Category Archives: Politics

Today’s Word is… TRUCULENT 

Previously on the Trumpocalypse:

Chapter I: How Sway

Chapter II: No, really how?

Chapter III: So, this is happening huh

Chapter IV: So this is a joke right

Chapter V: For real stop playing

Chapter VI: So, it isn’t?

Chapter VII: Damn.

6/5/17 (Day 209)- As the world comes together to share condolences and support for the United Kingdom after a horrific attack, leaders from France, Germany, Canada…do what you expect, thoughts and prayers, reach out if you need our support in any way yada yada yada. Then, there’s our “leader”, Truculent Tangerine, who decides to say fuck it, mask off and call out the mayor Sadiq Khan of London on a quote out of context, then upon getting the full statement, accuses him of backtracking and the media for running with it because that makes far more sense than he simply misread the statement.  It’s also not lost on me that if London’s mayor was a white man named Tiddlyham Bumbershoot and not Muslim Sadiq Khan, he probably doesn’t say anything.  Surely, his supporters have to find antagonizing a Mayor after a terror attack low class right?  Nope.

6/8/17 (Day 212)- It’s kind of wild everyone stopped what they were doing to watch the Comey hearing as if it was the NBA Finals.  It was also kinda wild that in this one instance, we were rooting for the fed.  That’s where we are now, if Putin just came out and said he has Trump under his thumb we’d probably put him on the $10 bill.  (As an aside, where the hell are my Tubman 20s, are we still getting them, can Dolt 45 ruin that sorta thing because he seems like the type who would ruin that sort of thing).  Comey knew to keep notes because when someone shows you who they are, believe them.  If the Director of the FBI couldn’t tell when a man is lying to their face, perhaps a career change was in order.  He also figured knowing the President tried to bribe him was far more useful to him than telling someone the President tried to bribe him, because he’s still a fed B.  Surely, his supporters have to be taken aback that the President fired the FBI director for investigating him?  Nope.

6/15/17 (Day 219)- “We are all Steve Scalise today” – Paul Ryan

“I’m David Duke without the baggage” – Steve Scalise

Issa no for me dawg.   But you know, thoughts and prayers for everyone else tho. Stop the violence and all that.

6/16/17 (Day 220)- I’m always fascinated by what makes politicians decide to run for President and when, especially people who should know they have little to no chance to win.  Like did Mitt Romney actually think he was going to unseat a popular incumbent? Why did you even try, “Bobby” Jindal?  Trump can’t actually be serious, right?  That was my thought 2 years ago, when Mango Mussolini announced his decision to run.  He called Mexicans murderers and rapists and promised to build a giant wall on the border.  Everything about it was absurd.  He should’ve been laughed off the stage like it was Showtime at the Apollo. Yet here we are 2 years later, he’s presently on Twitter talking about Hillary’s emails like he didn’t already win the election 220 days ago.  Surely, his supporters gotta be over this Hillary thing by now?  Nope.

6/20/17 (Day 224)- Meanwhile at the lair, McConnell nem are trying to pass a healthcare bill, no one knows what’s in it, no one knows how much it will cost, and they want it done by the 4th of July because they got shit to do.  No committees, no debates, no reading the fine print.  Yeaaaaah…that doesn’t sound suspicious at all.  I almost envy how efficient the Republicans are sometimes.  They are the Golden State Warriors of greed.  Imagine if they actually worked for the people with that same vigor.  Even if they are thwarted in 2018 and 2020, I’m sure they’ll find their way back and will raise hell if they can’t.  Democrats…they have the moral high ground and not much else.

6/24/17 (Day 228)- If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  If up til now you were adamant that Russian hacks weren’t real, but now there’s an opportunity to pin them on Obama, does Trump tweet? Of course he does.  Because he doesn’t have to be consistent about anything other than being a white man.  Could Obama had hit Russia back harder? Been more vocal about it? Probably.  Instead, he trusted the people and the process that made him the President because that’s always been who is, for better or worse.  Perhaps, like 94% of black women and 82% of black men, he simply was unaffected at all by those hacks that seemed to sway soooo many otherwise non bigoted white people.  They were just so offended by those emails that they voted against their own best interests.   Yup, it’s all Russia’s fault.

6/29/17 (Day 233)- Just the President twitter beefing with the hosts of Morning Joe because he tried to blackmail them with a National Enquirer story in exchange of more favorable coverage.   He then attacked Mika Brzezinski’s looks because he’s a 71 year old frat boy.  NOW, people seem to be outraged because these types of shenanigans are beneath the office of the President.  You know what else was beneath the office of the President? The guy from the Apprentice with no political experience.  The only thing Persimmon Putin has been consistent on, is being trash.  Why act surprised now?

7/2/17 (Day 236)- Today in American History

  • 1776- Congress votes on Independence
  • 1881- President Garfield is shot
  • 1921- President Harding declares end of war with Germany
  • 1964- President Lyndon B Johnson signs Civil Rights Act
  • 2017- President Twitler tweets a gif of him being up CNN

Happy Birthday America.

