Tag Archives: courting

Today’s Word is… KISS

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[EDITORS NOTE: Who do I think I am, waltzing in her a week and a half later with a repost. Well, I be busy. Not really. I’ve actually been working on some things that I will gleefully tell you about, Tuesday? And per usual with reposts I’ve sprinkled in updates, enjoy]

As you know, I consider myself a captivating courter.  I love “the chase” if you can call it that, it’s more of a beckoning, chasing implies you’re the only one with something to offer, basically, I want you to want me *Miguel voice*.  The wooing is typically apexed by that first kiss, while I typically like to kiss anyway, it’s that first kiss that let’s me know, Game. Blouses.  All kisses are not created equal, I’ve had my fair share of bad ones, and if the studies hold true that the average person will have 28 first kisses in their lifetime, I have at least a dozen (well been about 2 years since this post, lets just say I’m about 68% there) good or bad left to experience, well unless I get married on something. (Welp, Still not married)

Way back when in “Underrated“, I told you about the worst kiss I ever gotten, need some gum just thinking about it…

Unfortunately the worst kiss I ever got has been topped. Like, it was abhorrent; the lob was thrown and I declined because I was that turned off and may or may not have blocked her number on my way home, I think she like licked the inside of my upper lip, where they do that at, I hate the man that told her that was cute, I hope he stubs his toe like twice a week. This kiss was in fact so bad I revived a blog post from 2013 just to vent. But back to the post

From that awful kiss (and this one), I knew I would not want to be with her romantically.   As Eminem said, “You only get one shot do not miss ya chance to blow”, pun intended.  Other times, I dated bad kisser anyway, even though the poor kissing chemistry was a prelude to the relationship that would follow.  But what makes a one a bad kisser. Men are called out a lot, women not as much.  Why? Because men don’t care.  Well we care, but we’re more tolerant of the kiss challenged; we’re focused on the ultimate goal

But as I said, a bad first kiss usually sets a precedent. Like Ol girl without #daBreff I was instantly turned off (not that I was much in the first place) never mind she would dare to kiss with her breath smelling like stale yoga pants.  I mean don’t you taste your own breath, why you think Pam from Martin never got a steady man? Another example; Madame, was a pecker.  Her mouth as closed as she was emotionally. Bazinga.  It was a power struggle she would want to peck I would want a wee bit more affection. It would represent our relationship she continuing to give me the minimum and me wanting more. On the other end of the spectrum, was another girl who damn near ate my face.  She was too open, too easy, and I may or may not have used it to my advantage.  All in all, a bad kiss is the ultimate buzzkill.  All the leadup to…..that? It’s like the ending of Harry Potter, 8 damn movies and he killed him in 5 minutes.  That’s some old bull….wait where was I? Oh yeah kissing n sh t.

While bad kisses are a sign of impending doom, good kisses, I can’t quite make a read on either. Sometimes it’s a sign of love, most of the time just intense physical attraction.  Some people are just naturally affectionate but to you (or them) it feels like every romantic movie scene they ever witnessed.  Perhaps it’s silly to put any stock in something someone else finds meaningless, enter worst kisser #4, random drunk elevator girl in college, but so far the correlation has been better kisser = better chemistry = better relationship.  I think I might could be on to something. Or not. Shrug life.

-Stan-

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March 18, 2015 · 6:55 pm

Today’s Word is… CHILL

“Yeah it’s my birthday today”

“Oh Happy Birthday….you look pretty today what you doing later”

“Probably going out….wait aren’t I always”

“Pretti-ER I should say”

*360 windmill eye roll and goes back to work*

Reason #48592 why you can’t compliment women ever.  Women tend to look at things for what they aren’t instead of what they are.  This is especially annoying to me because I’m very blunt and direct, there’s no Da Vinci Code in my words.  People get this they just choose to not understand it.  They rather make their own conclusions and deductions like conspiracy theorists who think secret societies which have existed for millennia are manifesting themselves in Jay-Z videos.  This holds especially true in dating, or lack thereof.

