Tag Archives: break up

Today’s Word is… LURK

It starts off with the most innocent of intentions, I wonder what they’re up to.  As luck would have it, they’re page is public (because who has private pages anyway, it defeats the purpose, you’re not that special B) you casually browse their IG.  Maybe they’ve let themselves go a bit, you wonder to yourself why they STILL take pics in that outfit or why they post that meme like it isn’t talking about them?  Perhaps you stumble upon a fan of theirs who seems to like and comment every picture, you go and check them out… They aren’t you. A downgrade, really. Sad.  Now you grow more inquisitive.  Wait… How long they know each other? This picture was when y’all were still together.  What’s all this ki ki ing heart eye emoji shit? Did this motherfucker cheat on you?  With this baby teethed,  ill fitting clothes wearing, reposting the same picture from a 2 year old vacation talking bout #TBT take me baaaaack, how the hell you still unattractive with a flower crown muhfucka… NOW YOU’RE PISSED.  You start thinking about that one time they got in late and had some boring story about a coworkers flat tire that you checked out of mentally because you was cleaning the DVR.  Piecing together a bunch of clues that are as worthless as Hilary 2016 merch and you feel like a jackass, retroactively.  You wish they were there right now so you can dump they ass, instead you just block them.  Fuck what they been up to.  

Moral of the story,  nothing good comes from lurking.  

Yet we seemingly can’t help ourselves.  We’re too connected, gone are the days when a guy can go out for a pack of cigarettes, go two towns over and never have to see his family again.   I’m guilty of it as well, not because I want them back or anything, I just need to see that I won the breakup. (Kidding….mostly. Of course I won. )  I’m not alone, studies say nearly 88% of people have.  We all need Jesus, clearly.  That nagging curiosity is to our detriment, soon you find yourself on Instagram looking at what they doing but ain’t got shit to post for yourself.  It becomes less about them and more about what you’re missing.  

As for the lurkee, they can be just as complicit with the things they post.  HBO’s Insecure comes to mind as it currently stands as “nice guy” revenge porn.  Since it’s a 3rd person narrative, you actually get to see the ex grieving and openly pining while he can’t hear her over all the rebound sex he’s having.  The character of Lawrence has become a cult hero because he represents the unrealistic expectation of a break up.  That same expectation one thinks they are reaching with thirst traps and snaps at the club.  With subliminal status updates and not so subtle inferences at how their living their best life. But social media is the Disney version of real life, we all are presenting our best possible selves.  (Though some are obliviously bad at this).  You won’t see the 19 other outtakes of that selfie, the crowded Spirit flight they took to Miami or other the lonely nights more in line with their reality. 

So why do we fall for it when we lurk? Why do we front on social media in the first place?  Why was Takeoff left off of Bad N Boujee?  My personal social media is fairly boring for someone who’s…Had an eventful 18 months.  Because I don’t care who sees what I’m doing. When I find myself lurking pages and ultimately getting nothing out of it (even though this one time I accidentally followed an ex and didn’t realize it until I saw her on my timeline tweeting her homegirl about how I had the audamndacity to follow her… And then per her homegirls advice I was blocked. And you know what? I earned that L…Because nothing good comes from lurking)

Perhaps it’s the allure of the unknown, if you never do the dramatic unfollowing you’d see they are every bit as boring as they’ve always been.  Or even crazier, if you’re that curious to see what they are up to, maybe you could just reach out an–

Oh. Yeah. Right.  Well,  just be wary of the accidental like then.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… HURTBAE

o-hurtbae-facebook

So the other day on Twitter, not long after the timeline was basking in the glow of Valentine’s Day, showing off gifts, boasting how they started with a DM now they here and whathaveyou I had noticed a video was going viral.  I largely ignored it at first because in an age of vine and snapchat, a 7 minute video is pretty much a Martin Scorsese film.  Eventually, I gave in and watched.  Broken, a video from TheScene.com or as the stweets would call it #HurtBae, featured an ex couple seeking closure, and by closure the woman, Kourtney asked her ex, Leonard how and why he cheated and he pretended to care and jedi mind tricked her into thinking the entire breakup was a mutual thing.  The video itself was moving, I suppose but it made me wonder…WHY DO WE BOTHER WITH CLOSURE?  #HurtBae and her ex don’t live in the same state, she supposedly has a new man, a good man, so why did she even volunteer for this?  There was nothing this inward was going to say that was going to change anything.  He attempted to guilt trip her about her about her insecurity and why she didn’t just leave if he was clearly ain’t shit.  (I really don’t want to call dude a sociopath because he is only like 23, but this dude might be a sociopath).

