Previously on the Trumpocalypse:
3/6/17 (Day 118)- It’s the remix to the ignition, hot and fresh out the kitchen, Twitler just dropped another Muslim Ban, a slightly altered edition. He basically scratched off Iraq and turned it right back in. I expect it to be struck down again because, again illegal as fuck to do so. Meanwhile, the media is casually running with the Obama wiretap story because apparently no one has taken social studies or at least watched Season 5 of The Wire to know it’s again, illegal as fuck to use a wiretap on a private citizen without a federal judge’s approval. Yes, even for Presidents. Thankfully so, for the President we have now. Because if I were to bet on which President would be the one to abuse such a power, it would be Orange Foolius in a landslide.
3/7/17 (Day 119)- One of my biggest pet peeves is the fake woke inward on Facebook who believes generational economic disparity could be solved if black people just stopped buying Jordans. I have textbooks that cost more than sneakers and if we keeping it a buck the sneakers are probably worth it because the book was worth 50% less the second I walked out of the store. That impulse to blame the poor for bad priorities rather than acknowledge the flaws in the system is just beyond stupid. It felt like only *WE* was hit with that faulty logic like white kids don’t buy shoes too. So today I couldn’t help but be tickled by the fact that the game flipped up finally. As Republicans scramble to defend their inexcusably bad health care bill, they have nowhere to turn but on their own constituents. Now it’s not about the higher co-pays and deductibles, but rather how low income Americans prioritize their spending. The irony is delicious. Instead of fixing the problem, it’s easier to spin how people aren’t as poor as they think. Except, no matter how much one saves, one long hospital visit can wipe out their savings and then some. So then what?
3/13/17 (Day 125)- Sunkist Stalin thinks they’re cameras in the microwave. I’m perfectly OK making fun of him while recognizing I grew up with aunties who turned off the TV during thunderstorms.
3/15/17 (Day 127)- Just waking up and the President is beefing with Snoop Dogg. No big deal. This feels like a wacky dream sequence on a TV show, hell it WAS a wacky dream sequence on a TV show.
3/16/17 (Day 128)- When you watch enough basketball, it’s easy to spot a heat check. It’s when a player if feeling himself so much that he’ll take shots further and quicker just to see how “on” he is. I feel like the Nacho Nazi is in a heat check. He’s just pulling up from 40 just to see if it goes in. 2 Muslim 2 Ban was blocked, as expected. His budget is so awful I doubt it passes, his healthcare bill will take away 24,000,000 subscribers and even his signature wall seems dead in the water. His entire campaign, a heat check it went from a boast to party frontrunner, to nominee and now he’s President and all he wanted was a few tax breaks for him and his cronies. It’s as if he himself underestimated the power of white mediocrity.
3/19/17 (Day 132)- Mere days after proposing cuts to heating assistance, meals on wheels, affordable housing, combating homelessness, a law was passed allowing states to require drug testing for unemployment benefits. When it’s Friday, you ain’t got no job, and you ain’t got shit else to do…drink, apparently. The war on poor people wages on, and as long as Dwight P Poe think they are sticking it to Shaniqua they won’t notice these attacks are on them as well.
3/20/17 (Day 133)- At a campaign rally even though he’s already president, Toupee Fiasco boasts to his uneducated fans about how the NFL is afraid to sign Colin Kaepernick because they don’t want to feel the wrath of his tweets. *reads that sentence again because this can’t be life*. Young Cheez-it has made a habit of referencing companies by name online causing small spikes or dips in their stock, you would think a President would recognize this and stop doing so but he continues to push the button because he’s a giant orange man baby. Kaepernick, who is 29 years old, could find himself out of a career because he dared stand up for something he believed in. Meanwhile, Senate hearings begin today about whether the President colluded with Russia. Oh, the irony.
3/24/17 (Day 137)- “Obamacare is the law of the land” – Speaker Ryan
Just gives you chills like saying “Mufasa”. The AHCA aka Trumpcare aka Get Rich or Try Dying aka Lightskinned Aunt Viv Care aka Great Value Care failed spectacularly today. Even with a GOP majority. Isn’t closing deals supposed to be his thing? Mango Musselini’s response, “meh.” I remember when Obama first mentioned healthcare, I remember “YOU LIE”, I remember all the town halls, I remember Mitt Romney running for President promising to repeal it like he didn’t sign it into law in Massachusetts in the first place, I remember the Supreme Court rulings. Trump tried to force a bill without even getting the cost of it, gave a 24 hour ultimatum and now that it’s failed it’s as if it never happened. All in vain to quickly snatch the legacy of the first black President out of the history books. The people who voted for him, they voted against Obamacare without realizing it went against their self interest. If the AHCA wasn’t so disastrous for women I would’ve wished it had passed just so they could learn the hard way.
3/27/17 (Day 140)-36% approval rating, Muslim Ban failed twice, healthcare failed, and there’s still the wholetreason thing looming. This is “unpresidented” failure. Except his rates at Mar a Lago and his hotels have gone up, the secret service has to pay him to protect him and his name is a registered trademark in China. Is he a comically inept President or just a really shrewd con man? I honestly believe it’s both.
3/30/17 (Day 143)- Then a hero comes along, with the strength to carr-, oh it’s just Mike Flynn. Who has resurfaced with an offer of testimony in exchange for immunity. The same “Lock her up” Mike Flynn. Mr “if you’re given immunity it means you committed a crime” Mike Flynn. General “oh you meant THAT Russia” Mike Flynn. Could he finally end the Trumpocalypse once and for all?
3/31/17 (Day 144)- Immunity denied. Welp. See y’all next month. Until then, stay knucked. Bucked. Ready to fight.