Tag Archives: date a writer

Today’s Word is… INTEL

Growing up, I was an Allen Iverson stan. I had multiple jerseys, the shoes, (my mother wasn’t with the braids so I did what any rebellious teen did…. I just faked it with a du rag and headband. Cuz black mama). I had just missed the Jordan era, he was the dude from Space Jam who you had to create in video games cuz he was too good for them. AI was my Jordan and I wasn’t hearing otherwise. As time has gone on, analytics and advanced stats gave the real tea on AI: he was a very inefficient scorer, turnover prone, one of the worse defenders in the league, was really bout 5’9 1/2, wasn’t a great 3 point shooter but he threw them up anyway, may not start for most teams let alone be the face of a franchise. Fuck them numbers, B. Iverson is a blind spot where I could be blissfully ignorant enjoying what I was watching without knowing too much. It was a simpler time.

These days, perhaps we have too much information. You may not be here if your parents could send subliminal tweets to each other during a fight, Barack and Michelle were able to fall in love because he never had to experience being left on “read”, I could be married to my college sweetheart if she never found my Twitter. (No, I wouldn’t. ) It could also be for the better; you can search his @ name and “bitches”, “black women” or “females” and see what’s he’s really bout, you may find out on Facebook she wasn’t as single as she let on, you see every too damn friendly comment left by others on their pictures or just learn early that they ain’t really bout shit. Why waste precious time and energy when you can learn all about someone with a few clicks. But what’s the fun in that? Isn’t life about learning things the hard way, experiencing the ups and downs…I guess? Yet, at the same time, we millennials. (well I have no idea who is a millennial is anymore, it feels like the goalposts keep moving.) I guess I’m wondering aloud if maybe we just know too much.

Then there’s me. I have a kinda almost weekly semi-autobiographical blog. A far more intimate setting than even my social media accounts. Here, I just say whatever is on my mind without much thought about who (hi sweetie?) may or may not be reading. Well, mostly. I’ve learned there’s still plenty I should keep to myself. I often wonder if SFW is maybe too much information. Every doubt, every thought, every feeling doesn’t need to be articulated… publicly. Yet we millennials overshare to the point of exhaustion. I’ve said before that I couldn’t date another writer, we’re too neurotic, too analytical, project too much (There’s only room for one me in the relationship and I’m already me). You’d think everything is good and next thing you know you’re being dragged on Harper’s Bazaar because your wife finds it emotionally draining to speak to you directly. I’ve seen followers literally thread every detail of their day and as a follower I’m mildly amused but if I was a love interest I would run for the hills.

I guess I enjoy a blissful ignorance. I want to be able to ask about your day and actually not know the answer already because you made 36 snaps. I want to watch AI highlights and not know he could’ve made a higher percentage shot if he passed it earlier. I don’t need to know what her homegirl thinks about me (unless she’s taking my side), or that she saw that text an hour before she decided to answer it. That’s not the same as being blindly naive to cheating and otherwise disrespectful behavior, it’s I’m going into this as objectively and open as possible.

-Stan-

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Filed under Dating, Randomness, Uncategorized

Today’s Word is… WRITER

So I’m on Twitter and I see there’s a buzz about a post on the Thought Catalog, “Date a Girl Who Writes“. My initial reaction, the post was of course excellently written, it was quite an enticing sales pitch, but no. I forgot how many writers I follow on Twitter so they was not about to let that fly by without an explanation. So I thought carefully about my answer, the tweet appropriate answer

“over thinks situations, struggles with discretion, writing becomes the escape im supposed to be”

But wait, that’s me. I don’t really consider myself a writer, per se, I have this blog but most of my posts are long winded rants and stories. I don’t consider this “writing”, this is expressing. However, I couldn’t help but wonder, have I become the undateable writer?

Let’s start with my original reasons. Overthinking (overthink is a word, if twerking can make a dictionary, I have faith in overthink and conversate, damn you red squiggle lines, let me be great) is definitely an issue of mines.
“Do I love her or the idea of her”
“Is this someone I want to be with forever”
“the 29084573 ways XYZ can go wrong”
I get in my own head probably way too much for my own or any future loves’ liking. I trust my instincts and a good 6/10 I have doubts about something they prove to be true but as someone who’s written about how there’s too much over thinking and strategizing in dating, I too probably do too much overthinking and strategizing in dating. I question the logic sometimes but it’s human nature to preserve our feelings as much as possible. If I dated a writer, I would wish she would leave her theories and projections at home and just enjoy the ride. However, even I can’t. How will I find love now when I’m thinking about months down the line.

Discretion, again, an issue. I do my best to tell my story without throwing others under the bus and I never promote my blog anywhere that people who I talk about would see it. Of course, the ones who have read it, just about everyone feels some type of way about it. I don’t think I shade any exes or family members, I tell stories in my own voice. There’s a difference between “this b tch aborted our child and I couldn’t even get a text” and reflecting on how I felt going through a crossroads point in my life. Point being, I’m not out here tryna be the black male Taylor Swift. But of course, I know how I feel when i read subliminal statuses and tweets, it annoys me when exes aren’t accountable or still cry victim to others. Right or wrong, no one wants to read anything even remotely critical about them. I hope one day you will read about me falling in love, making the transition from bachelor to husband, dater to….dad? But before I hop out of the window, what if this never happens because this hypothetical she didn’t like a post? What if it comes down to her or the writing (Spoiler alert, I’ll probably choose her)

Writing is a mistress. It knows all your dirty secrets, thoughts feelings and desires. You can read all 150? (I lost count) of my posts and probably get a better understanding of me than women who’ve dated me for months. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to anyone about it, it’s easier to just #tweetthruit or write a 600 word post, I don’t need comments, likes or emails, I’m just getting it all out. If I did date a writer, I would hate to read a post about how she felt when she didn’t want to talk to me about it. I would never want to be just another reader or follower, I want to be her peace. I assume she would want to be mine. I just said that if it ever came to love vs writing, I would choose love, I just hope I would never have to make that choice. I guess my fear is that I would fall in love with someone who would pick writing, or maybe I’m overthinking it (And that ladies and gentlemen, is a full circle).

Find a girl who writes because you deserve someone who will motivate you and humble you each and every day.

I agree with this line from the original post. All in all, I wouldn’t say a writer is a dealbreaker, it just takes some…patience to love one. I wouldn’t say my “writing” actually makes me undateable, it’s the 389750 other things. I too require some patience, some understanding, some will to love. It’s well worth it though, I’m awesome.

-Stan-

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Filed under Randomness, Simply Stan