So I had stumbled upon this article (don’t leave NOW, go back to it later…RUDE.) the other day about the idea of a “romantic booty call”. The writer, fresh off a breakup, is where we’ve all been. Not really looking to get back out there but not quite used to going extended periods without sex. So you venture out into the dating world which might as well be the Upside Down from Stranger Things. The writer has an “epiphany” of sorts, that when she tells men that she’s a romantic, they simply don’t know how to process it so they assume she’s looking for love and they default to the tried and true method of lowering her expectations. Jokes on them, she’s just in this for the sex. She could just say that but it’s easier to make them squirm. (#DontDateWriters). As she puts it, “women live such multidimensional lives with a huge range of interests, ambitions, and opportunities at our fingertips — casual lovers included.” Basically, you ain’t got to lie to kick it.
Last year (damn time flies), I touched on casual sex and my struggles with it. Ironically, it was the same thing that she’s lamenting, (it’s almost like men aren’t just horny cavemen who are confused by nuance) the struggle of being a romantic but not wanting a relationship can be real tho. We can sleep together, have a great time with each other, kiss and say we love each other but the reality is, the reason we ain’t actually together is because at least one of us doesn’t want to be. But saying you’re just good enough to sleep with is cruel to say out loud and so we play verbal gymnastics. Speaking personally, I’m someone who takes my relationships very seriously; and so, if I don’t see a long term future I adjust accordingly. However, that reality of “I want you but I don’t WANT you” is a tough pill for one to swallow.
With that the idea of a “romantic booty call” sounds ideal, all of the relationship perks with none of the baggage, that’s the dream right? There’s a lot of middle ground between “dick appointment” and “boyfriend”. Hooking up with random people gets old by 23…you want familiarity and consistency (and worry free annual physicals). So does having a new bae every 3 months because you enjoy each other’s company and that’s just what you’re supposed to do.
Can the romantic booty call work? Yes…but only temporarily. No one is going to just be around forever. No one wants to just be around forever. “I’m not looking for a relationship” guy is going to find someone else eventually, your FWB is going to take that job out of town because who is staying around for a “friend”, his wife is eventually going to find out. All good things come to an end, B. At least the way I see it, perhaps there’s a society of people who simply don’t believe in relationships, but are down to do romantic things platonically I’m simply not privy to. Or an even more novel idea, just stop treating sexual partners like shit as a means to establish boundaries and there’d be no need to romanticize the fwb who actually let’s you spend the night in the first place.