Tag Archives: communication

Today’s Word is… CALLS


So I’m not a phone person; I’m a writer…I need cogitation, rumination in this dancery.  Tequila was the exception, she would call anyway, I would answer and suddenly it’s like 2 am and I’m counting how many hours of sleep I will have if I go to sleep at that instant and would I have time to grab coffee I will desperately need.  We could talk about everything and nothing at the same time, like how many times the WB tried to make fetch happen with Holly Robinson Peete, the Panama papers, how petty Prince is being in heaven or how neo soul songs be so smooth you don’t realize how much of a fuckboy they’re being.  I enjoyed our calls, it became my new normal.  After it was over I thought maybe she finally had broke my long cold war with the phone call…she didn’t.  Even from people I like, I can’t hide my lack of enthusiasm for this call.  After I say what needs to be said its like, I need to throw this napkin away, lemme call you right back.  (Don’t expect a call back).  Then there’s someone like my father, who wants everything he needs to know in that one call, efficiently.  Then he runs out of gas, it becomes “so…..you’re still a manager at that place, huh?”  

If only there was a way to say something when you have something to say and just not when you don’t…oh yeah, like a text message. But instead of being too much like right, we hold on to this romantic notion of the phone call.   We think back to the days of R&B song voicemails, 3 way calling, and eagerly anticipating calls from people you already seen today. Meh. Perchance it’s introversion, millennialism, or whatever but don’t call me, B. 

1. It’s intrusive –  The first time my office phone rang I was legit startled, like why is this paper weight making noise. I cringe when my cell screen lights up with an incoming call as I wait for it to go away because EVERYONE knows when it goes to voicemail after a ring and a half you’ve been rejected (why isn’t there an app for this, let freedom ring).  At least text first, you don’t know what I’m up to or who I’m with for that matter.

2. What you want – I assume most out the blue calls are pocket dials, at which point I will text to confirm.  Unlike a text where your actual thought is there to be read and interpreted…I don’t know why you called, and unless there’s a voicemail or an elucidating text I’m gonna assume it’s nothing which brings…

3. Public phone calls – I’m tickled by other people having private ass conversations out in public, myself I hate it.  I refuse to be the one having the wildly inappropriate convo…like the other day this girl was leaving the gentleman’s home, apparently he didn’t make a move, she wondered to her friend does he like women or maybe he has a disease. (if this conversation was any indication I can see why he passed, but I’m sleep).  I couldn’t not hear this conversation, and so I was 

a) waiting to see if someone on the train was going to cuss her out

b) astounded how comfortable she was having this conversation in public…like that was a group text topic if there ever was one

Lost are the days of private conversations in the kitchen, fiddling with the cord, speaking of…

4. Cell service is trash – I can barely hear you, or you can’t hear me…I would get a landline but then Comcast gives your number to telemarketers  (stay woke).  Doesn’t matter if you’re Android or iPhone, Verizon or T mobile..it’s all shaky. It’s 2016 and technology has gotten worse in this regard…or maybe they realize no one wants to talk on the phone.  

5. I said what I said –   I don’t like calling customer service, I will read that ass in a DM tho.  I’ve made it a practice to email my boss when I’m calling out because she loves to make a quick call out a business call full of updates and all the adulting shit I’ve already made a decision not to do today.  It’s simply more convenient to have what I need to say, right there in black and white and undebateable. “I’m not feeling well, I won’t make it in ok thanks bye.” So much easier than picking up the phone trying to sound like Jeezy and sell this cold. 

Most people who are strongly pro phone call are anti text because of the implied dismissal that comes with it.  Convenient means effortless, effortless means uninvested, and uninvested means a 10 year situationship. Crack, crevice, deviance.  Being called versus texted has become a line in the sand; I need your undivided attention, for reasons.    Why not up the ante, is a facetime more intimate than a phone call now? Are we not allowed to multitask anymore?  Or is this all just…silly.  Communication is communication, whether it’s read or heard and frankly, most of what you have to say can be said in about 300 characters.  If not, we can discuss over lunch instead.  


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Filed under Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… PHONE


I’ve been on this earth for 25 years, quarter century, a crack dealers jail sentence.  I’m a tweener between 90s baby and millennial and usually bounce sides.  For example, I think Jordan is the greatest player ever but can admit Kobe/LeBron do some things better.  I went my entire high school education without a cell phone, but been on some form of social media since 17.  I said all that to say this, where I’m really split between 90s baby and millennial is that I hate talking on the muhfuggin phone.  I was that teen on the phone all night talking about nothing but our first world problems and adult feelings we aint know nothing about, but these days I’m over it.  Let’s go to lunch, video chat, hell write me a letter, but why do some women seem so insistent on talking on the phone?  By some its usually women older than I am or have some Steve Harveyism that a man who doesn’t call got a wife or doesn’t like you.

