Tag Archives: black women

Today’s Word is… PREFERENCE


“Yo I’m about to invite the interns to our table”

So my boy leaves and walks back with these two girls.  One was brown skinned, short, slender, she had pretty eyes but I’m not sure if they’re real or contacts.  The other fiery red hair, piercing green eyes, also small but a little thicker.  It was two of them and two of us, did he just set me up to set him up?  He introduces me to them, and we start talking, clearly he’s flirting with the white girl and presumably I’m supposed to entertain the sista. Now because, 1. I’m not interested in coworkers, 2. The white girl was easily more attractive, I found myself more drawn to her.  Anyway, lunch ends we all go back to work.  I run into the intern again as we’re leaving, we continue our conversation, she throws a few lobs out there about how she exclusively dates black guys, her affinity for Drake, and I was secretly bracing myself for a Trayvon question.  We go our separate ways. 


Few days later, me and my boy talking, he asks me about the intern, I tell him nothing is going down, he tells me he hears she’s into brothers (did she release a PSA?).  “Yeah, she one of those”.  Now, I knew what he was getting at but I wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting at.  “A white girl who only dates black guys” he follows up “Why is it always so finite though, even black women I date usually ONLY dates white guys” A fair point, just about every white woman I’ve dated only dated black guys, but to be fair, honestly I would be reluctant to just approach a white woman cold.  I usually would let them approach me or wait for lobs like the intern threw.  That’s for no reason other than my usual obliviousness, I need some kind of hint from women of any race. 

My boy brought up a good point, preferences always have an origin story.  I prefer to date women over 24, younger women simply aren’t mature enough to handle the caliber of relationship I expect.  I prefer not to date mothers, I like flexibility and I’ve had bad experiences.  To say I prefer only white women, there’s no rationale to ONLY like that race, I came from a black woman, I will have black kids, to say I’m simply unattracted to black women would be ridiculous, any other reason would be rooted in some sort of unproven stereotype.  I’ve been out with my boy and had sistas dismiss me for him because they think he’s safer, more responsible, when we have the same job, he lives at home and has a child, I do not.  Stereotypes still say don’t bet on black #doe.  He’s been rejected by black women because they assume he’s lame, not “down”, or not checking for them.  They don’t know better. 


Now, fast forward a few days I’m talking to the black intern.  Ironically efugginuff (yes that’s a word) she was put off by our first meeting and assumed “i was one of those”.  Now I knew what she was getting at but I wanted to see if she knew what she was getting at.  “You was all over ______, thought you just didn’t like other black people”(talking to two white people and not her, issue with blacks #thereach). I quickly clarified and also made a note, white or black I don’t talk to coworkers or interns. (She’s 21 which would be another strike).   We resolved whatever issue she had (I was getting some of the fakest good mornings ever) and for now all is well in the workplace.  As for why white women who date black guys ONLY date black guys? Simple, once you go black, I think you know the rest.  Kidding. Mostly.



Filed under Dating, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… CORNBALL

There’s some things you just don’t say out loud.  No matter how much you try to intellectualize it it just sounds wrong.  Former ESPN anchor Rob Parker can attest to that.  However, we still live in a society where people have no qualms about talking recklessly, typically behind the guise of “keeping it real” or #imjustsaying.  But before the anonymity of the internet, there was the original hall pass to have loose lips, alcohol.  From the dawn of time, alcohol has compelled people to say the wrong sh t at the wrong time.  Sometimes, makes you speak from heart albeit incoherently.  Overall, it makes you give no fux about anything.  Hakuna Mutata.

Easter Sunday, 2013, now the last time we all came together was on Christmas, in “Debate” where the spotlight and furor of a bunch of drunken, unfiltered women was directed at me.  This time I was safe.  Instead, the bullseye was aimed directly at my cousin.  Who after a breakup with HIS girlfriend everyone typically liked, he’s been recently dating on the other end of the melanin scale.  Now my family is racist or prejudice by any stretch of the imagination but being primarily single black women there’s an unspoken level of discomfort when it comes to interracial relationships.  They made their sarcastic comments and jokes, I admit I chuckled at one about missing that MSG in his life or something like that.  But it brought me back to my own post a while back on interracial dating.  Why is it that some black women are so uncomfortable with a black man and a white woman.

