Tag Archives: advice

Today’s Word is… GRIND

Rise and grind. Work 25/8 nah mean. I’ll sleep when I die. We have a weird belief that insomnia is the key to success. If you up at 2am “grinding” that’s not hustling, that’s poor time management. TheNeighborsSoiree doesn’t sleep but you know who does, his boss Drake. Who has a GED. So he’s factually correct. People with GEDs do sleep, while you’re up making songs that will be just be taken from you if they’re worth a damn. Countless studies emphasize the importance of sleep but it seems like we still can’t disabuse ourselves of the idea that if you aren’t worn out you aren’t trying. No matter how many generic self help quotes Will Smith gives on Instagram based off fictitious conversations because he’s Will Smith and he’s not actually talking to aspiring actors and the poor. The Rock loves telling people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps as if he isn’t a 3rd generation professional wrestler. Diddy is good for a don’t stop working quote but when was the last time he was up all night doing anything he didn’t want to do? That’s not shade to them, there was a time when they did have to grind. It was also 20+ years ago. They have no idea what it’s like to be in the 99% in the 99 and 2018. People aren’t struggling because of a lack of discipline. “We all have the same 24 hours” sounds good but an 8 hour workday, 8 hours of sleep, and the other 8 are spent trying to get to one or the other.

But I guess I’m a cynic in that regard…some people get their motivation from that, I don’t. Capitalism gon capitalism, in order to win there has to be losers. Everyone can’t be a boss, someone has to work. Everyone can’t be an entrepreneur, someone has to buy. To excel in a capitalist society, you have to crush competitors, you have underpay your workforce… there’s no honest way to a billion dollars. (I don’t know exactly what Oprah did but I’m certain someone somewhere got screwed) That’s how the game works. How the game also works is selling you the idea that if you work hard enough then you can be the one on top. Then when someone asks you how to get there, tell them to work hard, stay focused and never give up.

Whether it’s career advice, diet, dating, skin care… The end result is always gonna be do what works for you and pray. That’s the only advice they can give, everyone is different, every situation is different and a lot of the shit is luck. There’s someone who thinks he’s the next LeBron in a gym right now, working on his game, grinding, no sleep….and he’s probably going to end up a high school gym teacher. It’s nothing wrong with his work ethic, he didn’t take shortcuts, he believed in himself but everyone can’t be LeBron. For every drug addled mumble rapper who managed to find success without much talent, there’s thousands of more people on Soundcloud who quit their job, got a face tattoo, betting on themselves trying to make this happen and it won’t.

Then there’s me, damn near 30 still not entirely sure what I want to be when I grow up. Presently, I have a good job at a good company. Got a good start on my retirement…I can spend the next 25-30 years making upward and lateral moves, make good money but there’s no path to CEO. I can become a CPA, go into business for myself, grind mode and maybe I hit for a lick, or maybe I never get clients working out of a home office and do tax returns to keep the lights on. I can get laid off and write full time, pitch and grind my way to a book deal and a TV show and a production studio. (I actually started SFW when I was laid off 5 years ago, but unemployment checks will humble you. Quickly.) All of this is possible and none of it is. I guess it’s why we bother with this life shit. Either way, there’s gotta be a way to go about this that doesn’t involve working yourself to death or just dream chasing recklessly. Take your ass to work, but take time to cultivate other talents…and never tattoo your fucking face.


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Filed under Money, Oh, Internet, Randomness, Simply Stan, Uncategorized

Today’s Word is… MISTRUST

*Method Man voice* R-E-A…..D-E-R MAIL. That’s how you start a post when Wu Tang raised you, or you become a white Will Smith making songs about hand me downs. Whatever.  So a reader reached out curious about something I wrote a long while back on relationship chicken, that awkward period during dating when one or both sides is simply afraid to put themselves out there.  He finds himself, at that stage, he met a girl he’s really feeling, he’s wined and dined but he’s just not quite feeling the love back.  So naturally, his own ego told him to take 3 spaces back, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.  Now the girl senses that drift and now she’s easing back, moreso than what he was already concerned about.  He likes her and he thinks she feels the same but he’s afraid of throwing more time, money and effort into a failed prospect and she’s afraid of being hurt. 
Obvious answer, take the the lead make your feelings known, stop hiding behind what you think might could possibly happen.  However, what’s more interesting to me about the whole chicken dynamic is simply the lack of trust that exists between two people in the courting process.  This brought me to a post I read on VerySmartBrothas about lazy/cheap dates, amongst the conversation there was the women who weren’t shy about their expectations for a date and the men who were frustrated with putting so much into women who weren’t coming out them vickys interested.  Isn’t dating/courting supposed to be an enjoyable experience? Who let all the paranoia in?  Women set up booby traps, a naval fleet and snipers around their hearts, men are standing by with binoculars wondering if she’s worth the gauntlet.  Chicken was an understatement, it’s a war going on outside. 

