Tag Archives: fathers day

Today’s Word is… FATHERS

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No.

I used to love Father’s Day.  A quarter century ago, I was BORN on Father’s Day.  (So darling readers, I accept ecards, baked goods and Paypal) Before social media I never knew backlash against Father’s Day was even a thing.  Ah, ignorance was indeed bliss.  Now, this Sunday I might just avoid social media altogether because they have obliterated Father’s Day.  Father’s Day was pure, no religious separatism (Christmas, Easter), no Native Americans were harmed in the creation of this holiday (Columbus, Thanksgiving), wasn’t sullied by a three day weekend of debauchery (MLK Day, Memorial Day), it was an American holiday we got right….. Until Twitter can in with a steel chair when the refs back was turned.  Now its become a day of shaming, bitterness, and poor taste. 
It starts with #thedebate.  For what it’s worth I think its disrespectful to men and women for single mothers to try to “claim” the day, however it came to be that you’re now raising a child alone, be the best parent you can be that being said, you’re not a f@&*ing father.  It is literally that black and white.  It took two.  You caught the touchdown but someone, buckfoy or not, threw that muhfugga.  I’ve gotten into arguments over this position, been accused of judging, and having privilege; whatever.  I don’t need to know your life, you didn’t fertilize an egg. Case closed.

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No.

What probably annoys me more is #theshade.  Parents on social media dragging the others name through the mud for likes and retweets.  You wouldn’t go on stage in front of hundreds of friends, family and acquaintances and deliver a soliloquy about how this man YOU chose is this that and the third but you will write it on Facebook and hit post.  You wouldn’t speak at a function and badmouth the ones who aren’t there, but again you’ll taint your well wishes with qualifiers.  Perhaps this grinds my gears because people really pretend the internet and real life aren’t the same.  REAL people read your posts, REAL people are judging, REAL people will REALLY hurt you.

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No.

Rounding out this three headed monster is #theignorant.  The ones who use “fatherless” as a slur, the ones who do use this day to cast aspersions on single mothers.  There’s a difference between me saying a mother is not a father or keep your private matters private and some stay-at-home son judging a woman on who she chose to give her body to.  My father is present in my life but I’ll never act like that lends credence to my words over someone who was raised by a single mother.  Some perspectives I’ll never truly understand and I’ll never speak from them.  If only others would do the same, then well maybe Father’s Day wouldn’t be where it is.

Men don’t make a fuss over gifts, so the market will never make Father’s Day THAT big a deal.  It’s only been around about 40 years, so it’ll never catch Mothers Day (well over a century old), but what I hope Father’s Day will become is the good natured celebration it ought to be.  So this Sunday, I’ll probably chop it up with my pops, salute another year of not slipping one past the goalie, hit up the homies who did and watch the Finals.  No room for negativity in my life (especially my birthday week).

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… POPS

So I’m randomly chatting to this woman, cute smile, sense of humor, whathaveyou. We’re give brief bios when she mentions she has kids and waited for the look of defeat in my eyes.  I proceeded to make normal conversation, much to her surprise.  She thinks maybe I misheard her, so she attacks from a new angle explaining how hard it is to date as a parent and went on saying things you really don’t say to a guy you just met.  Going back to the parenting/dating conundrum, she said she struggles to meet guys who can get past her children, I countered she seems to place them in the way.  I went on to say that there’s two sides to a mother, the parent and the woman, and sometimes she and suitors never focus on the woman.  And like that shields was down, but that’s a different post entirely. 

Anywho, I was reading another blog on what makes a good father. Now I have no lil Stans running around so I couldn’t relate on that level, so I thought what makes my father a good father.  I couldn’t help but think about that conversation with the woman before and my theory on the two sides of a parent.  If you’ve read long enough you’d know my relationship with my father is unique, he was always  provider, care taker and disciplinarian but as a man, I hardly knew ye.  I know I can call him for anything, I know he proudly served his country and worked to give me everything I covet. But his favorite color? I don’t know…blue?  Actually I think it is blue.  Whatever.

What I did learn about him, came from my mother and loose lipped relatives.  My father was the king of compartmentalization.  He never let us see his struggles as a man.  He quit drinking and smoking shortly after I was born. He’ll play 5 basketball games in a row and never let me know he’s sore (though I would be dude plays defense like a Bad Boy Piston). He’s not rich but you could never say he was broke. It goes without saying he wasn’t perfect, but he’d be damned to let me or any of my siblings know his flaws.  He was Superman.  

These days he’s hung up his cape, and it’s still awkward to see him as Clark Kent.  Instead of telling what’s what, he just gives his perspective and leaves it to our own interpretation.  Talks went from “wear a condom” to “are you sure you’re in love with this woman”.  I never heard him complain about work, I never heard him gush over my brother’s mother the way he does his new fiancee.  Perhaps, it simply takes a man to know a man. 

It makes sense now, but it hadn’t always.  My sisters were spoiled, my older brothers were equals, my little brothers were babies, I was just….me.  I saw our relationship for what it wasn’t rather than what it was.  As gifted as I was I was still a child, and a child was kept in a child’s place.  Could he had did some things differently? Of course. Could I had made life easier? Indeed. With that understanding and the lessons learned, we’re able to move forward in the next phase of the father/son dynamic. So this Father’s Day especially I take time to reflect on the father I have and the father I hope to be one day, Superman with a bit more tact, the great parent and just as great man.

Happy Father’s Day.

-Stan-

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