Category Archives: Politics

Today’s Word is… TWENTYTWENTY

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So they say the three things you’re not supposed to discuss publicly; religion, because well touchy subject.  Salary, because they want to keep wages stagnant (the other day a colleague casually mentioned they lived in the Seaport district [apartments start at $2500] and I almost responded, “the hell are they paying yo ass?”), and politics, because like religion, it’s considered a touchy subject.  This always sounded white as hell because only white people can chalk up the 2016 election to “difference of opinion”.  Over here tween Normandy and Western,  if you voted for Trump, you the opps and I need to know this so I can treat you accordingly.  But since we folks (and hi random person who clicked a google link) I will break this politics rule and make a confession:

I’m not really feeling any of these people running in 2020

We’re less than a year away from Iowa and I’m largely meh on the field.  If the primary was tomorrow and I had to vote I’d vote for [REDACTED], but I don’t even think [REDACTED] even has a chance of winning the nomination.  If I so much as to tweet a candidate’s name I get a bunch of people (or bots) swarming my mentions and I almost fear for a 2016 repeat.  Someone had likened it to a Cheesecake Factory menu, where you just have so many options that you are either verklempt or just don’t trust anything.  Like you can’t be good at lasagna AND pho, one of them has to be off.  And that’s pretty much this 2020 Democratic field, they all can kinda maybe work but also just not be it. (Like, I really dislike [REDACTED] and think [REDACTED] brings absolutely nothing to the table but if they end up with the nomination, then what?). And so, we’re left with a crowded field of like 8 middle aged white guys in dress shirts with no ties, a handful of people we thought we liked more 3 years ago, and a bunch of possibles.  Since 1972, primary parties have averaged 10 candidates, we’re at 21?  Even the clown show that was the Republican primary in 2016 topped out at 17.  But when the bar is at least 35 years old, American, and smarter than Donald Trump, the Presidency is a Tinder profile.

Like that aforementioned Tinder, I feel like I’m forced to take what I can get because the alternative is this treasonous vapid circus peanut.  It feels like the electorate is in that same boat,  with the Alyssa Milanos  (does she still act, I feel like I only hear about her on Twitter) of the world pledging to not badmouth any candidate publicly. A little while ago, I made a joke about Booker’s make believe thug friend T Bone and  I got a DM of how dare I tear a man down and it’s people like me who are going to ensure a re-election.  Like, first of all he’s polling at 1% higher than me, and secondly that T-Bone shit is just funny.  The electorate as it stands now isn’t engaged, they’re terrified.  Like an episode of scared straight, people are flocking to [REDACTED] simply because they feel like he’d win in the general when he’s barely released a platform.  The same people who are retroactively annoyed by Obama’s centrist ways are seemingly okay with [REDACTED], who is 10x worse.

Behaviorial scientists believe that choice overload will ultimately lead to more disappointed, reluctant, unenthused voters.  Like most users on Netflix binge the same 4 shows rather than be overwhelmed by the catalog.  (Seriously, how many damn times can you watch The Office)  They conclude that even the most informed engaged voter will exhaust themselves trying to give everyone a fair look.  There’s optimists who believe a crowded field means everyone has a horse in the race and so they will follow more closely.  Personally, I’m waiting for the caucuses to clean some of this mess up.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… VOTE

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After what has seemingly been the longest 2 years ever, we have arrived at Election Day, Ballotine’s Day, Votesgiving or whatever. Not to sound so unenthused, I’m moreso exhausted. For one, after 2016 I don’t trust white people with anonymous ballots anymore and two, if there’s anything but a big Blue wave, it’s gonna our fault. We didn’t tell Pookie to go vote. We let the ancestors down. We took our asses to Black Panther but didn’t take our asses to the polls. Even as just 12% of the population, elections are won and lost on our backs. Ain’t that America. Black people aren’t allowed the privilege of apathy, we must vote like our lives depends on it, because well, our lives kinda depends on it. Even if it’s for the devil we know. I don’t say that to discourage voting, I vote. I voted for Obama. Twice. Would’ve a third time if I could. (I’m black so it’s funny when I say it). I guess I tire of the only way to try and garner the black vote is to get Obama & Oprah to talk down and guilt us into it as if we aren’t also citizens who have issues and demands. It’s a frustration I touched on last year when discussing buying Jordans; there’s just this assumption that black people simply don’t know better. I become annoyed at chicanery like click bait links and trolls to get people to register, text alerts, and Snapchat filters and maybe I’m just getting old but…speak to me like a constituent.