-Stan-

 

 

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Today’s Word is… COVFEFE

Previously on the Trumpocalypse:

Episode I: The Phantom Election

Episode II: Whitelash of the Clones

Episode III: The Inauguration of the Sith

Episode IV: A New Dope

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Episode VI: Return of the Obamas

 


5/5/17 (Day 178)- So I’ve always felt that Cinco de Mayo was trash.  Doubly so in Trump’s America where the very white people who voted for a wall because Mexicans are rapists and murderers turn around wear sombreros and mustaches and drinks tons of tequila and Corona to “honor” Mexicans.  It’s like if there were Juneteenth parties and white people wore fake afros, ate fried chicken and drank Hennessey and malt liquor.  There would be outrage, because we don’t play that shit and they know better (at least publicly). Somehow, for Mexicans it’s just fair game.

5/8/17 (Day 181)- Sally Yates testified before Congress confirming what we already knew, Trump was warned not to Flynn was compromised by Russia, he made him National Security Advisor anyway, proceeded to fire her and only reason he even fired Flynn eventually was because the Washington Post wrote about it.  Mango Mussolini’s response: Yeah, well, why doesn’t someone ask HER how the Washington Post found out.  We live in a world where the President can knowingly hire a traitor but a quarterback who kneeled during the national anthem is still presently unemployed. Merica.

5/11/17 (Day 184)- I remember one night I was catching the late train home and some guy was on the train, casually smoking a cigarette and reading his phone.  There was such a lack of fucks given that it actually took a moment for it to register that wait… you can’t do that.  That was pretty much my same reaction waking up to the news that FBI Director Comey was fired.  I ain’t pass the bar, but I know a little bit enough that YOU CAN’T FIRE THE PERSON WHO IS INVESTIGATING YOU.  It is literally obstruction of justice.  It is literally what turned Congress against Nixon in 1973.  It is…probably not going to do anything in 2017 because THESE Republicans are cowards.  Also, while Nixon too was a #whitelash candidate, even his supporters saw what he was up to and wrote their congressmen to get him out the paint. In 2017, Trump supporters… I mean what would it take for them to actually go against their beloved Trumpkin Spice?  So instead, the FBI Director has become a politicized job, because when the President is a criminal these are the things that happen.  Imagine an FBI that picks and chooses their cases based on political leanings…well, I mean more overtly.

5/13/17 (Day 186)- While Trump continues to be a recalcitrant man baby , behind the scenes Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III continues to try and bring the 80s back.  Seeking the harshest drug sentences possible for even low level nonviolent offenses.  Clearly, I feel a way about Trump but I will contend that Jeff Sessions is the worst thing about all of this.  Nacho Nazi is an imbecile, Sessions is pure calculated evil.  (Editors Note 5/30/17- Rich Homie Quan is now facing 30 years for weed, what do you think is going to happen to those who aren’t even rich or homies?)

5/16/17 (Day 189)- I’ve had an epiphany of sorts.  MSNBC ratings surging, Stephen Colbert winning the battle of late night, even I can attest that this Trumpacolypse series gets much more traffic than other posts (yes, that means you…it’s okay I know my blog isn’t for everybody, it’s nothing personal see you next month)  my most popular tweets are about Orange Foolius.  Outrage is what gets the people going…but at what cost?  During the Obama era, Fox News became THE name in cable news, the GOPBlackChick and Cornel Wests’ of the world ate good in the “I’m black and I don’t like Obama” lane.  They was so mad for 8 years and just allowed themselves to be lied to and trolled for 8 years as people cashed in on their racism. Now in a way, the switch flipped.  Except, I don’t hate Trump because I’m racist, I hate him because he is.  The constant coverage does feel exploitative but then at the same time, you can’t bury your head in the sand because he might bury the rest of you from behind.  How can you not be constantly outraged at outrageousness.  Bill O’Reilly was doing performance art; Keith Olbermann might actually lose his mind.  Should we turn away for our own sanity…or is that what he wants.

5/18/17 (Day 191)- I remember watching Quantico for a handful of weeks and my takeaways were wow this show is bad and feds can’t be all there in the head.  So of course, reaction to news that former director Comey had contemporaneous notes on every interaction with Sunkist Stalin was, of course he does.  Twitler alleges he has tapes. So it becomes, who do you want to believe, a decorated former FBI Director or the guy from the Apprentice.  In March, I would’ve been really excited thinking this will be the smoking gun that ends this nightmare, but now I’ll believe it when I see it.

5/24/17 (Day 197)- An internet debate on whether it’s worse to be the “whose” or the “mans” in a “whose mans is this” situation came up recently.  I correctly stated it was the whose.   While the “mans” is the buzzkill, it is squarely on the whose who brought him in the first place.  I never felt more vindicated than over the past week watching Darth Cheeto proceed to make an whole ass out of himself overseas.  From getting curved by his own wife, getting curved by the new French president, side eyed by the Pope, trying to extort NATO, shoving another member to be in front of the crowd, and then his usual shambolic presence…who’s mans is that? Ours, America.  (I mean, that’s moreso #yall mans but I too was embarrassed about all of it).  I just hope the rest of the world knows we going through some things…issa phase…and um, we was hacked. (Literally).