My cousin isn’t officially done with dating within his race (okay maybe he is but he’s my age I don’t even know what the hell I’ma be doing years now, let alone who) and I spoke on brothers who feel like they date outside their race as some sort of misguided spite tactic.  Wacka Flocka Flame said in an interview “black girls out of style”, but again if there is someone who’s words you should never ever listen to it is Wacka Flocka Flame (yes I say the whole name to emphasize the ridiculous of his moniker, also what’s dumb about his comment is black women is his primary fan base because he’s a light skinned ninja with tats and dreads). Actually, if I date outside my race, I don’t intend to date another black woman (because I would expect my next girlfriend to be my last one, I mean isn’t that the point n sh t….fooled ya didn’t I).   But seriously, as I’ve alluded to before I date whomever is attractive, available and interested.  I’m not trying to spite the sista that played me (and if you’ve been reading long enough you know I’ve caught some ugly L’s)  but why the discomfort in the first place?

To be honest I think it comes from a place that’s beyond race.  Women hate men being attracted to anything that isn’t them.  Natural hair vs Weave, black vs white, big vs skinny, freaks vs prudes….there’s plenty of drummed up rivalries in the dating world.  Men are naturally competitive but I don’t think I’m too concerned with who the next woman is interested in.  Trying to fault a woman for not going for the fat, black, cuddly as ever type is just…petty.  I minds well make a song about a girl I hit “first” 7 years ago.


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Filed under Dating, La Familia, Relationships, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… INTERRACIAL

My little sister’s best friend used to have a big crush on me, it was the cliche “first older guy you really talk to so you grow to like him” thing. Although we were actually the same age, but because her birthday was after September so they made her wait another year to start school, so she ended up in my sister’s grade and not mine. I never understood that rule, I hope I have all summer babies. But anyway, nothing ever went down, One my little sister didn’t play that; I was off limits to her friends.  Two, I wasn’t even attracted to her, I just flirted because she really was the first girl to show interest in me and three, although my mother would never say it to me outright, she didn’t want me to be with a white girl (yeah I know the title of the post kind of spoiled the build up but still).  I remember when my brother first came back to stay with us, all he would do was gush over this girl,  his first love, my mother instantly asked her race (he did live in the suburbs after all).  He told her spanish, she nodded and asked more about her.  He then unpacked a picture, straight shoulder length auburn hair, blue eyes, pale fair skin, she was mixed but if you looked at the picture, she looked like a white girl.  The look on my mother’s face was priceless, it was the same look she made whenever she would see my sister’s friend pretend to act interested in whatever nerdy thing I was doing.  She wasn’t racist by any stretch, she had plenty of white friends (token excuse) and her best friend was married to a white man but for her sons she preferred otherwise.

Over the years, we would both date cross the spectrum and my mother would eventually get over it but she was only one obstacle.  Despite it being 2012,  I’ll still get side eyes from black women if I’m out with a white or Asian woman (okay I dated two asians  both was blasian and I never got any sideeyes with but i will count it towards my diversity quota).  Perhaps more so now, fat black and ugly as ever, black women was like “y’all can have him”.  It’s the same way with black men, you can have Fantasia Barrino just give us Paula Patton and Kerry Washington back.  However, I’m not one of those guys who exclusively dates one race. if I’m with a white woman its for the same reason I’m with a black woman, she was attractive and available.  It doesn’t mean I won’t come with a black woman next time.  If I order pepperoni pizza it doesn’t mean I don’t like mushroom, okay I do hate mushrooms but you get my point.  Black women aren’t the only ones, black men won’t disapprove but they will still miss the memo.   I remember when I was on a date I passed one of my boys from around the way, he kind of gave me one of those “I see you now” looks like she was just an accessory, or some sort of token of wealth (psssh we were both broke).  Regardless, if I’m dating outside my race I’m not with her to make a statement, or because she’s “easier” or that we both have credit scores in the 650s.

Why limit yourself to mere percentages of the population

Of course that’s just me.  I know black men who only date outside their race because black women are too high maintenance, and black women who date outside their race because “brothas ain’t ish”.  I shake my head at both.  Quality, relationship worthy women/men come in all sizes and colors, trying to brand one race as the good one to increase your odds of finding one is pure laziness.  Everyone should be open to dating whomever but if the first reason why you are is because the one you prefer is this, that or the third, then you’re in it for all the wrong reasons.  Every woman that ever broke my heart was black but that doesn’t mean I should only date outside my race from now on, just because you’re not a size 4 anymore doesn’t mean you should only date black guys now, just because your black boyfriend cheated on you doesn’t mean a white guy won’t. #Petraeus.



Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships, Simply Stan