Traditionally speaking, if a guy asks you out he will call you up or ask face to face (not text because they would expect an immediate answer and not have to be just watching their screen like they’re playing Final Fantasy in 1998) said girl on a date.  That is not to be confused with merely hanging out or chilling. They’re not in the same league, don’t shoot at the same basket.  Men like dating, men also like enjoying a woman’s company.  Dating, as much as it’s encouraged to be yourself you’re still dressed up, trying to put your best foot forward.  Women who come over to hang out are a lot more lax and you get better glimpses in who they are.  Yet for the most part, “chilling” just rubs some women the wrong way.  A study by the Bureau of Made Up Statistics say 73% of Women are just opposed to it.  An actual poll of mine suggested it was more 50/50.  The common reasons why she’s anti-chill

Just wants sex-  Plenty of women think hanging out is just guy speak for “you coming to get this work”.  The paranoia is instilled early that men are ruthless sexual deviants that if a woman lets her guard down for a second we shall pounce.  It ain’t that deep.

It’s not a date- We don’t rock the same clothes, hit the same spots, cuz its levels to sh*t. Word to Candy Crush Saga.  While we’re still spending time, the vibe is typically more light and casual and for some women, they’re not here for it.

He’s Just Not That Into You- Worse thing you can call a woman who is romantically interested in you, a friend.  Chilling at the crib instead of being wined, dined, hit from behind, the writing is on the wall that your role has been determined, thanks for playing.  Of course women don’t take rejection well, ironically, as they are willing to go on dates with guys they aren’t interested in but won’t subject themselves to just be friends with someone they are.  I’m sleep tho.

Alone Time?- This one I sympathize with, its always odd when you over someone’s house and there’s already like 10 people there.  Even if nothing is going down, I’ll rather it’d be me, you and at most a few others.

It’ll become a habit- If a man is interested in dating you, he will date you.  Even the brokest dude will find somewhere to take you if he’s that invested.  If you have to ask why y’all always hanging in the house and don’t go anywhere, you should know the answer.

Looking at them both for what they are and not what they aren’t, dating and chilling are both necessary.  If all you do is go out on dates, you’ll find yourself more caught up in the courting process than the person. If all you do is chill, you’ll never be taken seriously as a suitor or as the courted.  The key is finding balance.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… CHICKEN

Stereotypes aside, I could kill some chicken right now

The other day I talked about how I strongly prefer relationships over being single, above all the reasons I had listed, I forgot one.  I hate dating.  Relationships aren’t exactly a walk in the park but my girlfriend is allotted a certain amount of frustration, women I’m dating/talking to/lusting over do not.  Yet they cause me just as much grief, especially in a game of chicken, well except for it being the 1960s and driving off of a cliff, two battle to reserve feelings until the other one gives in first.  It’s a constant struggle, on one hand a closed mouth does not get fed, you have to put your feelings out there to avoid guessing and assuming, on the other no one wants to be the first one.

So I got caught up in another shouldawouldacouldawhatif conversation.  Let her tell it, I played games. I asked in what ways and she went on with assumptions, words out of context, and backtracks on things she said.   In essence, these games I played were merely her own waffling back and forth on how seriously to take me.  She never expressed any real interest in me but in hindsight that was my fault, had I shown interest first then maybe she would’ve.  Oh.  Women love traditions especially when it’s convenient for them.

She’s not fully wrong in the sense men should court, regardless of the front she puts on. I have no problem putting myself out there, it might take a while because I over think but I get there eventually (assuming I want to). However, even when the dating game is played and you’re in a relationship, the game of chicken carries on.

Even in a relationship there’s always some restraint whether it’s on true feelings, freakiness, or accountability. Men and women are always holding out until the other gives in. I’m willing to give my all to someone, #yolo if you will. Yes, it ends up being a waste but it takes just as much energy to continue to play chicken with my girlfriend. I’ve said I love you first even if it takes days, weeks, months to hear it back. I’ve pulled tricks out of my hat and to my record no woman has gone running out the bedroom or stopped taking my calls after. I’m willing to admit I’m wrong, it’s just that I rarely am (joking…kind of). I prefer my chicken eaten not played. It gets old after a while, I feel how I feel, I am who I am, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

In the game of chicken the loser should feel ashamed while the winner is deemed brave and fearless, assuming they aren’t dead. Going back to the conversation, they was no winner, we both swerved very early and now we’re wondering what was we so afraid of. Or rather we both swerved because we Neither one of us can honestly say we put ourselves out there and the other one was afraid. Communication typically trumps chicken or any mind games, but far too often we give our own assumptions too much credibility. We have 5 senses, mind reading isn’t one of them. Moral of the story: There’s no such thing as a dumb question, but there are plenty of dumb assumptions. Ask.

-Stan-

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