Tag Archives: baggage

Today’s Word is… VULNERABLE

image

We all somebody’s “leftovers”, “one that got away”, “I always wanted to fuck a ______”.  Yes, even you over there.  We break up, make up, meet and delete and over time it accumulates to form baggage.  Baggage does get a bad rep, its often viewed as rooted in insecurity, or mistakes that shall follow you forevermore. In reality,  our life experiences, both the good and the bad, shape how we think, what we value, and who we are and who we hope one falls for.  Yet, we try to hold it off for as long as possible, burdening ourselves.  It’s like walking down a long hallway with your hands full of groceries (because two trips are for bitches) waiting for a safe place to drop it off. 

image

Conventional wisdom says men aren’t vulnerable, men don’t share when in reality while we’re a little cautious, most can’t wait to lay it all out there on the counter. It’s a relief to just be able to emote, confess, reflect to someone.  Being Superman is exhausting, sometimes you just wanna be Clark.  For example, I’m Clark here.  I can say whatever is on my mind to nameless faceless readers I don’t have to think about what they think of me.  Most people close to me have no idea about the blog or ever will…I prefer to write without any fear of who might read or take something the wrong way.  (Then there’s the nickname jinx).  I also have a friend I can be Clark to…she’s patient, kind, and loving. At times I wonder that if there was romantic interest on my part would I be as open of a book to her?  Don’t think so.

Women that I am romantically interested in, they get cool, confident, unbothered.  (But women want the REAL you..flaws and all…..eh, eventually.  In small doses. That they extract themselves. Not incessant bitching and worrying.  Don’t debate me. I’m right.) “She” started off as my best friend, she got the vulnerability, my girlfriend at the time got the benefits.  When we actually got together, I made the same mistake. I was more Superman than Clark; work was “fine”, “nothing” was bothering me, I ain’t crying, I got allergies.  There wasn’t that comfort level to let her all the way in, and I still almost married her.  Next few women, I overcorrected wore everything on my sleeve and when it ended I couldn’t help but wonder if congratulations, I played myself.

So now, I find myself….besotted with someone and as the glow of newness fades away, I think we find ourselves facing each other in that long proverbial hallway holding our respective baggage wondering where do we set it down at? 

So Im like, “The hell if I know, every time I leave it somewhere it turns out to be the wrong idea.  Maybe I could just keep leaving it at a friends?  At least until I’m absolutely sure.”

And she’s like: “I’m accustomed to handling my own shit; in a 2016 kind of world I’m glad I got my girls.  Men just try to fix everything anyway, I dont need all that right now.” 

Stalemate.  For now.  Even though we both know that if so maybe this is going to be something it can’t just be dates and laughs…it feels like we know each other more than a little bit but at the same time not really.  Not that we’re in any rush, for now its chill. 

I guess what I am curious about is how and why its so much easier to unload on some and not others, is it just a vibe thing?  Does young metro not trust this woman?  Am I gunshy now? Is it I’m getting the intimacy I require elsewhere?  Maybe I just don’t want to.  Friends, family, lovers…everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Do they?  Total help meh sang.

-Stan-

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Relationships

Today’s Word is… HEAUX

image

I never got why people hate Kim Kardashian.  Now I can’t say I’m a fan of hers, I don’t watch any of those 38 reality shows, she’s just as bad of a singer as Britney Sp….*loud subway train passes*, and even from an adult de cinema perspective there was plenty to be desired.  However, I never been inclined to hate her, her fame or the empire she’s built simply off the premise that America is so muhfuggin nosy.  I felt this way well before she was ultimately linked with Kanye West beared an heir and now they’ve recently got engaged.  Even though Kanye left her because she got fat, at least that’s what the supermarket tabloid told me, also the President is a gay muslim socialist (sidebar: like how can tabloids just say, anything they want, it’s like they are fueling stupidity at alarming rates)..  Anyway, when the engagement was announced my twitter feed in true Reed Richards fashion reached as far as they could to change the narrative.  “Kim’s engaged but your babydaddy don’t even follow you”, “Golddigger jokes”, and of course “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife”.  My reaction, well, I don’t care that much, Kanye got his dream girl now hopefully she can open up the doors to high fashion that he can’t so he can make another “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” and less electronic grunge frustration music. I actually love “Yeezus” I rather not get another one. 

image

That concludes the pop culture segment of this post, now for what I really wanted to speak on, the idea of what’s a hoe or heaux, I feel cajun.  Kim was in a couple high profile relationships, she wasn’t exactly just being passed around the industry, Hi Rihanna.  By that metric, we’re all heauxs right?  We all go through that phase where we everything at the wall (maybe a person or two…giggity) and see what sticks.  I had my phase, it makes about 65% of this blog material, being the other guy, cheating in general, dating multiple people at once, being cougar chow, FWBs, one night stands, 18-22 year old me really wasn’t sh t.  I’ve accepted that whomever I end up with will likely have a past unless Apple or Google figures out time travel. I can only hope she’s honest and forthcoming about it as I intend to be and we will move on from there. 

This brings me to a long while back and a barbershop debate being had.  This guy was engaged to this woman Shaniece (she had a few nicknames i won’t repeat, i didnt know her personally “she was befo yo time youngblood”, but everyone in the hood done heard a Shaniece story, i hope she moves before her kids get older).  This guy must’ve really like their haricuts because I would’ve Riley Coopered and fought every ninja there, bro.  I would’ve got a fade and delivered one. Anyway, one of the old heads came to his defense with a story about his wife, how she too had a reputation but she grew, matured from it all, “they make the best wives, they’re humble” (the pg version of the quote, he really said something about how a certain body part in a mouth teaches humility).  Makes sense in theory, well not him per se, but the overall premise, we grown why would I be concerned with what others think or heard? 

All aren’t built like that; they let their relationships crumble do to outside noise .001% of the level Knorth by North West’s parents face.  Now, are there some trifling women you ought to run from, of course, but to be naive to think you the only one she did that to, she’s in your bed because of your incredible seduction, or everyone has some agenda is just silly.  I rather be with a woman who owns her past than the one who hides from it, acceptance is growth, aversion is hinderance.

-Stan-         

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Love, Randomness, Relationships