For example…

However, I do see the other side of it. People literally fought for this right. Beaten, harassed, killed for this right. Just 50 years ago. To stay home because you just really liked Bernie or you just don’t see any difference is an affront. If your vote actually “didn’t matter” like your hotep cousin on Facebook says, there wouldn’t be so many measures to try and suppress it. Reshaping districts, purging voter rolls, new voting ID laws, revoking the voting rights of those with past criminal records, closing voting locations in minority neighborhoods, to say your vote doesn’t matter is simply ignorant. When you see such overt voter suppression it’s hard not to then turn around and look at the apathetic non voter and want to scream at them for not at least doing their part. These people are literally silencing the people and you have the nerve to just not vote because you don’t feel like it? Fuck you, Pookie. You too, Spencer.

To be fair, we are not a monolith. Some people need a foot in their behind, some need their hand held, but most just want to be inspired again. We don’t need people dragging their feet to the polls, they should be marching. There’s less talk about what we’re voting for and more what we’re voting against. Even in my home state of Massachusetts, both Gubernatorial candidates aren’t really, saying anything. I’m more compelled to go to the polls for the ballot questions. We shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that our parents were very much alive at this time when black people were being terrorized out of their vote, they wasn’t just voting for their right to vote. They were voting to be heard, voting for change, voting to be a part of the solution. As aren’t we, today. There’s more to be done, more to be addressed and I feel like beyond trying to make sure young black people vote, there should be as much effort in making sure their issues are being heard as well. I would hope decades from now, I would be able to try and engage the younger generation to vote by saying this that and the third was done and not, well your ancestors died trying to vote, how could you let that be in vain? They’d be less need for shaming if there was actual results to display. Ultimately, people do what they WANT to do and instead of guilting, maybe the aim should be to make people want to. While Snapchat ads to register to vote is cute, where is the same energy to educate voters, and to make sure candidates know what these newly registered voters want? Fuck Donald Trump is a mood. It’s a good YG song. It’s not a sustainable party platform.

All that to say, take your ass to the polls today.*

*Because you want to because this is your damn country and you’ll be damned if it goes to hell without at least your input

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Today’s Word is… CIVILITY

It was just about 2 years ago, when MY First Lady (had us all believing she was finna run in 2020) delivered the what I guess now is the “When they go low, we go high” speech. It was a display of grace and class as we’d come to know from the First Lady. While I didn’t care for the line that much (I’m petty), white people ate that shit up like it was kale flavored gluten free hummus. It was a precursor to their present favorite buzzword, civility. Fearful that the oppressed would stoop to their level, this idea of civility is largely just a fear of retribution as if we have the power to in the first place. We’re in different leagues, black people have a median net worth of $8 and being murdered by the police, white people get really bothered when you tell them to season their food or cast a minority in a Star Wars movie. Someone throws a water at Tammy Blahren, or refuses service to Sarah Huckabee and it’s being treated on the same level as Jim Crow. If I’m refused service at a restaurant, I maybe could start a hashtag on Twitter, meanwhile they have the President of the United States clapping back on their behalf. The caucasity it takes to even cry foul or to pretend these are equal sides is maddening.

Yet as these white liberals are wyling out, the onus turns to black people to go high, be better, turn the other cheek, be Martin… (who white people think died for their sins)

Fuck that.

