Tag Archives: interracial

Today’s Word is… BLACK

So back in the day, when kids used to still play with toys and didn’t ask for expensive electronic devices,

(I mean seriously my nephew just got a tablet for his 6th birthday, I’ll probably buy myself one for my 26th, I’ll be 26 next year…I’m old.) 

Anyway, around this time many moons ago we would tell our parents and Santa what we wanted for Christmas

(Another sidenote, how do kids still believe in Santa when they are getting iPads and PlayStations for Christmas, are elves Japanese now? Is that racist to say, Idk maybe I’ll get an email)

My older sister and brother usually asked for whatever new tech was out, pagers, CD players, I got whatever toy was advertised during Saturday morning cartoons, my other sister would ask for whatever new Barbie contraption was out to slay on deez heauxs.  My sister had a serious Barbie phase, but my mother always made it a note to buy black dolls, because sistas could have all pink everything dream houses and convertibles too.  She never could find a black Ken doll and every year Barbie got her house, car, summer home, career  but no man (there’s a stereotype here but I won’t go there).  Eventually my father finally found a black Ken (how much easier it would’ve been with the internet) and finally Barbie got chose.  My mother wanted my sister to have some semblance of black love, even with something as simple as Barbie and Ken. You could point out the double standard that if white parents returned a barbie because it was black, black people would probably have something to say about it, and by something to say I mean make fun of them for a few hours on Twitter.

I thought about this when I was talking to a friend and she asked, “why is there still so much emphasis on ‘black love’?” Fair question, in this day and age when interracial relationships are becoming more commonplace, shouldn’t THAT be considered progress? My short answer was that it was because it just isn’t portrayed as much as it should be. As I thought more about it, I’m still half in half out. As a black man, I like to see black love depicted in my entertainment. However, if I were to marry a white woman, would our love be looked at with the same adulation? I think back to even recently after “The Best Man Holiday” was released, the sequel to a romantic comedy featuring a predominantly black cast, the first thing that came out was that out of the four male stars (Taye Diggs, Terrence Howard, Harold Perrineau, Morris Chestnut), only Chestnut is married in real life to a black woman. The trolling went so far that a bogus quote from Diggs circulated that “black women are less submissive and harder to deal with” and “No offense, but the only black woman I ever loved is my mama”. Of course none of this was ever credited or proven but it was accepted as true not just because people on the internet aren’t always too bright but that’s the mantra attached to black men who do date/marry white women.


I’ve spoken on that before and that other time, so I won’t repeat myself on that subject but again it brings me back to the original point, why is black love still important to people, because for one, there’s so many others trying to tear it down. Namely, people who do date outside their race and look at it as some sort of blanket statement. Black women don’t do this, black men don’t do that, yada yada yada. You found someone who loves and respects you, goodie goodie now please be seated and spare us your failed sociology thesis.

Another reason is because it’s simply fading as a whole. 50 years ago, the percentage of black people married were about 60%, it’s closer to 30% now. Blame shacking up, co-parenting, all that jazz. To admire black couples like Jay-Z and Beyonce or our President and the Flotus Flower Bomb, it’s by no means to offend IR couples it’s just so damn rare to see now. I appreciate love in all forms whether it’s The Best Man Holiday or a Nicholas Sparks movie (okay I’m lying I hate them all), but as a black man I can’t help but feel a little extra happier for the couple who looks more like me. I can’t help that other black people might smile a little wider if my wife happens to look a little more like me because it’s a feat, one that shouldn’t exist in the first place but a feat nonetheless. That’s why black love still matters, at least to me.




Filed under Dating, Love, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… PREFERENCE


“Yo I’m about to invite the interns to our table”

So my boy leaves and walks back with these two girls.  One was brown skinned, short, slender, she had pretty eyes but I’m not sure if they’re real or contacts.  The other fiery red hair, piercing green eyes, also small but a little thicker.  It was two of them and two of us, did he just set me up to set him up?  He introduces me to them, and we start talking, clearly he’s flirting with the white girl and presumably I’m supposed to entertain the sista. Now because, 1. I’m not interested in coworkers, 2. The white girl was easily more attractive, I found myself more drawn to her.  Anyway, lunch ends we all go back to work.  I run into the intern again as we’re leaving, we continue our conversation, she throws a few lobs out there about how she exclusively dates black guys, her affinity for Drake, and I was secretly bracing myself for a Trayvon question.  We go our separate ways. 


Few days later, me and my boy talking, he asks me about the intern, I tell him nothing is going down, he tells me he hears she’s into brothers (did she release a PSA?).  “Yeah, she one of those”.  Now, I knew what he was getting at but I wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting at.  “A white girl who only dates black guys” he follows up “Why is it always so finite though, even black women I date usually ONLY dates white guys” A fair point, just about every white woman I’ve dated only dated black guys, but to be fair, honestly I would be reluctant to just approach a white woman cold.  I usually would let them approach me or wait for lobs like the intern threw.  That’s for no reason other than my usual obliviousness, I need some kind of hint from women of any race. 

