Tag Archives: hurt

Today’s Word is… SAVAGE

What came first, the chicken or the egg.  (Obviously the chicken, it’d be like Adam and Eve being babies).  It’s a causality dilemma nonetheless, you can’t have one without the other.  Much like the savage and the fuckboy.  Behind either one, is some hurt they never sorted out fully and instead became the person who hurted them.  Because feelings suck.  Feeling betrayed by those feelings suck and now you want to make sure you never feel that way again.  And so, you become a savage.  You do what you want to who you want and don’t worry about consequences; they’ll be iight, you lived so will they.  Or they just take that hurt turn into savages themselves and suddenly it’s like Walking Dead, living amongst the savages who ain’t got shit to offer but hurt feelings and wyd texts while you still trying to find something real and avoid becoming a savage your damn self. I mean I’ve done some things whilst hurting (that was a crazy summer).  You find yourself reaching out to people you ain’t seen in ages like “where the wave at”, hitting up old flames knowing good and well they are not the come thru and chill type, meeting and deleting people with the same turnover rate as the White House.  You know you living foul but accountability is a little too close to feelings and you don’t do those anymore, you’re a savage.  

It’s an addicting feeling, feels almost like control.  Can’t get hurt if you don’t care.  And to be fair, why should you?  Why even stress over someone who wasn’t going to be your forever anyway?  There were times when I wasn’t even trying to be a “savage”, I literally ran out of fucks to give.   There were times I got that text and it’s like, I probably could fix this, but I won’t. She was a loud snorer.  I don’t want another smoker.  She was an awful kisser.  I like my Sundays. This is like our 15th breakup.  I don’t even like white women like that anyway.  She cut her hair.  She’s finna move away.   She watches Gilmore Girls.  Everything isn’t worth your time and energy, and sometimes people need to be reminded of that fact. If that’s, as the kids say, savage AF,  so be it.   

*cue Rihanna*

Except… You’re not Rihanna.  Rihanna was coming from a place where she is tired of having to explain every guy she’s seen with on TMZ, you are just pretending you don’t have feelings which literally counteracts science. I can get being exhausted by hurt, lies, and disappointment… But that’s just life.  This newfound era of “savagery” is just low expectations and hypocrisy.  Fairly transparent, at that.  There’s sexual liberation and there’s just being a trash person.  A lesson even I learned the hard way; that eventually every one gets over your shit.   That aforementioned summer ended as the others did, a whole lot of fuck yous only for me to leave off with a petty parting quip.  In the moment, it was savage but in hindsight it was hurt.  Hurt that again I was in this position, hurt in the realization that all of them couldn’t be tripping.  That brushing it off and on to the next one wasn’t fixing nothing, I had to really self evaluate.  As for them, maybe they found someone who wouldn’t waste their time, or maybe they are just savages now.  I truly root for the former, if it’s the latter… Well, sorry.  

So being a savage, creates a savage that may create a savage.  How do we stop the epidemic of misdirected retaliation?   Self evaluation,  for starters.  It can’t just be “men” or “women here”, “Mercury is in Retro Js”, “this generation”… Something is actually wrong.   Lowering expectations and just being a savage is scotch tape on a broken window.  We’re wired for companionship, we desire, we care, we feel… And there’s nothing wrong with that, pretending you don’t for convenience sake doesn’t do anything but infect others.  The irony is, what would be savage is loving freely and openly without fear. Not empty situationships and convincing yourself it’s on your terms.  As Auntie Maya says “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and shit.” (Not a direct quote).  



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Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships

Today’s Word is… HURT

So recently, the above video went viral featuring some gentleman, presumably from New York(“You Grimey Son!” the most New Yorkiest phrase ever uttered) freaking out after his girlfriend, his world, his cinnamon apple (I cant mock as im just as lame with pet names) is leaving him. Who knows what he did to deserve this fate but by threatening to humiliate her by posting pictures (yet he’s the one who’s being embarrassed, score one for karma) he’s hard to pity. Now we’ve all been humbled, we’ve all been angry but I cant think of anything as low as publishing intimate photos on the internet. I can, however, relate to his hurt, relate to his pettiness. Hurt makes you do crazy things.

As someone who may or may not have

-sent flowers to her with a passive aggressive ass card

-sold our prom tickets for a throwback jersey

-called her mother on her birthday and intentionally forget hers

-stood her up in the middle of the city

-saved a Valentines Day gift and gave it to someone else the following year

-went on Instagram and “unliked” every picture

-#heyboo’d her best friend (never pulled the trigger i just wanted her to see these homegirls ain’t loyal)

That’s not even including the classic drunk dials, long winded messages and sleeping with someone you regret(that someone being the very person you were trying to over in the first place). Ultimately, I came to regret everything (maybe not the birthday thing, her mama loved me) because when the dust settled all you’ve done is burned a bridge. Breakups are humbling and embarrassing and not everyone, see video, can handle such a traumatic experience. Thats only amplified in an era where your mental breaks are being filmed, you can look on your phone and see 3 dozen people “like” that your girl is single now, or your Twitter rant is a click away from going viral. Hopefully, he calms down and doesn’t hit send on something he cant take back, hopefully she doesn’t take him back (cuz crazy) and he grows from this just like I and many other dudes have. Just throw on “Say You Will” and your best I ain’t crying face and soldier on until it don’t hurt no more. Damn, now I miss my caramel sunflower.


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Filed under Dating, Oh, Internet