I’ll quote their First Lady… I don’t really care, do you? Black people too busy trying to survive to worry about answering for the angry white liberals and definitely not worrying about placating conservative white feelings. It’s hard to muster a fuck to give about some bar banning MAGA hats when that bar probably had a whites only sign when it was founded. Stop asking me to have a dialogue, black issues have been well documented its not a matter of simply misunderstanding at this point. You try to compromise they’ll take what you gave and gaslight you, saying they never got anything. The Red Hen LGBTQ staff handled the matter privately and with civility, Huckabee runs to Twitter and now a bunch of conservatives are calling THEM the bigots. That’s what happens when you try to reason with the unreasonable. There’s no path to racial equality that doesn’t have white discomfort and it’s why I don’t believe this country will ever get there. When you have one side actually doing harm and the other dissenting but being treated as both sides need to come squash it in the name of civility; that’s not civility, that’s compliance.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… FIRED

7/6/17 (Day 240)- I love this country, I harshly judge this country… Thats kinda how the whole black in America thing works. I think about the times when I personally was ashamed to be an American, I can think of 3 off top; Katrina, Sandy Hook and this.  When I wasn’t just angry at my government but I actually felt the shame, I thought about how other nations probably viewed us.  Treating own citizens like refugees? Kids killed and not a single push on gun control? And then, there’s this orange duckfacing reality star who was chosen to run the whole country.   Looking at clips of Toupee Fiasco at the G20 summit, speaking to other nations about his beef with a cable news network, having to literally be babysat during his sit down with Putin because he can’t be trusted with, you know, words. It’s actually reached the point of shame.  This actually happened, he’s the 45th president of the United States, forever.  The embarrassing high school picture of American history.  Just as you look at those colored contacts and 5X tee shirts and wonder what the hell you were thinking, that’s how I will always remember 2016.  Even after history inevitably whitewashes this and blames Russia for everything. YOU did this, America. YOU did.  

7/11/17 (Day 245)- These are my confessions, I’ve never actually seen the Godfather I just get the pop culture references and fake my way through.  If Mango Mussolini can fake his way through the Presidency, surely I can fake my way through this analogy.  So in The Godfather, when Vito almost gets killed or something and then James Caan does get killed as acting mob boss, Vito picks his youngest son, Scarface to take over instead of Fredo who would’ve been next in line.  Because you can’t give Fredo too much power, he’d Fredo it up.  So when news broke that Donald Trump Jr, the Fredo of this family of Fredos met with a Russian lawyer to get dirt in Hillary Clinton complete with email chain, I thought wow, he really IS Fredo.  So what does Fredo do? He doubles down on the Fredoness by tweeting the emails out without any idea of if and how this can blow up in his face.  In Godfather II, Fredo tries to take out Al Pacino, fails and gets dealt with.  Because of course he did, he’s Fredo. Meanwhile, Twitter Fingers Sr has yet to chime in.  Because, it’s Fredo.  

7/15/17 (Day 249)- To commit an act of treason, one must aid a country we are at war with.  The United States and Russia are not at war, but relations between the two countries have been on “I just don’t like this bitch” forever.  So… its technically treason but not treason.  Diet Treason. Treason Lite.  Apparently, that’s close but no cigar because Congress is acting like none of this is happening and back to the business of replacing Obamacare with Get Rich of Try Dying. They’ve accepted Orange Foolius for what he is, a distraction so while people wonder colluding with a foreign government to alter the results of an election isn’t a crime, they continue to work in the shadows. You look up and realize Dolt45 hasn’t actually done anything of note since taking office but golf and tweet.  A cheeto dust smokescreen. 

7/21/17 (Day 255)- Considering it’s his catchphrase, Nacho Nazi isn’t good at firing people.  Instead he just hires your replacement and hopes your pride makes you quit.  I mean, it works for his wives.  The latest victim, Sean Spicer.  I can’t say I’d miss Spicey, but I’m sure Melissa McCarthy is broken up over this… This impression did more for her career than Mike and Molly ever did.  I’ll miss the countless countless lies, the memes, and maybe this means that Press Briefings will air like again because that whole cameraless thing was very troubling.   Enter Anthony Scaramucci, who is what I think Trump thinks he looks like.  Sure he’s from Goldman Sachs, supported Obama and calls himself the Mooch… Consistently doesn’t matter, that’s pretty par for the course. The issue isn’t that Persimmon Putin needs a better communication team, it’s the actual bullshit being communicated.  Like lying about the Inauguration crowd like we don’t have, cameras.  Lies to cover up a lie that was a lie about another lie.  Why not just hire Joe Budden?

7/24/17 (Day 258)- This is the bill that never dies, yes it goes on and on my guys, Senators tried to vote on it not knowing what it was, they’ll just keep supporting it forever just because this the bill that… They are really adament about ripping healthcare from poor people.  They even rushed John McCain out of cancer recovery just to make sure broke people won’t be able to in the future.  They are if nothing else, persistent. Meanwhile Sunkist Stalin, finally defends Fredo by mentioning Hillary’s “acid washed” emails. (Literally not a thing).  He really cares about those emails… Maybe that’s why he colluded with Russia to get them. 

7/25/17 (Day 259)- So Trumpcare 3.0 aka Wealthcare aka Get Rich or Try Dying is dead. I think. For now.  Sure it’ll be back tho. Like herpes. Shoutout to Usher.  The biggest plot twist was that the deciding FOH vote came from John McCain.  After someone may have said God need to call his ass home already. Allegedly.  Let’s not get carried away here, if you pull a gun on someone, decide not to fire you then don’t get to say you saved their life. Which is pretty much what happened there.  But good looks John, and you know beat cancer.  So yet another L for Donallllllld, I thought deals were his thing. *sips tea*

7/26/17 (Day 260)- Still nursing the L he caught yesterday, Darth Cheeto decided to tweet out a ban on transgendered people in the military.  Because fuck you, that’s why.  His lists the reason as being cost, but in reality he’d save the country more money by actually paying his taxes.  It’s simply discrimination for the sake of doing so.  This wasn’t some hard decision, there’s no remorse, he tweeted it with the same regard as I would tweet what I had for breakfast.  Let me know when the military officials themselves challenge this tho. *sips more tea* Bleh. It’s cold. 

7/31/17 (Day 265)- Moooooch, we hardly knew ye. I mean imagine missing the birth of your child and losing your wife for a job you “held” for 10 days.  You ain’t even get a badge yet, a .gov email address, can’t even update your LinkedIn page, ain’t even get fired on your day off because you haven’t even got PTO yet, I was an engineering major (12 days) longer than he was employed (bout 10).  Milk and plantain had longer shelf lives. Good laugh indeed. See you in a few Scaramuccis.  

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… TRUCULENT 

Previously on the Trumpocalypse:

Chapter I: How Sway

Chapter II: No, really how?

Chapter III: So, this is happening huh

Chapter IV: So this is a joke right

Chapter V: For real stop playing

Chapter VI: So, it isn’t?

Chapter VII: Damn.

6/5/17 (Day 209)- As the world comes together to share condolences and support for the United Kingdom after a horrific attack, leaders from France, Germany, Canada…do what you expect, thoughts and prayers, reach out if you need our support in any way yada yada yada. Then, there’s our “leader”, Truculent Tangerine, who decides to say fuck it, mask off and call out the mayor Sadiq Khan of London on a quote out of context, then upon getting the full statement, accuses him of backtracking and the media for running with it because that makes far more sense than he simply misread the statement.  It’s also not lost on me that if London’s mayor was a white man named Tiddlyham Bumbershoot and not Muslim Sadiq Khan, he probably doesn’t say anything.  Surely, his supporters have to find antagonizing a Mayor after a terror attack low class right?  Nope.

6/8/17 (Day 212)- It’s kind of wild everyone stopped what they were doing to watch the Comey hearing as if it was the NBA Finals.  It was also kinda wild that in this one instance, we were rooting for the fed.  That’s where we are now, if Putin just came out and said he has Trump under his thumb we’d probably put him on the $10 bill.  (As an aside, where the hell are my Tubman 20s, are we still getting them, can Dolt 45 ruin that sorta thing because he seems like the type who would ruin that sort of thing).  Comey knew to keep notes because when someone shows you who they are, believe them.  If the Director of the FBI couldn’t tell when a man is lying to their face, perhaps a career change was in order.  He also figured knowing the President tried to bribe him was far more useful to him than telling someone the President tried to bribe him, because he’s still a fed B.  Surely, his supporters have to be taken aback that the President fired the FBI director for investigating him?  Nope.

