Tag Archives: affair

Today’s Word is… NEXT

There’s few places like the barbershop.  It’s the daytime gentleman’s club, the man cave, the original #blacktwitter.  Over the years, I’ve heard it all in the barbershop from when I was a kid to now.  Of course back then I was just laughing when they did just to fit in, now I’m a grown man who not only knows exactly what they talking about, but equipped with a few tales of my own to tell. So during my last visit, the topic broached…well I surely can’t say it here.  I will say the shop was evenly split between pro and against.  Team Pro debated valiantly and close their argument with the age old defense:

“What you won’t do, the next one will”

This mantra I typically see hurled towards women, that you must always have your head on a swivel because they outchea plotting on you, is something I’ve only half agreed with. While I agree that in a relationship you should always continue to evolve and never assume their satisfaction, the next one will logic is flawed.  One should be driven to please their partner not just who else might could.  S/Os don’t play defense. 

Bringing it back to the barbershop, the discussion switched to the man, the myth, the legend; the “next man”.  The next man, side dude, dirty mack, mister-ess etc, is an interesting character.  He serves different purposes to the relationship. Obviously to her, he’s the complementary piece, what she’s not getting from her she will get from him.  Attention, affection, affirmation. However, the next man is always a role player at best.  No matter how many voids he fills, and even though studies suggest women who are unfaithful typically develop some true feelings for the other man, he’s just the complement, rarely a real threat to the incumbent. Been there.

As for the man, his job to make him extremely uncomfortable.  Men are ego driven, if she was to leave for any reason, the last thing a man wants is another man.  There’s nothing more humbling than losing your queen to a personified Trey Songz record.  With that, it was the next man who got men to wear thighs like Bane masks, the next man who threw back throwbacks (sorry Hov), the next man who got you banging out that extra set at the gym, the next man made you want to learn how to cook. The next man continues to set the bar higher and higher and forces you to adjust to the new market.  He’s a necessary evil, as without him enters comfort, a gift and a curse.  There has to be a healthy fear that if you’re not handling business, you’ll become expendable. 

Here comes the M. Night Shyamalan plot twist. The “next man” represents what she’s not getting from her man, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s another man she’s getting it from. The “next man” can be freedom, a clean slate, being able to trust again. That is what makes the next man the ultimate temptation, and while she must resist, the man mustn’t make it too easy.  The other grass will always look greener when you’re not watering yours. The next man is always lurking in the shadows waiting for that 3rd missed call, waiting for you to not notice that new haitstyle, waiting for you to say “nah, I :don’t do that”.  

So how legitimate of a threat is the next man? As legitimate as you let him be.  There’s a reason Mark Sanchez and Kyle Orton kept hearing Tim Tebow’s footsteps while the Peyton Mannings and Tom Bradys chilling out miaxing relaxing all cool.  If I know I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be, there’s no need to be out here overcompensating like some of my fellow barbershop patrons.  I respect the respect the game, that should be it, what the next man eat….


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Filed under Dating, Relationships, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… CHEATED

Yesterday, I talked about cheating in relationships from two perspectives, being the other guy and being the cheater.  I can’t speak on how it feels to actually be cheated on because fortunately that hasn’t happened.  I can only imagine how I would react, I’m openly emotional yet prideful, petty yet mature, cynical yet forgiving.  It probably would go by the situation, I catch you in the act I might go Hulk smashing (unless it’s my crib I’m not ruining my stuff because you’re a heaux).  If you outright confess I’ll probably play it cool say something awfully cruel and then go home and listen to Drake and pretend I have allergies.  But I still think my thought process would be the same…

Why him (or her, rap songs be damned that girl got a girlfriend ish is basic as hell)?

I think that’s the obvious question, was that person really worth the risk.  You can’t help to check the tale of the tape and see what was special about them that made her not care about your trust and feelings.  Is he taller, makes more, what was he doing that I wasn’t? The irony in being the other guy was that I really wasn’t worth it, you were playing a dude who was willing to be with you for a couple of sweet lines and special moves.  I wasn’t trying to take her from him, just take her at my convenience.  I think roles reversed, I’d like to think the other guy was like her soul mate or something and not just some dude she finds cute.

How long has this been going on?

Even if it happened once, very rarely is it you met someone in one day, slept with them and got caught/confessed the next day.  Men possibly but even then unless it was really bad, will try to hold on to it (we have clothes from  9th grade still you think we are just going to pass up a woman who’s already given us a golden ticket).  With women who typically try to make you wait as long as possible take time before taking things to that level, there’s usually courting that she let go on too far. As texts got more flirtatious, the prospects of it went through her mind she chose to proceed anyway.   Temptation is a hell of a drug but we all know our limits.  It could be days, weeks, months even years, affairs take time.

Where did I go wrong?

I’m perhaps too secure in a relationship; if I know I’m doing all I can to keep you happy why worry about anyone else.  Cheating is the harsh reality that she wasn’t as happy as you thought she was.  Cheating is rarely about the sex, if one is feeling froggy with nowhere to leap there’s *ahem* things for that.  It’s usually about complements, getting what they feel they are missing in their relationship.  If I was cheated on I wouldn’t be able to help but feel like I failed at keeping her happy, my primary goal as boyfriend.  I would want to know what I did wrong to at least know better the next time.  Or at the very least know how to pick a better mate.

Screw me once…shame on you. The End.

Can I Forgive?

When I cheated, I thought it was better to end things.  Even if I was forgiven, I could never get off of relationship probation and being a “sex addict” doesn’t work with regular people.  I don’t think I ever could forgive someone who cheated on me, I’ll lose all respect and without respect I’ll be likely to cheat and be no better than her.

She have any single friends or relatives?

Kidding. Maybe.


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Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships