Tag Archives: date

Today’s Word is… FRUGAL

“Now how you going to talk about the way I spend my money
Everybody say it with me now: it’s my money” – Kanye Omari West

My pops is the most frugal man I know.  It’s a thin line between frugal and cheap and he’s a damn tightrope expert.  I never knew how much he made or how’d he pull off Christmas for all his kids but the man got it done.  When he said “he was broke” we always sideeyed him and whatever new outfit or jewelry he was flaunting. Now don’t get me wrong we weren’t the Huxtables but off my Pops efforts, we stayed comfortable.  As an adult, I live the same way, I’m not strug life and I’m not balling, I’m comfortable.  I’ve come to master the ball on a budge; I don’t need Madden in August, I’ll cop it at Christmas time, I’m not really a big Jordan guy, I have dozens of casual kicks, when I shop online there’s almost always another tab open to look up coupon codes.  When I do splurge it’s on holidays and relatively well planned, I mean, I kinda do that for a living after all.  Looking over my budget, just about every unexpected expense comes from family and dating.  Family is a given priority but when it comes to dating, you can’t exactly plan for it.  It’s spontaneous, you can walk outside and meet someone who is going to cost you at least $120 next weekend.  You get a new lady in your life you don’t go that extra week without that haircut, you was going to do laundry next week but you need something to wear Wednesday night, that gas in the tank for work was used going across town to get some ass.  You never really know.  

So the other day on Twitter, someone from Sigma Zeta Bodypillow Inc went on a rant about using Groupons on dates.  Jigga what?  You do know that 3 weeks ago I had no intentions of my paycheck going to feed you right?  Your homegirl did your hair for free, you bought your outfit on clearance but somehow your perceived value is based on how much I am willing to spend.  Cool.  Like I said, there’s a thin line between frugal and cheap. I have three golden rules when it comes to using Groupon or the like on dates.

 

1. No Surprises: It is about presentation. Now, busting out a clipped out coupon that’s expired and you don’t even have enough to pay is one thing; using a Groupon have the reservation booked and the deal honored and added to the check and she has no idea is another. (Also ladies, if you ain’t paying stop touching the damn check, the cost of your meal is “paid for” that’s all you need to know, and don’t worry how much I tipped the waitress).  If that’s that possible, then the next go to move is to just keep it 100 about the 50% you about to save on the evening.  “I got this groupon for X it’s about to expire, do you wanna….” There’s no surprises and if she’s gonna be one of those people who brings up the fact that you wouldn’t ask her out if not for the coupon, she probably read 10 dating books and follows @AskCheyB on Twitter. Run. Fast. 

2. Events > Meals: Somewhat of a theory of mine that no one notices how much activities cost as much as meals.  Restaurants, you sit, order, eat and they literally tell you how much this experience cost monetarily.  Doing activities, no one puts as much stock in.  I’ve gone to free events and I’ve used deals and the experience was all the same.

3. First Impressions Matter: The first date is probably not the best time to be using coupons.  I’ll avoid when I can but sometimes a deal is just too good to pass up so she will deal, Deal? (Triple entendre don’t eem ask me how).  

 

 

 

 

It can all be so simple. But when it comes to dating, a lot of stock is put into perceived value, how much effort is he about to put in. Will he call and ask you out or just text? Is he going to pay or go Dutch? Knock on your door or text “I’m here”. Understandably you don’t know the person so actions speak louder than words. However I never looked at how much I spend as some sort of reference to how important someone is or isn’t. I’m a traditionalist, I’m paying even if I don’t like you, whether the bill is $80 or $14 the fact I spent time with you is the true indication. This notion is if you cant break bread don’t date but what if he knew he wanted to get to know you before he knew what his check was looking like. Money values goods and services not feelings. My father sometimes spent more on me than my siblings or vice versa there wasn’t any favoritism. He did what he could every time and we never thought how much it cost but the fact that he did, well that was priceless.

-Stan-

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Filed under Dating, La Familia, Love, Money, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… DATE

As you know I’m not a big fan of the single life, it’s cold out there, let me inside.  However, the one thing I give it over relationships is that I do enjoy dating.  One, I’m great at first impressions, Two, it gives me an excuse to do things I want to do anyway, Three, I love meeting new people.   Some people I date because I have genuine interest is a relationship down the road, others I simply enjoy their company.  Sometimes the lines are crossed and I’ve been hanging out and they looked at it as a date, and I thought I was on a date and it was just hanging out.  I’m pretty much the same way on either so what’s the difference between the two?  What is a date? What are the rules? What changes it from being hanging out?  The obvious difference is intention; but sometimes you just don’t really know.  I’ve gone into dates thinking it was a date, picked up red flags/bad vibe/etc and quickly called an audible.  I’ve also hung out and tried to make it as date-esque as possible.  Through my fails  experiences, I’ve determined:

Dates don’t take place at home- Light all the candles you want, dates don’t happen in the crib (or dorm).

It takes two- Well obviously two people but I mean in the sense, dates usually consist of two activities, looking back there were times I went out with a girl and we went our separate ways after, needless to say I ended up in the friend zone after.

Dates are made in advance- This one I learned the hard way.  Like I said earlier, I typically like to date to do things I want to do anyway. If I’m hungry I’ll suggest we get something to eat, if I want to see a certain movie I’ll ask you to go.  Every relationship advice guru in the world tells women never accept same day dates but I try anyway.  Also women take 37593 years to get ready so they need the prep time.

Tone- We’re too cool for our own good sometimes. “Can I take you out for a drink sometime?” is too humbling, if you get told no there’s nothing around it you just gotta take it.  “You wanna grab a drink sometime” is an easier way even if she does decline but if she accepts you can’t really own up to it either.  I have a habit of asking out in the most vague, platonically ways possible (years of rejection does numbers on you) and then it backfires when I’m not sure if its a date or not

Looking back on dates or hang outs I had and what ultimately happened later on, it was pretty much clear where I went wrong in drawing the line between the two.  For example, my last “date” with Broke Poem Girl (that was like a while ago, I really should get out more), she actually asked me out t she did say “let’s go to brunch” so I thought okay we’re just hanging, then she changed the date to the slam and wanted to get dolled up, so I thought okay maybe it’s a date.  I went business casual she had on skinny jeans, Hangout. Then after the show, she suggested somewhere else, date. However, I had lost entirely too much interest and called it a night. Hangout.  Another time, I had asked a girl out to dinner and drinks, Date? She just invited me over and we ordered in, Hangout.   I also got welp it’s getting late, kickout.  It’s cold out here.

-Stan-

 

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Filed under Dating, Love