6/15/17 (Day 219)- “We are all Steve Scalise today” – Paul Ryan

“I’m David Duke without the baggage” – Steve Scalise

Issa no for me dawg.   But you know, thoughts and prayers for everyone else tho. Stop the violence and all that.

6/16/17 (Day 220)- I’m always fascinated by what makes politicians decide to run for President and when, especially people who should know they have little to no chance to win.  Like did Mitt Romney actually think he was going to unseat a popular incumbent? Why did you even try, “Bobby” Jindal?  Trump can’t actually be serious, right?  That was my thought 2 years ago, when Mango Mussolini announced his decision to run.  He called Mexicans murderers and rapists and promised to build a giant wall on the border.  Everything about it was absurd.  He should’ve been laughed off the stage like it was Showtime at the Apollo. Yet here we are 2 years later, he’s presently on Twitter talking about Hillary’s emails like he didn’t already win the election 220 days ago.  Surely, his supporters gotta be over this Hillary thing by now?  Nope.

6/20/17 (Day 224)- Meanwhile at the lair, McConnell nem are trying to pass a healthcare bill, no one knows what’s in it, no one knows how much it will cost, and they want it done by the 4th of July because they got shit to do.  No committees, no debates, no reading the fine print.  Yeaaaaah…that doesn’t sound suspicious at all.  I almost envy how efficient the Republicans are sometimes.  They are the Golden State Warriors of greed.  Imagine if they actually worked for the people with that same vigor.  Even if they are thwarted in 2018 and 2020, I’m sure they’ll find their way back and will raise hell if they can’t.  Democrats…they have the moral high ground and not much else.

6/24/17 (Day 228)- If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  If up til now you were adamant that Russian hacks weren’t real, but now there’s an opportunity to pin them on Obama, does Trump tweet? Of course he does.  Because he doesn’t have to be consistent about anything other than being a white man.  Could Obama had hit Russia back harder? Been more vocal about it? Probably.  Instead, he trusted the people and the process that made him the President because that’s always been who is, for better or worse.  Perhaps, like 94% of black women and 82% of black men, he simply was unaffected at all by those hacks that seemed to sway soooo many otherwise non bigoted white people.  They were just so offended by those emails that they voted against their own best interests.   Yup, it’s all Russia’s fault.

6/29/17 (Day 233)- Just the President twitter beefing with the hosts of Morning Joe because he tried to blackmail them with a National Enquirer story in exchange of more favorable coverage.   He then attacked Mika Brzezinski’s looks because he’s a 71 year old frat boy.  NOW, people seem to be outraged because these types of shenanigans are beneath the office of the President.  You know what else was beneath the office of the President? The guy from the Apprentice with no political experience.  The only thing Persimmon Putin has been consistent on, is being trash.  Why act surprised now?

7/2/17 (Day 236)- Today in American History

  • 1776- Congress votes on Independence
  • 1881- President Garfield is shot
  • 1921- President Harding declares end of war with Germany
  • 1964- President Lyndon B Johnson signs Civil Rights Act
  • 2017- President Twitler tweets a gif of him being up CNN

Happy Birthday America.

-Stan-

 

 

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Today’s Word is… COVFEFE

Previously on the Trumpocalypse:

Episode I: The Phantom Election

Episode II: Whitelash of the Clones

Episode III: The Inauguration of the Sith

Episode IV: A New Dope

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Episode VI: Return of the Obamas

 


5/5/17 (Day 178)- So I’ve always felt that Cinco de Mayo was trash.  Doubly so in Trump’s America where the very white people who voted for a wall because Mexicans are rapists and murderers turn around wear sombreros and mustaches and drinks tons of tequila and Corona to “honor” Mexicans.  It’s like if there were Juneteenth parties and white people wore fake afros, ate fried chicken and drank Hennessey and malt liquor.  There would be outrage, because we don’t play that shit and they know better (at least publicly). Somehow, for Mexicans it’s just fair game.

5/8/17 (Day 181)- Sally Yates testified before Congress confirming what we already knew, Trump was warned not to Flynn was compromised by Russia, he made him National Security Advisor anyway, proceeded to fire her and only reason he even fired Flynn eventually was because the Washington Post wrote about it.  Mango Mussolini’s response: Yeah, well, why doesn’t someone ask HER how the Washington Post found out.  We live in a world where the President can knowingly hire a traitor but a quarterback who kneeled during the national anthem is still presently unemployed. Merica.

5/11/17 (Day 184)- I remember one night I was catching the late train home and some guy was on the train, casually smoking a cigarette and reading his phone.  There was such a lack of fucks given that it actually took a moment for it to register that wait… you can’t do that.  That was pretty much my same reaction waking up to the news that FBI Director Comey was fired.  I ain’t pass the bar, but I know a little bit enough that YOU CAN’T FIRE THE PERSON WHO IS INVESTIGATING YOU.  It is literally obstruction of justice.  It is literally what turned Congress against Nixon in 1973.  It is…probably not going to do anything in 2017 because THESE Republicans are cowards.  Also, while Nixon too was a #whitelash candidate, even his supporters saw what he was up to and wrote their congressmen to get him out the paint. In 2017, Trump supporters… I mean what would it take for them to actually go against their beloved Trumpkin Spice?  So instead, the FBI Director has become a politicized job, because when the President is a criminal these are the things that happen.  Imagine an FBI that picks and chooses their cases based on political leanings…well, I mean more overtly.

5/13/17 (Day 186)- While Trump continues to be a recalcitrant man baby , behind the scenes Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III continues to try and bring the 80s back.  Seeking the harshest drug sentences possible for even low level nonviolent offenses.  Clearly, I feel a way about Trump but I will contend that Jeff Sessions is the worst thing about all of this.  Nacho Nazi is an imbecile, Sessions is pure calculated evil.  (Editors Note 5/30/17- Rich Homie Quan is now facing 30 years for weed, what do you think is going to happen to those who aren’t even rich or homies?)

5/16/17 (Day 189)- I’ve had an epiphany of sorts.  MSNBC ratings surging, Stephen Colbert winning the battle of late night, even I can attest that this Trumpacolypse series gets much more traffic than other posts (yes, that means you…it’s okay I know my blog isn’t for everybody, it’s nothing personal see you next month)  my most popular tweets are about Orange Foolius.  Outrage is what gets the people going…but at what cost?  During the Obama era, Fox News became THE name in cable news, the GOPBlackChick and Cornel Wests’ of the world ate good in the “I’m black and I don’t like Obama” lane.  They was so mad for 8 years and just allowed themselves to be lied to and trolled for 8 years as people cashed in on their racism. Now in a way, the switch flipped.  Except, I don’t hate Trump because I’m racist, I hate him because he is.  The constant coverage does feel exploitative but then at the same time, you can’t bury your head in the sand because he might bury the rest of you from behind.  How can you not be constantly outraged at outrageousness.  Bill O’Reilly was doing performance art; Keith Olbermann might actually lose his mind.  Should we turn away for our own sanity…or is that what he wants.

5/18/17 (Day 191)- I remember watching Quantico for a handful of weeks and my takeaways were wow this show is bad and feds can’t be all there in the head.  So of course, reaction to news that former director Comey had contemporaneous notes on every interaction with Sunkist Stalin was, of course he does.  Twitler alleges he has tapes. So it becomes, who do you want to believe, a decorated former FBI Director or the guy from the Apprentice.  In March, I would’ve been really excited thinking this will be the smoking gun that ends this nightmare, but now I’ll believe it when I see it.

5/24/17 (Day 197)- An internet debate on whether it’s worse to be the “whose” or the “mans” in a “whose mans is this” situation came up recently.  I correctly stated it was the whose.   While the “mans” is the buzzkill, it is squarely on the whose who brought him in the first place.  I never felt more vindicated than over the past week watching Darth Cheeto proceed to make an whole ass out of himself overseas.  From getting curved by his own wife, getting curved by the new French president, side eyed by the Pope, trying to extort NATO, shoving another member to be in front of the crowd, and then his usual shambolic presence…who’s mans is that? Ours, America.  (I mean, that’s moreso #yall mans but I too was embarrassed about all of it).  I just hope the rest of the world knows we going through some things…issa phase…and um, we was hacked. (Literally).

