Tag Archives: beyonce

Today’s Word is… FOUR

“Can’t turn a bad girl good but once a good girl’s gone bad; she’s gone forever, I’ll mourn forever, got to live with the fact I did you wrong forever” 

That was the realest shit I ever heard. I was only like 13 tho.  Even into my early 20s, “Song Cry”  was my heartbreak remedy.  I didn’t need begging R&B records, Uncle Hov said aye sometimes things break bad, you just got to accept the L and move on.  There wasn’t much personal accountability, it was I KNOW I’m flawed, but you were the best part of us, but now you’re as messed up as me.  How disappointing…welp. New steak, who this.  (issa callback).  Sometimes the villain wins, so yada yada yada Jay ends up with the biggest superstar in the world, lord knows what happened to the Song Cry jawn.  Fast forward to 2017, Jay is once again making the song cry… Except he is crying, and apologizing to himself, to his wife, to his kids, to his sister in law, to the nigga he stabbed, (not to Kanye, Dame, Foxy, or Beanie tho ) and even to me, the youth who fell in love with Jay Z. “Forever macking” Jigga was long gone, this was full blown Uncle Hov, humbled.   Of course, we get older we mature (And sure it took until he was the same age Barack Obama was when he was elected, but hey.) but ultimately, Jay was humbled by what humbles many men, heartbreak and fatherhood.  And sure being beat up in an elevator and being branded a cheater in front of the whole world helps too. 

The humility of heartbreak, actual heartbreak, not you gave your situationship an ultimatum only to learn you didn’t matter that much or your #WCW just doesn’t look at you that way, makes you take a hard look at yourself.  Someone who you thought would love you forever is done with you.  Heartbreak that “Song Cry” or a trip out of town for a few days can’t fix.  I’ve “loved” and lost, went through the motions of someone with a broken heart but in hindsight, my ego was just bruised.   I don’t date exes as a general policy, but maybe I just didn’t love them enough to really earn them back.  Far as I was concerned, they just went bad.  I’ve loved and lost, and it gets to me sometimes. Not just the humbling of being heartbroken but the humbling of being so wrong that I had to teach myself how to trust myself again.  That good girls weren’t just going bad, they were just over me.  Still wondering if it’s even possible to love me forever, am I always just going to burn hot and quick like a supernova.  It took Jay damn near 5 decades to figure out his flaws, what if I’m still blind to mine?  Jay and Bey got a happy ending, but they’re the exception, not the rule.  

The humility of fatherhood, of which I can only speak on as a spectator.  Jay Z who coming up was as chauvinist as he was clever is now close to breaking at the thought of having to explain himself to his children one day.  Most men have a fear their child will grow up and learn they ain’t shit.  Kids are unfiltered too, they go to school and tell all their friends you ain’t got no job and 3 roommates.  I think about my brother, who spent his last on my niece’s gift because *redacted family business* was worth not disappointing her.  I see my cousin at a cookout,  someone who one day *more redacted family business* and now is giving instructions on watching his daughter when all he was doing was going upstairs to shower for 30 minutes.  They are probably more daughter dads as their kids are daddy’s girls.  They make them want to be better men.  

The irony in a girl being born with the burden of a man’s emotional maturity; from her father to the ones she love to the son she may have.  It’s how Jay can say with a straight face that woman 12 years his junior matured faster than him, Kanye’s mother has been gone for a decade and we still blame her for not being around to check him.  Women are simply held to a higher standard, expected to take on a project and just hold on for dear life and hope it works out.  

 I’m not in the clear myself, the man I’ve become and continue to be also came on the backs of the women in my pasts’ emotional labor.  I’ve toyed with emotions, kept people around, tested the limits of their patience.  There was a time that’s where I got my confidence from; being loved, being wanted, even if I didn’t feel the same.  I’m still learning, still growing and I think I can figure it out before I’m 47. Maybe 30. 33?  Okay, at least before I’m somebody’s husband or father.  


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Filed under Love, Music, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… STAN

Feel like this post is probably going to rub people the wrong way…..Sorry.