Perhaps its the introvert in me that cringes every time my phone rings. A ringtone is never not intrusive, whether I’m at work, actually using my phone, or just sitting alone in four cornered room staring at candles.  Other people’s phones annoy me, especially in public when I hear the sh t and apparently they can’t.  The convenience of a cell phone is its downfall, at least back in the day, I left and the phone stayed there, something about always having access to me, not a big fan.


There’s exceptions to the rule like if one of us has a question that needs an immediate answer, I’m mad and need to yell at you, you have a great story or one of us is driving, or you’re just that incredibly awesome we can talk for hours and its effortless.  Two people. Two people can probably make that claim.  Otherwise, its a chore and what makes it more of a chore is trying to hide the annoyance in my voice.  Bluntly put, our daily lives are not that interesting.  Even in an era of social media/blogging, even this blog I put it out there, people read or don’t, talking on the phone you’re forcing them to listen, care, respond.  Texts you can respond at your own convenience, in person theres almost always something else going on (TV, food, activities, people watching). 

Maybe I’m being too hard on phone calls, people bore via text and real life.  I think we communicate too much sometimes, that 2 hour phone conversation would’ve been better had we just got up.  If all I did today was talk to you, what’s there to talk about tonight?  Admittedly romance is lost when I’m just words on a screen, but so is hearing your voice and not seeing your face.  Phone calls are just as impersonal, even if you’re getting more attention than a text its still only part of them.  A text is a snack, a call is an appetizer, face to face is the meal, you don’t want to feel up on either but if you’re that hungry why not go for the snack until the meal comes?  That makes sense right? 


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Filed under Dating, Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word Is… UNSPOKEN

Cats are asshole animals.  They are just bred that way.  They learn right and wrong from rewards and consequences.  I’ve had Brady for about 4 months now (does that make me a cat owner *shudders*) he knows right from wrong.  Every now and again, I’ll come home, he just chilling on the counter, without saying a word he knows he’s not allowed there he’ll jump down go about his business.  Now a year ago, I’ll come home, “She” is there, she has her own key she let’s herself in. 

*exchange hellos and pleasantries*
“When you get here”
“Came straight from work I got off at 7”
“Oh ok cool, I’m hungry did you make anything”
“This ain’t my house” *goes into bedroom, bowl of green grapes just chilling on the nightstand* 
“Sarcastic comment about how she makes herself at home in every other regard”
“Why do you always have to start with me”
“Why do I still have to tell you it’d be nice if you cooked considering you’ve been here all day”
*some random unnecessary fight ensues*

We all enter relationships with a certain set of standards and expectations we want from our partner, I’ve been over that before. However, it’s the unspoken expectations, the things that you feel you shouldn’t have to explain, other rather you have and feel it should’ve set in by now, are the killer. 

I’ve said plenty of times on this blog, my number one problem is that I assume everyone sees things exactly how I see them.  Sometimes I feel things are painfully obvious, that it’s like do you listen to me speak or do you just skim through it.  Me and “She” got to the point where the fact I even had to still say these things were more frustrating than the acts themselves.  She felt I was nitpicking, I was just checking the foundation before I went ahead and started building the house.  Perhaps I was too focused on the big picture to even notice the small steps.  Ultimately because that’s what I want, I want my next relationship to be my last one, otherwise why bother.  If I don’t see myself marrying the one I’m with aren’t I just prolonging the inevitable?

I think back to the time I was almost a father, God decided not yet but the experience shed a new light on my then mate.  This woman, irresponsible, irrational, erratic….would be the mother of my child.  It was perhaps a light I should’ve been looked at her at the second we became intimate but things were fully in perspective now. I didn’t love her I liked her, there was no future only the now, we tried to make it work but the writing was on the wall.  She didn’t understand, we were seemingly fine, but in my heart I knew she wasn’t it.  Her small red flags have evolved into full deal breakers. I wanted more, I expected more.

The thing about the unspoken expectations is the fairness to the partner.  She isn’t a mind reader, i’m setting her up for failure.  What if roles reversed and in her mind she was holding me to some standard I just might not surmount to?  Enter communication, the cure all to all that is gray area.  But even that wouldn’t be necessary if simply we’re working towards the same goal, improvement.  If I find myself saying the same thing over and over I’m inclined to believe that you must not truly want the things I do.  If you’re asking me the same things over and over, it’s likely because I don’t want to.  You can say all the right things, even convince yourself you are finished, but never lose sight that you’re supposed to be convincing them, not yourself.