5/25/17 (Day 198)- Meanwhile, on the mainland.  Edward Littlehands just declared war on poor people.  Cuts to health care, disability, food stamps, student loans, work study, fuel assistance, unemployment benefits..but at least you get the wall. Well a fence extension. Maybe. All to keep those Mexicans out.  But how fun was Drinko de Mayo a few weeks ago?  Funny how that goes.  Oh and  Jared Kushner wanted secret back channel communications with the Kremlin.  The treason. The treason that we here.

5/30/17 (Day 203)- White women wyling (alliteration ftw) was my reaction when I saw the Kathy Griffin photo; it was too far.  Beyond that I couldn’t muster up too much energy for the lady from Newsradio Friends Just Shoot Me Mad About You Suddenly Susan (all them 90s white shows looked alike).  However, the conservatives getting indignant about it is so ridiculous.  People lynched Obama dolls, you’ve called him a terrorist for a decade so lets not get too cute with the moral high ground.  Petty Van Halen couldn’t resist the urge to get indignant himself claiming his child saw it but his child can also see him mocking a disabled reporter and heard his father say grab them by the pussy.  They’ve proceeded to get her out the paint and she went full white women victimhood and I just hate everything about all of this.

5/31/17 (Day 204)- Covfefe.  That is all.

-St…

6/1/17 (Day 205)- Couldn’t even leave on a covfefe.  The Dorito-in-Chief withdrew from the Paris agreements because he thinks it pays moneys to Paris.  He also declared himself the President of Pittsburgh in spite losing the city heavily.  Alas, we knows who’s mans it is…Pittsburgh, he has claimed you.  Y’all can give him an office in City Hall, a custom Steelers jersey and leave the rest of the country to be ran by an adult.  I know its a big sacrifice but the world will thank you, Pittsburgh.

-Stan-

 

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Today’s Word is… CON

Previously on the Trumpocalypse:

Wait, wtf you mean he won?

The Cheeto-Elect

The NAHguration

Don’t Trust Race Bannon!

3/6/17 (Day 118)- It’s the remix to the ignition, hot and fresh out the kitchen, Twitler just dropped another Muslim Ban, a slightly altered edition.  He basically scratched off Iraq and turned it right back in.  I expect it to be struck down again because, again illegal as fuck to do so.  Meanwhile, the media is casually running with the Obama wiretap story because apparently no one has taken social studies or at least watched Season 5 of The Wire to know it’s again, illegal as fuck to use a wiretap on a private citizen without a federal judge’s approval.  Yes, even for Presidents.  Thankfully so, for the President we have now.  Because if I were to bet on which President would be the one to abuse such a power, it would be Orange Foolius in a landslide.

3/7/17 (Day 119)- One of my biggest pet peeves is the fake woke inward on Facebook who believes generational economic disparity could be solved if black people just stopped buying Jordans.  I have textbooks that cost more than sneakers and if we keeping it a buck the sneakers are probably worth it because the book was worth 50% less the second I walked out of the store.  That impulse to blame the poor for bad priorities rather than acknowledge the flaws in the system is just beyond stupid.  It felt like only *WE* was hit with that faulty logic like white kids don’t buy shoes too.  So today I couldn’t help but be tickled by the fact that the game flipped up finally.  As Republicans scramble to defend their inexcusably bad health care bill, they have nowhere to turn but on their own constituents.  Now it’s not about the higher co-pays and deductibles, but rather how low income Americans prioritize their spending.  The irony is delicious.  Instead of fixing the problem, it’s easier to spin how people aren’t as poor as they think.  Except, no matter how much one saves, one long hospital visit can wipe out their savings and then some.  So then what?