So on one of my rare visits to Facebook, I see a friend posts a video to Britney Spears new video, with the title “Britney’s back…BOW DOWN BITCHES”.  So I see some Beyonce fans not take to kindly to that and they respond on the status.  The feed gets really heated and I eat my popcorn and scroll.  I actually had popcorn, what were the odds?  I text the friend “I warned you about the swarm of them killa Beys lol”. She turns on me, “don’t you start defending that shoplifters belly having ass bitch”.  Me and her have had this debate in the past, I’m not necessarily a Beyonce stan, hell a fan even, but speaking talent wise Britney doesn’t even hold a candle.  When me and her had those back and forths it was always friendly fire, no love lost.  Although I was right, I knew to leave it alone after a while. Besides, you don’t win with stans. Ever.  They turn up their emotions to levels unknown and I’m just not prepared to go to that level for a celebrity crush, that’s how you end up with grays in your beard and receding hairlines.  Stans are something else, yo.

I’m a passionate guy, but I can’t say I stan for anything.  Stans are wired differently, I’m more of a spirited debater who comes armed with facts.  I’m a huge Kanye West fan, I’ll defend any album in his catalog but I’m not going to defend leather skirts and temper tanturms because high fashion won’t let him be great.  I think Tom Brady is the best QB in football ( > Peyton) but he underthrew Wes Welker in the Super Bowl.  Of course, even said debates would have to be brought up to me, I’m not searching Twitter and Youtube for opposite opinions just to argue, I like what I like, I think what I think, you’re free to be wrong on your own.  I’m not a missionary. 

Those are probably the worst stans, the ones who try to convert you on some Jehovah Twitnesses steez.  The perfect example are Scandal stans, Standals, Gladiators or whatever else they called who swear Olivia is the pope.  “Dessiner” suggested I watch, I was like “..nah.” she welped and we moved on.  That’s why she’s awesome”.  A friend from work made same inquiry, it became a long drawn out conversation that went from me not finding a TV show appealing to being a man who cant support a show that has a woman lead, interracial couple, and that I can’t keep up with what I personally see is a very dumbed down “political” storyline. K.

Stans are loyal, devoted, forgiving, you’d think they’d be perfect mates, right?  If she can forgive Chris Brown and pretend he can rap, there’s hope for the common man right? Noap.  Stans are also irrational, overly emotional, and clearly possessive.  Most of the people I know who stan male or female are single and fill that void with *drumroll* stanning in the first place. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying things, but there’s something isnt right with investing time and energy into something that isn’t truly yours.  Allow me to correct myself, I stan for Stan. My writing, my art, my brand, my career…I will defend any post to the death (okay i’m lying some of these are….w.e). If stans put as much energy in themselves as they do defending Drake’s wack ass album, who knows where they’d be. 


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Today’s Word is… SEXY

Me and some colleagues sitting at lunch. A woman passes our table, we see her around but no one quite knows what she does. We have an impromptu round-table discussion on “would you?”. I say I wouldn’t; the challenge flag is immediately thrown.

“You stay checking her out”

Now stay is a bit too much, but she does catch my eye from time to time; to be honest, I probably would. She’s not overly attractive but there’s something to her, the way she carries herself, that is sexy.

Sexiness to me is more or less how much I desire you. Of course physical attributes play a role, but it goes well beyond that. Confidence, subtlety, curiosity, uniqueness, and reciprocation cup size….that is what’s sexy. Sexiness is an appeal, how alluring one finds you will never be your decision. Take for instance the ever popular Instagram. I’m much more drawn to a woman who’s taking a flick before stepping out than the one with the girl holding her breasts up with one arm, snapping a picture with another, probably took 7 of the same picture before deciding on this one, with a random song lyric caption that’s completely irrelevant. Subtlety wins. What makes random pencil skirt lady so sexy is them hips and that walk is that she knows she’s one of the more attractive women (honestly I’d give the edge to coworker) at a primarily male dominated workplace and she wears it proudly, she doesn’t ask for attention but still commands it. It’s the confidence that’s enticing.

There’s sexiness in the unknown. Some people you just wanna see what it would be like. One person in particular who has grabbed my attention, while being physically attractive what sets her apart is the big game she speaks. There’s a challenge aspect to her, she knows what she wants, what she likes and not shy about stating it. I’m much more excited by the action of you sending a picture than the content. I’m a nerd I need mental stimulation. Keep me guessing, keep me thinking. I guess curiosity and uniqueness are two sides of the same coin. The ones who often stand out are the ones who continue to intrigue me.

As for myself, I would never refer to myself as sexy. I like to think I’m attractive, I take pride in my appearance but there’s something to be said about men who trto be sexy. As I’ve said before, it’s an appeal. I have a gist of what women find sexy about me but I hope someone karate chops me in the throat when I start doing shirtless bathroom pics. However, attention is sexy. I want to be wanted too and sh t. Flirt, flatter, fluck i can’t think of a third word. Aggressiveness (in moderation) is sexy. Actually, that’s somewhat of a trend I’m noticing anyway, women are a lot more aggressive and forward these days (or they’ve always been and just not towards me).

I find it funny when mass media essentially spoon feeds the public what is sexy. Victoria’s Secret can have a million bra ads that don’t appeal to a heterosexual man who is more of a leg man, sell some heels so he know it’s real (or do they already *shrug*). There’s some blind men who don’t find Beyonce sexy, but Candy Crowley can get the business. It’s almost uncontrollable. There’s women I don’t even like I would smash, I don’t find all that attractive yet I covet. Sexiness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Speaking of beauty….well that’s another post.

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Filed under Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… SUPER

Seriously why isn’t the day after Superbowl a holiday?  I’ll take Super Monday and give back Columbus Day, all he did was enslave a nation by accident.  How about we just move President’s Day up, kids don’t need a February break, pray for snow days.  Hell I live in Boston where we managed to make St. Patrick’s Day a holiday and we get a three day weekend in June for reasons no one quite understands, I’m sure we can pull this off. (Okay I do know the significance of Bunker Hill Day but still doesn’t mean the holiday isn’t bull, they can trade that with Juneteenth which is my birthday so i take it off anyway).  Okay I’m rambling.  So the Baltimore Ravens are the Superbowl champions, congrats to Ravens fans, players, David Simon and the cast of the Wire.   As you know I’m a diehard Patriots fan so I don’t care, though I found myself rooting for the 49ers, as my football allegiances go:

Pats > team with brother under center > team with brother as coach #noharbaugh > 10+ pt underdogs > Anyone against the Chargers or Jets

I like Colin Kaepernick, he’s fearless but not in a Tony Romo/Michael Vick doing too way too much way.  It’d be cool to see them back, where they’ll lose to the Patriots…I hope.

Anyway, the day after the Superbowl is the most unproductive workday besides the opening of March Madness. Why? Because everyone will be talking all about the game, Beyonce, blackouts and retirements oh my?  So with that I leave my final 47 observations (yes 47) about Superbowl 47

47. If the “Harbaugh Bowl” is any indication, I do NOT want Peyton vs Eli.

46. Jacoby Jones or the blackout should’ve been MVP

No. 45

45. Ed Reed looks like Django, think I’ma call him Edjango Reed until he grooms himself

44.Edjango Reed wore a yoga sweatband and dared anyone to say something to him

43. If the Chargers stop the Ravens on a 4th and 29, they dont even make the playoffs

42. I hate the Chargers so much, when they inevitably move to LA i think i’ll hate them more

41. Jacoby Jones been practicing endzone dances for 2 weeks

No. 40

40. Joe Flacco looks like a whiter Drake

39. Drake’s new song is terrible, just thought I throw that in

38. If Destiny’s Child replaced Michelle with Latoya from the original group I’d pay to see them on tour

37.  GoDaddy’s commercial was disgusting

36. I truly hope it snows in NY/NJ for next year’s Superbowl

35. Wish adverstisers and TV shows would stop putting hashtags, we make our own trends

34. The NFL got power to the New Orleans faster than FEMA did

33. Rich people trapped in the Superdome while the middle class watches from home….fitting.

32. Kelly Rowland’s thighs shine bright like a diamond

No. 31

31. I’d go cornball brother for Kat Dennings

30. My new e-crush is a Niners fan maybe I should check on her

29. I’m completely over Jennifer Hudson

28. Thank God this was the first football game I could watch without seeing an ad for “Identity Thief”

27. Oh yeah she’s on Mike and Molly

26. Bridesmaids wasn’t that funny

25. So is The Rock a face or heel in Fast 6?

No. 24

24. The Rock has 3 movies coming out and still the WWE Champion, he’s putting on for the kinda blacks

23. Speaking of kinda blacks, Colin Kaepernick has great resiliency

22. For this to be the “Ray Lewis Superbowl” I didn’t see him do a thing ON the field

21. Anquan Boldin is a man amongst boys

20. Randy Moss is a man amongst boys, but Jim Harbaugh doesn’t think so

19. Whatever happened with that Michael Crabtree sexual assault case

18. Beyonce’s dutty wining brought me all the way back to 2006….good times

17. Jay is going to use Bey shutting down the Super Bowl in a verse

16.  4 million an ad, and there wasn’t anything advertised I would actually buy, maybe the new Budweiser

15. If the Patriots were playing Twitter would be blaming Belichick for the blackout

14. Why pick up Randy Moss if you’re not going to throw to him in end zone situations, its like Tebow all over again

13.  RGIII took his buzz, Ray Lewis took his faith, Tebowmania is really dead

12. How epic does Iron Man 3 look

11. Given the awfulness of Spiderman 3 & X-Men 3, I’ll curb my enthusiasm…slightly

No. 10

10. Kanye West or Jay for next years Halftime Show

9. There were 2-3 songs where Bey completely lost me, I really dont pay enough attention to her musically

8. Superbowl tweets > Superbowl Ads

7. Flacco is going to get paid and regress worse than Drew Brees did

No. 6

6. Me and Ray Rice have a similar build, i need to google his workout regimen

5.  Alicia Keys couldn’t hit that note on Brave but played it off nicely

4. That was horrible play calling by Harbaugh (the red one) at the end…he was Andy Reid-esque

3. I can’t wait to see how NFL Films covers the blackout…RIP Steve Sabol

2. The Sandy Hook chorus…wow.

1. Football is really gone til August *cries Ray Lewis tears*

Football gone…

And with that I close the book on another NFL season, but seriously what the hell am I supposed to do on Sundays?  I really think its time for a girlfriend.



Filed under Randomness, Simply Stan, Sports

Today’s Word is… UNATTRACTIVE


So I finished all my Christmas shopping and as luck would have it as I spent all my money, my phone breaks. Bah, humbug.  I’m now in day 3 of phonemaggeddon.  It’s been a weird few days out of the matrix but perhaps a necessary few.  I only really miss it on my daily commute but in the meantime I have books and people watching.  As I spent the passing days admiring the various pieces of eye candy that I typically miss because I’m ironically looking at pieces of eye candy on instagram,   I notice a girl.  What caught my attention was her voice, slight accent, sexy and feminine, she could read me nutritional facts all day.  Her hair auburn and wavy, probably weave but still nice.  Well put together outfit that gracefully fits her curvaceous frame, she was about to turn around…please don’t let the fantasy be kilt like a Kanye concert outfit. Soft mahogany skin….full glossed lips, dimple piercings that are so overdone these days but it fits her… and the biggest damn eyelashes you ever seen.   Like no way she could see, she must have sonar.  I never got the fake eyelash trend anyway.  Looking like Snuffleupagus.

In my last post I talked about how men typically aren’t allowed to judge women physically,  well unless it’s positive.  There’s no way to say so without sounding shallow.  Ask a man what he finds unattractive, if he’s smart he’ll stick to the basics: liars, insecure, slutty etc. I’m not that smart.  I’ve spoken extensively about what men in general and I personally find attractive but never what I’m not.  So alas my one small step for man things men find physically unattractive. Do I really need a disclaimer that I’m not speaking for all men, OK cool.

maybe shes born with it…

Excessive Makeup- like most things less is more.  Seeing a woman caked up to the extreme makes me think little girl playing dress up.  Also I grew up in a household of all natural beautiful women and makeup was a no go.  My mother rarely used anything and expected the same for her daughters

Bad Hair- Weave, perm, fro, short, long, blonde, brunette, most men don’t care as long as it’s done.

Grooming- Like bad hair we may not notice everytime it’s done but we sure will notice when it needs to be.  Never let us notice when it needs to be. That goes for eyebrows, nails, feet, body hair.

Sprays n stuff- After a certain age a man has to have a decent Cologne game and women the same.  It’s time to graduate from bath n body works and stop smelling like jolly ranchers all the time.

Clothes- It goes beyond pajamas in public, women who rock leggings like dress pants, shirts too damn small, trying so hard to look different you look a fool, a woman that can dress catches my eye over the half naked one. I’ll take the mystery box and peel off layer by layer later.