I would say I’m a hopeless romantic that’s always willing to take that leap for love, but then I would be lying.  Love is scary, dating is a bitch.  My reader doesn’t like feeling being taken advantage of, no one does, but is there ever a way to really know the others intentions, even when they do actually communicate? Nope.  I try to give objective insight in my emails/chats but do I even know for sure? Yes.  I’m awesome and I’m usually always right about these things. Nope.

What’s funny about the paranoia is that reward is so much greater than the risk.    What are afraid of wasting anyway? Time? We spend 1/3 of our lives asleep, another 1/3 work/school and the rest is our personal lives.  (Wow depressing when you think about it.)  Money? Unless he was going on $200 twitter dates or works in a sweatshop a couple dates shouldn’t have hurt his pockets too much, and after all you do eat and see the movie too. Emotions? Better to have loved and lost and sh t.  It happens.  Sometimes we just need to let our egos take a backseat and just go for it, trust your instincts, trust the process.  She probably isn’t his future wife but the longer he plays chicken, the longer he’ll never know.


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Filed under Dating, Love

Today’s Word is… INVESTMENT

Been a long time. Shouldn’t left you. Without a blog post to step to.  I never liked that Aaliyah song. Anyway, over this lovely 4 day weekend I got caught up on some reader emails.  Now on most blog sites, you get an email, you open with said email, and your response is the post, but I like to discuss the issue with the reader and then post it post discussion. Triple entendre, don’t even ask me how.  I prefer this way, one it helps with the typical storytelling style of the blog, and I think conversations work so much better than just one long answer to a question. Anyway here’s the yada yada yada:

Girl meets boy online, embark on long distance relationship, for almost a year. They skype so he knows she’s no Catfish, but they havent met in person so she could smell like Catfish.  They make plans she keeps cancelling, on the latest cancellation he says he’s done, the next week gets a local girlfriend.  Girl is confused how he can move on so quickly, would like some closure on the issue.


We touched on a few things, why the cancellations, what she wants now, the elephant in the room that he got a girl in a week…but what kept turning up was the sense of entitlement she felt that after a year, he can just be done.  She felt she deserved a little more respect than that.  I can understand her view but I agree with his.  One, because as a reader she was well aware that my number one rule to long distance relationships, is no cancellations.  Long distance takes a lot of patience and hope, you lose one or both, you lost period.  He simply lost hope in her.

Sometimes you just got to know when to fold em.  He had invested a year in words and breasts on a screen, okay I don’t know how real their skype sessions got but I’m just assuming, a year you should be get to e-second base, right? Whatever.  He realized he was putting time and energy into something that wasn’t playing out how he envisioned.  He was left with two choices, keep investing and hoping it pans out, or just take you were in a year relationship and all you got was an e-shirt.  Okay, let me be a little more sensitive, hell I’m currently feeling someone who’s a wee bit out my jurisdiction, but thats another post, maybe.  

As for her she’s at that same crossroad, she’s invested a year into someone and it’s just…over?  How can he just be over it that quickly? Does he not care? Did he ever?  She wants answers, but is she owed them?  I’ve discussed “closure” before and perhaps my position evolved as i do see it as a necessary evil.  It should be simple and to the point, this won’t work because ________, don’t debate me on it, don’t ask about who I’m seeing now, take the humble pie with a glass of accountability.  To an extent, he gave her that, he told her he couldn’t take her seriously anymore.  Explaining the new girlfriend, maintaining a friendship, seeing her when he’s in town in a few months, he doesn’t owe her any of that.  Only return on this investment is a lesson learned.


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Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships