Tag Archives: cheating

Today’s Word is… SIDECHICK

The mistress, sidechick, whatever other name you want to use, is a unique character.  They typically represent a multitude of things. Sometimes they don’t even exist; they’re merely an ideal.  They represent everything you aren’t therefore must be.  The personification of the temptation that befalls any committed man.  Sometimes they’re simply the butt of a joke, someone so naive and oblivious to the fact that they are the only one in their relationship. They celebrate Valentine’s Day on the 15th, only get phone calls after 10pm, and never seem to put 2 and 2 together. But often, they are someone who was simply deceived.  A sympathetic figure whose only is being in love with the wrong person or rather the right person at the wrong time. 

I’ve spoken before on the lone time I cheated. It was a drunken, yet inexcusable night of passion. As I woke up, I could see the elephant in the room. What happens now? She was willing to be the other woman, I unwilling to allow her. I knew her better than that, it would kill her.  It was an interesting prospect, the golden egg of convenience, one represented passion, the other stability, in picking one I lose the other, but if I had both? I couldn’t do it, I cared too much to hurt anyone, it was bad enough this first night happened.   Being the other woman is something I would never want to afflict on someone I care about, no matter how tragically romantic Kerry Washington attempts to make it look on television.

I think part of it comes from exasperation. It’s better than nothing. The idea of not being with someone you care about is way worse. No different from two single people enjoying eachothers’ company. Other times it’s better than something, I know personally at one point I willingly was the other guy, let him deal with the perils of a relationship I’ll be the good time. It was my ego getting the best of me, I convinced myself I was too good for a relationship. In reality it was the opposite, I didn’t offer much but a projection. Let her think I was better for her than he, but never step up and prove so. I think that’s the thought process behind shameless mistresses, it’s easy to look the part of the better alternative, harder to prove.

However, in any aspect it’s just something that’s hard to defend. Single people are free to pursue whomever they wish, however any ego boost or validation afforded by “taking” someone else’s man, is typically overcompensation. If it’s someone you really feel you can’t be without, don’t provide incentive to not be chosen. Hold him accountable, demand more. As for the committed the options are simple: Be single, find someone who’s into open relationships (that’s another post entirely I ain’t even going to touch), or simply accept that you can’t have them all. Affairs are simply greed and selfishness.


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Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships, Simply Stan, Uncategorized

Today’s Word is… CHEATING

I was the other man before. A few times actually.  I basked in it, you mean all I have to do is flirt you up in your free time and have sex, I’m in (no pun intended).  I even had a brief moment where I only lusted after taken women. I felt above the boyfriend, I was her better option. I felt above her, she could never fully have me, so she was better off keeping her man and taking what I offered.  Some of their boyfriends sounded like good dudes, others not so much.  The women some were just spiteful, others really thought eventually I would be won over.  I cared neither way.  I was just young, naive, and starting to feel myself but above all selfish.

I cheated before. Once.  It was a molotov cocktail of being upset with my girlfriend, being drunk and having the love of my life at my doorstep at 2am.   In that one night of passion that almost changed both of our lives forever, I felt horrible.  I felt beneath my girlfriend, I spent months getting her to trust me only to prove even myself wrong in one night.  I felt beneath her, she offered forbidden fruit and I took it with ease.  I closed one book midway to pick up another I read before.  Plenty of things swirled my mind that ride home, how do I tell her, it wasn’t my best performance that night, really Pandora you going to play The-Dream “She Needs My Love“, but what took over was eventually the “why”.  I focused on that and used it to justify my behavior, and later the lying.  I wasn’t willing to accept the consequences of my actions, again, selfish.

Overall, that’s all cheating is.  I could list 10 reasons why men or women cheat (maybe later) but in reality it’s a selfish act no matter how you slice it.   As the word implies, you’re not playing fair,  be single or be committed to one person, the only two things on the menu.  (yeah I know there’s open relationships and things of that nature but I’m sticking to the basics here) They say men cheat because they can, women because they want, but in either gender the real issue is greed.  Women I was seeing were in relationships but for whatever reason weren’t being fulfilled, but rather than scrap it all and start fresh tried to accommodate as much as they could.  Her man didn’t appreciate her the way I did led her to believe, but he offered something I didn’t, a relationship. (I don’t date unfaithful women, #theirony).  So why not get the relationship she wants, but the perks I provide.  Greed.  In my cheating act, I knew despite of what happened that night, me and her weren’t headed anywhere, been there failed that. So why risk what I had already for something sure to lose, it’d be like betting on the New York Jets (shots shots…shots shot shots…shots).  Greed.

Just because.

It can all be so simple.  Be single and do what you do, can’t cheat if you’re playing with no rules.  However, that’s a risk few are willing to make, it’s like people are afraid of being single. They always need someone stashed away juuuuust in case.  However, that usually backfires, if you’re in a relationship for the wrong reason just a sprinkle of temptation will break you.    Aside from that one weak moment, I’ve never cheated because it’s easier to not be in a relationship than be in one you’re not sure of the girlfriend and temptation is flying at you fast and furiously.   I’ll take the risk of being alone than having to go home feeling the way I did that night.  I’m not built to cheat, I’m a shameless flirt but even then I will press the brakes (abruptly or so I’m told) if things go too far.  Karma would have me being cheated on (I don’t think I have, if I had to pick one it would be “Madame”) or I will walk in on my wife on day and have to go Mr. Biggs/R. Kelly on em (I pray I don’t).   I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to be betrayed like that.  Maybe that’s something I’ll explore tomorrow…how it feels to be cheated on.  Stay tuned.



Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships