So it’s been a long time, shouldn’t left you. I been busy with work, life, moonlighting over at Verysmartbrothas…and writer’s block is a bitch. With halitosis. So anyway, can I rant for a minute… Of course I can, this my house.
Remember how when you were a kid and you would be amped about a Happy Meal toy you saw in the commercial, so amped you would want some damn McDonald’s. You were even prepared for the “you got McDonald’s money” line, cause you had McDonald’s money, that’s how hype you were for that toy, you dancing in the car, ready for all 850 calories of horsemeat, synthetic cheese, and fries that are only good if you eat them within 6 minutes of getting them, but it’s all worth it because you want that toy. Then you get your food, you open the bag and…..its a doll. They are out of boy toys. You’re crushed, and in spite of feeding you McDonald’s your parent cares so they hit up another McDonald’s and again, it’s just not that toy. Mom is in a good mood so she tries two more McDonald’s. She has spent $20 of which you could’ve just went to a toy Store and got a better quality toy. But now it’s principalities Smokey, you want that damn happy meal toy. Essentially, that’s my dating life in a nutshell, I want one thing… But it’s the other thing.
It’s the age old story, iight looking bachelor just wanna run thru everything until the right one comes along. I’m not even interested in the wrong anymore, I can’t turn my brain off enough to enjoy the ride while it lasts because I know in the back of my mind this road leads nowhere. It’s frustrating really, I have a surplus of what I don’t want. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I don’t want it even though it’s convenient.
Long distance relationships, flings with exes, relationships that are well past their expiration date, friends with benefits, to me those are conveniences. They scratch an itch but have no hope of long term sustainability. I can say now that there isn’t a single woman I’m entertaining that actually has a chance with me. That sounds cruel and pretty damn arrogant, but it’s a harsh reality. I’m probably not moving unless it’s for work, I wouldn’t want the obligation of having someone move for me. I don’t think there’s one who got away, my relationships ended for good reason. Yet it’s the convenient relationship is alluring for however long you can suspend disbelief. It feels good to have a bae to talk to every day, feels good to be wanted, feels good to have a +1 in bedroom shenanigans. You tell yourself that the right one is en route and in the meantime, well, you gotta get these shots off, but what happens if you missed your cue because you’re distracted by this frail shit? Perhaps a Saturday is better spent out alone than home with whomever.
Also, it’s manipulative. I’m not interested, I’m bored, and while I’m doing myself a disservice, I’m doing them one as well. Sure, I can communicate that this is going nowhere and they shouldn’t wait on me but then dating sucks and they end up waiting on me. (For real, just pushing the hell out the door that says pull, like, it never fails, tell someone you’re not looking for a relationship they say me too then proceed to be in a relationship with you without asking, don’t do that; it’s rude). In this plot twist, they too are just in this for convenience, they know it isn’t going anywhere but they are able to turn their brain off and enjoy the ride.
I’m making it a point to be better at passing up what’s convenient, if I want what I say I want my actions should reflect it. Might need to make some roster cuts and learn how to be single, like single single. Or this post will be all for naught and I end up with a summer fling. I’m only human.