It was about a decade ago (shit, I’m old). Me and my boys, per usual were chilling in my room afterschool. One of my boys was going through it with his girl, and it brought about a roundtable discussion on women. I was always the old soul of the group, so I was giving what little game I thought I had back then. I’m spitting all the bars about what women think they want when the room grows quiet…my mother was standing in the doorway, just observing the lecture. We were all oblivious to how long she been there or what she had heard, so it’s just awkward glances around. She comes in the room, kisses me to assassinate any thug I thought I possessed; takes one good look at all of our guilty faces and declares: “All of y’all are having daughters” and walked away.
My boy Crawf would have his baby girl 6 years later, as did my man Falc. My brother would have one as well, (my boy Smeg fucked up the whole narrative and had a son a few years ago, but black lives matter, facts don’t). Then a few days ago I would see the ultrasound of a baby girl from another friend, proving that even from beyond the grave, my mother’s decree would ring true, all of us having daughters.
As my boy showed me the ultrasound and I gave my congratulations, he joked that hex is still on, I’m finna be next. Eh, we just elected a sexual offender as President I’ll see what 2021 hitting on. The hex was a coincidence, if every dude running the streets was destined to have a girl, we’d be out of sons. It did make me wonder, if I was really next up…what type of father would I be? What could I teach my baby girl about this world that grows to be more dangerous for black people? For women?
What example would I lead, as a man. I think of my dad, and as great of a father he is, as we got older his faults as a husband elucidated. I fear bringing a daughter in this world and not being in love with her mother, perhaps the biggest reason I don’t have children yet. I would like to be married, I would hope that we serve as the example of what love is supposed to be. I can’t be out here looking like Future. I would hope when my own looks for an example of a good man she has to look no farther than me. I would hope we would be the black love she sees, the first family will have come and gone, maybe Jay and Bey will still be going strong. Probably not tho.
I would want her to understand her worth. (Can see still say, keep my baby off the pole or is that problematic now…keep my baby off Iyanla, I feel like that’s a safer one). I would want my daughter to know she’s always in control (except under my roof n shit) to never alter her morals or expectations to appease others. I would want her to know she is beautiful, she is gifted, she is loved. Her daddy black as hell, her mama TBD, probably going to be black as hell (In case I meet a white woman let me say I’m sorry Margaret, Susan or Becky…I wrote this before we met), and so, my daughter TBD, black as hell. I want her to know that her skin, her hair, her nose, her lips are beautiful. And that she got her smarts from Dad.
I would also want her to know to never follow anyone’s timeline but her own, love herself and to love God, how change her own tire but don’t dare introduce me to a man who can’t, white feminism is a farce, and flats > drums.