’m headed out with a bunch of strangers.

And it was the probably one of the better days I had.

Now heading out solo isn’t something I do often, or at all really.  When I am out and about alone I’m usually shopping or eating because those things seem perfectly normal to do. Otherwise, you look weird. I was at the movies the other day and in the row in front of me was a dude, alone, eating popcorn and enjoying Magneto drop a baseball stadium around the White House, I salute him, but I couldn’t do it. So there I was with someone who ain’t even like comics but beats being solo.  Going back to that odd night, after the ladies left, I rolled with the fellas to the club, now I just met these dudes so I saunter off to do my own thing, something I do with my actual friends.  I came for the ladies and the drinks (c) Trey Yodelz.  Yet if I walk in alone I look weird.  Society confuses me.  I love lamp.

Flying solo is just one of those things that most will admit is ballsy but will never do themselves.  I guess I’m in that camp as well, I ended up #thatguy by circumstance and even so I always at least had the appearance of friends I would’ve been right back at home alone talking to myself in front of thousands of strangers on the internet; like a normal person.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… CONFIDENCE

So I’m on the train, I sit across from this very attractive woman, we make eye contact, we smile, she goes back to whatever she was doing on her phone. I do the same.  Next stop, this guy boards, an slightly older gentleman, unshaven, clothes desheveled, shoes filthy, he sits next to the pretty woman.  It’s a relatively empty train so I knew he was about rap to her, I turn my music down some to eavesdrop on some hilarity.  He starts off smooth, compliments her and whatnot, she smiles and thanks him.  He keeps talking to her about any and everything from her phone, to his ex, something about a fish, she’s politely nodding while he spoke and giving one word answers to every question but somehow he would manage to use it to keep the conversation flowing. Me and her exchange a few funny glances throughout the ordeal until she reached her stop, he pulls out a pen and a notepad, writes his number and @ name (Sidenote:are we at that phase now where we just giving out @ names, my twitter is pretty easy to remember no underscores or intentionally misspelled words, maybe dude is on to something) gives it to her, she rolls her eyes and smirks at me once more before she exits. 

Two things here, 1. I missed like 38947 signals, 2. I couldn’t help but admire homeboy’s confidence. Whether she actually uses that number or @ name or not, desheveled and all, he was able to approach an attractive woman and just have off the whim convo.  I could never do that.  It’s classic extrovert envy, while I’m still coming into my own and trying to be more confident, I don’t think I will ever be that brave.  My level of extrovertise (Yes I just made this word up) is based on my comfort level, if I’m comfortable I’m as open as if I was drunk. I never felt comfortable in high school, I was pretty popular in college. At work, some people I will go out with afterwards, others wouldn’t even recognize my voice. I rather shut myself down than play myself. 

Initially overhearing the train convo, I was embarrassed for dude.  I thought he was making a fool out of himself, she was not interested.  When I first saw her, even after she smiled, I saw her pull out her phone and I just took that as a sign. It can all be so simple in hindsight, I could’ve just broke the 4th wall and joined in the conversation, but even in a random chat between strangers on a train, i just felt uninvited. Before he even boards, if I had just went for it, this is a completely different post.  The life and times of an introvert, Welp. 

-Stan- 

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Today’s Word is… NETWORK

I accompany “coworker” to a mixer, the atmosphere is light, slightly upscale,  free food and wine.  In almost an instant she is lost amongst the crowd, I don’t know any one here but wine makes me talkative anyway.  I mingle amongst folks and for every flirting not flirting interaction and inquiry about me and “coworker’s” status, there was pitch after pitch.  There were even women I thought was hitting on me and boom right into the pitch.  Some were interesting and we exchanged information, others sounded as sketchy as Manti Te’o’s girlfriend.  I couldn’t help but feel somewhat out of place, one contrary to my flyness I’m a dollarnaire to the core, two because I still don’t have a hustle.  Networking in general is still uncharted territory for me, I always had jobs (security, shipping, IT, bookkeeping) where I pretty much came did my job and went home.  When I worked in positions like sales and retail, I never did well because I always felt like I was bothering. Essentially I look at things as if it were me, I go into stores pretty much knowing what I want, I don’t want your credit card, I don’t want the more expensive version, I want to get in get out and get going.  At the mixer, despite there being loads of opportunity I found myself pretty much an open ear/arm candy.  I got to do better.

A few weeks into 2013, I’ve found my first resolution; grow, build and evolve my network.  When I think about it, my network now is pretty underrated. I don’t think about it much because I’m typically to myself but on a good day I see about a half dozen people I know; whether its a former colleague, ex, friend of a friend, couple that with a modest online presence I have a bit to work with.  Networking itself is the challenge, I have to get over the idea that I’m saying something worth listening to, or rather actually have something worth listening to.  This is essentially why I prefer writing, you say what you feel and it’s out there, people can choose to read it or not, but the pressure of making it worth their time is alleviated.   At the mixer, I tried to act interested even when I wasn’t, sometimes I was good at it, other times my poker face failed and I can see the defeat growing in their eyes.  Perhaps that was the INFJ in me, wanting to be that one lead they could go home and feel good about, even when I inevitably block their email.

They say the key to networking is to actually be passionate about what you’re talking about.  Perhaps that’s the missing piece.  When people ask about my job, I more or less answer it like it’s a question in school.  I like my job, but it’s not necessarily my passion, it pays my bills.  The other is simply being in ones comfort zone.  For example, I was talking to one woman in particular, she was gorgeous so she probably could’ve talked to me about Love and Hip Hop and had my undivided but actually we both clicked on the overall blahness of the venue.  I tossed out how I would love to open a bar/lounge in the neighborhood, perhaps one where a young professional of color would not stick out like a sore thumb (there were like 12 of us in a place of at least 100, we counted).  The pretty networker was an event planner, she went on and on about how she would’ve did things differently, how she might throw a similar event on her own.  “Coworker”, a little jealous, ended our meeting and echoed a sentiment “Miss” had told me before, that I had no problem talking to anyone as long as she was female, and that I needed to branch out more and get out of my comfort zone.

It wasn’t true of the 4 people I exchanged information with, she was the only female. Aside from that her theory flawed, considering it was meeting her that got me to the event which got me a few new contacts, but I just left it alone.  Not to her liking but I expanded my network, 4 people knew me that didn’t prior.  The issue now is the next step, I’m not sure how to make the relationships mutually beneficial.  Networking is more or less give and take and I’m not sure what I’m giving, or even taking, at least not yet.  For perhaps my first networking event (well not really i’ve been to others), I came away with some contacts, a couple hundred calories of wine, and an increasingly awkward relationship with a coworker.  Not bad at all.

-Stan-

 

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