My boy brought up a good point, preferences always have an origin story.  I prefer to date women over 24, younger women simply aren’t mature enough to handle the caliber of relationship I expect.  I prefer not to date mothers, I like flexibility and I’ve had bad experiences.  To say I prefer only white women, there’s no rationale to ONLY like that race, I came from a black woman, I will have black kids, to say I’m simply unattracted to black women would be ridiculous, any other reason would be rooted in some sort of unproven stereotype.  I’ve been out with my boy and had sistas dismiss me for him because they think he’s safer, more responsible, when we have the same job, he lives at home and has a child, I do not.  Stereotypes still say don’t bet on black #doe.  He’s been rejected by black women because they assume he’s lame, not “down”, or not checking for them.  They don’t know better. 


Now, fast forward a few days I’m talking to the black intern.  Ironically efugginuff (yes that’s a word) she was put off by our first meeting and assumed “i was one of those”.  Now I knew what she was getting at but I wanted to see if she knew what she was getting at.  “You was all over ______, thought you just didn’t like other black people”(talking to two white people and not her, issue with blacks #thereach). I quickly clarified and also made a note, white or black I don’t talk to coworkers or interns. (She’s 21 which would be another strike).   We resolved whatever issue she had (I was getting some of the fakest good mornings ever) and for now all is well in the workplace.  As for why white women who date black guys ONLY date black guys? Simple, once you go black, I think you know the rest.  Kidding. Mostly.



Filed under Dating, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… INTERRACIAL

My little sister’s best friend used to have a big crush on me, it was the cliche “first older guy you really talk to so you grow to like him” thing. Although we were actually the same age, but because her birthday was after September so they made her wait another year to start school, so she ended up in my sister’s grade and not mine. I never understood that rule, I hope I have all summer babies. But anyway, nothing ever went down, One my little sister didn’t play that; I was off limits to her friends.  Two, I wasn’t even attracted to her, I just flirted because she really was the first girl to show interest in me and three, although my mother would never say it to me outright, she didn’t want me to be with a white girl (yeah I know the title of the post kind of spoiled the build up but still).  I remember when my brother first came back to stay with us, all he would do was gush over this girl,  his first love, my mother instantly asked her race (he did live in the suburbs after all).  He told her spanish, she nodded and asked more about her.  He then unpacked a picture, straight shoulder length auburn hair, blue eyes, pale fair skin, she was mixed but if you looked at the picture, she looked like a white girl.  The look on my mother’s face was priceless, it was the same look she made whenever she would see my sister’s friend pretend to act interested in whatever nerdy thing I was doing.  She wasn’t racist by any stretch, she had plenty of white friends (token excuse) and her best friend was married to a white man but for her sons she preferred otherwise.

Over the years, we would both date cross the spectrum and my mother would eventually get over it but she was only one obstacle.  Despite it being 2012,  I’ll still get side eyes from black women if I’m out with a white or Asian woman (okay I dated two asians  both was blasian and I never got any sideeyes with but i will count it towards my diversity quota).  Perhaps more so now, fat black and ugly as ever, black women was like “y’all can have him”.  It’s the same way with black men, you can have Fantasia Barrino just give us Paula Patton and Kerry Washington back.  However, I’m not one of those guys who exclusively dates one race. if I’m with a white woman its for the same reason I’m with a black woman, she was attractive and available.  It doesn’t mean I won’t come with a black woman next time.  If I order pepperoni pizza it doesn’t mean I don’t like mushroom, okay I do hate mushrooms but you get my point.  Black women aren’t the only ones, black men won’t disapprove but they will still miss the memo.   I remember when I was on a date I passed one of my boys from around the way, he kind of gave me one of those “I see you now” looks like she was just an accessory, or some sort of token of wealth (psssh we were both broke).  Regardless, if I’m dating outside my race I’m not with her to make a statement, or because she’s “easier” or that we both have credit scores in the 650s.

Why limit yourself to mere percentages of the population

Of course that’s just me.  I know black men who only date outside their race because black women are too high maintenance, and black women who date outside their race because “brothas ain’t ish”.  I shake my head at both.  Quality, relationship worthy women/men come in all sizes and colors, trying to brand one race as the good one to increase your odds of finding one is pure laziness.  Everyone should be open to dating whomever but if the first reason why you are is because the one you prefer is this, that or the third, then you’re in it for all the wrong reasons.  Every woman that ever broke my heart was black but that doesn’t mean I should only date outside my race from now on, just because you’re not a size 4 anymore doesn’t mean you should only date black guys now, just because your black boyfriend cheated on you doesn’t mean a white guy won’t. #Petraeus.



Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships, Simply Stan