Tag Archives: birthday

Today’s Word is… ME

25. Twenty Five. XXV. Quarter century. It just sounds old, sorry 30+ reader demographic.  But yes, on this day, Juneteenth 2014, I turn 25, and all I want for my birthday is a big booby heaux. I know the lyric, but ass is so overrated, i barely makes my top 5 favorite feature on a woman. Anyway doe, as I take this day pretend to work and check wall posts, texts, and mentions all day as I’m fake special for the next 24 hours,  it’s also a day to reflect on the child I was, the man I am, the person I hope to be, how you turn from a man to a person, who knows it sounds deep I’m letting it ride, it’s my day.  I believe I’ve said this before but too lazy to reread all my posts but I think the critical stages of persons life is 18, 21, 25, 30 and/or when your child is old enough to see if you aint sh t or not whichever comes first. 18 year old me was young and ambitious, but way too arrogant for my own good, by 21 I became more humble and full of potential, 25 is when I stop talking about it and being about it.   

Now am I where I thought i’d be at 25? Not quite.  Am I better than 21, I’d like to think so. Am I on the path to where I’d like to be at 30?….well let’s break it down.

Career- I remember a quote, not who said it and if I ever make it big I’ll probably act like I made it up but “you’ll never make it where you want to go working 8 hrs a day”.  Simple logic.  I thought back to a few weeks back my company’s CEO held a town hall meeting, gave a collective pat on the back for the hundreds of millions the company is making. I mean seriously, rapper can’t outbrag dude he minds well said he has indoor/outdoor pools.  Now I like my job, plenty of room for advancement but is it something I can say I want to do?
My issue has always been focus, pick a hustle and go.  So much I want to do I havent done much. 

Progress- 17%

Love- Probably more than a career I want a family.  Perhaps it’s why I lack focus, I never had a dream job just a dream life.  Love is spontaneous and sporadic, I can meet my future wife in 10 minutes or 10 years.  I will however assess that I’m at least at a point in my life where I know what I want.

Progress- 33%

Social- I would think all I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend but no, friends, network, experiences I will admit this is perhaps the aspect of my life that’s dipped since 21.  Single, childless, disposable income, this is the time to live but the one man wolf pack is only cool for so long. I’ve outgrown childhood friends, only keep in touch with a few from college, haven’t met many new ones, well except women, which only counts for so much. 

Progress- 6%

Health- I’m way healthier now than 21. Not just necessarily weight, but I’m stronger, faster, and my face clear.  25 is essentially my physical prime, I gotta enjoy it, it’s all downhill for here

Progress- 63%

Happiness- 18 depressed, 21 stressed, 25 impressed, it’s all good now, I’m out the hood now.  As I said my life is far from perfect but at the end of the day I’m making positive steps that I can’t be too hard on myself.  There’s days I wonder why I don’t take this paycheck and run off to California and try and be a writer, or wonder if I picked the wrong school, wrong major, wrong woman but most days I wake up content.  So as I enter this final 5 years of my 20s and look ahead, I’ll continue growing, continue learning, continue living.  I feel blessed to enter my 25th year in this world and blessed for all the opportunities that await. 
And….Happy Birthday toooooooooo meeeeee




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Today’s Word is… DOUBT

Or Safe III.  Whatever.

Its funny how trilogies always bring you back to the first one, no matter how epic the 2nd one is.  *Ahem* Dark Knight Rises.  As I write this I feel more closer to how I feel in August than a month ago.  Perhaps I should start to trust my gut more.  After all it was right about “Ms” and “She”.  However with “Miss” things are getting more interesting.  My gut has been telling me fall back for a while now but I keep finding myself in the same position.  How is one hardheaded with themselves, especially when they write their thoughts on a blog where they can clearly go back and see the things they told themselves not to to.  Okay I’m rambling.  Storytime.

Don’t Say You Will….unless you will

It was a while ago, Me and “She” had recently broken up. However, in an act of good faith or perhaps “boomeranging” we were still set to spend my birthday together.  She stood me up.  On my birthday. When I finally got through to her that night, she said its best if we don’t associate at all. On my birthday.  My birthday always sucks, maybe because it’s right before the summer, most people tend to shake off their cuffs at that time.  Its a couple days later, “She” wants to talk, I do her like she did me. On my birthday.  I go to dinner with “Miss”, we pull up at my apartment.  We’re talking and another car pulls up behind us, it’s “She”.  Awkward.   We leave like it’s not my fuggin house but honestly I didn’t want to even see her.   We laugh about it that night but the next day she’s pissed.  It wasn’t a good look at all for anyone involved.  But that night it was, funny how a good night sleep (or saying things out loud on a blog or to someone else) puts things in perspective.

Fast forward to about a week ago, I tell “Miss” how I felt.  Her response “I guess so, why not”.  It was good enough.  We talked through the night about us, our futures, even that awkward night.  I was happy.  Then I woke up the next day.  Did I really just pour my heart out and she respond like I asked did she want a refill?  Why am I not satisfied.  I wasn’t expecting her to run to my arms but what I just got…that wasn’t it.  Maybe she was just caught off guard.  Let me try again, “so what made you change your mind about me”.  “Nothing really”.  Again, not the answer I’m expecting.   Actually, I’m not sure what I’m expecting. Perhaps some validation that I’m more than convenient? That I’m not being settled on?  That I’m not in too deep already as you test the waters? Is this what insecurity is?  Is this whole post just going to be rhetorical questions? Let me reel it back.

Doubts are always going to exist in any potential or current relationship.  You never know exactly what’s going on in the others mind.  Being friends, maybe we know a bit more about one another than the regular suitor. We weren’t even read miranda rights but anything we said or did is being held against us. That awkward night is probably why she didn’t look at me as anything more until 2 days after I told her I was over her.  Her dating someone else in spite of my feelings, is why I’ll always feel some type of way.  Things we said as friends are constantly being referred to out of context (well not on my end, thats her steez).  I wouldn’t say its insecurity but in reality I think we both know better.  Well at least I do.  Maybe.  I think. My gut says so but I typically only listen when it’s hungry or full.

As she sings a different tune now but I can’t believe her.  I want to, but I can’t.  Its all in hindsight.  Everything about us screams boredom and convenience.  I waited months for a “sure why not”.  I’ve been that guy most of my life.  I’m over being Mr. Safe.  For real this time.


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