Tag Archives: evil

Today’s Word Is… UNSPOKEN

Cats are asshole animals.  They are just bred that way.  They learn right and wrong from rewards and consequences.  I’ve had Brady for about 4 months now (does that make me a cat owner *shudders*) he knows right from wrong.  Every now and again, I’ll come home, he just chilling on the counter, without saying a word he knows he’s not allowed there he’ll jump down go about his business.  Now a year ago, I’ll come home, “She” is there, she has her own key she let’s herself in. 

*exchange hellos and pleasantries*
“When you get here”
“Came straight from work I got off at 7”
“Oh ok cool, I’m hungry did you make anything”
“This ain’t my house” *goes into bedroom, bowl of green grapes just chilling on the nightstand* 
“Sarcastic comment about how she makes herself at home in every other regard”
“Why do you always have to start with me”
“Why do I still have to tell you it’d be nice if you cooked considering you’ve been here all day”
*some random unnecessary fight ensues*

We all enter relationships with a certain set of standards and expectations we want from our partner, I’ve been over that before. However, it’s the unspoken expectations, the things that you feel you shouldn’t have to explain, other rather you have and feel it should’ve set in by now, are the killer. 

I’ve said plenty of times on this blog, my number one problem is that I assume everyone sees things exactly how I see them.  Sometimes I feel things are painfully obvious, that it’s like do you listen to me speak or do you just skim through it.  Me and “She” got to the point where the fact I even had to still say these things were more frustrating than the acts themselves.  She felt I was nitpicking, I was just checking the foundation before I went ahead and started building the house.  Perhaps I was too focused on the big picture to even notice the small steps.  Ultimately because that’s what I want, I want my next relationship to be my last one, otherwise why bother.  If I don’t see myself marrying the one I’m with aren’t I just prolonging the inevitable?

I think back to the time I was almost a father, God decided not yet but the experience shed a new light on my then mate.  This woman, irresponsible, irrational, erratic….would be the mother of my child.  It was perhaps a light I should’ve been looked at her at the second we became intimate but things were fully in perspective now. I didn’t love her I liked her, there was no future only the now, we tried to make it work but the writing was on the wall.  She didn’t understand, we were seemingly fine, but in my heart I knew she wasn’t it.  Her small red flags have evolved into full deal breakers. I wanted more, I expected more.

The thing about the unspoken expectations is the fairness to the partner.  She isn’t a mind reader, i’m setting her up for failure.  What if roles reversed and in her mind she was holding me to some standard I just might not surmount to?  Enter communication, the cure all to all that is gray area.  But even that wouldn’t be necessary if simply we’re working towards the same goal, improvement.  If I find myself saying the same thing over and over I’m inclined to believe that you must not truly want the things I do.  If you’re asking me the same things over and over, it’s likely because I don’t want to.  You can say all the right things, even convince yourself you are finished, but never lose sight that you’re supposed to be convincing them, not yourself.

-Stan-     

  

 

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Filed under Dating, Randomness, Relationships

Today’s Word is… MASCULINITY

Now, in my experience when an ex needed to talk, it was a pregnancy scare, needing closure, or wanting my permission to date my boy.  So I started counting back months, crossed my fingers and called.

So it turned out her friends cat had a litter of kittens and needed to unload some, ummm cool story.  They’ve tried but there’s still 3-4 left and are reaching out to anyone with space….

uh oh I see where this is going…

“can you take 2 until we find owners?”

“My apartment doesn’t allow pets”

“Doesn’t the guy downstairs have a dog”

“Thats a dog and he’s not even allowed to have it”

“Doesn’t the one across the hall have a cat”

“My apartment is too small for two cats”

“Just take one, until we find another owner or you can find one..pleeeeeease we don’t know who else to ask”

Not him…just as evil tho

And with that enters Brady (if I’m going to have a furball, it’s going to at least be named after the greatest QB of my time), a I think it’s like 12 weeks old now I’m not a cat person, Maine coon kitten sent from the depths of hell.  I’ve had him for a month of so, almost found a home a few times but one changed their mind, another didn’t want to pay a rehoming fee, and the other wanted me to bring it 2 hours away (I don’t deliver, #digiorno).  I think it was all an evil ploy by “She”, try to throw off my game, single men with cats are usually perceived as gay, secretly married or serial killers.  Also she knows firsthand how much  I value my stuff and has sent Brady to destroy it from the inside Trojan Horse style.  But at least he doesn’t use my brush, talk during Pardon the Interruption and say he’s not hungry but then proceeds to pick off my plate and out the pan for 10 minutes, so for now he’s an upgrade as a roommate.  I was telling my friend about this unfortunate turn of events and she laughed and said honestly a cat fits my personality, in the sense I’m lazy, low maintenance and only want attention when I’m bored.  Another friend shared a similar sentiment also throwing in responsible and caring.  My boy basically went way left saying that it was my way of holding on the her, which isn’t true I would’ve done it for anyone.  Another said f*** that leave the door open and let fate drive.  I laughed, admittedly considered it but for now I’m still a single man with a cat.  This can potentially alter the dynamics of my dating life.

Manly?

I needed to test on objective parties.  I broke the news to a boo (leaving the part where i did it as a favor to my ex of course), she wanted to say something but didn’t so I used the serial killer line and she agreed wholeheartedly.  Another had a “to each his own I guess” reaction.  An e-boo thought it was sweet I was helping out a friend (exactly, only took 7 people to get it) and that she liked that I was secure with myself.  Then another girl cosigned the low maintenance part, she don’t know me like that, who she think she is?  Anyway, men with cats do get a bad rep and as a temporary member I guess I have to defend.  I don’t need to walk around with a rottweiler like I’m Nino Brown to overcompensate, or use a dog as a wingman if I see a cute girl (actually that is the only reason a dog would come in  handy).

Side eye me if I start carrying a picture in my wallet, join a pet forum (although I do google a lot of stuff, like why it keeps going to town on its tail, or when they start shedding fur because hopefully he’s gone by then), start dressing it or actually own more than one (one cat is low maintenance, two cats is just creepy).  Cat or not I’m far from the cliche man anyways; sure I love beer, sports, boobs, have facial hair and hate everything that Nicholas Sparks ever wrote, but also I blog, I read books, watch what I eat, listen to R&B, and I like turkey bacon.  I am who I am.  I’m not a cat owner tho.

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Filed under Randomness, Simply Stan