I’ve touched on this last year, closure doesn’t work because the other person clearly doesn’t care that much.  They didn’t care about your feelings when they had you, why would they when they don’t.  #HurtBae wanted him to care so bad, wanted him to see that he broke her, and his only emotion was mild inconvenience.  Even after the video has gone viral and he doesn’t regret how he came off, he is just annoyed black twitter still flaming him. He started off calling her his best friend but looked her dead in her face as she cried and didn’t even attempt to reach out and console her (cuz, sociopath).  Hell, I’ve confronted cheaters and still ended up being the one consoling them (cuz, sucker), it’s just…instinct. How do you just sit and let someone cry in front of you? Someone you care for?

 

Unbothered.

Then to the elephant in the room, why did you cheat?  The answer is the same for why anyone does anything they wasn’t supposed to do…they thought they could get away with it.  If I go into a store, the clerk is so engrossed with their phone they refuse to do their damn job and I just walk out with my stuff because clearly they don’t want my money.  Rationalized? Yes. Still wrong tho.  (*sips stolen water*).  Asking someone why did they cheat is giving them an excuse to blame you for being wrong.  Fuck all of that, B.  It doesn’t matter what reasons you have, you were wrong, you knew you were wrong and you thought you could get away with it, or in dude’s case he KNEW #HurtBae wasn’t about to do shit.

I don’t know if Broken is a one off or a series, I would hope the former because I don’t see how it’s productive.  Forgiveness is very overrated.  Sometimes it’s easier to be like, “you hurt me, so fuck you” and keep it moving.  It’s not bitter, it’s not resentment, why place the burden on yourself to make them see that they was wrong?  Whether ol boy grows and learns from this wasn’t going to happen based on that conversation.  When I was her age (oh shit, I’m old), I was driving myself mad trying to get someone I loved to just try and see things my way.  Now, I just chill and wait for karma (because it’s unethical to pray for things to happen to people).  Maybe one day she’s going to wake up and realize she became everything I hoped she wouldn’t, hell maybe she already has.  I wouldn’t know. Don’t care neither.  Treat it just like I treat a certain segment of our “great” nation, when they are still poor, uneducated, uninsured and realize their mans changed sold them tragic beans, I’ll be chilling.  For #HurtBae, when ol boy is in his 30s, losing his hair, getting dogged out by the woman he wants to do right by and scrolling her social media, he might then realize he slipped up.  Because that’s how closure actually works.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… FRESH

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So for the past couple months, I along with the rest of the world have been inundated with TMI about Robin Thicke.  This had culminated with his latest album, “Paula”, an ode to his future ex wife and surely the soundtrack to anyone who’ll be dumped in the next few months and too lazy to find better emo music.  I’ve listened to the album, cause masochist, and to me it just comes off as token fake vulnerability.  It’s like the basketball player who puts up 40 while his team gets blown out, outsiders can peer in and say oh well at least HE’S trying.    Its the appearance of effort because its painfully obvious he’s most likely not gonna get her gon get her gon get her back. (Great writing there Robin).  So whats the point of this public display of apology?  Turn the public against her for doing what most ought to do? To make the next one want to be Superwoman?  Once again use the Marvin Gaye playbook to sell 700K albums?  All the above?  Sway ain’t got the answers.

It all seems futile to me.  Yeah yeah fight for love but forgiving and forgetting always sound good in theory when it just about never happens.  Especially when its made public.  For the sake of argument, lets say Paula is moved by that wack album and takes him back….I’ll be #thatguy and say it

Its probably better to start fresh elsewhere.

We love to say “lets start over”, but memories don’t live like people do, they always ‘member you and whether things are good or bad, it’s just the memories that you have. (Gold star if you read that in the Beenie Man voice).  We all have forgiven someone and we can swear on anything we won’t open that old wound, water under the bridge, clean slate…the memory lurks.  Paula will have leverage over the marriage for the rest of their lives, in my opinion, that’s not love. 

You often see my reference the fact that I don’t re-date exes or believe in breaks.  I know I don’t forget easily, I tried the off/on thing with “Her” but at the end of the day neither of us truly forgave the other for breaking our hearts and we never will pending time travel (get on it Google).  All we could do was heal, apart, and find another who could love with an actual clean slate, ignorance indeed being bliss and doing everything I can to keep that slate as clean as possible. 

That’s not to say relationships cant be repaired but sometimes the repairs cost so much its better to start over.  With Robin/Paula I think that’s the case.  But then again I’m just an unmarried consumer so I’ll stick to what I know……..this album stinks.

-Stan-

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