Tag Archives: friend

Today’s Word is… FRIEND

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More things should be like poor kneaux clips.  Okay, almost 2 years in and this easily is the randomest post opening ever.  From God to poor nography, thats just how I roll. Poor kneaux clips are very specific about what it is you are about to see, there’s no minced words, chubby ebony gets blahblahblah you watch and you see exactly that (sidebar, ebony was such a beautiful word we let get sullied, why couldn’t we give them chocolate or burnt Siena).  In life, things aren’t as cut and dry, we are notoriously vague; a job ad for marketing executive is really cold calling, a freelance makeup artist is really unemployed Instagram user and a friend, well that can pretty much mean anyone you aren’t related or committed to. 

For most men, female friends can go into a category of “slept with” “wanna sleep with” or “wouldn’t ever sleep with”.  Theoretically, a man calling a homegirl he’s had for years a friend while placing that title on a loyal twitter follower, the ex he not quite over, the roommate, his boy’s ex, the cute receptionist at work, and the chick he’s smashing no strings attached makes no damn sense. It doesn’t, which is why most men clearly distinguish who is where in their heart even if it isn’t stated outright.  We remember the Myspace Top 8 days, we know better. So, for all intents and purposes, ask who’s that? Yeah that’s my friend.

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Me.

Why go through the trouble?  Men like women.  And men aren’t great at making new friends.  I’ve gone out chopped it up with some cool brothas, and never spoke again.  A woman I find chemistry with, I’m getting that follow up.  What happens from there may or may not turn into something but in the meantime in between time, well, yeah that’s my friend.  Because someone I text to pass time at work is too poor know graphic. 

It could all be so simple, but some rather make it hard. (For those keeping score, this is the 10th L Boogie reference on SFW).  Enter the dark side of having “friends”, emotional cheating, expectations, and messiness.  This happens when you aren’t real about how friendly your friends are.  Trust me, I know.  It’s been a rough few weeks. You don’t wanna know, trust me.  Its been a rough few weeks.  As I always say, titles breed accountability; you have a different responsibility to a “friend” than someone you’re smashing dating, someone you’re dating to your girlfriend.  Some men try to shirk all responsibilities and call everyone a friend and problem solved right? Wrong. So very wrong.  If you seen her boobs, she’ll always be a certain KIND of friend.  If you’ve had intimate conversations, she’s a different KIND of friend, you had sex, things have changed.  Even if she says “oh we can just be friends” the seal has been broken and you both know that.  Even if one tries to act otherwise.

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Heh heh fitting image. Heh heh...fitting. *sees self out*

To me, that is the true “friendzone”, trying to factory seal an open bottle, not that “nice” guy/girl cant take rejection stuff they sell on TV.  Being intimate with someone and telling them it doesn’t count, cuz titles.  Feelings gon feel, titles only dictate the expectations.  I can call someone a friend all I like, doesn’t change how I truly feel about them.  It’s a lesson that I’m still assimilating now.  Perhaps I need a new label for those special friends….like…..idk I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

-Stan-

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Filed under Dating, Love, Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… NICE

So I’m just browsing on Instagram, my friend, umm bout time she got a nickname “Amiga” posts a picture of her and her homegirl.  I commented that they looked cute, the friend responds and we have a small friendly conversation via the comments.  “Amiga” calls me, “cut the sh t”.  Well, hello to you too.  She strongly opposes any union between her and her friend, obviously she wouldn’t want her two best friends to hook up for obvious reasons but it was interesting that she made it seem like she was protecting HER from me, I’m the good one.

“I was just responding to a comment, but even so what’s wrong with me I’m a nice guy”

“You’re too nice”

“So you want her with a jerk”

“You are a jerk Tristan, you’re just nice about it”

She went in, on how I act oblivious to my affect on other people.   Apparently, I make people fall for me when I have no intention of catching them. It sort of brought me back to my flirting post, is even being nice misleading?  The bar can’t be set THAT low can it?

Sidebar: Marley was a married man with 1000 illegitimate kids

“Amiga” brought up how there isn’t much difference from the way I treat a woman whether its her, a girlfriend, ex, or waitress.  Ironically enough, everyone still swears I treat a better than b. My life.  But anyway according to her, as long as I have my charm on hundred thousand trillion, I will always come off as someone who wants more than I’m intending.  Then when I don’t turn out to be anything more than just a nice guy, I’m just a jerk. Logic is fun.  I sincerely want to maintain a friendship when the relationship doesn’t work out, I enjoy making the cute cashier blush, is that so wrong?  But as I said the other day, my biggest problem will always be I assume everyone understands me.

Amiga does. Over the years she’s become immune to it, I can call her beautiful and she’ll respond with shut up.  Although there were times where we might could’ve been something but one of us always backed out.  No one else doesn’t understand this nice by default nature so the way they see it, Oooh I think he likes me.   But then when I actually don’t like them, they are completely mindfcuked and suddenly I’m the jerk who doesn’t know what he wants. Whatever.

However, this is all an interesting perspective seeing as I spent other posts like this, that, and others talking about how the nice guy stays losing.  The nice guy finishes last, the nice guy gets friend zoned, the nice guy is too safe.  But maybe it’s all a cover.  Are nice guys just jerks in shining armor?  How is it being nice at 18 got me called “bestie” and “brother” now at 24 gets me called “jerk” and “player”?  Simple, when a one wants something even the slightest gesture means everything.  I remember I had a big crush on a girl in my class, we actually were pretty cool but in my mind it had to be more.  Every hug, status, dance I felt was drawing me closer to her, she disclosed to me she had a crush on someone as well….my boy. Damn tease, let his underachieving ass tutor you then.  I kid, we’re all still cool.

As great as friends are, it will always be a downgrade if you truly have stronger feelings.  It’s frustrating because even as you try to hate them, you really have no reason to be.   They aren’t in control of your feelings.  Amiga says I’m a “nice” jerk because I insist on being nice even though I know I’m probably doing more harm than good, killing them with kindness in a way.  She had a point with exes but people I’ve never been involved with I don’t see the logic.  You can’t control who falls for you? Can you?

-Stan-

 

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Filed under Dating, Relationships, Simply Stan