Filed under Dating, Randomness, Relationships

Today’s Word is… CHICKEN

Stereotypes aside, I could kill some chicken right now

The other day I talked about how I strongly prefer relationships over being single, above all the reasons I had listed, I forgot one.  I hate dating.  Relationships aren’t exactly a walk in the park but my girlfriend is allotted a certain amount of frustration, women I’m dating/talking to/lusting over do not.  Yet they cause me just as much grief, especially in a game of chicken, well except for it being the 1960s and driving off of a cliff, two battle to reserve feelings until the other one gives in first.  It’s a constant struggle, on one hand a closed mouth does not get fed, you have to put your feelings out there to avoid guessing and assuming, on the other no one wants to be the first one.

So I got caught up in another shouldawouldacouldawhatif conversation.  Let her tell it, I played games. I asked in what ways and she went on with assumptions, words out of context, and backtracks on things she said.   In essence, these games I played were merely her own waffling back and forth on how seriously to take me.  She never expressed any real interest in me but in hindsight that was my fault, had I shown interest first then maybe she would’ve.  Oh.  Women love traditions especially when it’s convenient for them.

She’s not fully wrong in the sense men should court, regardless of the front she puts on. I have no problem putting myself out there, it might take a while because I over think but I get there eventually (assuming I want to). However, even when the dating game is played and you’re in a relationship, the game of chicken carries on.

Even in a relationship there’s always some restraint whether it’s on true feelings, freakiness, or accountability. Men and women are always holding out until the other gives in. I’m willing to give my all to someone, #yolo if you will. Yes, it ends up being a waste but it takes just as much energy to continue to play chicken with my girlfriend. I’ve said I love you first even if it takes days, weeks, months to hear it back. I’ve pulled tricks out of my hat and to my record no woman has gone running out the bedroom or stopped taking my calls after. I’m willing to admit I’m wrong, it’s just that I rarely am (joking…kind of). I prefer my chicken eaten not played. It gets old after a while, I feel how I feel, I am who I am, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

In the game of chicken the loser should feel ashamed while the winner is deemed brave and fearless, assuming they aren’t dead. Going back to the conversation, they was no winner, we both swerved very early and now we’re wondering what was we so afraid of. Or rather we both swerved because we Neither one of us can honestly say we put ourselves out there and the other one was afraid. Communication typically trumps chicken or any mind games, but far too often we give our own assumptions too much credibility. We have 5 senses, mind reading isn’t one of them. Moral of the story: There’s no such thing as a dumb question, but there are plenty of dumb assumptions. Ask.



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Today’s Word is… PAST

So I’ve been previewing  the new Lupe Fiasco album. It’s a pretty good album, the one that should’ve came out in 2009 but I digress… A track that stood out early was “Battle Scars”, a powerful track about all the damage left by failed relationships. It was the first track on the album I had to bring back, it struck a chord.  Like anyone else I have my share of battle scars, “Her” really did a number on me.  “She” reopened old wounds, “Madame” might have left a scratch somewhere.  But taking the time to let myself heal, I feel stronger than ever. As a great meerkat said

“You gotta put your past behind ya” -Timon

With the past well behind me, I still look back and reflect.  I look back at these scars (some are actually real, crazy a** females) and while some wounds still healing, I took them all like a man.

Take your scars like a man…

One nagging injury I have after relationships, is doubt.  I’m very particular about who I date casually and who I take things to the next level with so when I pick someone and completely whiff it befuddles me. I hate being wrong.   Every relationship I’ve been in since has been more serious that the last (well “Ms.” kinda killed the streak but calling it a relationship is stretch itself) so in that regard, I’m learning to trust my instincts more, I’m getting better at this dating thing, the key is really knowing when to cut it off early, we tend to settle for less than what we want as time passes #MESSAGE.

Another is trust, I tend to shut people out (or so I’m told) but while I disagree, I’ve learned to filter myself just a bit.  Especially in a social media age I’m very cautious with how much of myself I put out there.  I remember I got into a twitter back and forth (yes I know…smh) with “Her” and we both went IN on each other exposing secrets in the process.  I felt angry, betrayed, it took me a while to eventually open up to “She” when we dated and even then she got the abridged versions, which she also ran her mouth about.  “Maybe it’s just women can’t hold water like men” says the guy with the public intimate blog.

There’s also good scars, like accountability, honesty, and communication which I needed to get.  Sometimes you have to learn things the hard way, I needed plenty of maturing but it’s hard to tell someone who’s having success their doing it wrong, it’s why Tim Tebow can’t throw and most dudes act up and see no incentive to change #MESSAGEII.

All of my scars, good and bad, made me who I am.  I could let them dominate my life, assume all woman are the same, settle for less, do just enough to get some, and leave it at that. In fact I know plenty of men and women who let their past scars turn them off from love altogether.  Love is brutal, but there is no retreat, no surrender, This is Sparta n sh*t.




Filed under Love, Simply Stan