Tag Archives: Father

Today’s Word is… FATHERHOOD

Sister:”So when are you and “she” going to give me a niece or nephew”

Me: *drinks water pretending not to hear the question*

Sister: “I’m tired of being mommy i want to be an auntie too”

Nephew: “He doesn’t need a kid mommy, he has me”

4 years old. The kid is clutch.  What a difference a few months make, I’m not making as much as I was, I’m not in a stable relationship anymore, yet there are two constants: my nephew still that dude, and diversions aside I do want a child.  I’ve always wanted one.  Slipped a few past the goalie, God had other plans but out of everything I have ever aspired to be, a father has always been on the top of my list.  Yet at the same time, the prospects of fatherhood frighten me.  What type of parent would I be, what type of child will I bring into the world, what do I have to teach them, what do I have to learn?

If I have a son, what will he ultimately think of me? I look at the relationship with my father, there were times I truly disliked him, others I greatly admired him, overall I love and respect him even matured enough to understand him. He did his job, he raised a man, yet we’re not the closest. His father and he weren’t close until recently, maybe he looks at me and sees what type of son he was. I only hope to break the cycle with my own.

If I have a girl, what can I teach her about men today? I’m still currently the type of guy I wouldn’t want her with. Will she learn accountability and holding herself to the high standards, or will she be on Worldstar (every parent’s fear should be their child on Worldstarhiphop.com) Will she marry a man better than her father or settle for one like him?

Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself, before I even get there, I want the ideal situation. I don’t want a baby mother, I want a wife so my children knows what a relationship is supposed to be. I don’t want a 3 bedroom apartment, I want a house to pass on. I don’t want to work 2 jobs to keep things afloat, I want a career I love and allows me to spend time and raise my children.

I’m only 24 so I have plenty of time to set myself up for the life I desire. But whenever I am feeling parental, wondering what if she kept it, I remember I’m still building my foundation. And I still got my nephew. He’s my little wingman.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… INFLUENCE

I don’t take myself too seriously.  For some reason, others do.  As much as I doubt myself, over analyze my own actions, I’m a black Dr. Phil to those around me.  The irony is I typically hate giving advice.  Usually I simply play devil’s advocate, take the other side and argue tooth and nail and allow the person to see strengths and weakness in their own perspective.  At least that’s the angle I go for, which is usually brushed off with an “ugh, I don’t know why I bothered”.   Not to sound full of myself but I’m often copied even subconsciously by others.  I’ve overheard friends using lines of mine, seen outfits copied, lingo used, but again I don’t take myself too seriously. Do me.  However, who influences me? Where the hell is my mentor? Shouldn’t I had one by now?

My father and I always had more of a provider/dependent relationship.  I love him no less that’s just the way we are. I learned from observing primarily.  Of course there were times where he’d break the 4th wall and lecture or put foot to ass if need be, but his approach with me was different than with my other siblings.  Overall, can’t argue with the results:  Honor roll student, never did drugs, no teenage pregnancies, I turned out pretty okay.  Now, I check in with him here and there he might sneak in a lecture but he’s not exactly someone I’d go to for advice.  Perhaps I’m not utilizing this resource but I just can’t see us discussing at length this mess of a dating life of mine.  Leaky faucet, car trouble, who’s winning the game tonight…definitely.

I’m not a big celebrity person.  I’ve met a few athletes, politicians, musicians, its handshakes and small talk.  My favorite artist, Jay-Z, isn’t exactly someone I would emulate outside of wealth accumulation and Beyonce.  I respect the hustle, admire the talent, but never aspired to be the next Jay-Z. I’m a terrible rapper, sneaky talented songwriter but terrible rapper.  My favorite athlete, Michael Vick is someone I also wouldn’t emulate, for reasons beyond the, you know, big one.

As an aspiring writer, well not really aspiring, I like to think my style is unique.  It’s a snarky narrative style, I write how I talk which is where the horrible grammar comes from.  As an artist, my style comes from a variety of sources, Eric Barnes, Basquiat, Henry Ossawa Tanner, every art teacher I ever had, Matt Groening, Carl Barks, Aaron McGruder…as for someone in the accounting field. I still lack that mentor, maybe I should network more.

Behold…my greatest influence

I guess overall, as cocky as it sounds, I influence myself.   I hate failing, I’ve grown to like being the one everyone else turns to, and above all else, I simply know better.  Perhaps, that mentor will come along one day, maybe help guide me in the right direction but for now I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job with simply experiencing.

-Stan-

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