And finally fake.  Not just hair, if you got a fake bag, knockoff shoes, it just says high maintenance. Going above and beyond what is even necessary to maintain a “look”.  Girl with the eyelashes was genuinely pretty but the eyelashes just threw it all off.  Society girl from the last post would say I’m being judgmental again, maybe her eyelashes burned off saving a puppy from a burning house.  But whatever, ain’t like every girl finds average height, darkskinned, chubby dudes popping.   No one is attractive to everyone regardless what People magazine says.  Maybe Beyonce even racists got to find her dope.  What say y’all, what are your physical turnoffs don’t be all self righteous let it rip

who could not…



Filed under Dating, Randomness

Today’s Word is… THANKFUL

Yup it’s one of those posts….

My family first and foremost

A God that loves me in spite of constant doubting

My friends who stuck around, and the ones who no longer felt the need to keep up the charade and showed their true colors

Good  health and credit…a couple years ago I probably weighed more than my credit score

That Superstorm Sandy missed Massachusetts almost entirely, prayers for the areas not so lucky

That Beyonce made an instagram

My apartment

My sorta kinda but not really but in the right lighting and if i inhale you can see abs

Black soap

The Dark Knight Rises on Blu Ray

That Kendrick Lamar put out an album this year and Lil Wayne didn’t

My President is still black (and he’s come with gifts)

That nerds are in now \o/

No oops babies

All my e-boos have skype so i won’t end up on MTV’s Catfish

I found gainful employment before I started to consider retail

My hairline isn’t receding

I don’t see a viable threat to the Patriots getting back to the Superbowl

Being able to play Mario Kart 64 on my phone

This 30 in 30 challenge, which has kept me very busy

Green grapes

3000+ twitter followers


Sparkling water

Moderate good looks

and of course all my readers…you make me a blogger and not some dude writing in a diary, love you all



Filed under Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… THIRST

The thirst.

“It ain’t thirstin’ if it’s working” -Origin Unknown or I just made it up

Thirsty is probably one of my favorite words.  It’s funny and mean at the same time.  You call someone thirsty for a celebrity they’ll probably laugh it off, call a dude thirsty for a regular female and he’ll probably either be ready to fight or cry depending on his own toughness.  However, the definition of the word varies.  For some, thirsty is merely complimenting or acknowledging someone who has little to no interest in you.  For others, its more or less persistence for something that isn’t going to happen. However, the theme is common, thirst is usually one sided, unwanted and subject to ridicule.  Men are thirsty, women are thirsty, it’s one of the lovely things without a double standard.  Men tend get the brunt of it, because as the natural pursuers, we are usually putting ourselves out there to mixed results.  But at what point does persistence and confidence turn into thirst and creepy?

Looking back, I’ve had some thirsty moments #thesearemyconfessions.  I won’t play myself and go into too much detail but there were times I went all the way in chasing a woman.  With one, Mild stalking (I knew our paths crossed coming home from school, sometimes I would stall for time if she was late),  with others I went with notes, flowers, online comments, and a song that will never see the light of day. By today’s standards I was uber-thirsty, Steve Urkelian if you would.  Back then I didn’t see it that way, I knew she liked me a little bit like a little tiny bit and I didn’t exactly have too many other offers on the table.  I was 1/3 in my thirst efforts but thankfully for me Myspace died, screenshots hadn’t become so popular and we never rolled in the same circles.

My reception of thirst is different.  Perhaps because men and women tend to thirst for different things, men of course pursue sex, women pursue relationships (although i genuinely liked the girls mentioned earlier, scouts honor n sh t).  Both men and women will accept the flattery for a bit (unless they’re completely turned off by the person) but once they learn of the others intention they get off at the first exit they see.  For instance, I flirt a lot, maybe even lead on a little but to me it’s all out of mere amusement and ego strokes.  Once one takes things to that next level I abort. It can be cute and flirty at first but once you start blowing up my phone and acting like #wegotogether, I don’t want to play anymore.

Of course, it isn’t thirst if one is ready to give you a drink.  There’s girls out there that will give the DM mack some play, the dudes that will let himself get tagged in a Facebook post of Beyonce’s “Love on Top”.  Just like there’s girls that would call a dude thirsty for holding a door for her and dudes that will call a girl thirsty because she called him twice in a row.  It’s all on perception really, so stay thirsty my friends



Filed under Randomness, Relationships