7/6/17 (Day 240)- I love this country, I harshly judge this country… Thats kinda how the whole black in America thing works. I think about the times when I personally was ashamed to be an American, I can think of 3 off top; Katrina, Sandy Hook and this. When I wasn’t just angry at my government but I actually felt the shame, I thought about how other nations probably viewed us. Treating own citizens like refugees? Kids killed and not a single push on gun control? And then, there’s this orange duckfacing reality star who was chosen to run the whole country. Looking at clips of Toupee Fiasco at the G20 summit, speaking to other nations about his beef with a cable news network, having to literally be babysat during his sit down with Putin because he can’t be trusted with, you know, words. It’s actually reached the point of shame. This actually happened, he’s the 45th president of the United States, forever. The embarrassing high school picture of American history. Just as you look at those colored contacts and 5X tee shirts and wonder what the hell you were thinking, that’s how I will always remember 2016. Even after history inevitably whitewashes this and blames Russia for everything. YOU did this, America. YOU did.
7/11/17 (Day 245)- These are my confessions, I’ve never actually seen the Godfather I just get the pop culture references and fake my way through. If Mango Mussolini can fake his way through the Presidency, surely I can fake my way through this analogy. So in The Godfather, when Vito almost gets killed or something and then James Caan does get killed as acting mob boss, Vito picks his youngest son, Scarface to take over instead of Fredo who would’ve been next in line. Because you can’t give Fredo too much power, he’d Fredo it up. So when news broke that Donald Trump Jr, the Fredo of this family of Fredos met with a Russian lawyer to get dirt in Hillary Clinton complete with email chain, I thought wow, he really IS Fredo. So what does Fredo do? He doubles down on the Fredoness by tweeting the emails out without any idea of if and how this can blow up in his face. In Godfather II, Fredo tries to take out Al Pacino, fails and gets dealt with. Because of course he did, he’s Fredo. Meanwhile, Twitter Fingers Sr has yet to chime in. Because, it’s Fredo.
7/15/17 (Day 249)- To commit an act of treason, one must aid a country we are at war with. The United States and Russia are not at war, but relations between the two countries have been on “I just don’t like this bitch” forever. So… its technically treason but not treason. Diet Treason. Treason Lite. Apparently, that’s close but no cigar because Congress is acting like none of this is happening and back to the business of replacing Obamacare with Get Rich of Try Dying. They’ve accepted Orange Foolius for what he is, a distraction so while people wonder colluding with a foreign government to alter the results of an election isn’t a crime, they continue to work in the shadows. You look up and realize Dolt45 hasn’t actually done anything of note since taking office but golf and tweet. A cheeto dust smokescreen.
7/21/17 (Day 255)- Considering it’s his catchphrase, Nacho Nazi isn’t good at firing people. Instead he just hires your replacement and hopes your pride makes you quit. I mean, it works for his wives. The latest victim, Sean Spicer. I can’t say I’d miss Spicey, but I’m sure Melissa McCarthy is broken up over this… This impression did more for her career than Mike and Molly ever did. I’ll miss the countless countless lies, the memes, and maybe this means that Press Briefings will air like again because that whole cameraless thing was very troubling. Enter Anthony Scaramucci, who is what I think Trump thinks he looks like. Sure he’s from Goldman Sachs, supported Obama and calls himself the Mooch… Consistently doesn’t matter, that’s pretty par for the course. The issue isn’t that Persimmon Putin needs a better communication team, it’s the actual bullshit being communicated. Like lying about the Inauguration crowd like we don’t have, cameras. Lies to cover up a lie that was a lie about another lie. Why not just hire Joe Budden?
7/24/17 (Day 258)- This is the bill that never dies, yes it goes on and on my guys, Senators tried to vote on it not knowing what it was, they’ll just keep supporting it forever just because this the bill that… They are really adament about ripping healthcare from poor people. They even rushed John McCain out of cancer recovery just to make sure broke people won’t be able to in the future. They are if nothing else, persistent. Meanwhile Sunkist Stalin, finally defends Fredo by mentioning Hillary’s “acid washed” emails. (Literally not a thing). He really cares about those emails… Maybe that’s why he colluded with Russia to get them.
7/25/17 (Day 259)- So Trumpcare 3.0 aka Wealthcare aka Get Rich or Try Dying is dead. I think. For now. Sure it’ll be back tho. Like herpes. Shoutout to Usher. The biggest plot twist was that the deciding FOH vote came from John McCain. After someone may have said God need to call his ass home already. Allegedly. Let’s not get carried away here, if you pull a gun on someone, decide not to fire you then don’t get to say you saved their life. Which is pretty much what happened there. But good looks John, and you know beat cancer. So yet another L for Donallllllld, I thought deals were his thing. *sips tea*
7/26/17 (Day 260)- Still nursing the L he caught yesterday, Darth Cheeto decided to tweet out a ban on transgendered people in the military. Because fuck you, that’s why. His lists the reason as being cost, but in reality he’d save the country more money by actually paying his taxes. It’s simply discrimination for the sake of doing so. This wasn’t some hard decision, there’s no remorse, he tweeted it with the same regard as I would tweet what I had for breakfast. Let me know when the military officials themselves challenge this tho. *sips more tea* Bleh. It’s cold.
7/31/17 (Day 265)- Moooooch, we hardly knew ye. I mean imagine missing the birth of your child and losing your wife for a job you “held” for 10 days. You ain’t even get a badge yet, a .gov email address, can’t even update your LinkedIn page, ain’t even get fired on your day off because you haven’t even got PTO yet, I was an engineering major (12 days) longer than he was employed (bout 10). Milk and plantain had longer shelf lives. Good laugh indeed. See you in a few Scaramuccis.