3/13/17 (Day 125)- Sunkist Stalin thinks they’re cameras in the microwave.  I’m perfectly OK making fun of him while recognizing I grew up with aunties who turned off the TV during thunderstorms.

Stay Woke

3/15/17 (Day 127)- Just waking up and the President is beefing with Snoop Dogg. No big deal.  This feels like a wacky dream sequence on a TV show, hell it WAS a wacky dream sequence on a TV show.


3/16/17 (Day 128)- When you watch enough basketball, it’s easy to spot a heat check.  It’s when a player if feeling himself so much that he’ll take shots further and quicker just to see how “on” he is.  I feel like the Nacho Nazi is in a heat check. He’s just pulling up from 40 just to see if it goes in.  2 Muslim 2 Ban was blocked, as expected. His budget is so awful I doubt it passes, his healthcare bill will take away 24,000,000 subscribers and even his signature wall seems dead in the water.  His entire campaign, a heat check it went from a boast to party frontrunner, to nominee and now he’s President and all he wanted was a few tax breaks for him and his cronies.  It’s as if he himself underestimated the power of white mediocrity.

3/19/17 (Day 132)- Mere days after proposing cuts to heating assistance, meals on wheels, affordable housing, combating homelessness, a law was passed allowing states to require drug testing for unemployment benefits.  When it’s Friday, you ain’t got no job, and you ain’t got shit else to do…drink, apparently.  The war on poor people wages on, and as long as Dwight P Poe think they are sticking it to Shaniqua they won’t notice these attacks are on them as well.

3/20/17 (Day 133)- At a campaign rally even though he’s already president, Toupee Fiasco boasts to his uneducated fans about how the NFL is afraid to sign Colin Kaepernick because they don’t want to feel the wrath of his tweets.  *reads that sentence again because this can’t be life*.  Young Cheez-it has made a habit of referencing companies by name online causing small spikes or dips in their stock, you would think a President would recognize this and stop doing so but he continues to push the button because he’s a giant orange man baby.  Kaepernick, who is 29 years old, could find himself out of a career because he dared stand up for something he believed in. Meanwhile, Senate hearings begin today about whether the President colluded with Russia.  Oh, the irony.

3/24/17 (Day 137)- “Obamacare is the law of the land” – Speaker Ryan
Just gives you chills like saying “Mufasa”.  The AHCA aka Trumpcare aka Get Rich or Try Dying aka Lightskinned Aunt Viv Care aka Great Value Care failed spectacularly today.  Even with a GOP majority.  Isn’t closing deals supposed to be his thing?  Mango Musselini’s response, “meh.”  I remember when Obama first mentioned healthcare, I remember “YOU LIE”, I remember all the town halls, I remember Mitt Romney running for President promising to repeal it like he didn’t sign it into law in Massachusetts in the first place, I remember the Supreme Court rulings.  Trump tried to force a bill without even getting the cost of it, gave a 24 hour ultimatum and now that it’s failed it’s as if it never happened.  All in vain to quickly snatch the legacy of the first black President out of the history books. The people who voted for him, they voted against Obamacare without realizing it went against their self interest. If the AHCA wasn’t so disastrous for women I would’ve wished it had passed just so they could learn the hard way.

Foreshadowing…

3/27/17 (Day 140)-36% approval rating, Muslim Ban failed twice, healthcare failed, and there’s still the wholetreason thing looming.  This is “unpresidented” failure.  Except his rates at Mar a Lago and his hotels have gone up, the secret service has to pay him to protect him and his name is a registered trademark in China. Is he a comically inept President or just a really shrewd con man?  I honestly believe it’s both.

3/30/17 (Day 143)- Then a hero comes along, with the strength to carr-, oh it’s just Mike Flynn.  Who has resurfaced with an offer of testimony in exchange for immunity.  The same “Lock her up” Mike Flynn.  Mr “if you’re given immunity it means you committed a crime” Mike Flynn. General “oh you meant THAT Russia” Mike Flynn.  Could he finally end the Trumpocalypse once and for all?

3/31/17 (Day 144)- Immunity denied.  Welp.  See y’all next month. Until then, stay knucked. Bucked. Ready to fight.

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