Tag Archives: christian

Today’s Word is… HEATHEN

[Editors Note: Yeah I know, religion….treading lightly tho]


So boy meets girl, girl is nice, boy asks girl out, date is nice, girl suggests boy to come to her church, boy is like, sure, girl is like so see you Sunday? Boy is like umm, sure?  Boy spends a week on vacation with liquor fueled debauchery completely forgets about this agreement until waking up Sunday afternoon with a very upset girl.  Boy should apologize, make amends, but week filled with liquor fueled debauchery. Boy should be better, God ain’t thru with boy yet. 

Now, I luh God. Do you luh God? What’s wrong with you?  Ironically enough, I had attended a funeral recently and the sermon brought me peace about a few things and I thought, I need to find a church. (Then he went on a 15 minute tangent telling kids to get off his lawn and I thought, eh maybe somewhere I can attend monthly) Baby steps and all that.  So when I met girl (um lets just call her Mary), I represented myself as a man of faith, which I don’t think is necessarily deceitful.  I’m a God fearing man, just not a big church goer.  Mary’s invitation definitely caught me off guard, was this all just a recruiting pitch or maybe she just wanted me to share this part of her life if this was going to become a thing.  Her friends and  family would be there…I mean we had a few calls and lunch, maybe I did get a little shook.  However, it make me think about my dating history in general and how much religion plays a role, if at all.

With my ex, she was Catholic (same difference…but hey I’m no expert) I attended mass with her family, she attended church with mine.  (She did get me rosary beads…but again, same difference).  I’ve dated women who were agnostic but played the role at family functions…never an atheist (cuz the ones I know are fairly pretentious, no one cares about your fake deep Facebook statuses you sound like a single person on Valentine’s Day).  Other Christian women it was just what was understood needn’t be explained, some were churchgoers, I wasn’t there was never any pressure for me to, just some strong suggestion and open invitations.  (Oh and there was the super religious homophobic girl…I gotta find a reason to tell that story one day).  I guess there’s always been a separation of church and bae.  Mary was the first one who called my bluff, so to speak, and I folded. Was it too forward or is it I’m really not bout that life?

A few years ago I wrote about why I, and seemingly most men under 35 I know don’t attend church.  (Actually I think I’ll repost for context after this).  Even then I copped to the fact that my excuses weren’t really excuses and I could if I wanted to and still here I am, still not going.  I also don’t read enough, eat better and to bring this full circle, date women I claim I want. (Mary was a little TOO upset, so this will probably be the last time you hear of Mary).    So maybe I’m full of shit.  Or just lost. Pray for me.



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Filed under Dating, Religion, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… AYESHA


Ayeeeeeeesha youre the girl I never had, I wanna get to know you betta….Ah, 90s. One time for the people who sang along…and my white readers, I love y’all too.  So recently, the internet apparently voted for Ayesha Curry, wife of Steph Curry as the “aspirational” black woman of the year.  I use aspirational in quotes as what it really is, is internet negroes propping up one woman to tear a legion of others. (My vote was for Mrs LeBron James, Savannah Brinson; she stayed down even when his hairline didn’t, she didn’t make a fuss when she couldn’t get a ring until he did, when she saw Dwyane Wade was having break babies she didn’t fret, she calmly gathered her man and got the fuck out of Miami…she the real MVP.  Also the Currys look more like siblings than a couple) For example, previous ABW the Flotus Flower Bomb, Michelle Obama who was lauded not for her education, her grace, but because she dated “down” (overplayed because I mean he was going to be a Harvard educated lawyer, at worst…and most lawyers I know personally have shitty cars I don’t know why maybe it builds character).  This year, Ayesha is praised for her modesty.  In an era of thirst trapping and swiping left, suddenly its all about getting an Ayesha, she’s rare. (Yes, a God fearing black woman is sooo hard to find in America of all places, K.)


Y'all see it too...you aint gotta lie, we fam

I’ve spoken before on my issues with respectability, its the notion that said respect has to be earned in the first place.  That’s how you have the Rev Runs of the world saying dress how you want to be addressed meanwhile his princess is being shouted out in rap songs for her noted thirst trapping.  The dudes crying for an Ayesha Curry are largely full of shit, them 10s of thousands of likes on your favorite instamodel page is from the same dude telling women if they got their act together they maybe might could get a shot at them. 

But if we ARE going to make fetch happen here, I feel we are better than archaic respectability politics, we should make her someone really pedestal worthy.  Like my Ayesha probably…

– returns hoodies
– doesn’t save a bunch of shit on the dvr she never going to go watch
– take 17 years to get ready then side eye you when your shoes aren’t on
– doesnt say she’s not hungry then pick off your plate
– doesnt put her cold ass feet on you in the bed
– understands how was work is a rhetorical question
– remembers your brothers name
– lets silence happen and doesnt immediately assume something’s wrong
– doesnt sit next to you watching TV and ask what else is on 5 minutes later
– won’t lurk your Twitter looking for shit to be mad about
– leaves the Netflix password as is because youre finally at the part of Breaking Bad it gets really good

If we going to put someone on a pedestal, at least make it pedestal worthy and not just some shit that even you don’t believe.  Or of course, leave people’s wives alone and stop trying to cast aspersions on women you can’t have anyway.  It could all be so simple.



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Today’s Word is… PRAY


I’m not the most religious person as much as I’m spiritual.  I say prayers of gratitude, prayers for forgiveness, prayers for others, but seldom prayers for myself. Philippeans 2.3 says Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.  I’ve been unemployed, I’ve been homeless, I’ve been depressed, yet and still I just don’t pray for myself.  And to be perfrctly honest, I don’t like to.

Maybe I don’t feel worthy? All the perils of the world, does He really need to bother with my life.  Perhaps its not that  I don’t feel worthy as much as I always feel I got this.  That He would never give me anything I can’t handle.  I would always joke God has a spam folder, filled with nonsensical prayers like passing a test, sports victories, R Kelly’s Gospel album and anything Eddie Long has to say.  I would think I’m inbox worthy, I just want health and satisfaction, that’s slight work.

Maybe I don’t like feeling smallPrayer is humbling.  Theres a cognitive dissonance in knowing that there is a power much greater than my own action and to my first point, feeling like “I got this”.  There’s also the fact its easier to pray for others because its easier to see themselves as needing it than looking in the mirror and accepting that you yourself need that same compassion. 

Maybe I don’t want to be disappointeda little over 5 years ago, I left my mother and prayed that she would recover.  She would pass the next morning and days later I would sit in a church and listen to how she’s somewhere far better than here.  Why pray for good health when this world is only temporary anyway (like literally 100 years tops, climate change is a myth tho)

In spite of this I don’t feel its selfish to pray for self.  We all need love, compassion, peace.  I had a discussion with a friend and she made the point that Spirituality starts with self – if you yourself cannot humble yourself to God, you cannot really help others in the truest sense. Having compassion for yourself allows you to extend compassion to others.  I’m blessed to be in a better position than others but that doesn’t exempt me from needing guidance and serenity that I hope for others.  So, maybe I should work on that.



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Filed under Religion, Simply Stan