Today’s Word is… ACCOMMODATE

whoopi-goldbergs-thoughts-orn-marriage-i-dont-want-somebody-in-37057715

Real. 

So one of my biggest struggles is accommodating people.  I’m a bit of a loner, kinda impulsive and move accordingly.  One might just say that’s a fear of commitment, but I don’t believe that to be so; I’m a relationship guy…when I feel like it.  You know, typical Gemini shit. Sometimes I want to be laid up with somebody’s daughter watching episodes of Love it or List It placing friendly wagers on who is going to win.  I like going on dates, taking weekend getaways, cooking dinner for two.  And other times, I just want to play Madden, write 5 blog posts I’ll abandon halfway through, look up realize its 7pm and I haven’t eaten and go grab a 4 for $4. (It’s not as sad as it sounds).  I like being able to make plans next weekend because I know we ain’t got plans next weekend.  Buy ONE ticket, go out and come home when I damn well please, sprawl out in my bed, listen to trap music by some little nigga I should be a little ashamed to know, watch a mediocre action movie without explaining the plot or where that one actor is from, they look sooo familiar.   You’re not trying to be difficult, you just happen to want two very different things.  And so, one day you’re boo’d up and the next, you’re rolling your eyes and swiping away notifications because you don’t want to be bothered today. Or this week.  Actually, make it two.

I don’t think I’m necessarily unique, most people struggle with wanting their freedom with convenient companionship.  I’ve said countless times on here, everyone wants the security of a relationship, with none of the responsibilities of one. Relationships require sacrifice, require communication, require accommodation.  Even the not so necessarily defined ones.  The freedom of singledom is just too good to relinquish; full time employment, full time partnership…it can deadass feel like having two jobs sometimes.  The more restrictive a relationship feels, the more one craves freedom.

But then there’s the other side of it, where one might feel burdensome, annoying, and hurt because they…don’t feel that way about you.  They don’t feel like they need space from you.  In fact, they feel like they have too much.  They understand how you feel, or so they say.  But they don’t necessarily like it.  So they retreat into cool girl/guy mode.  They’re totally down to sit quietly and read as you game, they never heard of this artist but they’d totally go to the concert if you ask, they’ll ask to hang with you and your friends,  they don’t care what y’all are having for dinner, or what y’all are watching, or that they aren’t even doing things they like to do anymore.  You didn’t feel like accommodating them, so they just accommodate you. All the time.  They’ve become lost…in you. They don’t care, they just want to be with you. They don’t care, they just want to be with you. They don’t care, they just want to be with you. They don’t care, they just want to be with you.

But fear not, this doesn’t have to be life, provided you find the right balance. You can communicate how you need space while making sure their need for intimacy and affection are met.  (But then, you gotta reassure them 17 times because they’re never not gonna take it personally when you don’t want to be bothered…or so I hear.)  There’s Plan B where you just stay single because you know they aren’t going anywhere so you can enjoy the freedom of singledom but have a +1 when you need it. But that is not nice and it’s heavily frowned upon.  Be best and shit.  Or simply, if you are a person who needs space, you find someone else who does and y’all live happily ever after in adjoining houses that you bought on some HGTV show that some other couple who willingly wants to be up under each other all the time are watching and judging how two people can love each other but want separate homes.  Just gotta find what works.

-Stan-

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