5/25/17 (Day 198)- Meanwhile, on the mainland.  Edward Littlehands just declared war on poor people.  Cuts to health care, disability, food stamps, student loans, work study, fuel assistance, unemployment benefits..but at least you get the wall. Well a fence extension. Maybe. All to keep those Mexicans out.  But how fun was Drinko de Mayo a few weeks ago?  Funny how that goes.  Oh and  Jared Kushner wanted secret back channel communications with the Kremlin.  The treason. The treason that we here.

5/30/17 (Day 203)- White women wyling (alliteration ftw) was my reaction when I saw the Kathy Griffin photo; it was too far.  Beyond that I couldn’t muster up too much energy for the lady from Newsradio Friends Just Shoot Me Mad About You Suddenly Susan (all them 90s white shows looked alike).  However, the conservatives getting indignant about it is so ridiculous.  People lynched Obama dolls, you’ve called him a terrorist for a decade so lets not get too cute with the moral high ground.  Petty Van Halen couldn’t resist the urge to get indignant himself claiming his child saw it but his child can also see him mocking a disabled reporter and heard his father say grab them by the pussy.  They’ve proceeded to get her out the paint and she went full white women victimhood and I just hate everything about all of this.

5/31/17 (Day 204)- Covfefe.  That is all.

-St…

6/1/17 (Day 205)- Couldn’t even leave on a covfefe.  The Dorito-in-Chief withdrew from the Paris agreements because he thinks it pays moneys to Paris.  He also declared himself the President of Pittsburgh in spite losing the city heavily.  Alas, we knows who’s mans it is…Pittsburgh, he has claimed you.  Y’all can give him an office in City Hall, a custom Steelers jersey and leave the rest of the country to be ran by an adult.  I know its a big sacrifice but the world will thank you, Pittsburgh.

-Stan-

 

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Today’s Word is… CON

Previously on the Trumpocalypse:

Wait, wtf you mean he won?

The Cheeto-Elect

The NAHguration

Don’t Trust Race Bannon!

3/6/17 (Day 118)- It’s the remix to the ignition, hot and fresh out the kitchen, Twitler just dropped another Muslim Ban, a slightly altered edition.  He basically scratched off Iraq and turned it right back in.  I expect it to be struck down again because, again illegal as fuck to do so.  Meanwhile, the media is casually running with the Obama wiretap story because apparently no one has taken social studies or at least watched Season 5 of The Wire to know it’s again, illegal as fuck to use a wiretap on a private citizen without a federal judge’s approval.  Yes, even for Presidents.  Thankfully so, for the President we have now.  Because if I were to bet on which President would be the one to abuse such a power, it would be Orange Foolius in a landslide.

3/7/17 (Day 119)- One of my biggest pet peeves is the fake woke inward on Facebook who believes generational economic disparity could be solved if black people just stopped buying Jordans.  I have textbooks that cost more than sneakers and if we keeping it a buck the sneakers are probably worth it because the book was worth 50% less the second I walked out of the store.  That impulse to blame the poor for bad priorities rather than acknowledge the flaws in the system is just beyond stupid.  It felt like only *WE* was hit with that faulty logic like white kids don’t buy shoes too.  So today I couldn’t help but be tickled by the fact that the game flipped up finally.  As Republicans scramble to defend their inexcusably bad health care bill, they have nowhere to turn but on their own constituents.  Now it’s not about the higher co-pays and deductibles, but rather how low income Americans prioritize their spending.  The irony is delicious.  Instead of fixing the problem, it’s easier to spin how people aren’t as poor as they think.  Except, no matter how much one saves, one long hospital visit can wipe out their savings and then some.  So then what?

3/13/17 (Day 125)- Sunkist Stalin thinks they’re cameras in the microwave.  I’m perfectly OK making fun of him while recognizing I grew up with aunties who turned off the TV during thunderstorms.

Stay Woke

3/15/17 (Day 127)- Just waking up and the President is beefing with Snoop Dogg. No big deal.  This feels like a wacky dream sequence on a TV show, hell it WAS a wacky dream sequence on a TV show.


3/16/17 (Day 128)- When you watch enough basketball, it’s easy to spot a heat check.  It’s when a player if feeling himself so much that he’ll take shots further and quicker just to see how “on” he is.  I feel like the Nacho Nazi is in a heat check. He’s just pulling up from 40 just to see if it goes in.  2 Muslim 2 Ban was blocked, as expected. His budget is so awful I doubt it passes, his healthcare bill will take away 24,000,000 subscribers and even his signature wall seems dead in the water.  His entire campaign, a heat check it went from a boast to party frontrunner, to nominee and now he’s President and all he wanted was a few tax breaks for him and his cronies.  It’s as if he himself underestimated the power of white mediocrity.

3/19/17 (Day 132)- Mere days after proposing cuts to heating assistance, meals on wheels, affordable housing, combating homelessness, a law was passed allowing states to require drug testing for unemployment benefits.  When it’s Friday, you ain’t got no job, and you ain’t got shit else to do…drink, apparently.  The war on poor people wages on, and as long as Dwight P Poe think they are sticking it to Shaniqua they won’t notice these attacks are on them as well.

3/20/17 (Day 133)- At a campaign rally even though he’s already president, Toupee Fiasco boasts to his uneducated fans about how the NFL is afraid to sign Colin Kaepernick because they don’t want to feel the wrath of his tweets.  *reads that sentence again because this can’t be life*.  Young Cheez-it has made a habit of referencing companies by name online causing small spikes or dips in their stock, you would think a President would recognize this and stop doing so but he continues to push the button because he’s a giant orange man baby.  Kaepernick, who is 29 years old, could find himself out of a career because he dared stand up for something he believed in. Meanwhile, Senate hearings begin today about whether the President colluded with Russia.  Oh, the irony.

3/24/17 (Day 137)- “Obamacare is the law of the land” – Speaker Ryan
Just gives you chills like saying “Mufasa”.  The AHCA aka Trumpcare aka Get Rich or Try Dying aka Lightskinned Aunt Viv Care aka Great Value Care failed spectacularly today.  Even with a GOP majority.  Isn’t closing deals supposed to be his thing?  Mango Musselini’s response, “meh.”  I remember when Obama first mentioned healthcare, I remember “YOU LIE”, I remember all the town halls, I remember Mitt Romney running for President promising to repeal it like he didn’t sign it into law in Massachusetts in the first place, I remember the Supreme Court rulings.  Trump tried to force a bill without even getting the cost of it, gave a 24 hour ultimatum and now that it’s failed it’s as if it never happened.  All in vain to quickly snatch the legacy of the first black President out of the history books. The people who voted for him, they voted against Obamacare without realizing it went against their self interest. If the AHCA wasn’t so disastrous for women I would’ve wished it had passed just so they could learn the hard way.

Foreshadowing…

3/27/17 (Day 140)-36% approval rating, Muslim Ban failed twice, healthcare failed, and there’s still the wholetreason thing looming.  This is “unpresidented” failure.  Except his rates at Mar a Lago and his hotels have gone up, the secret service has to pay him to protect him and his name is a registered trademark in China. Is he a comically inept President or just a really shrewd con man?  I honestly believe it’s both.

3/30/17 (Day 143)- Then a hero comes along, with the strength to carr-, oh it’s just Mike Flynn.  Who has resurfaced with an offer of testimony in exchange for immunity.  The same “Lock her up” Mike Flynn.  Mr “if you’re given immunity it means you committed a crime” Mike Flynn. General “oh you meant THAT Russia” Mike Flynn.  Could he finally end the Trumpocalypse once and for all?

3/31/17 (Day 144)- Immunity denied.  Welp.  See y’all next month. Until then, stay knucked. Bucked. Ready to fight.

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Today’s Word is… TOUPEE

[Editors Note: So by popular demand, I decided to keep the Trumpocalypse train rolling.  First Monday of the month, every month, until I go insane or he gets impeached.  Then regularly scheduled programming every week.  K. Thanks. Bye.]

The Trumpocalypse: Part IPart II

2/5/17 (Day 89)- Sports has long been the escape for many, including myself.  So Super Bowl Sunday, I just want to drink beer, eat way too many wings and watch my favorite team play.  In what can only be strange irony, it was my Patriots against the Atlanta Falcons.  Toupee Fiasco citing his friendships with the coach, QB and owner adopted the Patriots as his own (even though he don’t even go here) and I find myself being on the wrong side of this two Americas bowl.  It was like being the one person who cared about justice after the OJ verdict, or preferring turkey bacon, sugar grits and thinking Thriller was Michael’s best album.  As much as we argue against being a monolith, no one likes being against the tribe.  But there I was rooting for the official team of #MAGA.  Then more I sat with it, I came to the realization I wasn’t about to let the Supercallousmisogynisticracistnazipotus run me off my team, he, Brady, Belichick will all be gone within the next 4 years anyway.  And Georgia is a red state.

2/9/17 (Day 93)- Federal courts have ruled against Persimmon Putin’s Muslim ban.  It’s certainly a victory for the moment.  TwitterFingers-in-Chief not much unlike a cartoon supervillain exclaims vengeance will be his, he’ll see them in court.  Yes, he told JUDGES he’ll see them in court.  65 million people voted for this man, B.

