Previously on the Trumpocalypse:
“Episode I: The Phantom Election”
“Episode II: Whitelash of the Clones”
“Episode III: The Inauguration of the Sith”
“Episode IV: A New Dope”
“Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back”
“Episode VI: Return of the Obamas”
5/5/17 (Day 178)- So I’ve always felt that Cinco de Mayo was trash. Doubly so in Trump’s America where the very white people who voted for a wall because Mexicans are rapists and murderers turn around wear sombreros and mustaches and drinks tons of tequila and Corona to “honor” Mexicans. It’s like if there were Juneteenth parties and white people wore fake afros, ate fried chicken and drank Hennessey and malt liquor. There would be outrage, because we don’t play that shit and they know better (at least publicly). Somehow, for Mexicans it’s just fair game.
5/8/17 (Day 181)- Sally Yates testified before Congress confirming what we already knew, Trump was warned not to Flynn was compromised by Russia, he made him National Security Advisor anyway, proceeded to fire her and only reason he even fired Flynn eventually was because the Washington Post wrote about it. Mango Mussolini’s response: Yeah, well, why doesn’t someone ask HER how the Washington Post found out. We live in a world where the President can knowingly hire a traitor but a quarterback who kneeled during the national anthem is still presently unemployed. Merica.
5/11/17 (Day 184)- I remember one night I was catching the late train home and some guy was on the train, casually smoking a cigarette and reading his phone. There was such a lack of fucks given that it actually took a moment for it to register that wait… you can’t do that. That was pretty much my same reaction waking up to the news that FBI Director Comey was fired. I ain’t pass the bar, but I know a little bit enough that YOU CAN’T FIRE THE PERSON WHO IS INVESTIGATING YOU. It is literally obstruction of justice. It is literally what turned Congress against Nixon in 1973. It is…probably not going to do anything in 2017 because THESE Republicans are cowards. Also, while Nixon too was a #whitelash candidate, even his supporters saw what he was up to and wrote their congressmen to get him out the paint. In 2017, Trump supporters… I mean what would it take for them to actually go against their beloved Trumpkin Spice? So instead, the FBI Director has become a politicized job, because when the President is a criminal these are the things that happen. Imagine an FBI that picks and chooses their cases based on political leanings…well, I mean more overtly.
5/13/17 (Day 186)- While Trump continues to be a recalcitrant man baby , behind the scenes Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III continues to try and bring the 80s back. Seeking the harshest drug sentences possible for even low level nonviolent offenses. Clearly, I feel a way about Trump but I will contend that Jeff Sessions is the worst thing about all of this. Nacho Nazi is an imbecile, Sessions is pure calculated evil. (Editors Note 5/30/17- Rich Homie Quan is now facing 30 years for weed, what do you think is going to happen to those who aren’t even rich or homies?)
5/16/17 (Day 189)- I’ve had an epiphany of sorts. MSNBC ratings surging, Stephen Colbert winning the battle of late night, even I can attest that this Trumpacolypse series gets much more traffic than other posts (yes, that means you…it’s okay I know my blog isn’t for everybody, it’s nothing personal see you next month) my most popular tweets are about Orange Foolius. Outrage is what gets the people going…but at what cost? During the Obama era, Fox News became THE name in cable news, the GOPBlackChick and Cornel Wests’ of the world ate good in the “I’m black and I don’t like Obama” lane. They was so mad for 8 years and just allowed themselves to be lied to and trolled for 8 years as people cashed in on their racism. Now in a way, the switch flipped. Except, I don’t hate Trump because I’m racist, I hate him because he is. The constant coverage does feel exploitative but then at the same time, you can’t bury your head in the sand because he might bury the rest of you from behind. How can you not be constantly outraged at outrageousness. Bill O’Reilly was doing performance art; Keith Olbermann might actually lose his mind. Should we turn away for our own sanity…or is that what he wants.
5/18/17 (Day 191)- I remember watching Quantico for a handful of weeks and my takeaways were wow this show is bad and feds can’t be all there in the head. So of course, reaction to news that former director Comey had contemporaneous notes on every interaction with Sunkist Stalin was, of course he does. Twitler alleges he has tapes. So it becomes, who do you want to believe, a decorated former FBI Director or the guy from the Apprentice. In March, I would’ve been really excited thinking this will be the smoking gun that ends this nightmare, but now I’ll believe it when I see it.
5/24/17 (Day 197)- An internet debate on whether it’s worse to be the “whose” or the “mans” in a “whose mans is this” situation came up recently. I correctly stated it was the whose. While the “mans” is the buzzkill, it is squarely on the whose who brought him in the first place. I never felt more vindicated than over the past week watching Darth Cheeto proceed to make an whole ass out of himself overseas. From getting curved by his own wife, getting curved by the new French president, side eyed by the Pope, trying to extort NATO, shoving another member to be in front of the crowd, and then his usual shambolic presence…who’s mans is that? Ours, America. (I mean, that’s moreso #yall mans but I too was embarrassed about all of it). I just hope the rest of the world knows we going through some things…issa phase…and um, we was hacked. (Literally).
5/25/17 (Day 198)- Meanwhile, on the mainland. Edward Littlehands just declared war on poor people. Cuts to health care, disability, food stamps, student loans, work study, fuel assistance, unemployment benefits..but at least you get the wall. Well a fence extension. Maybe. All to keep those Mexicans out. But how fun was Drinko de Mayo a few weeks ago? Funny how that goes. Oh and Jared Kushner wanted secret back channel communications with the Kremlin. The treason. The treason that we here.
5/30/17 (Day 203)- White women wyling (alliteration ftw) was my reaction when I saw the Kathy Griffin photo; it was too far. Beyond that I couldn’t muster up too much energy for the lady from
Newsradio Friends Just Shoot Me Mad About You Suddenly Susan (all them 90s white shows looked alike). However, the conservatives getting indignant about it is so ridiculous. People lynched Obama dolls, you’ve called him a terrorist for a decade so lets not get too cute with the moral high ground. Petty Van Halen couldn’t resist the urge to get indignant himself claiming his child saw it but his child can also see him mocking a disabled reporter and heard his father say grab them by the pussy. They’ve proceeded to get her out the paint and she went full white women victimhood and I just hate everything about all of this.
5/31/17 (Day 204)- Covfefe. That is all.
6/1/17 (Day 205)- Couldn’t even leave on a covfefe. The Dorito-in-Chief withdrew from the Paris agreements because he thinks it pays moneys to Paris. He also declared himself the President of Pittsburgh in spite losing the city heavily. Alas, we knows who’s mans it is…Pittsburgh, he has claimed you. Y’all can give him an office in City Hall, a custom Steelers jersey and leave the rest of the country to be ran by an adult. I know its a big sacrifice but the world will thank you, Pittsburgh.