Tag Archives: catfish

Today’s Word is… SWINDLE


These days, its almost second nature to meet people online.  The forum previously dominated by socially inept nerds and creeps living their lives on the web, is now dominated just your average joe with an iphone.  In the MySpace/Blackplanet/Migente era, it was a little more commonplace to meet people from the internet, but let’s just say I’ve just smiled and nodded as she made up some story about how we met at a party.  Facebook is when the tide really shifted, at least for me, because now these weren’t just chat buddies or people with thirst traps, these were other college students.  Facebook was pretty much a directory to who’s who on campus.  So one day when I had got a message from a girl who had said she would see me around and I seemed nice, I didnt think too much of it. 

This girl, lets call her admirer, would message me and we actually got along pretty great.  Then one day, I asked was she coming out to this party, she was reluctant at first but I persuaded her to meet me there.   So I get to the party, no sign of admirer, I’m doing whatever and someone pinches me, I turn around and the girl looks kinda familiar but I’m not sure (also I’m drunk), the girl hugs me and kisses my cheek near my lips, I focus my eyes on this stranger, its Admirer…but she doesn’t quite match her Facebook pics.   It wasn’t quite a catfish moment but it was certainly a swindle. 


Swindles are tricky because they aren’t quite lies, but they are certainly not the whole story.  are not created equal, unlike Admirer’s ass knew those pictures was like 4 years old and never said a damn thing, I think people with any rational sense can understand the difference between what’s published and what’s reality.  It goes without saying that Amber Rose, Nicki Minaj or Kim Kardashian arent actually made of porcelain as their photoshoots make them look (Sidenote when did it become such a popular thing to leak unretouched pictures from a shoot, of course they have pimples and dimples, they’re humans).  But now, we are the photographer, we control our own social media accounts so much like professionals why would we willingly choose to post our own flaws for the world to see?  It begs the question, when are you hiding imperfections and when are you straight swindling?


We all have our things we try to hide, makeup, weave, the people with big foreheads who only take pictures eyebrows down, the girl who only takes pictures at 55° angles, the dudes who have a fitted on in every picture (I too might be a hatfish, you don’t know my life tho) or guy with the full beard to hide his double chin. I don’t think that’s being deceitful. Photoshopping, outdated pictures, dressing room pics in clothes you never purchase (yeah I’m on to y’all) that’s when it gets more dicey.


So for those who are dating in this digital age for the 9-9 and 2000, I implore you to stop swindling. Take down that 4 year old gym picture, you haven’t been back in years. Filters and foundations only mask so much, we got Obamacare, call a dermatologist. Stop buying waist trainers off instagram, now your arms look like foam bats. Stand in your truth. It shall set you free.


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Filed under Dating, Oh, Internet, Randomness

Today’s Word is… CATFISH


I hate the channel formerly known as Music Television.  I loathe ‘Teen Mom”, the cast of Jersey Shore makes my head hurt and they have run childhood favorites like “Saved by the Bell” and “Martin” into the ground.   However, my guilty TV pleasure as of late is MTV’s Catfish.  For those who don’t know what it is about, it’s about a guy who fell in love online she turned out to be someone else now he goes around exposing otne romances to show that there’s plenty of people as dumb and naive as he was  documenting the stories of  people in passionate online relationships  as they meet their would-be soulmates in person for the first time.  What results is hilarity and embarrassment all finished off with an attempt to make sense of it all but it goes over as well as a Jerry Springer Final Thought.  It’s the dramatic irony that draws me in as I and most of my twitter followers already seem to know the truth, but we watch the star “Nev” uncover in 10 minutes what the oblivious daters could’ve done years ago.  Part of me feels it’s scripted because it’s so painfully obvious.  People can’t possibly be like this, can they?

I think besides the fact that it’s 2013 and you can videochat on your freaking cell phone, I can never be catfished because I bore too easily.  Some people on the show been in relationships for years, no meetings, no calls, just texts.  I just couldn’t deal.  I’ve said before open to a long distance relationship (okay honestly, that whole post was written with one person in mind) but I really don’t think I’m up to it.  I flirt online but aside from my e-crush (who is amazing but I’m still realistic) and maybe another one, I don’t look at it as much more than entertainment.   Even when I tried, the reality sets in. I’m craving something I can’t have.  I forget what was the fight that ultimately made me and “Ms.” call it quits, but I do know all my fight for us died when she boarded that plane.  It’s amazing how these people on Catfish are in love with projections, they have a willpower stronger than mines.

Then there’s the lie.  I’ve been a catfish before, never to the extreme of fake pictures (finding another man attractive enough to want to be him, even to meet women is suspect).  There was the time when I wasn’t sure of myself, I lied about things that didn’t matter.  It ultimately cost me someone I was really falling for, and though she felt the same it was the shattered credibility that assure we could never be together.  All the catfishes thought eventually the person could forgive and love them for them and so far they were all wrong.  I really thought she would forgive me.  I was baffled she didn’t, so much I got rude and immature about it.  Looking back at it now I can’t blame her, I can’t blame the people on the show.  Some say they come off as vain because they are primarily average looking people expecting models but it’s more the principality.  There’s also the embarrassment of being with someone who blatantly lied to you, it’s one thing if you’re Kobe Bryant, another if you’re an unemployed 30 something who pretended to be a stripper.

Its almost sad that catfishing is so common.  It’s an unfortunate market of supply and demand; people so self conscious to lie, people so desperate to believe them.  There’s just way too many alternatives for me to end up with a girlfriend across the country who can’t even sext only has facebook pictures to share or to end up with  liar who happened to be sweet while she was lying.
“Not I” said the little black boy.








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Filed under Dating, Relationships, Simply Stan, Uncategorized

Today’s Word is… THANKFUL

Yup it’s one of those posts….

My family first and foremost

A God that loves me in spite of constant doubting

My friends who stuck around, and the ones who no longer felt the need to keep up the charade and showed their true colors

Good  health and credit…a couple years ago I probably weighed more than my credit score

That Superstorm Sandy missed Massachusetts almost entirely, prayers for the areas not so lucky

That Beyonce made an instagram

My apartment

My sorta kinda but not really but in the right lighting and if i inhale you can see abs

Black soap

The Dark Knight Rises on Blu Ray

That Kendrick Lamar put out an album this year and Lil Wayne didn’t

My President is still black (and he’s come with gifts)

That nerds are in now \o/

No oops babies

All my e-boos have skype so i won’t end up on MTV’s Catfish

I found gainful employment before I started to consider retail

My hairline isn’t receding

I don’t see a viable threat to the Patriots getting back to the Superbowl

Being able to play Mario Kart 64 on my phone

This 30 in 30 challenge, which has kept me very busy

Green grapes

3000+ twitter followers


Sparkling water

Moderate good looks

and of course all my readers…you make me a blogger and not some dude writing in a diary, love you all



Filed under Simply Stan