2/12/17 (Day 96)- So I’m in Chicago, some business and some R&R, as my luck would have it my hotel would be right across the street from a Trump Tower.  I remember every day walking out and seeing this obnoxiously large building, shaking my head and going on about my day.  But today was different.  There was a crowd outside the tower.  I check my phone for any news…Cantaloupe Caillou has been actually pretty silent, still licking his wounds from the L he caught from the courts.  This was a scheduled protest, largely white, they are just going to moon the tower because Trump can kiss their ass.  It’s a lively crowd, but I see this just some white people shit I carry on with my day.  But it highlighted what my issue has been with Dwight P Poe lately…They think this shit is funny still.  While late night hosts thank the lucky stars for the material (sup Colbert), this is still real life.  Trump threatened to send the national guard to Chicago, and I’m certain he wasn’t referring to the River North where we were.  Mooning a building isn’t doing anything and they know it. Yet there they was, “fighting” the power.

2/15/17 (Day 99)- It appears the news have now come around on the Trump clearly conspired with Russia thing.  The Russian connection has been a conflict for me, because yes fanning this flame will probably help get Edward Littlehands out of here but it also gives a pass to the white supremacy that got him elected in the first place.  The news can pretend #DemEmails are the reason Trump won, but I know better.  Meanwhile VP Mike Pence is demanding answers and keeping his nose clean so when the storm clouds come they’ll let him stay.  Race Bannon can’t be trusted.

2/20/17 (Day 104)- This President’s Day, because I’m a strong, independent citizen who don’t need no President,  I would like to take this time to recognize an actual great leader of our nation,  Happy Birthday Rihanna.

2/23/17 (Day 107)- The newly minted Attorney General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions whose name just SOUNDS like slavery, is wasting no time living up to his name by rolling back President Obama’s private prison regulations.   This means more drug prosecutions, longer sentences, set your clocks back to 1983.  This isn’t even politically motivated, both Democrats and Republicans both want to cut the prison population, and Sessions just incentivized as many heads in beds as possible.  Obama vowed to make fighting mass incarceration his post Presidential legacy and this was a direct attack.  Is this going to bring him back?

2/28/17 (Day 112)- Cuuuupid….doesn’t liiiiie. (White readers y’all can google what I did there later).  So HBCU Presidents from all over the country went to meet with Mango Mousellini, because if there’s a chance to get some bread they going to take it, they grinders.  I got why they went, although I can’t help but look at them sideways because it’s like, have you seen him?  Historically speaking, HBCUs have always fared better under Republican presidents because they are all about keeping *us* away from *them*.  Trump signed an executive order, moving their objectives from the desk of the Betsy DeVos, who for reasons unknown to anyone decided to connect HBCUs to her “school choice” agenda,  onto his own, with no actual promise of funding.  Basically, they got played B.  They were better off scheduling their football team to get beat by 70 by Alabama, at least that’s a guaranteed check.
3/1/17 (Day 113)- So I watched the Joint Session address last night, or as I would call it #HateofTheUnion, and I was a little taken aback how comfortable he looked.  I simply forgot what these speeches are, board meetings.  Trump was in his element, he can spew off his alternative facts to large waves of applause.  People appear to be largely impressed, but that’s white mediocrity for you.  All he needed was an actual fitting suit and a teleprompter and suddenly people were ready to lay down their arms and accept the Great Pumpkin as their Commander-in-Chief. (Looking at you, Van Jones).  It goes to show, they don’t disagree with his policies, they just wish he’d stop being embarrassing.

To answer, 3 days.

3/4/17 (Day 114)- So remember how last week I mentioned how Jeff Sessions, the guy who was officially declared too racist to be a federal judge 30 years ago but managed to become the Attorney General and within days rolled back regulations to make private prisons great again?  Yeah…never mind all of that, HE TALKED TO RUSSIA AND LIED ABOUT IT *gasp*.  Once again, white people worried bout the wrong thing but if this is what it takes to get him out of here, so be it.  Meanwhile, Toupee Fiasco is throwing smoke bombs on Twitter, claiming Obama had his phones tapped and Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t quitting the Apprentice he’s being fired.  Race Bannon still chilling waiting for all this to fall so he can swoop in like a work husband.  Don’t trust Race Bannon.

-Stan-

 

 

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Today’s Word is… TRUMPOCALYPSE

160414-devil-idiot-1

It’s been a long 73 days between election night and the inauguration.  I’m not quite sure what stage of grief I’m on but it surely isn’t “acceptance”. Not sure if it ever will be.  Each day, each story I found myself losing my mind or wondering if America lost theirs.  I decided to journal through it. Alas we are here at inauguration and I figured no better time than to share some of my musings. I’ll warn you now, it’s pretty long. That’s what she said.  Alas, I bring you my 73 days of hell or as I call it…

The Trumpocalypse.

11/11/16 (Day 3)- I just can’t see it. I can’t see this man giving state of the union addresses, I can’t see him getting off the plane and meeting foreign leaders, I can’t see a Presidential chart and his smug con man smile being at the end. Donald Trump is going to be President of the United States. For real. Not in some tongue in cheek satire, but real life. My future kids are going to learn about him in history books. January 20, 2021 can’t come soon enough.

11/14/16 (Day 6)- I’m finding some delicious irony in white people feeling attacked as if this is their fault. (It is). They have resorted to safety pins, protests and long winded Facebook statuses because they hate being associated with their hateful skinfolk. They want to be treated as individuals, they are not a monolith, and they should not be held responsible for every Billy Bob and Margaret that broke America. I say hahahahahahahahahaha

11/16/16 (Day 8)- Practicing self care via laughter…Black Twitter has provided us with “what do I look like I do for a living”, a Shirley Cesar trap cover, and a new Kermit meme. Calls to give the Great Trumpkin a chance are growing even though since being elected, he’s done nothing but frown, and tweet retractions to things that are very easily fact checked. It’s as though he has no idea how the internet works. God bless America.

11/21/16 (Day 13)- I usually enjoy I told you so, it’s a freeing feeling, like hitting a fullcourt shot on the first try or walking away with a phone number and not an Instagram @. I warned folks about the false equivalencies, to stop listening to their social studies challenged cousin on Facebook…instead people raked Hillary through the coals for likes and clicks. People who tried to keep an open mind already have a bitter taste of crow as the Hate Trumpkin is very much is who we thought he was. This man has conflicts of interest all over the world, and is backed by a congress who will never have the stones to humiliate the party and impeach him so we have at least 2 years with an orange Tyrant. But hey at least he didn’t call us Superpredators 20 years ago. (He just treated the Central park 5 as such). God help America.

11/27/16 (Day 19)- As Toupee Fiasco tweets freely about his desire to trample on the first amendment without a hint of irony, people have made a last ditch effort to Jill Stein’s recount. Effort, it is because there is absolutely no way to reverse the outcome (no refunds) which is all but futile because as I’ve been saying for the past fortnight and a half….white people lied, B. 62 million votes and they still trying to point the finger at the real racists. Did they vote accidentally? Are they so white they assumed leaving it blank was the proper way to vote? Who knows. I just want this inauguration to come and go and for the Dems to grow a pair and fight back instead of Monday morning quarterbacking.

11/28/16 (Day 20)- The new Secretary of Education [Betsy DaVos] doesn’t believe in public schools. The new Secretary of Education doesn’t believe in PUBLIC SCHOOLS. THE NEW SECRETARY OF EDUCATION DOESN’T BELIEVE IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS

12/13/16 (Day 35)- A blonde haired Kanye West meets with Darth Cheeto, while Macklemore spits on the F*ck Donald Trump remix. This year can end now.

12/19/16 (Day 41)- As Dwight P Poe pretends to be stunned by news of the Russian hacking like Hillary didn’t literally say this in the second debate; we have arrived at confirmation day. The electorates will confirm Toupee Fiasco as our next “Precedent” (Thanks Hamilton. I’m glad you got clapped). I refuse to let the dwights off that easily because 63 million votes didn’t fall out the sky, they didn’t come from emails, and 25 year old superpredator quotes. There are decepticons among us, not to be trusted, because whIle they talk big and bad online, numbers don’t lie. For all I know, Keith Olbermann voted for Trump for the career boost after failing spectacularly in his ESPN return stint. (He’s been killing it btw but I don’t trust anybody, word to Stone Cold). Every person who switches lanes without signaling, Trump voter. Cowboys fan? Trump voter. Puts ketchup on their fries instead of dipping? Trump voter. Stay woke.

12/30/16(Day 52)- As Toupee Fiasco plans for inauguration, he finds himself in a strange place. 63 million supporters, not a friend in the world. Only person who seems to be unashamed to be seen with him is his daughter who is also his first lady because his own wife doesn’t want to be with him. The Decepticons are fickle creatures, they are the Angela Yee to Trump’s Gucci Mane. Trump who has built a brand on being lavish and extravagant, his Inauguration will be the blandest thing ever. It’s a high school assembly, pillow princesses, The OA, Mike and Mike in the morning, white people potato salad, coconut water, J Cole albums and RC Cola wrapped into one. I actually feel worst for Obama who has to attend, he’s been throwing the most turnt parties in DC the past year and is forced to attend the white mediocrity strugglefest. He rather be at a security briefing, or a press conference….speaking of, is Trump ever going to do any of those things? Ess em ayche. Happy New Year.

1/3/17 (Day 56)- We have exhausted all other options. All that is left is…the troll. Unlike racists who trolled the President for 8 years whilst reaping benefits of health care, an auto bailout, Lily Ledbetter, and 5% unemployment; I wish I could say the same about the TwitterFingers-in-Chief. All I can do is sit semi comfortably above the poverty line and watch as the same poor uneducated people who elected him get hit harder than Ronda Rousey. It feels cruel. Enh, well.

1/6/17 (Day 59)- 

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work, a story on the news caught my attention. The sheriff for Bristol county was being sworn in for his 4th term, he then would use his 15 seconds of fame to make a pitch to the Cheeto-Elect; “aye I got this free labor if you need it big dawg”. Even being well aware of the 13th amendment, the caucdacity of offering prison labor publicly literally 5 minutes into a new term, it startled me. I couldn’t believe it so I had to look it up, no way that actually happened…it did. So I shared on twitter with a quip “inward, that’s slavery.” and got ready for work. I check my phone later and see thousands of responses from the dwight p poe talking about “well we feed and shelter them with our taxes, they need to work”. “I don’t share empathy with criminals”. Without a hint of irony, regular degular schmegular dwights were sounding no different than slavemasters in the movies they fake cry in and want to give Oscars to. The same people who rebuke the idea of white privilege because they didn’t own slaves and are otherwise unremarkable can’t see the fault in an elected official literally selling free labor to build a wall that is supposed to be saving jobs in the first place. People read history books and wonder how people sat by and let such awful things happen…it’s because (white) people are evil, B. Entitled, selfish, evil people.

1/10/17 (Day 63)- Golden showers, B?  Is this House of Cards? Somewhere Hillary is pissed at how NOW that Trumped Up, Trickle Down zinger would land better.  For what it’s worth, I don’t believe it, but I fear worst is coming. Urine for a long 4 years, America.

1/11/17 (Day 64)- Last night, as I watched the farewell address of the President I acknowledge, I couldn’t help but think how remarkable he is, how surreal it is this black dude has been President for as long as I could vote. How he speaks of this country with such optimism, it’s almost childlike, I almost wish I could see the country through his eyes.  Then I watch Trump’s press conference. He’s cheeto dusted Mayor Quimby. He is inarticulate, inept, and so transparently corrupt, I don’t know how I can take 4 years of this. I just picture the next state of the union as he spews lies upon lies while Race Bannon and the teacher from Glee nod along. I sit in fear at what secrets Russia actually has over them, and the sacrifices they will make to keep it that way. The idea that Obama had to be as perfect as possible and Trump can just exist in his own mediocrity is troublesome.  I then see an article on Vox breaking down his “unique” manner of speaking. It goes on about how he is to be heard and not quoted. Cute. But the reality is HE DOESN’T KNOW WORDS, B. “Hacking duffence” isn’t some New York linguistic, he just doesn’t know what cybersecurity is. This isn’t normal, it never will be. *sigh* At this point, it’s starting to feel like talking to the moon. It’s going to be a long 4 years.

1/12/17(Day 65)- Hasn’t even been a full day. At 1:30am, Obamacare was murdered. Congress grabbed Lucille and took a beating to it. Preexisting conditions? Gone. Staying on your parents insurance til 26? Gone. Their replacement? Well….they’ll get around to it. With no plan in place, Democrats will be forced to accept whatever plan is given or fight it as 36,000 people a year die waiting. This isn’t the plot of an action movie, this is real life. How could well meaning politicians do this?  I truly don’t believe people run for office planning to do harm. Yet, the idea of Obamacare being called Obamacare, was too much for them. Maybe in hindsight we should’ve kept it known as the ACA (which some still don’t realize is the same thing).  Me, I’m 27, in good health, private insurance, and in a state that has insurance just in case. (I guess because we didn’t call it Romneycare no one felt the need to destroy it). In that regard, I’ll probably be alright. But for people waking up having no idea what they will do? It’s heartbreaking. All because of a name, man. A name.

1/20/17(Day 73)- It’s official. Donald J. Trump is the President of the United States.  My President’s a hack, my Passat is Blue. I said a little while back, that Barack Obama, a Harvard educated biracial married father, was everything America pretended it was.  America IS Trump, a narcissistic, thrice divorced “billionaire”, who tweets too much and is loud and wrong about everything.  For 8 years we had this incredible black man stand as the face of a “post racial” America but that’s not what this country is.  We’re out of shape, broke, with a spray tan.  This IS Trump’s America, and we deserve all that shame that comes with this fact.  Maybe I’ve finally reached acceptance. Or as close as I will ever get.  I wrote this entry in advance, as I plan to spend my Friday ignoring any and everything Inauguration related.  Self care is important. I can’t bury myself forever, I will be back knucking, bucking and ready to fight.  Just not today.    I can’t believe this country did this to ourselves.

-Stan-

 

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Today’s Word is… TRUMP

 


I don’t wanna talk about it.

 I don’t want to talk about 3rd party voting, or the electoral college and how literally every other election is decided by most votes win except the most important one.  I have no comment on the large amount of white women who picked white supremacy over their own gender, or the liberal millenials who went from went from Occupy Wall Street to corrupt housing mogul turned President elect a mere decade after a housing crisis Donald Trump.  I literally can’t even unpack the idea that the first black President will hand over control to a candidate endorsed by the KKK, 4 days after Martin Luther King Day. Oh, then there’s the fact that while Clinton detractors continue to bring up the 1994 crime bill that her HUSBAND passed, the President-elect has a NEW crime bill that he wants passed in the first 100 days. Let’s not talk about his plan at all, because why do that when you can run 100 ads of kids watching TV instead. I won’t talk about that neither.   Oh by the way, with Republican controlled congress, there is literally nothing to stop him.  That means Obamacare, marriage equality, Roe v Wade, immigration rights can all be wiped out.  No more DOJ investigations into police departments, lord forbid when another unarmed black person is killed….I REALLY don’t want to talk about that. 

I don’t want to talk about “lesser of two evils”, when one person was the Secretary of State for the President you admire, and the other claim to political fame was calling him a Kenyan on Twitter. I don’t want to talk about your false definition of Stockholm syndrome you learned from a meme. Don’t share posts from your 10th grade dropout cousin pretending to be a political expert. I know “Jesus is still king” but that really isn’t much solace at the moment, auntie.  Black people have been through worse, I know, but why can’t I chill for a bit?  Yes, I’m completely aware that my favorite football player may have voted for him.   Oh, I’m sure Bernie would’ve won even though he couldn’t beat the person who just lost.  Tell me white coworker, why is it always time to come together when Y’ALL do something wrong?   I don’t need to see your status about how you knew this would happen even though you have no evidence to suggest it ergo you are just giving an opinion horribly disguised as fact.  Tell me more about how you’re leaving the country.  As I recall you at least need a passport and money for that but you know, good luck. 

Is it me or are we still forgetting about the fraud and rape cases against our next President?  What if he is forced to resign? President Mike Pence?  Mr Make America straight again via shock therapy?  Mr Looks like the guy cheering the loudest at little league games even though he doesn’t have kids? Is this real life?  Was this payback for electing a black President?  An ivy league educated President?  This whitelash was unnecessary, not like black people elected Kanye. Can you imagine if black people came out in droves to elect a loud and wrong Gemini with a delusional level of self worth and no experience?  We would have to ignore years of sexist statements and pretend his inarticu lateness was somehow charming.  Do you see his twitter rants?  Imagine giving THAT guy the nuclear codes…That would be so reckl–oh. 

Yeah, I don’t want to talk about it. 

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Today’s Word is… DEFENSE

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So recently the photo of Flotus flower bomb Michelle Obama raining on the President’s parade made it’s rounds on the internet and while the conservative media was happy to run with the angry black woman angle most of us laughed and lauded Mrs Obama’s impeccable defense. Defense is a slippery slope, on one hand you should trust your partner to know better but still there’s times when one must simply remind others around them that this one’s spoken for. There’s levels to this sh t; there’s subtle gestures which are clever and effective; and there’s full blown confrontation, which is never a good look for anyone. When you’re in a relationship, no matter who you are there will be times where you have to play defense, and when the moment arises you can play it cool or make an ass of yourself. Knowing when and how is key, there’s a difference between confronting a waitress who merely smiled at your boyfriend and grabbing his hand when you see someone checking him out.

“So who’s this Siri you keep talking to”

The Trojan War was started over a woman, the survivor traveled the war for a decade, got home and killed a mob of men for his woman. These days, men have gone full Washington Taterskins when it comes to playing defense. *cue rimshot* The “every night I got to fight to prove my love” (gold star if you got this reference) guy is long gone. Today’s man is more cocky and assume their girl is the sword in the stone only he can yield. I’m not one to play defense, perhaps it’s arrogance but if I’m handling business on my end then there’s nothing to worry about. If my good is not good enough then I picked the wrong one to begin with. If I have to worry about who she with, where she at, where she going, then I ought to worry who I’m with, where we at, where we’re going? People are loyal to a fault, relationships are optional if you’re that uncomfortable, leave, you don’t need evidence or a conviction by a jury of their peers. Confrontation is never a good look, only thing that can come from it is getting your ass kicked or playing yourself. I’ve gotten calls/texts from guys asking about my relationship with their lady, whether there was or wasn’t something going on they already are losing…badly. There’s nothing more demoralizing than having someone else reassure you that your lady is being faithful. Okay, there is one thing, and that’s getting your ass kicked by the same guy who is slaying your queen.

Women these days are much more defensive minded. It’s a point of pride, we all know somebody who know somebody who’s fighting tooth and nail for an ain’t sh t guy because she’ll be damned to “lose” him to her. Where men are arrogant, women are not as much, they guard the stone for which the stone is stuck from even insects, not on their watch will anyone take what should be assumed as theirs. The sidechick doesn’t even have to actually exist, the mere idea of one is enough to keep some women on their toes. I’ve had girlfriends step to neighbors, coworkers, exes online, just to make sure that her presence was felt. As far as confrontation, they’ve picked up where men left off, they take up arms for their man. Look no farther than the Sharkeisha video…started over some guy who she’ll probably never think about 3 years from now. You see women having kids to keep men around, forgiving infidelity just to be able to have him come home to her, you can’t help but wonder if it’s more about him or them.

As partners, men and women have limited patience with s/o’s who insist on playing defense more often than not to the detriment of their own offense. She’s worried about whose pictures he likes on instagram, oblivious to the fact he’s unhappy about a lack of communication. He’s so worried about her “work husband” he doesn’t even realize she’s fed up with his drinking. This goes back to my previous point, if you’re doing what you’re supposed to do, there’s nothing to worry about on your end. In relationships, the best defense is a good offense. You know what they say, what you won’t do…

-Stan-

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